Chapter 10

Michaela tiptoed down the landing and as quietly as possible opened the door to her room and entered. For a moment she leant against the door, contemplating her daughter laying sound asleep in the big bed. She looked so tiny, so defenceless. She prayed that whatever happened in the next few days, would not hurt Katie. She of all people did not deserve to have her world turned upside down again. Michaela crept across the room and perched herself on the edge of the bed. She lovingly brushed Katie’s soft, honey blond hair back from her face. It was wonderful to have her here after nearly two weeks apart, and yet she wished Sully had known about her before she arrived.

From the room next door came the soft murmur of voices. She was so pleased that Dorothy and Cloud Dancing had joined her. Since the day of Sully’s disappearance they had been beside her, supporting her, so many times knowing what she needed before even she did. The three of them had spent the past couple of hours discussing Sully’s condition and possible ways in which they could work together to enlighten him about his past. Michaela was worried about Cloud Dancing though. He’d been very quiet. She knew it had been as great a shock to him to find Sully today, as it had been for her the day she arrived in Paynesville. The two men were so close, brothers, and to find that one did not remember the other was devastating. Like her, Cloud Dancing needed time to attune himself to the current situation and find a way to cope with it.

She was gratified that during the past few years Cloud Dancing and Dorothy had found happiness with each other. She smiled, remembering the events that had led to their very private wedding ceremonies. Dorothy’s elation at the longed for publication of her book about the Cheyenne, with Cloud Dancing as the focus, had been a sight to behold. Of course, with every positive comment had come many derogatory or negative, but she’d watched as Dorothy grew in confidence and assurance, with Cloud Dancing always beside her. Then came the invitations to address various assemblies, some from as far afield as Chicago. At first Dorothy had refused these overtures, but when Cloud Dancing perceived the value of airing views on the plight of the indian tribes at such gatherings, and then offered to accompany her, she’d finally agreed. Sully’s knowledge from books and newspapers of them and their journeys, had indeed proven their efforts to be worthwhile.

It was nearly two years ago now since Dorothy confessed to her that she and Cloud Dancing had discussed marriage, that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him and cement their relationship before God. And so had come the very private ceremony conducted by the ever-supportive Reverend Johnson, with her, Grace and Robert E as their only witnesses. Later, she’d also attended a simple Cheyenne ceremony in which they’d all prayed to the spirits, and then Dorothy and Cloud Dancing had promised themselves to each other. There were many in town who were still unaware of the marriage, and Dorothy and Cloud Dancing liked it that way. Most of the townspeople had begrudgingly accepted their friendship, but it wasn’t difficult to guess what the reaction to their marriage would be.

Katie suddenly murmured something in her sleep and then turned over. Michaela smiled. She was glad her friends had taken the initiative and brought her here, she and Katie needed to be together. She picked up the hairbrush and began the rhythmic brushing of her waist-length coppery hair, which usually proved soothing, but tonight her mind was whirling, contemplating how she was to reveal the past to Sully on the morrow. She so desperately wanted him to be happy about finally knowing of his family, and yet instinctively knew that it was not going to be that easy. Finally she stood, quickly changed into her night shift and climbed into the bed next to Katie, to lay her hand protectively on the child’s back as she slept.

************************

"Come on mama ….. Mr Williams’ll go without us," begged Katie, grasping her reluctant mother’s hand and drawing her out the door of the guesthouse and into the cool, fresh morning air.

Michaela sighed. While her daughter had sunk into a deep sleep the moment her head had hit the pillow, she had lain beside her, wide awake, until the wee small hours of the morning. Although she would gladly spend every waking minute with Sully for the rest of her life, she almost dreaded their ride this morning. There had been too many slips the past couple of days, too many times when she’d almost betrayed herself. She’d resolved she would definitely reveal all to Sully this afternoon, if she could manage to be alone with him, and only after she’d finally decided the manner in which the telling was to be done. She wanted to ensure that he was told everything in a logical manner and that he knew the reasons for her secrecy thus far. The last thing she needed was for him to recognise the likeness between himself and Katie, or have Katie suddenly recognise her father. The little girl had been only four when Sully disappeared. How much would a child of that age retain? She’d also, over the years, often examined the few photographs of Sully in Michaela’s possession. Did he look sufficiently different to not awaken old memories?

As Katie became even more animated, Michaela looked up to see Sully standing by the corral fence at the livery. He was smiling as he observed the little girl’s excitement. "Mornin’," he said cheerfully. "Beautiful day aint it?"

Michaela nodded her greeting and asked, "Have you checked on Doc today?"

"Uh huh," he replied. "Says he feels even better than yesterday."

"Good," she replied, then Katie asked eagerly, "Where we goin’ Mr Williams? And did ya find me a horse?"

Joseph smiled at the child’s exuberance. "Please …. ya gotta call me Joseph …. I won’t know who ya talkin’ to if ya call me Mr Williams," he replied, with a chuckle. When Katie nodded he continued, "I thought we’d head out to some of my favourite places in the woods." His smile faded a little. "But I’m afraid I didn’ have any luck with a horse for ya ….. Ned didn’ have one small enough …. or a small saddle."

The little girl’s face fell. "He didn’?" she asked, almost tearfully. Joseph shook his head. "We aint goin’ then?" she asked disappointedly.

"Well … I thought maybe ya could ride with me …. we could share …. you take the reins ….. an’ I’ll take the stirrups ….. how does that sound?" he asked, his eyebrow raised hopefully.

The little girl considered this offer for a moment and then gave him a shy smile. "Alright," she replied, almost as if she didn’t want to disappoint him with a negative reply.

Joseph’s smile broadened. "Good," he said, offering her his hand. "Let’s go then …"

Michaela watched the exchange between the two with increasing unease. They were indeed so alike, even more than she remembered. Added to that, in the year or so before his disappearance, Sully had often taken Katie riding, sitting up in front of him, her hands on the reins, Sully letting her believe it was she guiding his horse. Would she remember? The little girl was now skipping along beside him, heading towards the same two horses they’d taken out riding last Sunday. That seemed such a long time ago now.

****************************

"What’s that Joseph?" asked Katie, pointing towards a large plant, seemingly thriving in the too dry earth. "We don’ have them at home." She’d been asking endless questions ever since they’d left the town behind them some twenty minutes earlier, and he had been patiently answering them.

"It’s a cactus …. lots of ‘em down here …. they like the dry," he replied. He drew his horse to a halt and gently lifted Katie down. "Go an’ feel …. but carefully," he instructed her.

She ran across to one of the largest plants which stood some fifteen feet high. She tentatively reached out to touch. "Ow!" she exclaimed, drawing her hand back immediately. "They’re sharp!"

As she made her way back to him and he lifted her aboard again, he explained, "That’s how they protect ‘emselves. Nobody an’ no animal’s gonna touch ‘em when they feel like that …. huh?" The little girl nodded, storing the information away, and once more took up the reins.

Michaela had been largely silent since they’d set out. She’d spent most of the time fighting tears, and the lump in her throat which was making it difficult to breathe. For years she’d longed for Katie to know her father, and for Sully to know his daughter, to be proud of the wonderful person she’d become. Now here they were together and neither knew of the relationship which existed between them. She yearned to just blurt out the truth and hang the consequences, but knew it was the wrong thing to do – for both of them. Suddenly she settled back in the saddle and the lump in her chest slowly dissipated. This afternoon Sully would know. It would be difficult, but anything had to be better than this.

She was caught unawares when Sully abruptly called a halt to their expedition. Michaela immediately recognised the almost dry creek they’d visited Sunday. Again, he lifted Katie down, then slid to the ground and came across to assist her. His hand lingered just a moment longer at her waist than was necessary and she felt a shiver up and down her spine. He whispered against her ear, "Alright?" almost as if he knew she was troubled.

"Yes …. yes …. of course …," she replied in a low tone. "Thank-you for bringing Katie out here …. She’s having a wonderful time."

He shrugged his shoulders dismissively. "Aint nothin’," he murmured. "I’m enjoyin’ it too …. I know why you’re so proud of her …" He grasped her hand and drew her towards the creek, where Katie was peering over the edge.

The little girl turned and said almost critically, "Not much water."

Joseph chuckled. "Aint had much rain ‘round here for a while …. folks are hopin’ it’ll come with the winter."

Katie’s face brightened. "That’s why there’s so many cactuses …. right? Cos there aint much water."

"Isn’t," corrected Michaela automatically.

The little girl’s face reddened but she repeated, "Cos there *isn’t* much water."

Again Joseph chuckled. "You’re right …. pretty dry all year ‘round here …. so they thrive." As he talked he headed towards the fallen tree which crossed the creek and without thinking walked nimbly across it to the other side, unaware that Katie was right on his heels. She determinedly set off after him, unafraid of the five feet drop beneath her. She was half way across when her leather boot slipped on the weather-worn surface of the trunk. Her heart in her mouth, Michaela watched as her daughter suddenly toppled sideways and disappeared from view onto the sandy creek-bed below. "Katie!" she screamed, running to the edge and scrambling down the crumbling sides. Joseph spun around and then leapt down beside the little girl who was struggling to sit up. He laid his hands gently on her shoulders. "You alright honey?" he asked fearfully.

Katie gazed up at him, her lip trembling. She took an exaggerated breath and nodded. He heaved a sigh of relief. Michaela dropped to her knees at her daughter’s side. "Are you hurt sweetheart?" she asked anxiously. She began to prod and poke her daughter’s limbs, but Katie shook her off and stood. "I’m alright mama," she said resolutely, and then started to clamber up the crumbling bank.

Michaela turned angrily to Sully. "You should have known she’d follow you …. Why didn’t you look out for her?!"

Joseph reddened. "An’ how was I ta know that Michaela?" he demanded, his tone strident. "Anyway …. she’s alright aint she? …. Look at her …. I told ya the landin’ was soft!" Two pairs of eyes followed the determined little girl as she headed once more for the natural log bridge.

Michaela paled as she realised Katie’s intention. "Katie … what are you doing?" she exclaimed.

Katie peered down at them. "I’m gonna cross," she replied, her tone positive.

"You might fall again," warned Michaela worriedly.

The little girl shrugged her shoulders dismissively and once more stepped onto the log.

"Stubborn aint she," chuckled Sully. "Like her ma maybe?"

Michaela blushed and without thinking added, "And her father …."

Joseph eyed her bemusedly for a moment and then said, "Don’ worry Dr Mike …. I’ll stay down here in case she falls agin ….. though I got a notion she aint gonna this time …" Michaela nodded and headed up the bank after her adventurous daughter.

Only later would Joseph wonder at the odd, overwhelming sense of deja vu he’d experienced when Katie fell and Dr Mike screamed out, and Michaela would realise that he’d called her Michaela for the first and only time when responding heatedly to her accusation.

**************************

The pair sat side by side on the bank of the creek, their eyes on Katie as she played in the sand and water below. "She’s a pretty little thing … like her ma," remarked Joseph, a distinct twinkle in his eye.

Michaela blushed.

Noting her demeanour, Joseph reiterated, "She is …. an’ like her ma, she don’ really know it." Michaela lowered her eyes to the ground and he chuckled. "Bet you’re glad she’s here with ya?"

"Oh yes," Michaela exclaimed. "I missed her so much. I didn’t expect Dorothy and Cloud Dancing to bring her … but I’m so glad they did."

"They seem like good friends …"

"The very best," agreed Michaela sincerely.

"How did ya git friendly with ‘em?"

Michaela took a deep breath. "Dorothy came to live in Colorado Springs only about a year after I did …. Her brother in law is the owner of the mercantile …"

"An Cloud Dancin’?"

"I used to do a lot of work out at the Cheyenne reservation … not far from town …. Cloud Dancing was the medicine man …. one of the elders …. He and his wife became my close friends …"

"His wife? …. You mean Miss Jennings ?…"

Michaela shook her head. "No …. a wonderful lady called Snowbird …." Her tone lowered. "She was killed …. along with most of their family and tribe in the massacre at Washita …. He wasn’t travelling with them at the time and so didn’t fall victim to Custer’s cruelty …then ….. I didn’t think he’d ever find love again …. but he and Dorothy grew very close when she decided to write her book …. Now they’re devoted to each other."

Joseph shook his head in sympathy. "This’ll probably sound silly …. but ya can see in his face an’ eyes he’s bin through a lot in his life …. I read Miss Jennin’s book an’ it was like I was livin’ the story …. Are they gonna stay here long? I’d kinda like ta speak with ‘em if they got the time …"

"I don’t know how long they’re staying …. a few days perhaps …. I know they’d both be happy to speak with you," replied Michaela, wondering if, after this afternoon, he’d want to speak to any of them.

"Good," replied Joseph with a self-effacing smile. "Wouldn’ wanna waste their time …"

"You wouldn’t be doing that …. I’m sure," Michaela reassured him.

There was a long silence while each was lost in their own thoughts, their eyes remaining fixed on the little girl below them. Suddenly Joseph said with a smile, "Kinda independent aint she?"

"Uh huh … she’s had to be," rejoined Michaela, disturbed from her reverie. "With me working at the clinic and her siblings so much older she’s learnt to enjoy her own company."

"She got other friends?"

"Oh yes …. especially Ellen ….. the daughter of her godparents ….. they’re very close …. although Ellen’s a couple of years younger …"

"That’s good," murmured Joseph. "Bet she’s good in school …. she’s so curious …"

"She’s had her ups and downs …. She finds formal schooling rather a chore …. She’d much rather be out here … exploring on her own," remarked Michaela, watching indulgently as the child began to dig industriously into the sandy soil near the water’s edge.

As if on cue, Katie stood, her head bent over a small object in her hand. She immediately started back towards her ma and Joseph. "Mama ….. look at this," she exclaimed eagerly. "What is it?" She clambered up the bank and handed Michaela a stone, about the size of a plum. On the flattest side of the stone was the clear outline of a beetle, embedded in the surface. "Did someone paint it on there mama?" she asked curiously.

Michaela smiled at her daughter’s simple deduction. "No sweetheart," she replied. "It’s a fossil."

"A fossil?"

Joseph suddenly reached out and drew Katie down between them. "Millions of years ago Kates …. this little beetle got caught in the mud ….. then over time the mud hardened around it ….. an’ turned inta stone," he explained.

The little girl turned puzzled eyes on her new friend. "Mud turns inta stone?" she finally asked disbelievingly.

"Well …. over millions of years …. so the scientists say."

"Mama knows lotsa scientists …. don’t ya ma?" Katie quietly asserted, disregarding the former topic of conversation.

Michaela chuckled. "Well not personally sweetheart …. through letters and telegrams I suppose …." She turned to Sully and explained, "Medical advances are occurring daily ….. a doctor has to keep up somehow."

"Of course," replied Joseph. "I dunno how you remember it all though …."

"You don’t always …. but you have to be prepared to do the research …. search out the answers …."

Joseph was silent for a moment, pondering her answer. "Guess you’re right …," he agreed quietly after a time. "Guess you’re right …" He suddenly stood and brushed the dust from his trousers. He offered his hands to Michaela and Katie. "We better be headin’ back huh? …. You’ll wanna check on Doc Dr Mike."

As Michaela also brushed at the red dust on her skirt, she confirmed, "Yes … of course …" When Katie skipped ahead to the horses, Michaela took a deep breath and said a little hesitantly. "Um …. I was wondering …. well …."

Joseph’s brow creased into a frown and he said softly, "Wonderin’?"

"Uh … well … I know you probably have work to do … but after lunch … I wondered if you’d walk with me ….. I have something I want to discuss with you …" She stopped and turned to face him.

He also halted. "Sounds important …," he replied.

"It is …. will you come?"

Joseph shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah … sure …. if that’s what ya want ….," he agreed, puzzled.

Michaela gave him a nervous smile. "After lunch then …. and please …. bring the dream-catcher with you …. alright?" she murmured, and then, without waiting for his reply, walked briskly across to mount her horse.

****************************

As soon as Joseph saw her face when she opened the surgery door, he knew that whatever she was going to tell him was not going to be pleasant. She stepped silently out into the porch, pulled her woollen shawl more securely around her shoulders and headed in the general direction of the church. Joseph kept pace beside her, growing increasingly uneasy as she maintained the tense silence. At last, as they reached the church, she paused and then walked across to sit nervously on the edge of the wooden bench set against the church wall, giving them some shelter from the wind and prying eyes.

He sat himself beside her, his heart pounding alarmingly. He’d known there was something worrying her this morning, but now realised that whatever it was it must be very grave. He silently waited for her to say something. Her hands were clenching and unclenching in her lap and the tenseness in her body was almost palpable. When they had been sitting for long minutes in silence, he could stand it no longer. "You’re goin’ aint ya?" he asked abruptly. "That’s why your friends came here …. ta take ya home?"

For the first time she actually looked him in the eyes, and then smiled wanly. "No … ," she said quietly. "I’m not leaving … not yet anyway …"

Again Joseph frowned. There could be only one other explanation. "You’re sick then," he said. "It wasn’ just a faint that first day … tell me what’s wrong …"

Again Michaela shook her head. Finally she turned to face him and said gravely, "I’m not ill … but I do have something I must tell you …. and I pray that you’ll hear me out …"

Joseph nodded, holding his breath.

"Did you bring the dream-catcher?" Michaela asked unexpectedly.

He automatically pulled it out his coat pocket and handed it to her.

She lowered her eyes to it and once again fingered the leather and beadwork. She took a deep breath and said softly, "This is Katie’s ….. Cloud Dancing made it for her when she was a baby …. I’d got into the habit of tying it to your bag whenever you went off on one of your expeditions …. It was supposed to keep you safe …" She trailed off, her fingers grasping the dream-catcher so tightly the knuckles turned white. She slowly raised her head to peer fearfully into a pair of puzzled, astonished blue eyes.

Chapter 11

Joseph’s brow creased in confusion, as he tried to make some sense of what Michaela was saying. Then suddenly, as realisation hit, his face drained of all colour and he demanded imperiously, "What are ya tryin’ ta tell me Dr Mike?"

Again Michaela took a deep breath before going on. In as level a tone as possible, she explained, "It was summer …. Welland Smith had asked you to go into the Mesa Verde area …. You were supposed to be away for just two weeks …. Katie, Brian and I waved goodbye to you as you left. Matthew had already gone into town … I … I … always tied the dream-catcher to your bag …. ever since the time the Currier Brothers turned up at the homestead …. It was like a good luck charm ….."

Joseph rose from the bench and turned to stare down at her. He ran his fingers through his hair agitatedly and then demanded, "You tryin’ ta tell me you know who I am?! … You’ve known from the day ya arrived here?!"

Michaela lowered her eyes and nodded.

"An’ ya didn’t tell me!!"

"I …. I ….. couldn’t."

"Why’s that?!"

She looked up at him, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "I …I. was so shocked …. I hadn’t known what happened to you for all that time … til Hank saw you here …. I needed to find out …. and I needed to become accustomed to the situation before I could explain everything to you …"

Joseph growled deep in his throat and again ran his hands through his hair. He shook his head and paced back and forth frustratedly. He gazed down at the woman he’d instinctively trusted and yet now felt had betrayed him. Tears were silently pouring unchecked down her face and a piece of her skirt was clutched tightly in her tensed fingers. As he observed her obvious distress, the anger in him abruptly dissipated. He slumped down beside her and sighed deeply. "I wished ya’d told me …," he murmured, aggrieved.

Michaela dabbed at her eyes with her handkerchief and said softly," I wanted to …. so badly …."

"So why now?" he asked, swivelling on the seat to face her.

"Because it seemed like the right time …. You knew me …. I wasn’t an unknown stranger …. and because I wanted you to know you have a beautiful daughter ….. "

Joseph suddenly paled again and exclaimed, "My God …. she’s mine! …. My own flesh an’ blood? ….. I spent all mornin’ with her …. an’ never knew! …." He turned anguished eyes on her. "Does *she*?" he asked.

Michaela shook her head. "No …not yet …. I was afraid she’d remember something this morning …. before I had a chance to tell you …"

"So her turnin’ up here yesterday is what made ya finally tell me?" he accused, anger returning to his tone.

"No!" she exclaimed. "I decided days ago … that as soon as Doc was up and well …. and we could be alone, I’d tell you …. This is the first opportunity we’ve had."

"We spent plenty of time alone together when Doc was sick!" Joseph again accused.

Michaela’s eyes met his. "Do you really think that was an appropriate time?" she asked levelly.

Joseph reddened. "Don’ suppose," he murmured. He again rose from the bench as if he couldn’t keep still. He turned back to her and asked churlishly, "What’s my name?"

"Byron Sully," she replied softly.

"Byron!" he scoffed. "You’re jokin’!"

Despite the situation she smiled, just a little. "No …. no I’m not," she rejoined. "You never liked that name ….. that’s why everyone knows you as Sully …"

Under his breath he murmured, "Byron …. Byron Sully." He shook his head frustratedly. "Don’ mean nothin’ …. Its like ya talkin’ about someone outta a book …."

Michaela tentatively reached out to touch his hand. "Being told about your past doesn’t guarantee you’ll remember any of it," she said quietly. "Yet."

He sat down to face her again. "If Katie’s my daughter …. then you’re my wife?" he asked, his tone puzzled, rather than pleased.

She nodded.

"But ya name aint Sully," he queried.

"No …," she replied. "When we married we discussed it and arrived at a compromise." His eyebrows rose questioningly. She continued, "I didn’t have to change my name and you didn’t have to wear a wedding ring."

He immediately looked down at his hands. "Sounds like a reasonable compromise," he said softly. His gaze fell on the wristlet he wore. "What about this?" He took it off and held it out to her.

She took it and fingered the intricate design. "I had it made for you … for our fourth wedding anniversary …… I wanted you to have something just from me ….," she explained longingly. She turned it over so she could see the inside. She pointed to a tiny ‘M’ embossed into the silver. "That stands for Moorhouse …. the name of the silversmith in Denver who made it for me …. I wish I’d had it engraved for you, but the pattern didn’t allow it …," she muttered wistfully. She handed it back to him and he immediately placed it back on his wrist where it belonged. She suddenly undid the button at her throat and pulled out the fine silver chain from around her neck, on the end of which dangled a small cameo. "You gave me this for my birthday ….. not long before you disappeared …. I haven’t taken it off since that day …."

He leaned forward to examine it. "Reminds me of you," he said softly. "’Cept it aint as pretty …"

Michaela’s eyes suddenly teared up again. "That’s what you said when you gave it to me," she murmured.

"It is?"

"Uh huh."

"I wish I could remember," he suddenly stated loudly, bafflement clear in his tone. He leaned back against the wooden boards and placed his hands behind his head. I don’ know Dr Mike," he said wearily. "There’s so much ta take in …. so much ta know …. an’ it really *is* like hearin’ about somebody else …."

"I know," she said sadly. "But I’ll tell you everything you want to hear …. I *need* to tell you …."

Joseph nodded and sat forward again. "Alright …. ya better start by tellin’ me ‘bout the family … an’ our home …," he said, almost wearily.

Michaela sighed, observing his resigned demeanour. There was none of the excitement, even loving acceptance for which she’d so longed. Perhaps this was going to be a long arduous journey after all.

*****************************

Dorothy, sitting with Cloud Dancing and Katie in the guesthouse parlour, had been watching impatiently for Michaela for more than an hour. Every few minutes, she’d peer through the frayed lace curtain, hoping to see her friend, perhaps even accompanied by Sully, striding up the main street.

"They had much to talk about Dorothy," advised Cloud Dancing.

"I know …. ," she replied, then glanced across at the little girl industriously drawing in her journal. "I just wish we knew everythin’ was goin’ to be alright."

Cloud Dancing smiled sympathetically. "I think you already know the answer to that ….. in your heart …," he wisely suggested.

Katie looked up from her page. "Doc’s gettin’ better aint he?" she asked.

"Of course he is sweetheart!" exclaimed Dorothy immediately.

"Well then … what are ya worryin’ about?" the child innocently returned.

"Um … I …." Dorothy appealed to her husband.

He fixed his brown eyes on the child. "There are some things which must be taken care of …. Some things your mother must deal with little one …. that’s all."

Katie frowned, her eyes wary. "What things?" she asked, putting the pencil and journal aside.

"Your ma will tell you soon enough sweetheart," Dorothy reassured her, once again pulling back the curtain to peer up the street. Her body tensed and she turned to Cloud Dancing. "She’s comin’," she said softly. "An’ she’s alone."

No sooner were the words uttered than the threesome heard the front door open and then click shut. Michaela appeared in the parlour doorway. Her jaw was clenched tight and a nerve pulsed in her cheek as she tried to control her swirling emotions.

"Michaela?" asked Dorothy anxiously.

Michaela took a deep breath. "Would you look after Katie for me for a little longer," she asked softly, her lip trembling. "I need to rest …. please …"

"Of course," exclaimed Dorothy immediately. "You go up an’ lie down …. We’re fine."

Michaela nodded and headed immediately for the stairs.

There was silence in the parlour after she’d gone. Dorothy gazed worriedly across at Cloud Dancing and then down at the little girl whose eyes were still fixed on the empty doorway. An almost imperceptible nod of her husband’s head was all she needed. She rose and quietly left, turning towards the stairs after her distressed friend.

Dorothy took a deep breath and quietly pushed open the bedroom door. Michaela was laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, her eyes dry but tormented. "Michaela?" Dorothy called softly. The younger woman barely acknowledged her presence. Dorothy walked across to the bed, perched herself on the edge and took her friend’s hand. "Talk ta me about it …. ya need to," she advised softly, feeling her friend’s pain.

Michaela’s hand clenched tightly and she turned her sad eyes on Dorothy. "I don’t know what to think Dorothy …. nothing went as I thought it might." Tears at last welled in her eyes. "He was so …. so …. detached …. There was no excitement …. a little anger at first …. but that soon disappeared …. He asked a lot of questions …. but I sensed the answers meant little to him …. It was like telling a child a bedtime story … and then …. when we both feeling exhausted … he just stood up and walked away …. he didn’t say a thing ….."

"Oh Michaela," Dorothy consoled. "Its so new to him …. He didn’ know we all existed before today …. at least in his past …. Just give him time …."

Michaela sat up, her hand still holding tightly to Dorothy’s. "We were becoming so close," she said soulfully. "I thought he was beginning to love me … all over again …. Now I just don’t know …. he seemed to be pulling away from me." She turned anguished eyes on her friend. "I couldn’t stand that Dorothy … I just couldn’t!" And at last the sobs came, huge wracking sobs, which shook her body and made it hard to breath.

Tears welling in her own eyes Dorothy pulled her into a comforting embrace. She rubbed Michaela’s back and rocked her, "It’ll be alright Michaela," she crooned. "I know it will ….. give him time ….. we all got plenty of that …"

************************

Katie watched Miss Dorothy leave with puzzled eyes. When she could not longer hear footsteps on the stairs, she stood and sidled over to Cloud Dancing. The medicine man placed his hand at her waist and she hitched herself up to sit on his knee. She was silent for a moment and then said quietly, "Mama’s sad …. aint she?"

Cloud Dancing’s arm tightened around her waist. "She has many things worrying her," he said quietly.

"That’s why she came here huh?" asked the little girl. When her friend nodded, she asked softly, "Do ya think we’ll be goin’ home soon?"

"I have no way of knowing …. I believe your mother does not know either."

"I don’ like her bein’ sad," Katie said softly, as she rested her head on Cloud Dancing’s shoulder and began to fiddle with the beads hanging around his neck.

"There has been too much sadness …. for too long ….," mused Cloud Dancing, as much to himself as to the little girl.

Katie abruptly sat up and asked wonderingly, "Cloud Dancin’? Have you got kids?"

Cloud Dancing considered her serious expression and unexpected question for a few moments before replying. "I did …. a long time ago …"

"What happened to em’?"

"They have joined the spirits."

"They died?"

"Mmm."

"Were ya sad?"

"Very …. Why do you ask?"

The little girl shrugged her shoulders. "I was just wonderin’," she replied. "Do ya think there are some fathers who don’ want their kids?" Cloud Dancing frowned at her odd question, but before he could reply she added, "My pa went away … do ya think he loved me …. wanted me?"

The medicine man smiled and gave her a hug. "You know Sully, your father, was my special friend?" The little girl nodded. "Well …. I know he loved his daughter so much he’d do anything for her …. He would’ve liked to be with you always …. He did not like having to go away for Welland Smith … or the Commission …. He was happiest when he was with you."

"Really?"

"Really ….. Do you remember going on picnics with him and your mother? …. Or riding in the woods? …. Those were the times he was happiest …"

"I don’ remember much about ‘em," mused Katie, screwing up her face with the effort. "I think I remember him holding me though …. an’ tellin’ me stories …. an’ dancin’ with me in town …. Is that right?"

Cloud Dancing chuckled. "That’s right … I remember too .."

The little girl smiled. "Good," she said quietly, as if a worry had been put to rest. She glanced towards the doorway. "Do you think mama’ll be comin’ down for supper?"

"We will give the ladies a little longer," replied Cloud Dancing. "And then we will see."

Katie nodded and slid from his knee to the floor, to once again take up her pencil and journal.

******************************

The surgery door slammed, there were heavy footsteps across the bare boards and then Joseph appeared in the doorway of Doc’s sitting room. He glanced across at the old man who’d been quietly reading by the fire, and then slumped down in the chair opposite. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed deeply.

Doc watched with intense interest the antics of the younger man, and then said quietly, "She told you hmm?"

Joseph’s eyes flew to his friend who was in the process of removing his reading spectacles from the end of his nose and closing his book. "You knew?!" he exclaimed heatedly.

Doc nodded and said quietly, "I guessed."

"Was I the only one who didn’ know?" asked Joseph, in the same churlish tone he’d used with Michaela.

"No," rejoined Doc after a pause. "As far as I know … she and I are the only ones to know the truth … though I daresay her friends who arrived yesterday have now been apprised of the facts." Joseph again sighed and he leant forward, his head in his hands. "Well …. what do think about it son?" asked Doc finally.

There was a long silence. At last Joseph said, "I don’ know what ta think …. All I do know is that it feels a lot different to what I expected …."

"Perhaps you’d better explain …"

Joseph shrugged his shoulders. "I’d often wondered what it’d be like …. to finally learn about my past …. I always expected it’d make me happy …. but that aint how I feel …"

"How *do* you feel?"

The younger man took a deep breath. "Like I aint any better off …. She was tellin’ me all this stuff …. an’ it was like she was tellin’ me a story ‘bout some character from a book ….. it sure didn’ feel like it was about me …"

"So you didn’t remember anything of what she told you?" asked Doc mildly.

Joseph shook his head. "Not a thing …. There was a coupla times when I wondered …. but I reckon it was just my imagination playin’ tricks …. just like in all those dreams over the years …."

"So what you’re saying is that you’re disappointed that the telling and the knowing didn’t bring your memory back hmmm?"

"It aint fair Doc …. I got a family, friends, home …. I *know* about ‘em …. But I don’t remember ‘em."

Doc smiled affectionately at his young, confused friend. "Alright …. so I’ll ask you again …. How do you *feel* about it."

"I just told ya!"

Doc suddenly sat forward in his chair and said earnestly, "No you didn’t … you moaned and groaned …. but you didn’t tell me how you *feel*." He tapped the side of his head. "Forget up here and the fact that you have no memories." He placed his hand over his heart. "What do you feel in here?" Joseph eyed him warily so he continued, "I had the distinct impression that before she told you anything of your past you’d already developed deep feelings for Dr Mike …. am I right?" Joseph reluctantly nodded. "Well …. what’s changed?"

"Everythin’ .."

"Has it? How?"

"Doc …. she’s my *wife* ….," exclaimed Joseph.

"I’d have thought that would’ve made it easier …. ," returned the old man with a smile.

Joseph reddened.

"Think about it for a minute Joseph," advised Doc quietly. "You have a wife who loves you more than anything else on this earth … I can vouch for that … she told me and I’ve seen it in her eyes …. and you have a beautiful, young daughter of whom any man would be proud …. You’re not so badly off …. In fact, many men …. including myself …. would be envious …"

Joseph eyed his friend in disbelief. "You really don’ understand do ya …..," he demanded, suddenly drowning in self-pity. He stood and glared down at the old man who was watching him impassively. "I thought you’d understand what I’m goin’ through Doc," he accused. "Instead ya wanna make light of it …. Well it aint a small thing …. I feels like its swallowin’ me up." With that, he turned on his heel and strode out of the room.

Instead of being disconcerted by his young friend’s outburst, there was a distinct twinkle in Doc’s eyes as he once again placed his spectacles on the end of his nose and reopened his book, though it could be said that not another word was read that particular evening.

Chapter 12

Michaela rose from their supper table in the guesthouse dining-room. "I’d better go up to Katie," she said quietly. "I have some explaining to do." She gave Dorothy and Cloud Dancing a wan smile.

"It’ll be alright Michaela," Dorothy reassured her.

"She is a very clever little girl …. You may find it is much easier than you imagine," added Cloud Dancing.

Michaela nodded. "I want to thank you both for being here," she said sincerely. "I’m not sure I’d get through this without you."

Dorothy clasped her husband’s hand. "That’s what friends are for Michaela," she said softly.

"I am glad we are here also," said Cloud Dancing. "Sully is not only special to you …"

"I know that," agreed Michaela. "This is very hard for you too isn’t it?"

The medicine man nodded. "It is difficult ….. I wonder what purpose the spirits have in doing this to Sully …. What lesson is to be learned …. I believe we will all know in time …"

Michaela laid her hand over his in empathy. "I hope so," she said wistfully. "I hope so." She smiled at her friends and headed upstairs.

The sight which greeted Michaela as she entered their room startled her. Katie was sitting on the floor, surrounded by the contents of her ma’s trunk. She had delved right to the bottom, for on her lap was a calico bag and in her hands the silver-framed photograph of her parent’s wedding. She looked up guiltily as her mother cleared her throat disapprovingly.

"What are you doing young lady?" asked Michaela, her voice firm but with a giveaway tremor.

Katie started to explain. "I figured ya musta had it here somewhere," she said softly. "It wasn’ on the shelf at home after ya went …. but it wasn’ on the table here either …"

Michaela bit her lip and then said, "That isn’t an excuse for going through my things and making a mess."

Katie lowered her head. "I’m sorry mama," she said abashedly.

Michaela walked slowly across the room and then stooped to sit on the floor beside her daughter. She reached out and ran her fingers over the central figures in the picture. "What made you look for this?" she asked quietly. Katie shrugged her shoulders embarrassedly. Michaela leant across to kiss the top of her head. "You can tell me sweetheart … I’m not really angry …"

Katie momentarily looked up into her ma’s loving eyes and then raised the photograph to examine the figures more closely. At last she said, "Joseph looks a lot like papa don’ he?"

Michaela took a deep breath and nodded.

"Is that why we came here …. somethin’ ‘bout papa?" the child asked.

Michaela lovingly ruffled her daughter’s honey-blond hair. "Yes sweetheart," she replied honestly. "That’s why we came. Do you remember your papa?"

"A little bit ….bein’ with Joseph this mornin’ kinda made me think about him …. He useta take me ridin’ didn’ he …. like Joseph did ….?"

"Yes …."

"I figured …. Why did papa leave us mama?"

Michaela fought to control the tears which wanted so desperately to fall. "He didn’t want to," she whispered.

"Some of the kids at school said he didn’ wanna live with us no more … that aint right … is it?"

Just this once Michaela didn’t think to correct her daughter’s grammar. "No sweetheart … that’s certainly not true," she reassured her.

Katie again looked at the photograph. She mused, "Coupla kids said he died …. But I reckon that aint right either …" She swivelled around to sit cross-legged in front of her mother, to look her full in the face. "Who’s Joseph mama? An’ why does he look like papa? Is he the one who’s makin’ ya feel sad?"

It was Sully’s face, his expression, looking up at her and Michaela frowned, trying to decide the best way to explain the situation to her daughter. She took a deep breath. "I don’t know whether you’ll be able to understand this sweetheart, but I’m going to tell you the truth." The little girl nodded. "Joseph has only been called that for the past four years. He was brought here … very ill …. by one of the townspeople …. He was unconscious for a long time …. and when he woke up he couldn’t remember his own name … or where he came from …. so Doc gave him the name Joseph." A little hand crept into hers. "Before that he was Sully …. your papa ….. he doesn’t remember because he was so sick …." Katie reached up and wiped a tear off Michaela’s cheek. "Do you understand sweetheart?"

The child regarded her mother thoughtfully for a moment, then said wonderingly, "So … he don’ know I’m his little girl?"

Michaela swallowed and said softly, "He didn’t know when we went riding this morning …. but I told him about you … all of us …. this afternoon."

"That’s when you came back sad …"

"It was hard to tell him …. He didn’t know anything about us …"

"He didn’ come ta see me …. after … Don’ he want a little girl? …," remarked the child softly.

"Oh sweetheart …. he’s feeling so confused …. Imagine what it would be like to suddenly be told all about people you’re supposed to know and things you did … and you don’t remember any of it …," Michaela tried to explain.

"Like when ya tell me things that happened when I was a baby? Sometimes that’s confusin’."

Michaela smiled. "Uh huh …"

Suddenly Katie smiled Sully’s smile, and asked excitedly, "Can I go see him in the mornin’ … tell him I’m his little girl? …"

Michaela leant across to kiss her daughter’s brow lovingly. "We’ll see sweetheart … we’ll see."

***************************

Cloud Dancing stepped out onto the deserted street. A tinge of dawn pink lingered in the sky and the air was clear and very still. He took a deep breath and set off down the dusty street towards the livery. The need to speak with his brother had been building up in him since the previous evening, so he’d left Dorothy sleeping soundly, and followed his heart.

He turned down the narrow alleyway beside the livery corral towards Sully’s workshop, but was brought up short when he spied him sitting dejectedly on an old wooden chair by the door. His hair was uncombed, a thin stubble adorned his face and his haunted eyes had dark circles beneath them. He was staring off into space, obviously unaware of anyone approaching.

Cloud Dancing stepped a little closer and then said quietly, "You are awake early my friend."

Joseph jumped and turned his weary eyes on the medicine man. "Aint bin ta sleep," he said gruffly. "Couldn’t."

Cloud Dancing nodded. "You are troubled."

Joseph snorted. "Wouldn’ you be?"

"Yes ….. but I have seen you overcome many obstacles in the years I have known you .."

Joseph smiled wryly. "Strange talkin’ ta someone who knows more about me than I do myself ..."

"Oh …. you know yourself ….. much better than you imagine …. It is not a man’s memories that make him a man …. it is what he carries here." The medicine man placed his hand over his heart.

Again Joseph scoffed. "You sound like Doc."

"He is a wise man .."

"Yeah … I thought he was too …. but he didn’ understand." Joseph shook his head, remembering Doc’ lack of sympathy.

"Perhaps it is you who does not understand …"

"All I know is …. I wanted ta know ‘bout my past …. now I do …. an’ it don’ make any difference …."

"But that is where you are wrong my brother …," stated the medicine man, and Joseph’s eyes narrowed.

Cloud Dancing pointed skywards to a hawk soaring high above, silhouetted by the rising sun. When Joseph’s eyes reluctantly followed the direction he was pointing, he explained, "The hawk has one mate for its lifetime …. If something happens to one, they are cared for by the other … if one dies then the other must soar alone …. but it will not soar as high …." As if on cue a second hawk appeared to soar beside its mate. "If a hawk is injured it must rely on its mate … for without the other it will die of starvation." Cloud Dancing walked forward to stand beside Sully’s chair. "Your wing may have been injured my friend …. but you have a mate who will ensure you do not starve .… who will stand beside you until you are once again strong enough to soar through the skies with her …"

Joseph’s face suddenly crumpled. "I bin alone so long …. I …. I …. don’ know how ta be what she wants me ta be …."

"What you *think* she wants you to be …. am I right?" asked Cloud Dancing squatting down beside the chair. Joseph nodded. The medicine man rested his hand on his friend’s arm. "I have lost my family …. You have *found* yours …. Family is too precious to lose because you fear what you do not know …"

"What do I do about it Cloud Dancin’?" asked Joseph earnestly.

The medicine man smiled and placed his hand over his heart. "You listen to what is in here …. the rest will follow …" He stood and laid his hand comfortingly on the younger man’s shoulder. "I must return to my wife … I will leave you to your thoughts …. but remember ….do not dwell on what you do not know …. only what you do."

Joseph nodded and Cloud Dancing began to move silently away. He had reached the street before he heard Sully call out, "Cloud Dancin’?" He turned to face the way he’d come. Joseph smiled. "Thank-you," he said sincerely. Cloud Dancing nodded his head. "You are welcome my brother," he replied quietly, before turning to leave again.

***************************

Michaela entered the dining-room for breakfast after a near sleepless night. Her sad eyes sought familiar faces. Dorothy raised her hand in greeting and Michaela hurried across to their table. She halted and asked without preamble, "Have you seen Katie?"

Dorothy smiled. "Yes … of course …. She said you were still sleepin’ so she had breakfast with us ..," she explained, pulling out a chair for Michaela to sit down.

Michaela remained standing. "But where is she now?" she asked anxiously.

Dorothy pointed to the chair. "Sit down Michaela …. She’s fine …. She said she’d go outside … perhaps go across to see Doc …." Michaela’s eyes flew to the door and she took a hesitant step away from them. "Come on … no harm’ll come to her," insisted Dorothy. "You gotta eat …. you hardly had any supper last night …" Michaela slumped into the chair, though her eyes remained fixed on the doorway.

"What is it that worries you?" asked Cloud Dancing quietly.

"Did she say anything about Sully?" asked Michaela, automatically leaning back as Becky filled her coffee cup.

"Oh yes …. she told us all about Joseph actually bein’ her pa …. You did a fine job of explainin’ it to her Michaela," said Dorothy, patting her friend’s hand.

Michaela began to rise from her seat. "What if she’s gone to see him?" she asked, her expression pained. "I don’t want her to be hurt."

Cloud Dancing rested his hand over hers. "Leave them be Michaela …. Sully would never hurt Katie …."

Michaela’s hazel eyes flew to his brown. "He’s so confused .."

"Yes … he is …. but he must work this out for himself … He needs his daughter as much as she needs her father …. If she has not returned after you have eaten …. then we will look for her …," advised Cloud Dancing. He regarded her intently, awaiting her acquiescence. It came with a simple nod of the head.

*****************************

Joseph emerged from his workshop. His hair was now brushed and his skin still gleamed from the warm water and soap he’d used for his shave. He again sat in the old chair, his thoughts still whirling, but his eyes a little less anguished. Something was happening inside him, something he could not yet identify, but which was slowly building up. His eyes rose to the sky, unconsciously seeking the hawks of earlier this morning. Was Cloud Dancing right? Was not remembering less important than what he felt in his heart? His pondering was suddenly interrupted by a soft voice, "Papa?"

He turned to see Katie standing some ten feet away. She was nervously rocking backwards and forwards on the balls of her feet and her hands were clasped behind her back. "Papa?" she said again. Joseph frowned, unaccustomed to this form of address. She took a nervous step forward. "Papa …. are you sad too …. like mama?" Suddenly his heart was racing. He held out his hand to her. She stepped forward and took it confidently. "Are you?" she asked again.

He finally gave her a half smile. "Not sad," he said unsurely. "Confused maybe …"

Katie nodded her head in understanding. "Mama told me you were," she said, moving forward so her stomach was pressed against his bent knees. "She said you’d bin sick …. an’ so ya don’ remember anythin’ ….. I wish ya could remember me papa."

Joseph swallowed the lump forming in his throat. "Me too honey … me too," he said softly.

She suddenly reached out and tenderly traced the scar on his forehead with her fingertip. "Is this what made ya forget us?" she asked softly, reminiscent of her mother’s gentle tone and touch.

"Uh huh," he replied.

She leant forward and gently kissed the scar. "I make ya feel better papa," she said in a whisper.

He instinctively reached out and lifted her onto his knee. "Ya sure do," he agreed lovingly. "You don’ mind that I can’t remember?" he asked wonderingly.

She smiled. "Nope," she said firmly. "I can tell ya ‘bout everythin’ …. an’ you can take me for rides an’ tell me stories … alright?"

Again Joseph had difficulty with the lump in his throat. He nodded mutely.

She wriggled to the ground. "Mama’ll be lookin’ for me …. She was still sleepin’ before …"

"You said she was sad?"

"She’s bin sad a lot," replied the little girl, guilelessly.

"She has?"

"Uh huh …. ever since you went away ….. You aint gonna do that agin are ya?" she asked, suddenly fearful.

He reached out and ruffled her silky hair. "No …. I guess I aint," he said softly. "How could I when I got a little girl I gotta tell stories to huh?" She suddenly smiled broadly and threw her arms around his neck. He drew her close, revelling in the feel of her, his own flesh and blood in his arms. She pulled back and said confidently, "I gotta go find mama …. but I’ll see ya later …. alright?" Her pa nodded and she skipped away in the direction of the guesthouse.

********************************

"Katie, please stop swinging your legs under the table," exclaimed Michaela for the second time. She sighed exasperatedly and then smiled as her daughter gave her a sheepish grin. "What am I going to do with you young lady?" she whispered lovingly against her daughter’s ear.

It had been a quiet lunch, all five occupants of the table lost in their own thoughts. There’d been no sign of Sully all morning and the longer Michaela waited for some signal from him, the more apprehensive she became. Dorothy and Cloud Dancing had tried their utmost to reassure her, yet she couldn’t seem to dispel the butterflies in her stomach or the ever-present band constricting her heart.

"Me an’ Cloud Dancin’ thought we’d go for a ride this afternoon Michaela," said Dorothy conversationally. "Don’ suppose you wanna come?"

Michaela smiled wryly.

Dorothy gave her a sympathetic smile. "Guess not huh?" she said softly. "Maybe Katie’d like ta come with us?"

The little girl’s eyes lit up and she grinned expectantly at her mother.

Michaela smiled and said, "You promise to do everything Miss Dorothy and Cloud Dancing tell you?" Katie nodded vehemently. "You won’t do anything silly?" The little girl shook her head. "Alright … you can go," her mother consented. Katie grinned and resumed the sometimes annoying, always carefree, swinging of her legs under the table.

Suddenly Dorothy’s hand clutched at Michaela’s and with her eyes she indicated the doorway of the dining-room. Michaela turned to see Sully, his gaze fixed on her. She took a deep breath, waiting to see if he’d venture in. He remained at the door, unaware of anyone else, his gaze unwavering, focussed on only one person - her. Her brow creased as she waited for what seemed like forever. Suddenly he gave her an almost imperceptible nod, turned and walked away. She rose immediately, bent to briefly say, "Please look after Katie" and then hastened out after him.

She paused on the porch steps, her eyes seeking him, but he was nowhere to be seen. She couldn’t have misread him, could she? She stepped off the porch and headed towards the livery. She did not have to go very far, for he was standing, waiting for her, in the narrow walkway between the guesthouse and the printer’s. She unhesitatingly turned and walked towards him. As she neared, he stepped further back, away from curious eyes. When she was only a couple of feet from him, she stopped. He did not say a word, but his eyes held hers, imploring. He shrugged his shoulders and raised his arms, just a little, and she walked into them. His arms encircled her, holding onto her grimly. She, in turn, rested her cheek against his chest and wrapped her arms lovingly around his waist, welcoming him home.