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A Dedication
In a sad song, this isn't real
In a movie the hero will smile again
Yet black and white letters have plunged me
Into a world of old photos, old laughter
What happens to a movie when the hero smiles no more?
Or to a sad song whose realness wets the printed page?
They must go on, missing the fantasy which once surrounded them all
Why is this the real world after all?
Candles flickering are blackened by tears
Flowers slowly dying as memories fade
Your face, so real I could almost touch it
Gone from my grasp into the next world.
Anger
Churning
Boiling
A white heat
A red stain
Fists balls of iron
ready to kill
Teeth sharpened daggers
Eyes darting flies
Breath is choking
Can you guess what I feel?
Anger.
A Time
There was a time
There was a place
When you walked forward
I could not keep pace
You'd never wait
You never cared
Enough to listen
When I was scared.
Beautiful Angel (For Adam)
Twirling in the sunset
With a dreamer's face
Gasping in the shadows
Lovers in embrace
He is my dark angel
My sanctity...my peace
He is my sweet resistance
My knowledge...and my need
Tangled within sleep
A web woven out of time
Silence speaks a thousand names
Can I remember mine?
Guiding souls along the path
Of lessons so unlearned
In far away cloudy space
New worlds slowly turned
Beautiful angel flying here
Hearts crying out to mine
Save me from oblivion
And slow disintegrating time.
Bitter Words
You do not know
the pain you cause
Your little words
aimed to hurt
My bitter tears ignored
You do not care
You never did
You do not know
You never will.
Breath
The breath of life, they say, begins with a whisper
A touch, a smile, the mingling of hearts
Loving tears do not burn
They heal.
They care.
They stop the pain.
And as I stare I see the reflection of myself
same face, same smile, same name
But is it the same?
For before your smile, your whisper
Was I not a shallow mockery?
Could that have been me?
A reflection unreal and wavering
Yet your touch, hand over hand
Patiently guiding,
steadily leaving me
forward into the mirror
to cast off this reflection
and be real.
Broken Mirror
Sometimes my tears flow down
Rivers which make my heart ache
I stand in my shadow
I won't set it free
I feel the sun's warmth on my cheeks
Tears drying like all wintertime snows
Making room for spring, the season of songs
And the tunes I sing are brand new
They are real, yet different
A new self
My old mirror image seems faded and worn
Glass broken and warped
Dusted and shorn.
Chaos
Trapped inside my body
A time I can not feel
Worlds swirling all around me
With everything unreal
Victims pick persistance
Over clean sanity
I pick resistance
The price of being free
Deadly Waters
I'm drowning
Choking, thrashing, crying
Desperately fighting the battle for my life
Beads of sweat mingle with the tears on my face
My cheeks flushed, my fists clenched
My heart pounds
a hurting sound
My chest heaves,
my soul drawn in
a little ball of nothingness
Dinner (For Doug)
"Darling I'd love to eat you alive,"
he said when taking her hand.
And she smiled and thought,
"suffering makes you strong,"
so she reached out and gave it to him.
And it was too late,
when she hobbled home,
missing various parts of herself.
To realize he given,
nothing at all
in their little exchange
with death.
Eagle
No wings that could fly
could take me so high
Eyelids skipping free
dusty winter please
Twirl round and round
Rushing past the sound
Perfection in the grass
Twisting, rushing past
A perfect circle, see?
A soaring eagle, me
Fantasy
Raindrops wet my cheeks
I dreamed I was alone
Reality was the fantasy
For only emptiness surrounds
There are those who say that they never cared
Pride covers their wounded hearts
Held by the fragilest of strings
I stared into your eyes
Eyes which once I penetrated
Revealed a chasm of mist
Can't find my way back
Lost in the woods
Beasts at every turn
Nowhere my only direction, an insolvable maze
I long for what used to be
Bright shining days of trust
shattered
revealed
for the sham they were
I swim in a pool of tears
As I wake to find
It was never a dream
Fire Hair (For Mara and Mora)
She walks forward
fire in her hair
a moment in her memory
a shimmer in the air
I call for her to hold me
to lead the path of truth
to gently enfold me
away from Death's sharp tooth
For Mora
Silver winged angel
she comes flying to my need
Imagination her constant
a storyteller, she sails on words
She hugs me to her
and I feel safe and warm
and if I see her crying
my hand gently wipes away the tears
My friend, her life is beauty
her heart a vessel strong
And in her arms I can heal
Wings wrapped around my soul.
Grasping Affection
What was it like?
To feel love to be love
sweet sweet hand
memories are clouded
Did you not once grasp with affection
Did you not once draw in the sand Of hearts and curlicues
Of forever and a day
And wasn't it hard to forget
The words once so easy to say
Heartbreak
I never wanted to disappoint you.
I didn't want to see you cry
Now as I watch you my heart breaks
I feel the hatred in your eyes
I couldn't face the love in you
I never really knew
I should have realized
I was a fool not to love you
But maybe I've always been
Can you feel I'm sorry
Or have I blinded you
Breaking your heart has killed me
Just as I've hurt you.
Ice Cream
The ice cream melted in a puddle of dirty ugly browns
Sticky fingers, lick them clean
sweet stains on the palms
He sucked his thumb
waiting for more
The jingle sounded as the truck passed by.
Imagination's Play
He turned to her and smiled one day
And that was all it took
For she was simply swept away
With that innocent little look
He asked for her to follow
And so that's what she did
Realizing the cost was life too late
It was a bitter pill to swallow
Memories of lost chances
ripped his heart apart
So he shut away what she'd given him
That lovely little spark
The ripping of her soul to shreds
Couldn't break her down
But she never saw what he became
Wearing punishment like a crown
So is there still a chance
for these two weary souls?
Should they come together,
like the days of old?
Love is a bond that ties,
even for two so lost as these
So one day they will find each other
Be whole, sink to their knees
We must hold the flame
Lighting them along the way
for fancy is wisdom's tool
And love imagination's play
I Won't
I can not write
about hate for my sister
because I was taught
to respect family
above all.
So I do not write
a hateful poem
of scribbled words
with no meaning
with something lacking
with anger not felt
with tears not shed
No.
I write what I see
I write what I feel
and what it is
is love for my sister
My younger half self
her red hair bobbing
question on her lips.
Not hate.
Never hate.
Too strong a word
I am bound
By higher chains
Family and Trust.
Little Girl
Sweet little girl
Innocence forgiven
holds become closer
Little sea
green leaves floating mindlessly
Caught on a wave of destiny
and collided with an ocean of fate.
Loss
I can not express the loss I feel
Weighted by circumstance
Support offered -- then denied
a temporary antiseptic
Do you believe in me?
I wish to be a chain wrapped round
like the bark of a tree...coexisting
like I was wanted, needed, happy
Inspiration in beauty
Taking the time to spend
A tree without leaves
A flower with no end
Love
When I look into your eyes
I feel warm sunshine
Rays of trust
Which flow between us
For when we are together
my dreams are realized
It is you who fulfills them
My mind thinks of your smile
And I am warmed inside
My heart welcoming the glow
Which is carried in your hands
Carefully, so sweetly you hold
the key to my heart
I love you.
Memories
Faded photos
Silenced times
Unheard laughter
Captured sighs
Trapped forever
In dusty film
Memories of smiles
Pictures in piles
And though pictures may fade
Happy memories remain
Missing You
I remember the tears in your eyes
I remember the curves of your face
I touch you in a dream
I feel your skin like lace
I miss your warm breath
When your lips would kiss mine
The sensation of your skin
The feel of stopping time.
My Memories
Memories can weigh me down
Like a chain wrapped round my heart
Heavy tears drifting slowly down
Trailmarks of a time gone by
And what I want to know is
Do you remember me?
And what I want to say is
I can't forget
A fresh drop dews on my cheek
Clean as a newborn babe
Sorrows fresh, memories old
My voice is frozen, locked to this time
But what I wouldn't give to hear your voice once more
And know you once cared for me
And know that you were scared
And know you were still locked to me
like you were in days of old.
Nighttime
In the time of the night
When evil takes its bite
And your heart seems to fail
As night's ships soar and sail
Carrying message of death and dark
That threaten to break your heart
So take care, and burn love's light
And beware of the night.
Not good enough
I held my painting out today
Not good enough
a wrinkled nose
dismissed
hours with my pen
and believing I
with good intent
crumple up and place it away
torn in the recess of my mind
Ocean
Blue Ocean
Do you feel?
Do you know?
Can you see?
The power of you, Ocean
The strength of your size
Mountains dwarf beneath you
Your server is the sand
Did you have to swallow Ocean?
Not content with what you had
Deceptingly beautiful, your waves told a lie
Peace is not beneath you
Why did you tell me so
I could have warned
I could have known
I could have sailed a thousand ships
But now I sail not one
Pages
This is a blank page
and your words should have filled it
Smearing ink streams on your thumbs
My own hand holds this pen
Words...
There were so many you couldn't say
So I held your hand
Hoping one day I could let go
And now this page is empty
Regardless of its words
My hand is all that writes them
This pen stands alone
Realization (For Doug)
I've been walking.
Walking through the pages of my life.
And I think I've missed a few.
And I've been waking.
Waking to see I'm still asleep.
Lost in some half-realized dream.
I guess I just can't admit,
That the colors of your mind,
Tear the fabric from the world.
I guess I'm just naked.
Vulnerable to your indention.
Of words scratched in my heart.
Hah! My soul screams...
How dare you violate my inner strength?
When it was sealed, swallowed, locked away?
Distortion in my bravery.
Or is it really fear?
No! Cover my eyes! Close my ears!
I can't see it! It's not there!
I practice denial with all of my strength.
You'll never make me dream.
Sandy Time
A pearl drop
freezes the warm breath
A well in which
the grains sift
A bottomless mouth
Forever hungry
Lapping the water
Sliding the sand
A pool so deep
It should have gone on forever
But love always drowns, when unreal.
See Me
Can you see me?
Beyond my skin?
Can you read my soul?
For no one has before
Penetrate my deeper layers
To see myself, exposed
Peel away with protective fingers the hurt that never heals
And know me
And know you
As we've never known before.
Shooting Stars (For Adam)
I watched your smile today
Among the shooting stars
Blazing fire took hold of me
Burning a cold embankment within
I climb the higest mountain
Pretending I could walk by myself
Your hand outstreched to meet mine
Taking hold, I would not fall.
Alone?
No not alone.
Solid as Rock
One day I stood alone
As solid as a rock I felt
life's waves pass over me
grinding me
Just another bit of sand
And then suddenly I knew
the secrets of my life
They flew by my face
And my individuality
could take them and make them my own
Coming together
It was just somebody's dream
A made up fate
that became my own
A fascinating lesson
to see yourself unfold
In life's own drama
And never growing old
Something
As I awaken
As I see
Something new
Inside me
Something special
Something nice
Something different
Something right
What it is
I can not see
Perhaps the thought
That you love me
Stopping the Train
Hurry! Hurry! For soon it will be late
Too soon to see your life pass by
On this train of fate.
Soon! Now! We are almost there
Prepare yourself.
Our train never stops enough to care
Never?
No. No time anymore
And in the end it seems that the heart shall stay poor
"How can this be?"
"It's always been."
Never any change
Motionless, yet moving on the dirty brown cracked seat
See there
Out the window
Stare at passerby
Do you know them?
They know you
You try to hide your tears
Useless. they stare into your soul
Can any feel the darkness that is within you?
We are here
You are gone
Your soul trampled under feet
As you struggle to prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet.
Steps
One of these days
I'm gonna climb out of this pit
Sandy feet trailing my memory
Treading water, tracking mud
Each step a bit closer
To the eventual drop
as I blindly follow
The trail left for me to blaze
So much like sheep grazing
Blissfully ignorant of what is aware
Ah now that's the question
I step forward
but is it really a step behind?
The Hunter's Nightmare
Silence!
As the heart stands still.
Wait!
As your prey is killed
You. The hunter without mercy.
Stare at your helpless dead
Whose warm life turns stone cold In bloody hands where life is told. Yet blue and icy
Tattered and torn
Eyes stare at you with unveiled scorn.
The Shadow
The shadow.
Springing from candlelight
Darkness shimmering in its depths
Deepness flowing from flickering flames
Can you feel the dancing of your hidden shadow?
Always there with the sun
Reflection of yourself
Without a face
Without a name
Whisper to your shadow
Foolish nonsense from the lips of dreaming children
And sense the truth
The Tide
Footsteps filling
A hard shell broken
Wet and cold
the whistling calls
Pull closer
Into the center
A warm embrace
of black death
The Wall
I am the wall
Bricks made of stone
Silent and distant
You will never accuse me
You will never say that I cared
No handholds for you to grasp
Me
Buried underneath myself
Amid crumbling rocks, smothering dust
No, I never cared.
Truth
And I spoke the truth for I knew that my heart had not lied
Yet you scoffed at me
And laughed when I cried
And I know now what I did not know
What I never understood
For where others saw the real you My heart cloaked you in good.
Wayward Monotony
I play in grass today
rolling with dew drops
clinging...their itchy presence
sliding down my face.
Small bugs taste a meal
Drizzling softly down
Ah, red blood
How like my yesterdays
Trickle of tomorrows
Covering the self
So naked and afraid.
She's playing in the grass
Regret a morning shadow
And under this old tree
A leaf will softly fall.
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