Dark Lady's Recommended Disgrunted Christmas Movies

The Ultimate Bad Taste Holiday Flicks

Santa has always been the ultimate movie star. Forget White Christmas, It's a Wonderful Life and all the other hackneyed trash. Go for the classics: Silent Night, Bloody Night, Black Christmas or the best seasonal film of all time Christmas Evil ("He'll sleigh you"). This true cinematic masterpiece only played theatrically for a few seconds, but it's now available on videocassette and no holiday family get-together is complete without it. I t's about a man completely consumed by Christmas. His neurosis first rears its ugly head as he applies shaving cream to his face, looks in the mirror, hallucinates a white beard and begins to imagine that he is Santa Claus. He gets a job in a toy factory, starts snooping and spying on the neighbourhood children and then rushes home to feverishly make notes in his big red book: "Jimmy was a good boy today," or "Peggy was a bad little girl." He starts cross-dressing as Claus and lurks around people's roots ready to take the plunge. Finally, he actually gets stick in a nearby chimney and awakens the family in his struggle. Mom and Dad go insane when they find a fat lunatic in their fireplace, but the kids are wild with glee. Santa has no choice but to kill these Scroogelike parents with the razor-sharp star decorating the top of their tree. As he flees a neighbourhood lynch mob, the children come to his rescue and defy their distraught parents by forming a human ring of protection around him. Finally, pushed to the limits of Clausmania, he leaps into his van/sleigh and it takes off flying over the moon as he psychotically and happily shrieks, "On Dancer! On Prancer! On Donner and Vixen!" I wish I had kids. I'd make them watch it every year and if they didn't like it, they'd be punished.

From Crackpot by John Waters

Black Christmas(1972)


Also Known As: 'Silent Night, Evil Night' and 'A Stranger In The House'

This holiday horror was directed by Bob Clark, who also directed one of the best Christmas family movies 'A Christmas Story'. Black Christmas is a stark exersise in suspense that turns everyone's favorite time of year inside out. An ill-fated handful of sorority sisters are celebrating the season when an obscene phone call interrupts the festivities. The caller rings off with a death threat, which proves all too real. No one knows who the killer is. And no one can stop the deadly calls preceding the attacks.

Tales From The Crypt (1972)


This is an anthology film with 5 different stories. The first episode(DEAD OF NIGHT) is based around the holidays. It stars Joan Collins as a murderess who neatly and systematically kills her husband on Christmas eve while her daughter sleeps upstairs. Well, as is the tradition with Tales From the Crypt, poetic justice will not let the deed go unanswered! A homicidal maniac escapes from a local asylum. Dressed as Santa Claus,and he has targeted her house.

Christmas Evil (1980)


Also Known As: 'You Better Watch Out' and 'Terror in Toyland'

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)


Also Known As: 'Slayride'

This is a story of a young boy whose parents are brutally slain by a psycho Santa and consequently becomes a psycho Santa himself was inordinately mean-spirited, without even a hint of ghoulish fun. The highlight (or lowlight) of this Christmas Stalking has the Santa Slasher impaling Scream Queen Linnea Quigley on a pair of deer antlers (ouch!). Our Killer Claus even utilizes a string of gaily blinking Christmas lights to commit murder.

Elves (1989)


An innocent romp in the woods turns into a hellish nightmare when three young girls accidently awaken an army of Elves- genetically created by a Neo-Nazi mad scientist during World War II. These hideous creatures don't work for Santa...they have a special mission: to mate with a virgin and take over the world as a pint-sized master race! Dan Haggerty ('Grizzly Adams') stars as a department store Santa who must expose this unholy force and stop the gruesome terror before the Elves destroy Christmas.

Jack Frost (1996)


A killer snowman movie! A convict is in a car wreck on the way to death row and splattered with some fancy high-tech formula. It bonds his atoms with the snow, causing him to be at one with the white stuff. Soon, a killer snowman is stalking a small town, stalking the policeman who sent him away. There is a cool beheading and a scene where a woman is turned into an impromptu Christmas tree, to name a few. The opening scene where a man tells a girl a twisted story that leads into the movie is great.

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