Children roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost ripping up your nose.
Yuletide carolers being thrown in the fire,
And folks dressed up like buffaloes.
Everybody knows a shopper slaughtered in the snow,
Helps to make the season right.
Tiny tots with their eyes all gouged out,
Will find it hard to see tonight.
They know that Santa's on his way,
He's loaded lots of guns and bullets on his sleigh.
And every mother's child is sure to spy,
To see if reindeer really scream when they die.
And so I'm offering this simple phrase,
To kids from one to ninety two.
Although it's been said many times, many ways,
Merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas,
Fuck you!
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper that sold his soul to Santa? We were so poor when I was young that we couldn't afford ornaments for our Christmas tree. We had to sit around and wait for Grandpa to sneeze. What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for Christmas?
Cancer. What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve?
They go into town and blow a few bucks. Why did the snowman have a smile on his face?
Because the snowblower was coming down the block. What do you call 12 days of blowjobs during the holiday season?
Hanukah Lewinski 
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