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 "Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is basically a remake of the original, at least up to a point. The first half is not so bad, but once Renee Zellweger goes to a trampy woman for help, it quickly gets very silly. In fact, it can't be any sillier even if they leave the writing to a wrestling booking committee and cast Mick Foley (Mankind) as Leatherface. Leatherface, by the way, explores his feminine side by crossdressing in this film. Sometimes he looks like a desiccated Roseanne Barr, and sometimes he looks a bit like a hybrid between Vicki Lawrence from Mama's Family and Julia Child. I'm sure die-hard Texas Chainsaw Massacre fans are going to be offended by that, but the crossdressing idea is hardly problematic compared to the fact that they made Leatherface into a bumbling pig who takes a back seat to some other characters. Poor Renee gets slapped around so much at the dinner table that this movie could be mistaken for a Nicole Brown/O.J. Simpson Thanksgiving special, but it hardly generates any fear. Part of the problem is that Renee's character sasses back when the homicidal family is having their way with her. In the original, her counterpart Sally doesn't say anything because she's scared completely out of her wits. The other part of the problem is that it's unintentionally hilarious having a comatose Martin Landau-lookalike calmly stand up and leave the table while all this is happening (is he supposed to be the bloodsucking grandpa from the original?! ha!). Then, a sinister G-Man shows up and has apparently used the family as part of a fear experiment. Enough said for this harebrained horror remake. |
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QUARTER BY QUARTER ANALYSIS OF MOVIE
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OVERALL RATING
** NOTE: The more dots, the better the movie. A dozen dots is as good as they get, while one or no dots accounts for what can euphemistically be labeled "bottom-of-the-barrel entertainment." ** |
    
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The Worm-Hole Reviews are written by Matt Barnes.