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A West Va. Classic
Fresh off a long drive through the backroads of West Virginia, a traveling salesman sees a
local bar in a wide spot of the road and goes in for a drink. He orders a beer and is
sitting at the bar looking around when, out of nowhere, a huge, bearded mountain man,
barefoot and wearing only overalls and a CAT Deisel Power cap comes over to him and says
"OK!! You and me!! Outside...RIGHT NOW!!!" The salesman doesn't know what to
make of this and watches the man lead the way out of the bar. The salesman is a large, but
peace-loving man himself and figuring the redneck is just drunk, he ignores it and turns
back to his drink. A few minutes later, in comes the West Virginian again, this time
grabbing the salesman by the shoulder, spinning him around and saying "I TOLD
you...You and me, outside...RIGHT NOW!!!" He procedes to lead the way out the door
again. The salesman has no idea what he could've done to provoke this big guy and decides
to ignore him again. 5 minutes pass and in comes the redneck again, this time grabbing the
salesmans beer and pouring it over his head, and yelling at him "I TOLD
you...OUTSIDE...RIGHT NOW!!" The redneck storms out and the salesman figures, what
the heck, i'll go
outside...I'm a pretty big guy myself, so it ought to be a fair fight. He goes out the
door with a small crowd following to watch the carnage. The West Virginian is in the
middle of the parking lot, ready to do business. The salesman takes off his coat and hands
it to a bystander, but before he can roll up his sleeves, he sees the West Virginian whip
out a razor! Petrified for a moment, the salesman stops and thinks, then proceeds to go
over and beat the living hell out of the West Virginian. You see, he wasn't worried about
that razor...he knew that West Virginian didn't have anywhere to plug it in!! |
Sweet Home Alabama
Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery?
The winner gets 3 dollars a year for a million years.
What do a Divorce in Alabama, a Tornado in Kansas and a Hurricane in Florida have in
common?
Somebody's fixin' to lose them a house trailer.
Why do folks from Alabama go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
17 and under not admitted.
What do you get when you have 32 Alabamians in the same room?
A full set of teeth.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Alabama?
Everyone has the same DNA.
A new law was recently passed in Alabama: when a couple gets a divorce, they're still
brother and sister.
Two Alabamians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other and one is
carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th'
bag?" "Jus' some chickens." "If I guess how many there are, can I have
one?" "I'll give you both of them." "OK. Ummmmm......, five?"
An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire
department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!" "OK,"
replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Say, don't you still have those big red trucks?"
The Alabamian and his gal were embracing passionately in the front seat of the car.
"Want to go in the back seat?" she asked. "No," he replied. A few
minutes later she asked, "Now do you want to get in the back seat?"
"No," he said again, "I wanna stay here in the front seat with you."
An Alabamian hitchhiker was picked up by a guy in a big Lincoln Continental. The Alabamian
noticed a bunch of golf tees on the front seat and asked, "What are those things
for?" The driver said, "They're to hold my balls when I drive."
"Boy," exclaimed the Alabamian, "these Lincoln Continentals have
everything, don't they?"
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A Texan in Australia
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets
talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have
wheat fields that are at least twice as large".
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The
Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your
cows".
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos
hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"? The Aussie replies
with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"? |
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