Chapter 19

Hank preceded them out of the house, pulling on his leather gloves, and turning up his collar against the cold afternoon breeze. He turned back to the couple framed in the doorway and smiled. "Glad ta see you two’re gittin’ back ta normal," he said genuinely. "I wasn’ so sure it was gonna happen when I saw ya in Paynesville Sully."

Joseph again tried a convincing smile and said guardedly, "Lot can happen in a few weeks Hank …"

The barkeep chuckled. "Yeah …. guess you’re right …. Musta come as quite a shock ta find ya had a wife an’ kids …. eh …"

Joseph shrugged his shoulders. "I’d be lyin’ if I said I wasn’ surprised …. but I don’ think I’d call it a shock …." He wrapped his arm around Michaela’s shoulders. "I’ve come ta realise its a real pleasant surprise …. I went from bein’ alone in the world ta havin’ a family …. man can’t complain about that …."

Noting the proprietorial arm around Michaela, Hank gave a wry grin. "Yeah well …. suits some … don’ suit others …"

This time Joseph’s smile was genuine. "Maybe ya just aint found the right woman Hank," he suggested wryly.

Hank shook his head ruefully. "That sounded just like the Sully I useta know …. an’ yeah maybe ya right …" He took a step downwards and then turned back again. "I gather you two’re keepin’ Sully’s return secret for a while huh …. no-one in town’s caught on yet …"

Michaela responded, "Just for a little while Hank …. to let Sully settle in …. get his bearings …. Alright?"

The barkeep nodded. "Its alright with me …. but I figure Loren aint gonna be real happy that ya kept it a secret …. Its bin hard since I got back from Paynesville …. He wants ta know what we were doin’ down there …."

Michaela’s brow furrowed in consternation and she turned to Sully. "We will have to do something about telling Loren …. He’s been so good to me …. and especially Brian and Katie since you’ve been gone …."

Joseph nodded. "Tomorrow Michaela …. we’ll tell him tomorrow …. after I’ve had a chance to look around town." He turned to Hank. "We’re gonna go in …. real early … before everyone’s up an’ about …." He gave Michaela a loving squeeze. "We’re kinda hopin’ that seein’ everythin’ might help bring some memories back …"

Hank looked a little dubious, but remained positive. "Could be," he said. "Town aint changed too much since you’ve bin gone …. ‘cept the Nugget of course …. that aint gonna jog any memories … got a lot bigger since you last saw it …."

"I’ll keep that in mind," replied Joseph. He suddenly held out his hand to the barkeep. "I … I …. we owe ya a lot Hank …. Michaela told me it was you who saw me in Paynesville …. an’ then helped her git down there an’ find me …."

Hank took Sully’s hand, but shrugged his shoulders dismissively. "Weren’t nothin’ Sully …. truth is … I nearly didn’ tell her …. convinced myself that either it wasn’ you …. or ya didn’ wanna be found …. I’d never heard about this amnesia thing …"

Michaela suddenly interjected, "Then why *did* you tell me?"

He lowered his eyes to the bare boards of the porch and shuffled his feet uncomfortably. "No matter what you two think o’ me …. I couldn’a lived with myself …. knowin’ the way you’ve bin Michaela since he …. Finally figured it was better for ya ta know, than ta always be wonderin’ …. even if it turned out you were gonna git burned …"

Michaela took a rapid step forward as if she was going to embrace him, but then thought better of it. She grasped his hand and said softly, sincerely, "You’ll probably never realise just what you did for us both …. I’m eternally grateful …"

Looking decidedly embarrassed, Hank again shuffled his feet. "I told ya it weren’t nothin’ …. ‘sides …" He looked his sometime adversary in the eye and grinned cheekily. "I missed not havin’ someone ta disagree with …. Gits kinda borin’ when everyone goes along with what ya have ta say …." He doffed his hat, gave Michaela a wink and strode quickly down the porch steps. He turned back and again doffed his hat, adding, "See ya in town," before mounting his horse and galloping off at speed.

Michaela wrapped her arms around Sully’s waist and watched the barkeep disappear into the distance. "I’ll never understand that man," she murmured wryly.

Joseph gave her a loving squeeze and muttered, "Still think he’s sweet on ya."

Michaela exclaimed, "Sully?!" and turned to discover there was a decided twinkle in her husband’s eye.

***********************

Michaela tucked the blankets more securely around her daughter and bent to kiss her goodnight. "Sleep well my darling," she murmured.

Katie reached out to wrap her arms around her ma’s neck. "I love you mama," she whispered in return.

"I love you too sweetheart," replied Michaela, returning the embrace.

"You do?" asked the little girl, her eyes clouding for a minute.

"Of course I do …. very, very much," rejoined Michaela, drawing her daughter into an even tighter embrace. "Don’t you ever doubt that," she added.

"But … but …. you love papa now …"

"Oh sweetie …. Of course I love papa …. I always have …. but I love you too …. just as much as always …. I love Brian and Matthew and Colleen and Andrew too …."

"Everyone?"

"Definitely …. Sometimes I feel like my heart is so full of love for you all that it might burst …. but it doesn’t …."

The little girl smiled radiantly and then her eyes narrowed. "You gonna be sleepin’ with papa tonight …. like Colleen sleeps with Andrew?"

Michaela blushed. "I suppose so," she replied softly.

"In the guestroom?"

"I … I …. don’t know … Why do you ask?"

The little girl pointed across the landing. "That’s your room mama …. with the beautiful bed papa made for you …."

Michaela sat herself on the edge of the bed and held her daughter’s little hand in her own. "I know it is sweetheart," she replied. "But your father needs to become used to living in this house …. being your father and my husband …. And if he wants to sleep in the guestroom for a little longer …. that’s alright isn’t it?"

Katie’s eyes closed and her forehead creased while she gave her mother’s words due thought. Finally she opened them again and conceded with a smile, "Its alright … for a little while …"

Michaela bent down to kiss her daughter’s brow. "I’m glad you agree sweetie," she said with a chuckle.

Katie began to play with Michaela’s rings, twisting them round and round on her ma’s finger. At last she asked, "Mama …. do you think papa loves me ….. like he did when I was a baby?"

Michaela bent down so that her forehead was almost touching Katie’s. "I’m sure of it my darling," she replied with certainty.

"Really?"

"Definitely … You know how I know?" The little girl shook her head, so Michaela explained, "Because he told me so …. yesterday …. when we were in the woods …"

Katie’s eyes opened wide. "He did!"

"Mmmm …. He told me that every time he looks at you he can’t believe that such a beautiful little girl could be his daughter …"

The little girl smiled broadly. "I’m glad," she said excitedly.

"Mmm …. so am I," agreed Michaela, chuckling. "Now I think its time to go to sleep …. don’t you?"

Katie nodded and burrowed further down under the blankets. "I love papa too," she said in a small voice.

Michaela bent down to give her daughter a loving kiss. "Perhaps you should tell him …. I’m sure he’d like to know …," she murmured. "Now …. did you say your prayers?"

The little girl nodded emphatically and Michaela smiled. "Good. Sweet dreams and we’ll see you in the morning …." As Katie turned on her side and closed her eyes, Michaela stood and backed away towards the door, her loving gaze fixed on her tiny daughter curled up under the covers. She hadn’t realised until now just how much Sully’s return had effected other members of the family. For more than four years Katie’d had one parent, who had devoted so much time to her, both as a solace to losing Sully and also because of the enormous responsibility of bringing up the little girl on her own. Now that responsibility would be shared again. Her heart suddenly fluttered. She had so much to be thankful for.

***********************

Joseph surreptitiously observed Brian as he sat before the fire absorbed in the book he was reading. Discovering that he had a young daughter had been surprising enough, but he was having difficulty coming to terms with this handsome young man being his son. In many ways Brian was an independent adult, and then he’d say something, or look at him in a certain way, and suddenly he was a young boy seeking his parent’s approval. Brian had won Joseph’s heart very early on when he’d observed the loving relationship between the boy and his little sister. "Watcha readin’ Brian?" asked Joseph, eager to learn more about this young man.

Brian flicked the book over so that the cover could be seen. "Its one of ma’s medical journals," he explained a little sheepishly.

"You understand that stuff?" asked Joseph, a little baffled.

"Some …. A journalist needs ta keep up with all the latest developments, discoveries … includin’ medicine …. There’s a lot I don’ understand …. but ma’s good at explainin’ it so’s I can ….," Brian explained. "Means I can write about any interestin’ stuff in the Gazette."

Joseph shook his head. "Don’ think I’d catch on …. I aint had a chance ta see ya ma workin’ as a doctor too much …. except when she was nursin’ Doc …."

Brian nodded. "He had a heart attack ma said …. Is he alright now?"

"Seems ta be … but he’s gittin’ old …. He knows it …. an’ so do his friends …. He needs ta take it easy now …."

"You sound like you really care about him …"

"I do …. He got me through some really dark times ….ya can’t imagine what it was like ta wake up an’ not know who I was …"

"You’re right pa …. I can’t imagine it …. Musta bin real hard …." Brian’s voice trailed off as he recalled their own dark times, when they’d had to come to terms with his sudden and inexplicable disappearance.

Joseph, observing the clouding over of his son’s features, murmured, "Brian …. You alright?"

The young man lifted his head and his blue eyes met those of his father. "Yeah … sure …. now," he replied. He took a deep breath and said softly, "Its real good ta have ya home pa …"

Joseph swallowed the sudden lump in his throat and then murmured in reply, "Its real good ta be home …."

Brian nodded, acknowledging his father’s reply and then added, "Its made such a difference to ma … havin’ ya back …" Sully’s brow furrowed and he raised a questioning eyebrow. Brian’s eyes flew to the staircase and then he explained softly, "I don’t think ma ever accepted that you were gone …. We spent months searchin’ for ya …. even after everyone else’d given up ….. she was sorta driven ta find ya …. an’ then when we didn’ ….."

"When ya didn’ …," prompted Joseph.

"It was like a part of her went missin’ too …." He suddenly looked up at Sully. "I aint sayin’ she wasn’ a good ma to us … or a good doctor to her patients …. she was! But there *was* somethin’ missin’ in her ….. I tried ta help her as much as I could …."

Joseph nodded. "She told me ….. you were a great help to her …. especially with Katie …. an’ I can see that ….. cos she loves you so much …."

Brian reddened. "I love her too …. She was too young to understand what happened to you …. but the rest of us weren’t … When we finally came home for good … an’ tried ta settle down ….I wanted ta stay home, rather than goin’ off ta college …. but ma wouldn’ hear of it …. I reckon those two years I was away were real hard. I know she had Matthew ….. but he was studyin’ too …. an’ Colleen an’ Andrew came home from New York …. but she needs company …. an’ a little girl can only offer so much ….." Brian trailed off and then realising how what he’d said could be misconstrued, added, "I dunno if the company of someone like me was what she needed either …. but I tried ta help in any way I could …."

Joseph nodded. "I owe ya a lot Brian …. I know by the way ya ma talks about ya that you’ve bin real important to her an’ Katie these four years …. I want ya to know how proud I am of ya …. an’ I hope you’re proud of yourself."

Brian reddened even further. "Thanks pa," he said softly. "Comin’ from you that means a lot."

As Michaela’s footsteps could be heard descending the stairs, Brian stood and yawned. "Think I’ll be turnin’ in too …. Katie had me up kinda early this mornin’."

Joseph chuckled. "I know," he said with a sympathetic smile.

"You do?!" exclaimed the young man.

"Yeah," replied Joseph. "I woke up on the end of the conversation …. seems we had our daughter a little confused …"

Brian shrugged his shoulders and then smiled wryly. "She soon got over it .."

"Thanks to you," offered Joseph.

"Yeah well …" He stepped back as his mother walked across the room to join them. "I’m gonna turn in ma," he said, leaning across to kiss her cheek. "Night pa," he added, holding out his hand.

Joseph shook it zealously. "Night Brian …. an’ thanks ….. for everythin’."

"Weren’t nothin’," murmured Brian abashedly, striding across towards the stairs. "See ya both in the mornin’."

**********************

Michaela stood at the top of the landing waiting for Sully who was busily extinguishing all the downstairs lamps. Her heart was beating just a little more rapidly than usual. Even something as simple as having him lock up at night brought a normalcy and sense of routine to her life which had been missing for more than four years. At last she could hear him starting up the stairs and she waited for him almost impatiently. As he energetically took the last couple of steps she held out her hand and he quickly moved to her side to draw her close. She rested her head against his shoulder and sighed. She could feel his chest move as he chuckled silently. She looked up at him quizzically.

"Seems like you’ve bin anticipatin’ this as much as I have," he whispered, mindful of young ears behind nearby closed doors.

Michaela blushed and lowered to eyes to the polished boards of the landing, then she chuckled also. She looked up into his eyes and said quietly, mischievously, "Guess what Katie wanted to know when I put her to bed?"

Joseph shook his head.

"Whether I was going to be sleeping with you tonight …"

"I hope you told her you were …," exhorted Joseph, giving her a quick kiss. She reddened, but nodded her head. "Good," he murmured, rubbing his hand down her arm in a gentle caress.

As they reached the door of the guestroom, Joseph stopped and placed his hand on the door knob. Michaela took a deep breath and, maintaining a firm grasp on his hand, she took a step back towards their own bedroom. Their eyes locked, and not a word was spoken. Michaela took another step, gently tugging at his hand, conveying to him what she desired. She gulped, anticipating his possible reaction. She so desperately wanted this, but was prepared to concede if he showed any discomfit at the notion.

Joseph regarded her intently, and recalling Brian’s words of only a short time ago, dropped his hand from the knob and followed her across the landing. She smiled up at him, her eyes suddenly glistening in the lamplight. He reached out to tenderly brush a wisp of hair back off her cheek and then pushed the bedroom door open.

Michaela preceded him into the room, let his hand go, and walked across to stand before the fire which she’d asked Brian to set and light for her after supper. She turned to watch Sully as he stood on the threshold. It was immediately obvious that he was uneasy. She took a hesitant step towards him. "Sully?" she murmured.

Joseph took a deep breath and then replied honestly, "Feels kinda strange Michaela …. this is Sully’s room …"

"Its *our* room …"

He pondered her response for a moment, then stepped into the room and began to look around curiously. His eyes alighted on the bed-head. He walked across, ran his hand over the painstakingly carved woodwork and shook his head. Michaela walked up behind him and wrapped her arms loosely around his waist, leaning her cheek against his back. "What are you thinking?" she asked softly.

He turned to wrap his arm around her shoulders, but his eyes remained fixed on the bed. He murmured, "Katie told me about the bed ….. described the carving …. When she was talkin’ about it I thought I could see it in my mind …. an’ wondered …."

"Wondered?"

"Wondered whether I could remember it …. or was just imaginin’ somethin’ accordin’ to her description …."

"And?"

He turned to face her, his eyes suspiciously bright, "Its just like I saw it …. I remembered it Michaela …." He dropped his chin onto her shoulder and she could feel his body trembling. Her embrace tightened. She caressed him lovingly, kissing his neck and making soothing noises against his ear. At last he pulled back and murmured soulfully, "I can’t believe it … It’s the first time I can let myself believe I might remember everythin’ one day … Before Katie talked about the bed I’d never even thought of it …" He stepped back and took a further look around the room while Michaela held his hand, caressing its back with her thumb. He turned to her again, a smile on his face. "This is the room I’d see at night …." He pointed to the wall at the foot of the bed. "Katie’s cradle was there … wasn’ it …. wood stained …. with rockers …. It always made me wonder if I had a family somewhere …."

By this time tears were running silently down Michaela’s face and it was suddenly she who needed holding. Glancing across at her, Joseph realised and drew her into his embrace. She clung to him, cherishing his hard body against hers, and ultimately his return into her life. He suddenly swept her up into his arms and placed her gently on the bed, then climbed up to lay along her length. Gazing into her love filled eyes, he murmured softly, joyfully, "Things are gonna be alright Michaela …. I’m sure of it now." He lowered his head and captured her mouth with his, while moving sensuously against her. She instantly deepened the kiss, pulling him down over her so he blanketed her in his loving, secure embrace. When he left her mouth to place tender kisses to her neck, she murmured adoringly, "Welcome home Mr Sully."

He lifted his head and his gaze returned to hers. He lovingly ran his thumb across her cheek and over her full lips and then smiled. "There’s nowhere else I’d wanna be," he said softly, before resuming his all absorbing loving.

Chapter 20

Loren threw open the double doors onto the balcony of the mercantile and stepped out. He took a few deep breaths of the crisp early morning air and then stretched, trying to ease some of those arthritic aches which had come upon him the last few years. He gazed out over his town; well that’s the way he thought of it at this time in the morning, every morning. With the last tinges of dawn pink slowly disappearing, he’d step out and survey the scene before him, unhindered by townsfolk and their general paraphernalia. Of course, occasionally he’d see a fella stagger out of the Gold Nugget, much the worse for wear, but generally the town was deserted, and therefore at its most peaceful.

He bent forward, then backward, trying some of the exercises Dr Mike had suggested might help his back. He didn’t hold with this modern stuff much, but as nothing else had helped, he figured the exercises were worth trying. He paused and leant against the railing, his breathing heavy. It really was a beautiful morning; real cold but clear and the sky already a deep blue. A sudden impatient snorting of a horse had his head snapping up and his eyes narrowing as he focussed on the wagon standing in front of the medical clinic. His brow creased in thought. Why would Brian be in town so early? A real big story for the Gazette maybe?

He sighed. Seeing the wagon there reminded him of how much he’d been missing Dr Mike, not that he’d ever tell her that. It was all very well having Andrew and Colleen running the clinic, but he longed for that familiar strut and easy smile of Dr Mike to which he’d become accustomed over the years. He shook his head ruefully. He still didn’t understand what she could be doing that required Hank of all people to keep it secret. He’d always counted the barkeep amongst his friends, after all they’d shared a lot over the years, but for the moment Hank was keeping mum as to Dr Mike’s whereabouts and he was finding it increasingly aggravating.

Once again he bent forward and back, breathing deeply as Dr Mike had instructed him. He counted himself pretty lucky to have kept good health this long, but this ache in his back and often his hands sometimes made his temper short. Again he straightened and surveyed his domain. He fondly recalled Dr Mike once telling him he was the heart of this town. He secretly liked that. The notion was one of the reasons why he’d stayed all these years, despite a couple of times when he’d thought it time to move on and then been persuaded to stay put.

He began to turn back towards the door however his progress was arrested by the squeaking of the clinic door as it was opened. He swung around and was astonished to see Dr Mike standing in the doorway. He didn’t even know she was back in town! He suddenly smiled. He’d been looking forward to having her back. He watched and was bemused by the fact that she appeared to be waiting for someone. He surmised that it was probably one of the kids, though why they’d be in town shortly after dawn baffled him. Abruptly Dr Mike stepped further out onto the porch, her hand held out to someone, who took it and followed her out, turning to close the door behind him. Dr Mike was holding hands with a man! Loren strained his eyes in a vain attempt to discover the man’s identity. It wasn’t Stephen Monroe the bank manager because, even though they were roughly the same height, Stephen was fair while this fella’s hair was brown and curling on his collar. It didn’t seem possible, but maybe Dr Mike had gone and found herself someone else after all this time spent pining for Sully.

He watched as the pair strolled hand in hand up the street, away from the mercantile towards the church and meadow. There was something strangely familiar about the fella, something about the way he walked, sort of casual and a little bow-legged. Then the fella raised Dr Mike’s hand to his lips and Loren’s heart began to beat a little too fast. There was only one way to clear up this mystery. He turned back to the door, pulling his suspenders up over his shirt as he did so. It was time he found out what Dr Mike was up to!

************************

Michaela pointed to a section of the meadow where the grass glistened as the early morning sun sparkled on the heavy dew. "We were married just there," she informed Sully. "All the people we wanted at the ceremony wouldn’t have fitted into the church, so the reverend suggested we have it in the meadow. It was beautiful …," she added wistfully.

Joseph smiled and again held her hand to his lips. "If the weddin’ photograph’s anythin’ ta go by …. *you* were beautiful."

She blushed and stood on her tiptoes to give him a quick kiss. "Katie was christened by the same reverend ….. Reverend Johnson … in the church." She smiled shyly up at him and said softly, "He said Katie was a result of our remarkable love."

Joseph responded almost reverently, "Guess that’s a real good description for it."

She smiled and added, "I sometimes think he had it back to front …. She’s an remarkable result of our love …"

"Guess its right both ways," rejoined Joseph, his eyes taking in the bell tower of the pretty little church standing in all its glory in the sunlit meadow.

Michaela, her mind still on their beautiful daughter presently at home in bed, and hopefully asleep, remarked, "We had such a hard time trying to decide who her godparents would be."

"Seems like we made a good choice …"

"Mmm …. we certainly did ….. They were wonderful when you were missing …. They made us part of their family …," replied Michaela. "I don’t know what I’d have done without them .."

Joseph lowered his head. "I’ll find a way ta make it up to ‘em some day," he said in a low tone.

"They don’t expect that Sully …. They’re like family …. and they have such good hearts …"

"That don’ mean I shouldn’ repay ‘em somehow …"

"You going missing was not your fault …. and therefore there’s no reason for you to feel you have to repay anybody …. They know that …. everyone does ….," admonished Michaela lovingly.

He smiled gratefully at her and said softly, "I just wish I could take away some of the pain …"

Michaela’s eyes narrowed. "Why do you say that?"

Joseph shrugged his shoulders. "I … I … was talkin’ ta Brian …. last night ….."

Michaela’s eyes suddenly glistened. "I’d be lying if I denied it …. but you’re here now …. the pain’s gone …. that’s all that matters …" She lifted her hand and gently cupped his face, their eyes locking. In response he suddenly pulled her into a tight embrace, his hands on her back beneath her fall of shining hair and they stood there in the meadow for several minutes together.

***********************

Loren pulled the fronts of his coat together against the cold wind and hastened down the deserted street. Just past the clinic he spied Dr Mike and this new fella of hers standing in the meadow just across from the church. Much to his disgust, they were in each other’s arms. He stopped short. He just didn’t hold with these public displays of affection, even though a small voice in his head told him they weren’t really in public when the town was deserted. Back in his day even holding hands in public had been frowned upon, though it had been Sully, of all people, who had unknowingly convinced him that a respectable holding of hands wasn’t so bad. He felt a sudden pang as he realised that this fella, whoever he was, looked like replacing Sully. For the past couple of years he’d been encouraging Dr Mike to get out more, to accept Stephen’s friendship, but now when it looked like happening, with a complete stranger, he wasn’t so sure.

He eyed the couple speculatively. They were hugging real close, the fella’s face buried in her hair. Seemed like Dr Mike had got real fond of this fella in a real short space of time, a fact which for some reason, seemed alien to him. He took a deep breath. Well … he was going to get to the bottom of this mystery and there seemed no better time but right now. He abruptly called, "Dr Mike …. Dr Mike!" The couple sprang apart as if shot as he hurried towards them across the wet grass. As he neared them he blinked and suddenly felt short of breath, the image before him impossible. He halted, his face white, features strained. "Sully?!" he exclaimed, his voice emerging as a strangled whisper. "It can’t be! You’re dead!" He took several deep breaths while Joseph shrugged his shoulders helplessly, unsure how to explain his existence to the troubled old man. Before Michaela could intervene, Loren suddenly exclaimed, "But ya aint dead! All these years I’ve bin thinkin’ you were …. defendin’ ya when folks said ya just up an’ left ya family … all these years!"

When he paused to shake his head balefully Joseph interjected with a quiet but adamant, "I wouldn’ do that …"

"But ya did!" the old shopkeeper argued vehemently. "Here ya are …. large as life …. while all these years we’ve bin thinkin’ you were dead …. How do ya think that makes us feel … makes Dr Mike feel? …."

Again Joseph shrugged his shoulders and said quietly, "That aint how it is … She understands …"

"Well *I* don’t," retorted the old man, now working up a full head of steam. "When I think of all those times I stood up for ya …. told those folks they were talkin’ crazy …. an’ they were right all along …. I aint ever gonna live it down …. an’ neither’s Dr Mike!"

Michaela reached out and took Loren’s gnarled old hand in her own. "Listen to me for a minute Loren … you don’t understand," she said placatingly.

"No I don’t!," he exclaimed again. "An’ neither’s anyone else!"

"Listen to me Loren," exhorted Michaela, her voice finally rising a notch. "Sully was injured …. badly …."

"For more ‘an four years! So injured he couldn’ write home! …."

"That’s right Loren," said Sully quietly. "I couldn’t write home …"

The old man’s eyes narrowed further as he contemplated the apparition before him. "An’ why’s that?" he asked arrogantly. "Don’ look like ya hand’s broke!"

Joseph swallowed and replied evenly, "I didn’ know I had a home …."

"What’re ya talkin’ about Sully?!" Loren demanded. "Now you’re the one’s talkin’ crazy!"

Michaela’s grip on the old man’s hand tightened. "I asked you to listen to me Loren … and that’s what I expect you to do now …. give us a chance to explain .."

The belligerence suddenly went out of him and his shoulders sagged, making him look even older. "Alright," he said gruffly. "But this better be good …"

Michaela nodded and quietly told the story. "Sully was badly injured during a storm in the Mesa Verde area …. A man from a little town about fifty miles from Santa Fe found him and took him there where he was cared for by an old doctor called Doc Evans. When he finally regained consciousness he had no idea who he was or where he came from."

"That aint possible!" exclaimed the old man, and then his eyes met Michaela’s and he asked a little less surely, "Is it?"

Michaela nodded. "Yes …. its possible …. It’s a medical condition called amnesia …. The patient remembers how to walk, talk, etcetera, but has no memory of people or incidents which have made up his or her life…"

Loren’s eyes flew to Sully’s face. "Is that what happened?" he asked, his voice no longer strident.

Joseph nodded. "Yeah …. that’s exactly what happened .."

Loren shook his head in disbelief. "Don’ seem possible …." Suddenly, as the implications of the condition struck him full force his eyes again flew to Sully’s. "So …. you remember everythin’ now ?…. Don’ ya?…. You know who I am …"

"I know cos Michaela an’ Katie have told me all about ya … an’ all the good things you’ve done for ‘em over the years …. but I’m afraid I don’ actually remember ya yet …" He lowered his eyes to the ground as if ashamed of his admission.

Loren’s face suddenly contorted and he bit his lip. "Yet?" he asked, his voice shaky.

Michaela gently stroked her friend’s hand. "Sully’s starting to remember all sorts of things Loren … we’re hoping it’ll only be a matter of time before he remembers everything …"

The old man’s shoulders suddenly straightened. He released Michaela’s hand and held his out to Sully. "I hope you’ll forgive an old man’s temper," he said contritely. "But seein’ ya was like seein’ a ghost …. somethin’ I weren’t prepared for …" He suddenly smiled at his ludicrous excuse and then looked the man before him up and down. "Ya look kinda different …. the hair … the clothes …. but really ya just the same, " he mused wonderingly.

Joseph returned his smile. "Me an’ Michaela’ve bin wonderin’ what people’s reactions were gonna be …. now we know …" He shook Loren’s hand and apologised, "Sorry for givin’ ya such a shock …. We didn’ think anyone’d be around this time of the mornin’."

"Just me …. Git up early most mornin’s," Loren explained. "Gives the old bones a chance ta loosen up a little before I gotta face demandin’ customers." His brow suddenly creased in thought. "A little town outta Santa Fe, ya said ….. Is that where Hank went with ya?" Michaela nodded, so Loren continued, "Bin wonderin’ why he wouldn’ say what he was up to …." The thought suddenly struck him. "Why *wouldn’* he tell me?!"

"I asked him not to," explained Michaela quietly.

"Ya did?! …. But why keep a secret from ya friends …. We’ve bin worryin’ about ya for years now …"

Michaela reddened. "I know Loren …. and I hope you’ll understand …. It was just that I didn’t know what was likely to happen …. What if I hadn’t been able to bring Sully back here? What if he’d rejected the notion?"

The old man nodded his head, "Suppose that coulda bin a problem …. but we all know that wasn’t gonna happen …. don’ we? Still think ya coulda trusted ya friend …"

"I *do* trust you Loren …. I really do ….," protested Michaela. "But you’re in contact with so many townspeople every day …. one slip and everyone would have known and the gossiping would have started all over again. I’m sorry if you feel hurt …"

Loren shrugged his shoulders. "Don’ suppose my feelin’s are what matter at present …. You gonna tell everyone now?" he asked, a touch of resentment in his tone.

"Over the next few days …. gradually I hope …. if we can find a way to do it without giving someone a heart attack," explained Michaela. "Do you mind keeping it quiet for just a short while?" she added cajolingly.

"I don’ mind," replied Loren begrudgingly. He shivered as the cold wind suddenly strengthened. "I better be gittin’ back …. The reverend’ll start wonderin’ where I am." He turned back towards town and then swung around again to look Sully in the eye. "I’m glad you’re alright after all," he said a little gruffly. "I know Dr Mike’ll be real pleased ta have ya back." He then turned on his heel and headed for the mercantile.

Joseph and Michaela watched him go, both more than a little concerned. All this was so difficult, more difficult than they’d imagined it would be.

Michaela suddenly shivered as Loren had done. "Oohh … this wind is getting really cold," she said quietly. "Come on …we need to walk …" She led him across the meadow in the direction of the cemetery. "I know this is a strange place to visit, but its part of the town and so many things have occurred here that I thought perhaps you might remember something," she explained.

They wandered into the cemetery grounds and she began with the humorous story of Horace and the baseball when Colorado Springs had played the American All-Stars, before going on to more serious topics and pointing out various graves where many townsfolk, including Colleen’s friend Becky and Grace and Robert E’s son Anthony, now lay in peace. She led him to two old graves side by side. "I told you about these," she informed him solemnly. "I thought you’d like to visit them first."

Joseph went down on one knee between the two graves, one marked Abagail, the other Hannah. Michaela stepped back, allowing him time and space to come to terms with their significance. He shook his head and she stepped a pace closer. "It just don’ seem possible," he murmured. "That I could forget somethin’ as important as this …." He absent-mindedly pulled up a few weeds which were growing between the rocks on the graves. "Another wife …. another child …. I didn’ know I had," he murmured wonderingly. "What other secrets are there? …. What other sorrows?" He stood and reached back for Michaela.

She took his hand willingly and offered consolingly, "I’m sorry I can’t tell you very much about that time in your life …. It happened before I arrived here …. Perhaps Loren might, but I’m not sure how he’d react if you asked …. Its worth a try …"

Joseph nodded and clasped her hand tighter. He stepped back. "I’m just learnin’ this is the hardest part," he said quietly. "Maybe there are thin’s in my life I don’ wanna remember …"

Michaela stepped even closer, offering comfort. "Everyone has those," she said softly. "But they’re what make us who we are …"

Joseph began to back away. "I … I … aint ready for this Michaela …. I’ll wait a little ways over til you’re finished …. Then we’ll head home …."

Michaela’s brow furrowed and she bit her lip. "Alright ..," she replied quietly. "We’ll leave in a few minutes." She let go of his hand and moved off towards her sister Marjorie’s grave where she spent a few quiet moments.

When she turned back it was to discover Sully seated on a bench under a large leafless oak. There was something about his posture she found extremely disconcerting. She began to hurry towards him. As she neared she became aware of his ashen complexion and that his hands were clenching and unclenching by his sides. His body was rigid, his eyes wide and tormented, his nostrils flared as if in shock. She took the last few paces at a run. "Sully!?" she called anxiously. His eyes flew to hers but were unfocussed. She rested her hands on his shoulders and repeated urgently, "Sully!? What’s the matter?"

He swallowed and when his voice emerged it was a mere croak. "Katie?" he moaned. "Where’s Katie?" He stood agitatedly, shaking his head, his hands still involuntarily balling at his sides.

Michaela regarded him in puzzlement. "She’s at home Sully," she stated loudly, reassuringly. "She’s at home in bed … where we left her at dawn …. She’s alright …. Brian’s with her …"

Joseph shook his head and moaned again, "Katie …" There were tears in his eyes but at last they seemed to focus on her. He muttered wretchedly, "I don’ understand Michaela …. I don’ understand …."

Chapter 21

"I saw it clear as day Michaela," moaned Sully, his eyes darting to various points in the cemetery grounds, but not focussing on her. "An’ I don’ understand …"

Michaela gulped and said gently, "What don’t you understand Sully?" She forced him to sit once again on the wooden bench and, standing in front of him, she dug her fingers into his shoulders and neck trying to gain his absolute attention. "What don’t you understand?" she insisted. "Tell me …"

He looked up at her, his blue eyes hurt and angry at the same time. "There was a funeral …. for Katie …. What does it mean?" He ran his fingers through his hair distractedly and took a deep breath. "It don’ make any sense … Why didn’ ya tell me about what happened?"

Michaela’s eyes suddenly misted with tears and she cupped his face with her hands. "She’s not dead Sully …."

"I know it! But the funeral Michaela! …. everyone dressed in black …. the little coffin … an’ the feelin’s! …. of helplessness ….. anger ….," Joseph insisted. "It was too clear ta be a dream … it happened!"

Michaela nodded. "Yes it happened …," she reluctantly admitted. Her unexpected revelation suddenly *did* gain his attention, his eyes almost accusing. She sighed. "It was just a few months before you disappeared …"

He abruptly stood and began to pace agitatedly back and forth. "I don’ understand! What’ve you bin hidin’ from me?!"

"I haven’t hidden anything Sully …. Its just something in our past that I hadn’t got to yet .."

"Hadn’t got to!! Sounds more important than that!"

"But that’s just it …. Your memory is correct, there was a funeral for Katie …. but it wasn’t her …. We found out *after* the funeral ….," explained Michaela plaintively. "Please listen to me," she begged. "It was all a mistake …"

Joseph eyed her with considerable suspicion and then abruptly slumped back onto the bench, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, his fingers again ruffling his hair. "My God … I remember," he mumbled defeatedly, his eyes fixed on the ground at his feet. "Findin’ the little girl …. thinkin’ it was Katie … only it weren’t …." He swallowed and looked up into Michaela’s face. "I’m sorry," he whispered contritely. "I … I …. didn’ know …. I didn’ understand how it could be a memory …. It didn’ make any sense." He again dropped his head into his hands.

Michaela was watching him in puzzlement, in wonder. "You remember!?" she exclaimed, her voice emerging in a strangled whisper.

Oblivious to her excited anticipation, Joseph was shaking his head back and forth. "It was awful …. worst day o’ my life …." He paused and peered expectantly up into her face again. "Why were we lookin’ for her? How’d she get lost?"

Michaela’s face suddenly fell and tears sprang to her eyes. "She wasn’t lost Sully," she replied wearily, dejectedly. "She was abducted …."

Joseph’s brow creased in puzzlement. "Abducted?" he asked immediately. "Why?"

Michaela shook her head. "It’s a long story …"

"I need ta know Michaela," demanded Joseph. "Why was she abducted?"

She began to back away from the cemetery, towards the clinic. "I’ll explain on the way home," she said tiredly. "Come on …. people will be starting to arrive in town."

Joseph rose from the bench but stood still for a moment as she turned and walked dispiritedly away from him. For the first time there seemed to be distance between them, as if something was out of balance. He sighed and followed her across the sunlit meadow.

**********************

"You’re real quiet Loren … you alright?" inquired the Reverend, his hands wrapped around his steaming cup of coffee against the December cold.

"I’m fine …. don’ fuss," remarked the old man churlishly. He glanced across at the clergyman’s breakfast plate, now all but empty. "You finished?" he asked, his tone disinterested. "I’ll have ta be gittin’ back … be too many customers by now for just Albert ta manage .…"

"Somethin’s eating you Loren …. I might not be able to see your face, but I can hear it in your voice …. what is it?" the Reverend persisted. "You were fine when you went to bed last night …"

"I told ya …. it aint nothin’!" snapped the old storekeeper, holding his coffee cup out to Grace for filling.

"Your arthritis actin’ up?"

Loren snorted in disgust. "You’re like a dog with a bone …. ya don’ give up do ya? For once an’ for all … it aint my arthritis …. nor how I slept last night … or what I had for breakfast …alright! Now just leave me be."

"So there *is* something wrong," stated the Reverend calmly, his sightless eyes fixed on the gingham covered tabletop, a wry smile on his face.

Loren sighed in exasperation. "If ya must know I ran inta someone this mornin’ I didn’ expect to …. alright?"

"This morning! Before breakfast!"

"Uh huh …"

"I didn’ hear anyone come to the store?"

"They didn’ …. I saw ‘em from the window …. Went out an’ met up with ‘em …"

"Who was it?"

"Don’ matter …"

"Sounds like it matters to you …"

Loren gave an exaggerated sigh. "Yeah well …. maybe it does a little …. but I aint supposed ta say …" He suddenly regarded the Reverend bemusedly as a new idea occurred to him. "If I tell ya somethin’ …. you bein’ a reverend an all …. you aint allowed ta tell anyone … are ya? Ya gotta keep it confidential?" he suggested hopefully.

The Reverend smiled. "I believe you’re referring to doctors an’ priests …. but I have always believed it my duty to keep the confidences of the members of my flock to myself."

Loren suddenly chuckled. "Good," he said smugly. "Speakin’ as a member of your *flock* …. it was Dr Mike I saw this mornin’."

The Reverend’s face brightened at the welcome news, and then he frowned. "While its good to know she’s back safely, I had the impression something about your encounter worried you …," he remarked.

Unobserved by the Reverend, Loren’s lip turned up in first disgust and then quickly concern. "It weren’t her that worried me …. It was who was *with* her …"

"Its time you told me who you’re talking about Loren," suggested the clergyman wryly.

The older man took a deep breath and then leaned across to whisper confidentially, "Ya aint gonna believe it …. but it was Sully."

The Reverend’s eyes widened and he exclaimed, "Sully? That aint possible!"

"Its possible alright …. I saw ‘im."

The clergyman’s jaw suddenly clenched. "Loren … if this is your idea of a joke …. Its not a good one …," he warned ominously.

"I aint jokin’ …. ask Hank …. he knows …. Sully didn’ die all those years ago ….He’s back!" insisted Loren, in a theatrical whisper. "I saw him with my own eyes …. He’s maybe a bit thinner … his hair’s shorter an’ the buckskins are gone …. but it was Sully …."

Reverend Johnson shook his head in disbelief and then he abruptly questioned, "If it *is* Sully … and I’m not sure I believe you on that score yet …. I’d’ve expected you to be in better spirits …."

Loren’s face abruptly darkened. "It was a shock seein’ him … an’ then findin’ out why he’d bin missin’ …." He trailed off musing over Sully’s condition, but also the real reason why he was feeling so disgruntled.

"An’ why *was* he missing for more than four years?" asked the Reverend.

"Dr Mike said he’s got anme…. anme… oooh … somethin’ that causes ya ta lose ya memory …. Seems he’s been livin’ in a little town outta Santa Fe …. not knowin’ who he is …. or about his family …," replied Loren.

"That’s terrible …. but you sound a little dubious Loren …. There’s no reason to doubt his story is there?" questioned the clergyman anxiously.

Although aware that the Reverend could not see him, Loren reddened. "Its sorta hard ta believe aint it? …. A fella losin’ his memory like that?…."

"Perhaps …. but if Dr Mike says that’s what it is …."

"Yeah … but he’s her husband aint he? …. She’s gonna defend him no matter what …."

"I don’t believe Dr Mike would lie about something like that ….We all know how she’s been since he disappeared …. How did they seem this morning?"

"Kinda close …. much like they always were …. Dr Mike didn’ seem angry or nothin’."

"So Sully remembers everyone now? …. He remembered you?" asked the Reverend optimistically.

Loren frowned and his face fell. "Nah …. Dr Mike said somethin’ ‘bout him rememberin’ a few things …. but he didn’ know me …. till I put my foot in it an’ got angry …"

"Well there’s your answer …. We’ll have to believe what they say …." The Reverend paused and then inquired dispassionately, "What were you angry about?"

Loren shrugged his shoulders and then mumbled, "Couldn’ understand how Sully’d just turned up after all this time …. an’ I still don’ know why they’ve bin keepin’ it a secret …. specially when Hank knows about it … They coulda trusted me too …."

Rather than dwelling on Loren’s perceived injustice, the Reverend decided to take another tack. Keeping his voice even, he remarked caringly, "Must be real hard for them …. the whole family …. Imagine having one of your loved ones suddenly not remember you, or all the things you’ve shared. I bet its heartbreaking for Dr Mike … you know how close those two’ve always been."

Loren glanced up in surprise at the Reverend’s passive face. "Guess you’re right," he murmured. "She’s bin pinin’ for him for years an’ when she discovers he’s still alive he don’ remember their life together …" His brow creased as a realisation struck him. "Maybe he don’ remember much about her neither!?"

***********************

Michaela once again pulled the curtain back and stared anxiously out the window in the direction of the barn. Ever since their return to the homestead in time for breakfast, Sully had been holed up out there. Of course, while Brian and Katie had been present, he’d sat with them to eat breakfast and discussed what he’d seen in town, but he’d been reluctant to go beyond that, and when Brian had set off with Katie for town and school he’d retreated to the barn and that’s where he’d stayed.

Since the incident at the cemetery this morning a deep malaise had settled upon Michaela. She just didn’t have it in her to venture out to the barn and try to elicit from Sully what was worrying him. She was so tired of being strong, of being the one to placate, to reassure. Having to relive the nightmare of the then four year old Katie’s abduction, and their subsequent desperate journey into Mexico to secure their daughter’s release, had been distressing and extremely draining. And when the telling was finally over, to have no tangible results, no added memory recall for Sully, had made the distress, the reliving, seem worthless.

To tell the truth she was beginning to despair. Odd little snippets of seemingly meaningless memories were not what she’d been hoping, praying for. She so desperately needed him to recall the important, momentous events in their life together. At the present moment she’d settle for just one memory of her, something which might verify her importance in his life. She shook her head ruefully. She knew, being a doctor, that she of all people should recognise that the mind doesn’t always operate in the most practical and reasonable fashion, but as a *woman*, she needed Sully’s to do so …. soon.

Her eyes suddenly misted with tears. It seemed to her that all too often in their life together the overcoming of one obstacle was too quickly followed by another. Initially just finding him alive had seemed enough, then had come the longing to be accepted, loved by him again. The realisation of that dream had resulted in them finally returning home and the consummation of their love but now she again needed more. Perhaps *she* was the problem. Was she too demanding of life, and Sully in particular? She shook herself. It was unlike her to be melancholy or introspective. She turned back to the kitchen table where she’d been preparing vegetables, only to swing around again as a horse galloped into the yard.

She peered out to see Brian dismount and take the steps up to the porch two at a time. He entered and looked around seeking her. When he spied her standing the kitchen he smiled and approached, greeting her with, "Hey ma."

Michaela couldn’t contain her surprise. "Brian!" she exclaimed. "What brings you home at this hour?"

The young man shrugged his shoulders self-consciously. "Nothin’ much," he replied. "Thought I might join you an’ pa for lunch."

Michaela regarded her son in puzzlement. "Aren’t you busy with the next edition of the Gazette?" she asked shrewdly.

"No reason why I can’t take a little time when I need it," he replied non-committally, then added, "Where’s pa?" He observed his mother’s face cloud over as she answered dully, "Out in the barn." He walked across to the window and peered out as she had done. "What’s he doin’?" he asked.

Michaela shrugged. "I don’t know."

He turned back and laid his hand over his mother’s on the table. "What happened this mornin’ ma?" he asked gently. "Somethin’ did … didn’ it? …. I could tell when ya got back here …"

She directed her gaze away from his concerned blue eyes. "Sully remembered the funeral for Katie ….. but couldn’t recall the rest of the story," she replied, attempting to keep her voice even.

Brian regarded her thoughtfully. "There’s more to it than that ma," he surmised quietly. He was startled when tears suddenly welled up in her eyes. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Tell me," he implored.

Michaela slumped into a chair and shook her head ruefully. "The truth Brian?" she asked. He nodded and pulled out a chair to sit beside her. She sighed. "Truthfully …. I don’t know what’s wrong …. I showed him the town, especially the clinic …. Then we walked through the meadow … and Loren saw us and caught up with us …. It was a real shock for him to see Sully like that …. He was angry at first …. at Sully …. and then at both of us for keeping it all a secret …. After he’d heard the story and calmed down a little, he went back to the store and we continued on to the cemetery…"

"That’s where pa remembered about the funeral?"

"Mmmm …. He thought I’d been hiding something from him …." She trailed off, recalling the hurt and anger in Sully’s eyes. She looked up into her son’s face. "I … I … wouldn’t do that Brian," she said plaintively.

Again the young man laid his large hand gently over his ma’s. "I know that," he said quietly. "An’ deep down pa knows it too …." His heart went out to his mother who was obviously hurting. "Look ma …. my guess is pa’s feelin’ just as confused as you …. Ya gotta talk to him …."

"I’ve run out of things to say Brian," replied Michaela wearily.

"Well ya gotta think o’ somethin’ else," he advised. "The look in pa’s eyes this mornin’ was just like he used ta be …. a long time ago ….. before you were married. He’s bin on his own too many times in his life …. don’ let him think he’s on his own again …."

"But he’s not!" exclaimed Michaela, taking exception to her son’s counsel. "He has me … all of us …."

"But we gotta make sure he knows that …. must be awful lonely bein’ with folks who know more about you than ya do yourself ….," suggested Brian patiently.

"Sully said that once …. to Dorothy and Cloud Dancing in Paynesville," mused Michaela thoughtfully.

Brian stood. "I gotta git back to the Gazette …. I just wanted ta check on you …. I realise how hard it is for both of you …..," he said lovingly.

He turned to go and Michaela sprang up out of her chair to embrace him tightly. She whispered, "Thank-you" against his ear, and as she stepped back she said softly, "You’ve grown into a very wise young man Brian …. I hope you realise how proud I am of you …"

He reddened and replied lovingly, "I had good teachers … you an’ pa." He gave his mother another quick hug. "Go see what’s eatin’ him ma," he recommended softly and walked out the door.

Michaela watched him mount his horse and gallop away and then her eyes inevitably turned once more to the barn. Sully hadn’t even appeared to find out who their visitor had been. She sighed, reached back to unhook her woollen shawl from behind the door, took a deep breath and walked resolutely down the porch steps.