Tad: Nothing.Tad: Scott! Get in here.
Scott: What's up?
Tad: Are these all my messages?
Scott: Messages? I don't know. Ask Maizie.
Tad: Who?
Scott: Maizie, our temp.
Tad: Oh, right. You sure? No ad feedback?
Liza: Oh, are you slumming through the personals?
Tad: Liza. Not one phone call?
Scott: Not that I know of.
Liza: You know, "divorced dad" -- "adorable divorced dad --" yeah -- "seeking popcorn And videos --"
Tad: Seeking relief from an obnoxious, overbearing boss. Thank you for sharing. Shall I take a crack at yours?
Liza: No, it's a little too early for horror stories.
Tad: I thought so. Listen, for the next couple days, I want you to keep your eyes and ears wide open. The ad I placed was about this. I found it on my terrace.
Scott: Tad, maybe it didn't run yet.
Liza: What's the big deal? It's not exactly the Hope Diamond.
Tad: Well that’s what you think. I'll tell you about it later.
Liza: Oh. Oh, oh, oh -- I have to fill you both in. Our guest for Monday's show has bailed.
Scott: ooh.
Tad: She can't do that.
Liza: Medical reasons.
Tad: Like what, her plastic surgeon had an opening?
Liza: All I know is that we need a big guest replacement.
Tad: Well, I guess so. I'll get on the phone and abuse her agent.
Liza: I need a list of all her contemporaries -- you know, ones that are still breathing.
Scott: who won an Oscar?
Liza: Well, do your best. Listen, my office? I think we have to scrub the entire format, guys.
Tad: Let's go.
Liza: Do you have your file?
Tad: yep.
Tad: Nowhere in sight.
Liza: Hello? [telephone rings]
Liza: Who's our guest? So far I've heard nothing. I've heard nothing. [ring]
Liza: advertisers frown on dead air, Tad.
Tad: In a minute! Tad Martin.
Adam:Put Liza on.
Tad: excuse me?
Liza: You know, Phoebe's "Daughters of Fine Lineage" is just not going to cut it, Scott.
Adam: Rudy said she was in your office.
Tad: Oh, my plaisir.
Scott: they're gearing up for the annual valentine bazaar.
Liza: see? Even you smiled. You can't handle it. It's not even thrilling.
Tad: Liza, it's for you.
Liza: I'm busy.
Tad: Fine. You tell him.
Liza: Tell who?
Adam: I can hear her. Put her on.
Tad: The prince of darkness, your erstwhile husband.
Liza: No.
Tad: I'm sorry, Adam, she's tied up -- and gagged.
Adam: Don't play games with me.
Tad: Don't play games with him.
Liza: Is he all right?
Tad: Such a loaded question. Are you all right?
Adam: I need to talk to my wife. It's important.
Tad: blah, blah, blah -- "important."
Liza: Look, I'm not talking to him unless it's about the divorce.
Tad: You getting this, Chuck?
Adam: Of course it's about the divorce. What else is left?
Tad: Oh, could you talk any louder? Yes, he's perfectly miserable and of course it's about the divorce.
Liza: All right. Thank you. Keep it short, I'm really busy,please?
Adam: It's good to hear your voice.
Tad: You, why don't you tell me about this delivery boy.
Scott: I don't know, he's average looking, about maybe this tall.
Tad: Everybody's that tall.
Adam: I can barely hear you.
Liza: (To Scott and Tad) Could you keep it down?
Scott: He had baggy clothes. I didn't really get a good look at him. Maybe we could still find him.
Adam: Call me from your office.
Liza: I can't. (To Tad) Would you please just take it outside?
Tad: Hello, it's my office.
Scott: Tad, Tad, Tad -- I can check with Steve. Maybe he's got a better description.
Tad: Why don't you do that.
Liza: Can you tell me what's so awful important?
Tad: (Tad Yells) Who knows? He's Adam Chandler! He practically invented the word!
Liza: Would you be quiet, Tad? Sorry.
Adam: If you or Belinda need to reach me, I'm at the Pine Valley Hospital, Room 220.
Liza: Are you ok?
Adam: It's -- yeah, just some tests. It's nothing serious.
Liza: Oh. Ok.
Adam: I didn't want you to worry if you couldn't reach me at home.
Liza: Oh, well, that's very considerate.
Adam: You'll inform Belinda?
Liza: Of course I will.
Adam: Good. Well, I won't keep you. Good-bye.
Tad: And the winner is?
Liza: Adam's back in the hospital.
Tad: Psych ward?
Liza: Room 220. Neurology, I think.
Tad: Transplanting the abnormal brain, doubtless.
Liza: No, more tests.
Tad: Serious?
Liza: Well, he's had a couple of episodes, so it could be. Anyway, I don't know why we're talking about it. I can't discuss it with you. Listen, I need the format on my desk in an hour, Tad.
Tad: Better give me two, Wilbur. I'm a slow dresser. I also want a chance to find my thief.
Liza: Oh, and listen, listen, listen -- this necklace, This boy -- why would this boy try to take this necklace from your jacket?
Tad: That's exactly what I want to know.
Liza: Wait, come here. Come here. What are you doing?
Tad: Nothing.
Liza: You're obsessing over bad jewelry.
Tad: Sort of. Let me ask you a question. Do you still believe
in love?
Liza: Oh, your timing's --
Tad: No, no, let me rephrase it. Ok, all right, listen. Have you ever seen anyone who at first glance just -- just completely took your breath away?
My Comment: Yes I'm looking at him now.
Next Scene
Liza: Rudy pulled the celebrity guide.
Tad: So who's east?
Liza: How about a relationship expert? You know, "lust at first sight -- fact or fiction?"
Tad: Forget I mentioned it. It's crazy.
Liza: Crazier than me and Adam?
Tad: Too close to call.
Liza: Ok, tell me about the girl -- the phantom, the ghost -- and the gold necklace.
Tad: She's not a ghost. She was real -- as real as you and me, as real as --
Liza: As a trashy novel? Our hero -- he sees his vision on a cold and wintry night.
Tad: Oh, ho, ho, what fun it is to laugh. Care to do some work?
Liza: No, I'm the boss. I want to play, I want to talk.
Tad: Don't play pull rank on me.
Liza: I'm pulling rank on you.
Tad: It's not fair.
Liza: I want you to tell me all about your enchantress.
Tad: I told you all I know, which is nothing. You know, that's why I put the ad in the paper. All I know is I came home and found a woman on my terrace the night of the ball.
Liza: Not again.
Tad: Ok, I went after her, she dropped a necklace.
Liza: What was she doing there in the first place?
Tad: Stealing lawn furniture. How should I know?
Liza: Well, was she pretty?
Tad: You think I'd act like this over a beagle? I just wish I knew what she was doing.
Liza: Maybe she came to take you to her mother ship.
Tad: Oh, shut up.
Liza: You could be our guest. Actually, "talk show
host, victim of alien abduction?"
Tad: I'm not psychotic, ok? She was there, she was real. I know. I've got the lumps to prove it. When I went after her, I fell over my son's bike.
Liza: You hit your head?
Tad: Yeah. So? No, she was there.
Liza: Ok, just tell me why you put an ad.
Tad: Because I just -- I want to know who she is, that's all.
Liza: Well, who's the boy? I mean, a friend, a boyfriend
-- what?
Tad: Probably her brother.
Liza: You wish.
Tad: I'm going to find out.
Liza: How, Sherlock?
Tad: I'm working on it.
Liza: I tell you what why don't you work on Monday's lineup? Why don't you pawn the necklace, pocket the cash, and leave the romance to the experts? I mean, some people -- we're just not made for happily ever afters, Tad.