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Got something to say? Then drop me a line!

I'd love to get any feedback on the site, general observations about the movies, or opinions about anything you'd care to discuss. If you've got a rant you'd like to see posted on the SPEW page, please let me know in the body of your letter.

So let it fly! No holds barred! Say whatever you want! I'll post and respond to certain letters as they warrant. I'm looking forward to hearing from you... I think.

It's not scary! Go ahead, write me!

SUGGESTED E-MAIL TOPIC:
"Gosh Dave, this is a terrific site! I'm mailing you a hundred dollars... just because!"

HEY! I GOT SOME MAIL!

A 'Sugar Fish' (a name which I believe to be an alias... at least I hope so for his sake) writes to us from America Online. Responding to the script review of CONTACT Mr. Fish had this to say...

Pedestrian? Let-down ending? Too bad. I was looking forward to it. I'll still probably see it. (Traitor!) The "let's teleport to some other dimension where means of communicating with other life-forms depend almost entirely on their using our own thought-images" thing, a combination of STARGATE and the many (you should SEE my collection of) science fiction books' plots I've devoured, um... still turns me on, kinda. (Hey, some guys like naked women, some like teleporting to another dimension where... what you said) And I like the suit they put on Jodie in the TV trailers - space-a-delic! (Memo to myself: Do not wear silver tinfoil jumpsuit when meeting Sugar Fish...)

Then again... I dunno. Maybe I'm a geek. (Well...) Maybe I think it'll still have enough cool stuff in it... moments where the score YANKS the "gosh, this is COOL and FUTURISTIC and I WISH I COULD BE THERE" nerves hanging from my basal ganglia that I'll get a temporary blush-rush. (I get that when I yank my basal ganglia, too) A "twacky" if you will. (You put a 't' on the front of that word?)

Perhaps the big message of this extra-terrestrial rendez-vous film is that... um... "they won't be what you're expecting!!! And you won't find out what they'll be like by watching a movie!" (Not this one, anyway) But then... it's probably going to be just another vehicle for Ms. Foster and Mr. Macahacghaa to SHOW us that they can act, in big, stunning, score twanging, basal ganglia strumming close-ups. (Hey! Enough talk about strumming your basal ganglia! This is a family page!)

i.e.

"They cancelled the project." CLOSE UP ON FOSTER! SCORE TELLS YOU TO EMPATHIZE!

"Houston, I'm about to make contact... " CLOSE UP ON FOSTER! SCORE TELLS YOU TO BE ON THE EDGE OF YOUR SEAT WITH ANTICIPATION!!!

"Some guy blew up the first doogamahickey travel machine!" CLOSE UP ON FOSTER! SCORE TELLS YOU TO SAY "DUDE, NO WAY!!!" (Hmmm. Are you sure you haven't read the script?)

Hey. Who knows. Maybe a later draft that you didn't read is deeper. Or... maybe you missed something. (Very possible. Like I said - I didn't get it and I couldn't picture it) Or maybe the script itself could not convey the deeper thoughts/emotions/sensations/revelations that only a brilliant Director/DP/Score-er team will be able to convey through the final print/soundtrack. (Maybe/maybe not/possibly/conceivably)

Shit. It's late. What am I doing, ranting about your rant? What am I, nuts? (Well...) No. (Oh.) I think I am simply proving to myself that I have what it takes to be a great writer. I am, in short, PROCRASTINATING. Yay me. (Procrastination and afternoon naps - the path to greatness!)

Sunkissst (Do I have to tell you that's an America Online name?) had this to add to my June SPEW on the state of movie comedy...

Regarding comedy... I like intelligent humor as opposed to slapstick. (I like both, personally. And they're not always mutually exclusive - watch A NIGHT AT THE OPERA sometime, or NOTHING SACRED.)

You quoted Mel Brooks, who is my favorite comedictition, (Mine, too - wait, what?) about cutting the finger being a tragedy and falling in a manhole and dying being a comedy. (Close enough.) Well... one of my favorite comedies happens to be YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN... a Brooks film. It is a farce and somewhat schticky, (Maybe you need to wash it off, first.) but it works.

And somehow, no one fell into a manhole and died. (No, but there was plenty of choking, hitting, pelting with vegetables, a child propelled through the air... and oh yeah - a rape. All of which were hysterically funny.)

McHALE'S NAVY was lame when it was a TV series... but it worked there. (Biting my tongue...) There was certainly not enough substance on which to base a film and certainly not with Arnold in the lead... he cannot carry a film on his shoulders as the lead. (He can't carry a film on his shoulders as a delivery boy.)

I am more concerned about the cinematic thrill rides that pass for filmmaking these days. I am told that since I have no film school degree that I am not entitled to an opinion on filmmaking. (Hold it - you don't have a film school degree? Leave here immediately!) I have one thing to say to "that person" about that... Get your self-esteem from something besides a sheepskin. (Eeyew. If they're into that kinky stuff why even worry about their opinion?)

Anyway... Hollywood needs to start treating the public like it has two brain cells to rub together if it wants many more of my movie dollars. (The public? Brain cells? I was actually told by a famous producer that the audience in the heartland didn't want to think during movies - they were too tired after bringing the cows in from the fields. I kid you not.)

Ed Rush had some questions about screenwriting, and was foolish enough to ask me for some advice!

Holy Crap you guys have written a lot of stuff.

Or - 'Holy stuff, you guys have written a lot of crap!' Either one.

Is there more money in scripting assignments (such as you fellas have been doing) or in selling a spec?

It all depends. Assignment work is nice because you're paid up front - a regular contract job - and there's some stability there. That's why it gets a little addicting. The problem with assignment work is that it's not terribly satisfying on a creative level. You're working on someone else's idea, and when all is said and done you don't own what you've written. Translation: You kill yourself to make their stupid idea about a guy who grows a second face on his chest work, but at the end of the day, once the studio (or producer) realizes that it's a stupid idea, you have nothing to show for it. Well, okay, you have some money in the bank - but you don't have any way to get the script read by anyone else who might actually LIKE how you've twisted the whole 'second face on the chest' genre.

Spec scripts are altogether different. Spec scripts - because they're your idea executed the way you see fit - are far more satisfying creatively. But! Financially it's a crapshoot. Because once you've taken the time to write this screenplay all on your own with no money coming in, you have to hope to God someone decides to buy it. Because if they don't, you've got a creatively satisfying 120 pages sitting on your shelf rather than feeding your family. And 6 months (or however long it takes you) down the tubes. The upside is that should someone buy the spec, you stand to make much more than you would on an assignment. It's a gamble. We've chosen to go the spec route lately because we burned out on doing all the 'second face on the chest' type scripts, and also because the assignment market has gotten tougher the past few years. Studios want big name writers they've worked with and know will turn in solid work, or they crave the hot, young, next big thing. We, unfortunately, fall smack dab in the middle of that equation. Like the rest of America, in Hollywood the middle class is rapidly disappearing.

What do you need to know about me to tell me if I can make it in your industry or if I should go back to construction work?

What you need to know about is how you feel in your gut and heart. Here's a simple test: Do you write scripts... do you finish them... do you show them to others? If your answer is 'yes' to all three you're ahead of the game. Many who want to write will tell you they've got so many ideas... but no scripts. Or they'll start a screenplay but never manage to finish it (usually because this other, better idea struck them at about page 30). And quite a few who manage to finish don't have the oomph to actually show their work to anyone else. I've got news for them - if you wanna be a screenwriter you not only have to have the courage to show your work, but the fortitude to have most of the people that read it tell you why they don't like it. It's the nature of the beast.

As to whether you should take a shot at Hollywood or go back to construction - can you do both? I'm not joking. If you can manage to turn out scripts while bringing in a paycheck you're way ahead of me. Writing is the only skill I ever honed, and there have been many, many times (usually while wearing an apron in a video store and directing lonely old guys to the latest edition of 'Playboy's Wet & Wild') that I wished I had something else to fall back on. So both is good.

Keep writing, keep striving to get better with each script. Never be satisfied enough to think everything you do is brilliant, but be courageous enough to show your work to others with the confidence that what you write is still pretty damned good.

And good luck! It's a rollercoaster ride, but an interesting one.

John Curtis had an interesting point to make about my little run-in with Oliver Stone over my review of the U-TURN script:

I think that the whole idea that putting a disclaimer saying that you reveal endings, important plot points, etc. causes people to want to read your reviews is the same sort of bullshit Stone has been fighting in a Louisiana court about whether NATURAL BORN KILLERS made someone go out and rob and murder people in a convenience store.

Albeit, the whole NBK thing is on a MUCH grander scale, but what Stone has said is essentially that if you write or say something, you create an irresistible desire for someone to do something he feels is "bad". Gee... I hope John Grisham and those lawyers down there in Dixie don't hear about this. How could Oliver sit on the stand and testify that he doesn't believe words can cause people to do something when he just admitted as much about your review disclaimers?

Technically, Stone never said that... his sycophant did. But as the sycophant has doubtless not had an original, non-Ollie inspired thought in God-knows how long, I think we can assume that there may be an overlapping of opinions here.

Just for the record - some of these letters have been edited... primarily so I can make a bunch of goofy, stupid remarks. If the letters read like the writings of some maniac, it's probably my fault.

Like I care.

Doink Uma to return to the Table of Contents!

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