Chapter 4

A light tapping on the surgery door brought Doc’s head up from his journal and he called "Come in." He was not surprised to see it was Joseph who obeyed his command. He smiled affectionately at the younger man. "An’ what can I be doing for you on this bright sunny day?" he asked. "Shouldn’t you be working?"

Joseph reddened self-consciously and buried his hands in the depths of the pockets in his blue drill trousers.

"Well …. out with it man …. You’re not ill are you?" asked Doc, watching his friend carefully, a twinkle in his eyes.

Joseph gave him a wry smile. "No … I aint ill," he replied. "Just thought I’d check on the woman I brought in here earlier. She alright?"

Doc’s brow creased in amusement and with the same twinkle in his eye, said, "Course she’s alright …. Nothing more than a faint ….."

"Good," rejoined Joseph.

"I’ll tell you something though," added the elderly doctor.

"What’s that?"

"That *woman’s* a *lady* ….. a lady doctor in fact …. Dr Michaela Quinn …. all the way from Boston …," he advised, the admiration in his voice not lost on his younger friend.

"She’s a long ways from home then," remarked Joseph, his heart falling.

"Mmmm … she is …. has a practice in Colorado Springs …"

"You said she was from Boston!"

"Well … she was …. few years ago now I’d guess," chuckled Doc, watching the gleam of interest return to Joseph’s eyes.

"She’s travellin’ with a coupla fellas," Joseph remarked, his tone non-committal.

"Mmm."

"She say who they are?"

"No …. but neither of them is her husband …. Lost him a few years back she said. Sounded kinda wistful ….. like she still misses him," related Doc, watching Joseph carefully.

The younger man’s head flew up. "Wonder who they are then?" he mused.

Doc shrugged his shoulders. "Don’t know ….. but I’ll tell you something else …"

"What’s that?" asked Joseph with studied nonchalance, gazing out the window into the street.

"I’ve got a feeling she’s going to stay around here for a while …."

"What makes you think that?"

"Just call it a hunch." Doc gave a wry smile and remarked teasingly, "She’s a pretty lady huh?"

Joseph reddened and he again lowered his eyes to the scrubbed boards of the surgery floor, to trace a knot in the floorboards with the toe of his boot. "Didn’ really notice," he murmured.

Doc chuckled again. "Didn’t think so," he scoffed good-naturedly. "Time you gave some attention to a woman after all this time Joseph …. I don’t mean *this* woman in particular. Any woman’d be glad to have you …"

This time Joseph snorted good-naturedly. "You’re livin’ in a dream world Doc …. Aint got much to offer a woman …."

"You might be surprised lad ….," returned Doc wisely. "Now how about you join me for lunch over the road today … hmm?"

Joseph nodded and shuffled towards the door. He turned back and gave his mentor an affectionate smile. "Thanks Doc," he said sincerely, as he quietly left him to return to his books.

***************************

An insistent knocking on her bedroom door and the concerned voice of Matthew woke Michaela from her stupor. She had eventually cried herself into a restless and troubled sleep and now Matthew was calling to her through the locked door. She sat up on the large bed and gazed around at the simply furnished room in which she found herself, and all her troubles once more descended heavily upon her shoulders. She moaned.

"Dr Mike ….. Ma …. You alright?" called Matthew again, anxiety tinging his voice. He turned to Hank. "Maybe she’s not in there after all," he suggested. "Becky said she saw her come up though …"

"Its alright Matthew …. I’m here," came Michaela’s answer from behind the locked door. "I’ll be with you in a minute".

She scrambled off the bed, tried vainly to straighten her crumpled, plaid skirt and quickly ran a brush through her hair which hung loose over her shoulders to her waist. She moaned again when she saw the state of her reddened eyes and face in the mirror, but there was little she could do about it. She quickly moved across and unlocked the door.

As soon as they spied her both men were instantly aware of her state of mind, yet refrained from commenting. Both were also apprehensive about what they had to tell her, unsure as to what her reaction might be. Finally Matthew said quietly, "You alright ma?"

Michaela nodded. "I’ll be fine," she replied in a low tone. She regarded them quizzically and then asked almost fearfully, "Did you speak with him?"

"Yeah ma …. we did," replied Matthew compassionately. "Let’s go back inside and we’ll tell ya what happened." He gently led her into her room with Hank following closely behind. Michaela sat herself on the edge of the bed with Matthew beside her. Hank lounged against the dresser opposite them, his legs crossed, his arms folded. Taking a deep breath, Michaela demanded, "Well?"

"Well ….. firstly ma …. he’s got a workshop behind the livery …. Makes furniture an’ stuff for folks in town an’ outlying homesteads …. that’s why ya saw him come out from there this mornin’," offered Matthew. He paused and, with his eyes, appealed to Hank who immediately added, "Look Michaela …. we can tell ya all these sorta details later …. But the fact is he didn’ have a clue who we were …"

There was a long silence while the men gave Michaela the opportunity to absorb what Hank had said. Finally her brow creased in consternation and she raised her eyes to Hank’s. "Honestly?" she asked softly.

Hank held his hands up and affirmed, "Honestly. It was plain he didn’ recognise us …. so we tried ta talk to him …. introduced ourselves …. talked about the weather …. the town …. how good his furniture was ….. He never gave us a single sign that he knew who he was talkin’ to …"

"It was like talkin’ to a complete stranger in Sully’s body," added Matthew in bewilderment. "Sounded like him …. even used some of the same words Sully uses …. but he was a stranger. I gotta say ma it was kinda …… kinda …. weird."

Hank nodded his head. "Always thought Sully could act …. after all he was pretty successful in hidin’ some of the things he done in the past …. But even *he* aint this good Michaela …. He really don’ know us."

Michaela was shaking her head in disbelief. At last she murmured, "I’ve heard of it ….. read about it …. but I’ve never seen a case …."

"A case of what?" demanded Matthew.

"Amnesia," Michaela disclosed.

"I thought that only happened in dime novels!" exclaimed her son, his eyes wide.

"No …. its an actual medical condition ….. usually occurs as a result of a trauma of some sort …."

"Do they *ever* remember things Michaela?" asked Hank, trying to take in what she was saying.

"Oh yes ….. many do ….." Her voice lowered. "But some don’t"

"You mean they go through their whole lives not rememberin’ what went on before the trauma …. not rememberin’ their friends and family?" quizzed Matthew, swallowing hard.

"Yes," she replied, her eyes gleaming with tears as the impact of their situation hit her. Then suddenly her back straightened. She glanced from one man to the other and said resolutely, "Well now we know what the problem is ….. we have to determine how to deal with it."

"Got any ideas?" asked Matthew in a small voice.

"No," she answered honestly. "But we’ll discuss it over lunch. Alright?"

Both men nodded, each amazed at her strength and resolve, and followed her out the door and down to the dining room.

****************************

"But ma …. me an’ Hank can’t go leavin’ ya here on ya own," insisted Matthew once again. "Ya don’ know anyone an’ what if there was trouble? Ya wouldn’ have anyone to turn to …" He ran his hand agitatedly through his blond hair. They seemed to have been going around in circles for the last half hour.

"Well I’m not going anywhere, and you two can’t stay here with me indefinitely …. You both have businesses to return to ….," retorted Michaela just as adamantly. She took a sip of her steaming coffee and eyed her worried son over the rim of the china coffee cup. She lowered the cup and rested her hand gently over his. "You have to understand Matthew …. I *need* to be here now ….. Wild horses couldn’t drag me away and I don’t expect either of you to stay here with me …. I have no idea how long everything is going to take …. but I have to be with Sully."

"’Cept he aint Sully," muttered Hank, under his breath.

Michaela turned hurt eyes on him. "Yes he is Hank …. He may not remember me and our life together …. but he’s the same man underneath …. the man I fell in love with …. the man I need to be with right now …"

Hank shook his head ruefully but then turned his eyes on Matthew. "There aint no changin’ her mind when she gits in a mood like this ….. I reckon we stay a few more days …. see what develops, an’ then … if we haveta …. head home."

"I don’ feel right about it," the younger man muttered. He again appealed to Michaela. "What about your family? …. An’ the clinic?"

"Colleen and Andrew are quite capable of managing the clinic Matthew …. The truth is they’ve been doing it for the most part the past few years," replied Michaela. "As for the rest of the family?" Her brow creased when she considered her darling Katie at home with Grace and Robert E. "I don’t know …," she continued finally. "I miss Katie so much …. but I’m afraid if I send for her she’ll recognise him …. and I doubt he’s ready for an eight year old daughter to appear out of nowhere."

"She’s gonna be missin’ you too ma," said Matthew quietly. "An’ Sully’s gonna haveta know he’s got a daughter sometime …."

"I know ….. I just wish it could be delayed a little longer …. until I feel he’s ready …," she mused. "And she’ll have to be prepared too …. If she does recognise him she’ll wonder, and perhaps even be hurt when he doesn’t acknowledge her …."

"You’ll find a way ta tell her ma …. Ya always do," advised Matthew reassuringly.

Michaela’s brow creased in concern and then she nodded. "Katie needs to be with her father," she acknowledged. "No matter how painful it may be. As for Brian? He’s a young man now ….. capable of looking after himself for a while . …. Hopefully we’ll *all* return to Colorado Springs in the not too distant future ….."

It was apparent that Matthew still wasn’t convinced he should leave her on her own, however any more protestations on his part were stifled when he noticed Michaela tense and her hand tightened reflexively on his. Following the direction of her eyes he turned to see Sully and the town’s elderly doctor enter the dining room and seek a table. The young man’s eyes flew to his mother’s face and he suddenly realised just how difficult and heartbreaking this situation was for her. He turned his hand so that he could clasp hers and lowered them to rest reassuringly against his knee.

Michaela was incapable of coherent conversation for the next few minutes. Certainly she’d seen Sully this morning outside the livery, but not up this close. Her heart was pounding. Except for his shorter hair and more conventional clothing he looked exactly as she remembered him. How could he look the same and yet be so different? No, she caught herself. She’d already forgotten what she’d just tried to impress upon Hank. He wasn’t different …. He’d just lost some memories, some memories she was determined to help him find. Her hand once again squeezed her son’s.

"Its alright ma …," he responded. "Its all gonna be alright …."

Michaela nodded and gave him a watery, nervous smile. "Of course it is," she said none too convincingly. "Of course it is …" With a shaky hand she once again lifted her coffee cup to her lips. A few seconds later that cup was placed back on its saucer with an abrupt, nervous clatter. Sully and the doctor were heading across to their table. Her hand squeezed tight on Matthew’s until the knuckles bleached white.

"Ah Dr Quinn," Doc greeted her, his eyes taking in her pale complexion and the tense pinching around her lips. "I hope you’re feeling a little better this afternoon?"

Michaela took a deep breath. "Yes," she said quietly, and then more determinedly, "Yes I am ….. thankyou… "

"Good," replied the older man, watching her carefully. "Joseph here was concerned for you …. I thought you two should meet. Dr Michaela Quinn ….. Joseph Williams."

Joseph reddened, but held his hand out to Michaela, "Nice to meet you ma’am," he said quietly, his deep blue eyes fixed on her beautiful but pale face. "I’m glad you’re doin’ better."

Michaela didn’t want to let go of his hand. The connection had been made and she didn’t want it broken again, ever. She nodded and smiled. "I’m much better," she said softly, her eyes raking the face she so loved. "Thankyou for your concern." Suddenly Hank coughed beside her and she let go of Sully’s hand before dropping her eyes embarrassedly to the tablecloth. "Um …. you must think me very rude …. I should have introduced …. Matthew … my son …. and Hank …. a friend …. They travelled with me from Colorado Springs."

While Doc reached out to shake the two men’s hands, Joseph said quietly, "Met these two fellas this mornin’ at the livery …. spent the time of day with ‘em for a while." He was keenly observing the lady doctor and her travelling companions, while Michaela tried determinedly to pull herself together. Finally she said, "Doc …. I’ve been thinking about your advice and I’m going to take it …"

"Oh yes …. and what was that?" asked the old man, a twinkle in his eye.

"I’ve decided to stay a while and rest …."

"You oughta think yourself privileged Doc," chuckled Hank. "She don’ often take advice from anyone."

Joseph’s eyes narrowed and he wondered at the familiarity between the two.

Michaela blushed and then smiled, deciding to take Hank’s remark in the spirit in which it was intended. She again looked up at Doc. "I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind me borrowing some of your medical texts during the next few days …. If I’m going to be resting I may as well have something to read …," she ventured.

"Of course …. My limited resources are at your disposal," responded Doc immediately. "Now Joseph and I want to ask *you* something …. There is a church social tomorrow evening …. and we would like you all to attend as our guests." His eyebrows rose in a query and he regarded the three faces before him.

"I’d be delighted," rejoined Michaela immediately. "It will be a wonderful way to meet some of the people of this town." She turned to the others. "Matthew? Hank?"

Matthew nodded his head and again shook Doc’s hand. Conversely, Hank rolled his eyes. "Ah …. me an’ church socials don’ exactly go together," he returned wryly. "Think I’ll pass …… thanks anyway."

"As you wish," Doc responded without rancour. "Well we’ll leave you to enjoy the rest of your meal … I shall see you tomorrow Dr Mike ….for those texts …" He and Joseph turned and headed back to their table but not before the younger man once again feasted his eyes on the beautiful woman to whom he might well, if he was not careful, lose his heart.

Chapter 5

"Are you searching for anything in particular Dr Mike?" asked Doc from his desk.

Michaela started guiltily. She’d been so involved in locating any information available on amnesia that she’d forgotten the kindly old doctor working behind her. "Ah …. no …. not really," she replied, hating having to lie, but not yet ready to disclose her true identity to her new friend. Having spent a near sleepless night, mulling over their problems, she’d reached only one decision. She’d decided that until she learnt more about his condition she would not confront Sully with the truth. The last thing she wanted to do was to be the catalyst for some sort of setback, provide him with something with which he was unable to cope.

"What is your speciality then?" asked Doc.

Michaela smiled. "I daresay, you know as well as I do that running a frontier town medical clinic means that you become au fait with many procedures and probably expert at none. But when training, and in practice with my father, surgery was my passion. Since then I’ve performed everything from stitching cuts on children’s knees to brain surgery," she explained, flipping through the pages of one of the newer texts on the shelves. "Have you worked here long Doc?"

"Oh ‘bout fifteen years …. Before that I had a small clinic in a little town outside St Louis …. Could never bide with working in a large city …," he mused. He looked wryly down at his worn old hands. "Now …. with these …. I can offer only basic medical care ….. but the folks around here view that as being better than none."

Struck by his tone, Michaela hurried across to his side. He held up his hands and she observed the swollen knuckles and disfigurement of advanced arthritis. "Oh Doc," she said compassionately. "Are they painful?"

"A little," he replied quietly. "You learn to live with the pain …. Its not being able to do what I’d like that I resent …"

Michaela nodded in sympathy. She couldn’t imagine being unable to carry out surgery or using her hands to diagnose as she had so many times in the past. "If there’s anything I can do …."

Doc shook his head. "You know as well as I that there is no cure …."

"Unfortunately that’s true …. but if you ever need any help here …. I’d be happy to give it …. just ask," offered Michaela. "I don’t know how long I’ll be staying ….. but while I’m here …"

"Thanks Dr Mike …. for the offer …. I suppose we never know what’s around the corner hmm? I’ll keep it in mind …. Now, have you found anything of interest?"

"Yes, thankyou …. a couple of things …. as long as you don’t need them …..," replied Michaela, holding up two heavy tomes.

"No … no …. you take them …. though I hardly think they’ll make enjoyable bedtime reading," remarked Doc with a smile.

Michaela blushed. "Sully used to say that," she said softly. "He couldn’t understand why I’d choose to read these over fiction or poetry …… he loved poetry….." Her voice trailed off and her eyes took on a faraway look, dutifully noted by Doc. She suddenly shook herself and tucked the two books under her arm. "I’ll be going then," she said quietly.

"But we will see you tonight, won’t we Dr Mike …. for the social …. Joseph and I are looking forward to it."

Michaela blushed. "Of course Doc …. I’m looking forward to it also." She walked across to the door. "Tonight then," she said with a charming smile, as she opened the door and stepped out into the street.

Doc sat observing the door as it fell shut and sighed. If only he was twenty years younger!

********************************

Michaela stood in front of the mirror in her room and tweaked her skirt into place. She was feeling unaccountably nervous. All the time she’d been readying herself for the church social she’d had in the back of her mind the way Sully liked to see her. She’d deliberately styled her hair so that it fell in a waterfall of copper curls down her back, because she knew that was the way Sully liked it. She’d brought only two good gowns on this trip and had chosen the blue one, because Sully liked her in blue. She felt like a young debutante venturing out with her new beau. She kept telling herself she was being ridiculous, but this time serious reasoning seemed to be having little effect. Her heart was definitely overruling her head.

At last she felt she was ready, and while she waited for Matthew to collect her, she turned her attention back to the medical texts she’d borrowed from Doc this afternoon. There was so little known about amnesia, however both sources suggested complete amnesia was extremely rare and that most patients studied exhibited some knowledge of their past. In some cases, however, they were unaware that they had genuine recollections as these often manifested themselves in ways which caused the patient to doubt their veracity. Michaela’s thoughts once again turned to Sully. Did he have jumbled memories of the past and more importantly, would he ever remember or organise them enough in his mind to be able to resume his old life? Unwanted tears suddenly sprang to her eyes when she once again considered the fact that he might not.

A sudden knocking at her bedroom door had her springing up and wiping at her eyes. For the moment she was going to take each day as it came, but always in the back of her mind was the reality that she would have to tell Sully of his past life sometime in the not too distant future, and then live with the possible consequences.

**********************************

Michaela was feeling inordinately tired. Meeting and greeting a large number of friendly strangers on top of her previous sleepless night and the stress engendered by Sully’s condition were taking their toll. She knew that tomorrow at church she would probably be unable to recognise or address the majority of Paynesville residents she’d met tonight and that worried her. She was usually so particular about noting new acquaintances so they could comfortably converse next time they met, but at the moment her mind seemed to working on two planes. While she maintained the required civilities on one, the other was centred upon only one person, one who lurked on the fringes of the gathering, who seemed reluctant to join in, despite the attention of several ladies of the town. He did not participate in the dancing and the only time he seemed to really relax was in the presence of Doc. Despite her concern, she smiled to herself. She’d told Hank that Sully, although he had no memories of his previous life, was the same man underneath, and here he was acting exactly as he had when she first arrived in Colorado Springs.

Throughout the evening she hadn’t lacked for partners with whom to dance. Doc had insisted that she dance the first reel with him, but since then she’d danced with just about every male in the room, from the local feed and grain merchant to the reverend. Matthew also seemed to be enjoying himself and he too did not lack for attention. He was currently dancing with a petite, young redhead named Mary Ann, the daughter of Roger Lavey, the printer.

Michaela took a sip of punch and again observed Sully as he tried to be polite but was clearly uncomfortable in the large gathering. She felt for him so. It was as if time had stood still and then gone into reverse. He was now the same remote, unsure character she’d met all those years before.

The music stopped, and as the fiddler quickly retuned his instrument, the emcee announced that the next dance would be a waltz and ladies’ choice. A spirit of mischief suddenly overcame her. Before any other woman had the opportunity to disrupt her plan, Michaela crossed the room and boldly approached Sully. "Ah …. I was wondering if you’d dance the next dance with me?" she asked softly. "I want to thankyou for helping me yesterday."

Joseph regarded her in astonishment. "Um …. I … I …. aint much of a dancer Dr Mike," he murmured embarrassedly.

"Its only a waltz," she said cajolingly. "And I don’t mind …. truly."

Joseph gulped and then nodded. He moved forward, awkwardly placed one hand at her waist and grasped her right hand with the other.

"Just feel the music," she whispered across the short space that separated them, as they stepped onto the floor. Her heart was beating at twice its normal speed. To be in his arms again after so long, even amongst a large group of people such as this, was almost overwhelming. She could feel colour rising in her face but tried vainly to ignore it. She felt him take a deep breath and so peered up, only to discover his blue eyes fixed on her, a strange, quizzical expression on his features. She was mesmerised. She tried to look away and couldn’t. It was as if he was speaking to her without words, as if he was trying to make some sense of all that he was feeling.

She longed for the music to go on forever, instead it seemed to last only seconds and then he was pulling away from her. As his hand reluctantly fell away from hers, he said quietly, "Thanks Dr Mike … that was nice …." She nodded in reply and began to turn away, but then he unexpectedly spoke again. "Ah …. I was wonderin’ …. if maybe ya’d like to go for a ride tomorrow …. after church ….. I could show ya some of the country round here ….. Ya do ride don’ ya?"

Michaela suddenly smiled and her heart turned over. "I …. I …. love to ride," she replied shyly. "I’d be delighted …."

Joseph nodded and gave her an abashed smile in return. "After church then ….," he said softly, melting away into the crowd.

******************************

Joseph heard the door click shut and then the key turn in the lock. He was aware that it’d been Doc who had somehow manoeuvred things so that he’d escort Dr Mike back to her room, but he’d raised no objections. There was something about her that made his senses reel, but along with that he also became tongue-tied and strangely shy. He’d been relieved though when that tall, untidy looking friend of hers had decided not to attend the social. He stood for a moment longer in the hallway on the second floor of the guesthouse and then quietly walked down the stairs and out into the night.

As he walked along the now deserted street, he glanced up at the sprinkling of stars in the sky, at a loss to know why he was suddenly feeling so restless, even confused. He hadn’t felt like this for a long time. He entered his workshop, the far end of which sufficed as his bedroom, and sat heavily on the edge of his cot. His shoulders slumped and he rested his head in his hands. Just when he thought he’d become used to his situation, that he could cope with knowing nothing of his past, this beautiful woman had appeared and turned everything upside down.

He glanced down at the silver and black wristlet on his arm and fingered the unusual design. Then, without considering why he was doing it, he knelt on the dusty floor and pulled out from under the bed, a rough wooden chest, about the size of a bread box. He blew the dust from its lid and placed it on the bed beside him. He lifted the lid and for the first time in a couple of years examined the box’s contents.

He fingered the string of beads and leather pouch he’d apparently been wearing around his neck when he was found and then shook his head ruefully. There was so much he didn’t know. He withdrew the strange buckskin belt, running his fingers over the soft leather. He unfastened the covering on the tomahawk and took it out, weighing it carefully in his hands. He flipped it experimentally, expertly catching it again as if he’d done it a thousand times before, then placed it securely back in the belt. Next he withdrew the imposing knife, testing its sharpness with his fingertip. He toyed with the highly polished handle, again weighing it in his hand. His brow creased in frustration as he tried to remember. He placed the belt back into the box and took out a small round, fringed object, artfully knotted and beaded. This had been tied to the strap of his buckskin bag when Manuel had found him. He wasn’t sure exactly what it was, but from his reading since then he assumed it was some sort of indian ornament or charm. He placed it back inside with the belt. Aside from an assortment of maps and a surveying diary, the last item in the box was a book of poetry and prose by Emerson. He’d read it many times in the first couple of years, but although he quite liked the sentiment, the writing itself wasn’t his style. He wondered why it had been there if it wasn’t a favourite. At first he’d wondered whether losing his memory made his likes and dislikes change, but Doc had argued that he was still fundamentally the same person. So why was this particular book there? A gift from someone perhaps?

Placing the book back into the box, he eyed it and the other contents bemusedly, then decisively placed the lid back on and went to stow it away again. Then something stopped him. Again, without knowing what compelled him, he re-opened the box and withdrew the indian charm, placing it on the cupboard by his bed. He then quickly stowed away the box, undressed and slipped in under the blankets, to lay awake for some hours, bewitched by the image of a beautiful woman with long coppery hair and entrancing hazel eyes.

Chapter 6

As the young Reverend Stewart delivered his Sunday sermon on the perils of deception, Michaela surreptitiously observed Sully who was sitting diagonally across the aisle from her. He didn’t look at all well this morning. His brow would often crease in pain and he’d rub the palm of his hand across his forehead, and his fingers through his hair. Selfishly, she hoped that he wouldn’t call off their ride into the woods. She desperately wanted to be with him, talk with him, to ascertain his state of mind. Matthew and Hank would leave for home in the next few days and she wanted to be able to tell them something hopeful they could take back to friends and family. Her attention was brought back to the service as everyone stood for the last hymn. The small organ sprang to life at the hands of a somewhat amateur organist and everyone began to sing, except Sully, who stood gazing straight ahead, his mouth closed. Again Michaela had to smile. Loss of memory had not changed Sully’s opinion of his own voice.

As the congregation filed out of the church, she and Matthew were waylaid by several people she’d met the night before. They seemed to have been adopted into the local community very quickly. By the time Matthew had departed with Mary Ann Lavey and her father and she’d cleared the church steps, she was convinced that Sully would have left without her. She was relieved to see him waiting patiently a few yards away, his eyes watchful, his features strained. She approached him shyly. "I’m sorry it took so long to get away …. everyone wanted to talk …"

Joseph shrugged his shoulders. "Don’ matter," he said quietly. "Got plenty o’ time." He again ran his hand over his forehead as if trying to ease an ache.

"Are you sure you’re up to riding?" asked Michaela worriedly. "You appear to have a headache …." She looked up into his eyes and was startled to see that where he’d brushed his hair back from his brow a large scar was now visible from temple to hairline.

"Got used to the headaches," remarked Joseph. "This one’ll go when I git out inta the woods …"

Without thinking she reached up and ran her fingertip over the scar. "Is this what causes the headaches?" she asked softly.

Joseph was mesmerised. Her butterfly touch on his skin was at once caring and sensual. He reached up to grasp her hand. "Aint nothin’," he said quietly. "Ya ready ta go?"

She nodded and they headed for the livery.

*******************************

"Ya probably met these two last night …. This is Ned Scott," Joseph informed Michaela. "An’ his wife Arlene …. Ned’s the blacksmith …. Rents me the workshop …." He indicated the small building tucked in behind the livery.

Michaela nodded a greeting and held out her hand to the large, burly man who was regarding her indulgently. His short, rotund wife beamed a welcome also. "Glad ta meet ya agin Dr Mike," the woman exclaimed. She lifted up a basket. "I packed all ya favourites Joe …. Hope Dr Mike here likes devilled eggs."

"I love them," returned Michaela graciously. "Thank-you. I didn’t know we were going on a picnic."

The older woman shrugged her shoulders. "Ya haveta eat …. Joe forgets that sometimes, when he’s out in the woods …. Wonder he aint thin as a rake …"

Joseph reddened and took the basket from the jovial woman. "Thanks Arlene …. You’re right …. I didn’ think of it …." He glanced across at Michaela apologetically.

"Now why don’ you an’ Ned go organise ya horses an’ I’ll stay an’ chat with Dr Mike," suggested Arlene.

The two men rolled their eyes good-naturedly but wandered away to do as she’d suggested.

Arlene immediately grasped Michaela’s hand and drew her across to a bench under a large, now leafless, oak. "Hope you’re enjoyin’ your stay in our little town," she began.

"Oh I am," returned Michaela. "Everyone has been so welcoming …. and the social last night was a lot of fun."

"Good," rejoined the blacksmith’s wife proudly. "Aint a bad little town ta live." She glanced across to where Joseph and Ned were saddling two horses. "Joe seems ta like ya bein’ here," she said softly. She leant across and murmured conspiratorially, "Aint ever seen such a gleam in his eye."

Michaela blushed.

"Fact is ….. he aint shown any interest in takin’ a lady ridin’ before …. Despite the fact that a lotta ladies woulda bin happy ta join him …."

Lost for words, Michaela merely shrugged her shoulders.

As if she’d forgotten Michaela was there, Arlene continued, "He needs ta git close to someone …. I figure he’s kinda lonely ….. who wouldn’ be …. I wonder how I’d be if ….." She suddenly blushed scarlet when she realised she’d probably gone too far. "I … I …. sorry ma’am ….. ya shoulda stopped me blatherin’ on ……"

Michaela quickly rested her hand on the older woman’s shoulder. "Its alright … truly …. I’m glad he has people who care about him ….," she said reassuringly. Now it was her turn to redden. Perhaps that had sounded strange coming from an acquaintance of just a couple of days. If Arlene noticed she refrained from commenting. They both stood as the men approached leading the saddled horses.

***************************

Joseph gazed out over the familiar valley and plains before him and saw nothing. He was however, supremely conscious of the woman sitting on the log beside him finishing her apple. Throughout their ride into the foothills he’d been acutely aware of her, an awareness made all the more tangible by her brief but caring touch outside the church this morning.

"How’s your headache?" she suddenly asked.

He was jolted out of his reverie. "Ah …. a lot better …. always helps ta git out here," he replied.

"Do you get them often?"

"Nah …. not now ….. used ta …," he replied, obviously disconcerted by being questioned about himself. He looked down at the cloth spread on the ground at their feet, and surveyed the remnants of their picnic lunch. "Had enough ta eat?" he asked.

Michaela knew Sully too well to be fooled by his change of subject but for now she let it go. "Yes …. it was all delicious ….. I must remember to thank Arlene when we get back …"

"She’s always doin’ things like that for me …. has ever since I arrived in town ….. Her an’ Ned’ve been good friends …." He stared down at his hands and then suddenly asked, "You got family Dr Mike?"

Michaela’s heart skipped a beat. Deciding to be perfectly honest, she nodded her head and said wryly, "Where do I start?" His eyes flew to hers, so she explained, "You’ve met Matthew ….. he’s my eldest ….. came to live with me when he was fifteen …. along with his sister Colleen and younger brother Brian. Matthew’s an attorney now, Colleen’s a doctor – she and her husband Andrew, he’s also a doctor - work with me in my practice in Colorado Springs …. Brian recently graduated from college in Denver and runs the Colorado Springs Gazette ….. He’s young to be doing that but he’s been working with the editor and owner since he was about twelve …."

"You sound real proud of ‘em," remarked Joseph with a smile. "You said they came to live with you?….."

"Uh huh ….. their mother Charlotte was killed by a rattlesnake bite not long after I arrived from Boston …..about twelve years ago now …. She asked me to take care of them ….

"An’ ya did."

She smiled up at him and reiterated, "And I did ….. it wasn’t easy at first, but I love them dearly ….." She took a deep breath. "And then there’s Katie ….. she’s eight ….. The older ones have been wonderful in helping me raise her ….."

"She’s yours … huh? I …. I …. mean ….. you had her … right?"

Michaela swallowed. They were getting into dangerous territory here. "Yes ….. she’s beautiful ….. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her the past few years ….."

"Must be nice ta have a family," mused Joseph wistfully.

Again Michaela’s heart skipped a beat. "Yes …. it is ….," she said softly. "Actually when Matthew gets back he’s going to arrange for Katie to join me here …. I hope you’ll meet her …."

"I’d like that ….. Does she ride too?"

Michaela chuckled. "Like the wind …. a little too recklessly for my liking …..but she loves the woods ….. horses ….. all animals actually ……"

"I’ll look forward ta meetin’ her," chuckled Joseph. "Sounds like we’d git along."

"Oh … I’m sure you will!" exclaimed Michaela without forethought. She suddenly took a deep breath and decided to steer the conversation back to Sully. "How long have you lived in Paynesville?" she asked.

Joseph shrugged his shoulders. "’Bout four years …."

"And before that?"

Joseph’s head dropped and his shoulders slumped. He ran his fingers through his hair agitatedly.

Michaela regretted her question as soon as it was voiced, and began to wrack her brains for another topic of conversation, but before she could say anything Sully spoke again. "Look Dr Mike …. I might as well tell ya now …. before someone else in town does ….." Michaela swallowed and then swivelled on the log to face him. She raised her eyebrows in a query. "I don’ know where I lived before that …," he said despairingly. The look on his face said - there it is, I’ve told you, now you can leave if you want to.

Instead Michaela said softly, "Perhaps you’d better explain …"

Again he shrugged his shoulders. "Aint much ta tell ya …. First thing I remember is wakin’ up in Doc’s surgery …. my head bandaged ….. an’ not knowing anyone …. Seems I was in an accident ….. big storm ….. giant oak came down on the roof of the cabin I was shelterin’ in ….. cracked my skull."

"Where did this happen?" asked Michaela, trying to keep her voice even.

"Near Truchas Peak, ‘bout thirty miles north west of Santa Fe. Manuel Reyes …. you aint met him yet …. was on his way back ta here after deliverin’ some cattle to one of the big ranches up north …. Heard my dog barkin’ …. went ta check on the commotion an’ found me …. He don’ speak much english …. so he loaded me onto his wagon an’ brought me down here to Doc …. I owe ‘em both my life ….."

"It must have been so hard for you," murmured Michaela with sympathy.

"Maybe …. but as Doc said ….. it coulda bin a lot worse ….. I can cope with the headaches," he said dismissively. "So now ya know ….. told ya there weren’t much ta tell about me." His eyes held a challenge.

"Were you ill for long?" she asked, deliberately ignoring his last remark and yet trying not to sound too intrusive.

"A while ….I was out to it for ‘bout two weeks …. Doc stitched me up …. the rest was up ta me ……," he explained.

"You mentioned a dog?"

Joseph’s answering smile was tinged with sadness. "More like a Wolf …. Seems when Manuel finally loaded me on the wagon Boy jumped up an’ lay beside me. Then when I was layin’ unconscious in the surgery he wouldn’ leave my side. Arlene took ta feedin’ him …."

"Boy?"

Joseph chuckled. "Nobody knew his real name …. He kinda inherited the name Boy … you know ….. ‘come here boy’ …. ‘good boy’ …. the name stuck."

Despite intuitively knowing the answer, Michaela asked, "And now?"

Joseph’s head dropped. "He passed on …. ‘bout two years ago …. Ned reckoned he was probably ‘bout sixteen …." He trailed off and then he mused, "I used ta wish he could talk …. He was the only livin’ thin’ that knew anythin’ ‘bout my past an’ he couldn’ tell me …" He shook his head wryly.

Michaela’s eyes suddenly shimmered with tears. For all the years she’d known Sully, Wolf had been by his side … and now he was gone ….

Joseph suddenly grabbed her hand and drew her up. "Come on ….. I’ll show ya somethin’."

Michaela wondered whether he’d registered the fact, but as they walked purposefully through the woods together, her hand remained tightly clasped in his. She didn’t mind at all.

At last he brought her to a halt by an almost dry creek bed, spanned by a fallen tree. The top of the tree was now firmly embedded in the ground on the other side, suggesting that it had probably toppled many years before. Sully let go of her hand and walked to the edge of the creek. He stepped out onto the trunk and then turned to face her. "Had some trouble with balance when I was gittin’ better ….. used ta come out here every other day an’ practice walkin’ across here." He peered down into the sandy creek bed some five feet below. He chuckled. "Wonder there aint a permanent dent in the ground where I fell so many times ….. at least it was a soft landin’." He took a few easy steps out onto the log and again swivelled to face her.

She smiled at the defiance written on his face. "But you conquered it hmmm?" she asked. He took a couple of steps backwards, towards the other side and she held her breath. "Uh huh ….. know every knot and bump in this log …." He turned his back to her and skilfully walked to the other side. He turned to face her and she clapped her hands in appreciation of his skill. He held out his hand. "You comin’?" he asked.

Michaela gulped. She walked to the edge and peered down nervously. "Doesn’t look so soft to me," she murmured.

"You aint gonna fall," he reassured her. "Just walk out, don’ look down …. an’ keep your eyes on me."

Michaela took a tentative step out onto the log and then quickly moved back.

"Aint gonna let a log defeat ya, are ya?" he queried challengingly.

Her brow creased as she regarded him on the opposite side of the creek. He seemed to be testing her. She bit her lip, took a deep breath and stepped out onto the tree once more. She was alright until she was about a third of the way across and then made the fatal mistake of looking down. Her heart began to pound and she started to teeter. She raised her arms parallel with the ground, attempting to regain her balance. "You’re doin’ fine," Sully called reassuringly. "Look across here …. at me …," he instructed. "You’ll be over this side before ya realise."

She raised her eyes to lock them with his, and hesitantly began to put one foot in front of the other. But now something else was happening, something which made her breath catch and her heart pound, this time unconnected with fear. He had his hand still held out to her, but the challenging, almost mocking smile had disappeared from his face and been replaced by something she clearly recognised as need. She continued across the log, not sure-footedly but steadily, and the closer she came to him, the more his eyes burned, and her smile broadened.

She covered the last couple of feet at speed and launched herself into his arms exuberantly. "I did it! I did it!" she exclaimed, unselfconsciously wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He instinctively embraced her in return and, as she arched her back a little to peer up into his face his hungry eyes locked with hers. There was a long pause while they drank in the sight of each other, before his head bowed and his lips touched hers in a brief, tentative, first kiss.

He pulled back a little, as if to gauge her reaction, and when she didn’t let go or step away, he again lowered his head, this time compelled to give way to the desire she’d recognised in his eyes. The kiss deepened almost instantly. She clung to him, her hands at the nape of his neck, her mouth and tongue moving rhythmically with his. His hold on her tightened and he growled softly back in his throat.

She was rapidly losing control; to find herself in his arms again after so long was overwhelming. He too was waging a battle within himself and at last reason won out. He abruptly stepped away from her, a myriad of confused feelings flashing across his face. He opened his mouth to speak but Michaela immediately covered his lips with her fingers. "No …. please don’t," she implored softly. "Don’t apologise ….. I wanted it as much as you did."

Joseph was torn. She stood there before him, her skin flushed, her lips swollen from the kiss, her eyes afire and all he wanted to do was draw her back into his arms. He finally stammered, "But ….. it ….. it ……aint right."

"Yes it is," she returned quietly, yet resolutely. "Please don’t say any more ……"

His brow creased in consternation, desire raging against good manners. At last he held out his hand to her and smiled uncertainly. "Better be gittin’ back huh?"

She placed her hand trustingly in his. "Uh huh," she said softly, and they strolled back together to where their horses were tethered.

******************************

"So you remember nothing from the past?" asked Michaela, as they slowly wended their way homeward on horseback.

"Nope ….. don’ think so ….."

"The name Joseph Williams?"

Sully chuckled. "Doc gave me that ….. named me for his grandfather …. on his ma’s side ….. Haven’t ya noticed how the folks in town all call me Joe .. but Doc always insists on Joseph …. He reckons it’s an honour ta be named after the man … an’ so I oughta use the full name …."

"You should be proud Doc thought enough of you to do that ….," advised Michaela with a smile.

"I owe a lot ta Doc….. wouldna got through that first year without him ….. Ya can’t imagine what its like ta wake up and not know a single soul …. or recognise anythin’ …. not even things you were carryin’ with ya …." Sully’s voice trailed off and he frowned

Michaela’s heart began to race. "What things?" she asked hesitantly.

Sully drew his horse to a halt and gazed off into the distance. "Not much …. a belt …. knife …. surveyor’s diary ….. a book …..," he itemised. He slid from his saddle and sauntered across to the bank of a sluggishly running stream. "I look at all those things an’ wonder what my life was like …. why I was carryin’ or wearin’ ‘em …."

Michaela dismounted and wandered over to join him. As she neared he suddenly reached into his pocket and, as if he’d forgotten he carried it, withdrew the indian charm. "An’ this," he said quietly. "It was tied to my bag." He handed it to her.

Michaela’s head lowered and her eyes suddenly glimmered with tears. She gently fingered the indian leatherwork and beading she’d last seen when she’d ensured it was securely tied to his buckskin bag more than four years ago. "It’s a spider wheel …. dream catcher ….," she said softly. "Its supposed to ward off evil spirits …."

"You’ve seen one before?"

"Oh yes …. one of my closest friends is a Cheyenne medicine man ….. I’ve watched him make one," she quietly explained, unable to yet meet his eyes.

Joseph’s eyes narrowed as he considered what she was saying. "Figured it was indian," he said. "Been doin’ some readin’ ‘bout such thin’s. This one Cheyenne?"

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

He held out his arm so that the black and silver wristlet was exposed. "This too?" he asked.

Michaela took a deep breath. "Its Cheyenne design ….. but worked by a jewellery craftsman. The indians don’t have the tools for something as intricate as that."

Joseph examined the wristlet as if seeing it for the first time. "So ….. somewhere along the line ….. I’ve had somethin’ ta do with indians …. Cheyenne," he mused. "’Specially since I was wearin’ indian buckskin when Manuel found me ….."

"Perhaps," advised Michaela in a small voice.

Joseph suddenly growled in frustration. "Just wish I could remember somethin’…… somethin’ I could latch onto …." he said, almost angrily. He strode back to the horses. "Its gittin’ late …. better be goin’."

Michaela followed meekly behind, now certain she would have to divulge her secret very, very soon.