I wish I wasn't though. Like "Bloody Murder", "Valentine" seems to follow the unfortunate recent trend of watering down slashers and hiring popular TV actors (along with the upwardly mobile Denise Richards) in an attempt to make them more palatable to mainstream tastes. To all fans of gratuities, this means no gore or nudity. Unless you've never seen a mystery or horror movie before, "Valentine" is also very predictable, except maybe for one surprising scene where a girl is frantically looking for a source of water to "get the shit out of her hair" and ends up dunking her head in the toilet bowl. Any horror fan just knows that the shallow girls in the movie are going to be killed at some point. The worse they are, the more you count down to their death scene. Also, the so-called surprise twist with the killer is spoiled by the fact that most of the characters are already eliminated by then! If there's three people left and you see two of them running for their lives, then it's common sense that the third character is a homicidal maniac, right? Apparently, the scriptwriters--all four of them--believe that the average moviegoer is even denser than a neutron star and will miss every telegraphed plot twist there is! The only things that saving "Valentine" from ranking along with the worst ever are the reasonably likable protagonist (played by Marley Shelton) and the killer's semi-creepy Cupid gimick. All in all, you probably couldn't do much worse if they made a watered-down neo-slasher about President's Day instead.

** NOTE: The more dots, the better the movie. A dozen dots is as good as they get, while one or no dots accounts for what can euphemistically be labeled "bottom-of-the-barrel entertainment." **