How bad is this movie? Terrible, absolutely terrible, so terrible that it gets my dreaded--but seldom given--rating of zero dots. Many bad movies have at least one good point, usually that good point is they make you laugh at them. However, "The Beast of Yucca Flats" manages to be bad but in a most boring way. Even though the movie is 54 minutes long, it feels twice that length. Other than people having the darndest time shooting a target as large as Tor Johnson (who plays the mutated beast), there is hardly any action. Even worse, there is hardly any dialogue either. Sure, there's a narrator trying to be profound by making statements like "Always on the prowl. Looking for something, or somebody to kill. Quench the killer’s thirst," "A man runs, somebody shoots at him," and "Boys from the City. Not yet caught by the Whirlwind of Progress. Feed soda pop to the thirsty pigs." However, while delivering these "gems of truth", the narrator sounds about as emotional as the synthetic voice from a Speak 'N Spell toy, and he speaks all this in a sluggish meter, somewhat like a schizophrenic who has drinken about a pint of Dimetapp. Perhaps the scariest thing about this movie is what might have gone through the head of writer/director/producer Coleman Francis, who, not too surprisingly, plays the nutty narrator as well. What was this mad dog thinking? And if he wasn't doing the thinking, were there demonic voices in his head commanding him to make a movie abhorrent to all living things?

** NOTE: The more dots on the domino, the better the movie. 12 dots on the domino is the best rating while no dots means the tape has a date with the eraser. **