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SLEEPY HOLLOW

Written by Kevin Yagher and Andrew Kevin Walker. Directed by Tim Burton. Starring Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, Casper Van Dien, Jeffrey Jones, Lisa Marie, Michael Gambon, Christopher Lee, Miranda Richardson and Christopher Walken as a certain headless guy.

Let's talk frankly about Tim Burton a moment, shall we? To my mind, Burton's made three really enjoyable films: PEE-WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE, BEETLEJUICE and ED WOOD. And everything else has been garbage. (Told you I was gonna be frank.) Burton's problem has always been one of style over substance. Way over substance. Even in PEE-WEE and BEETLEJUICE, he seems much more interested in the look of the film than what's actually happening onscreen. But those two films are all about style over substance. In fact, without Burton's uniquely twisted visuals, neither of those films would have been worth watching. (I present BIG TOP PEE-WEE as evidence of what the first Pee-Wee Herman film would've been without Burton. I believe the term is 'unwatchable'.) And with ED WOOD he was given a strong script about a subject dear to his heart, which forced him to use imaginative visuals in service of the story, not the other way around.

And oh yeah, I liked THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS, but that was directed by Henry Selick, so it's not technically a Burton film, per se. Even though stylistically it's all Burton, all the time.

But all his other films? Crap. Every one of them. BATMAN and BATMAN RETURNS? Complete junk - especially if you've ever read the layered, inventive, intelligent screenplays Sam Hamm wrote for those films. MARS ATTACKS? Incompetent. No other word for it. It's a textbook on making talented actors give performances that would be embarrassing in a high school play. And EDWARD SCISSORHANDS? Easily the most pathetic film about being picked on in high school ever made. EDWARD SCISSORHANDS (besides being one of the clumsiest, most obvious metaphors of all time) convinces me that if he hadn't found art, Tim Burton would have been like the whacko kids at Columbine High School - shooting all the mean ol' jocks who called him names. And that still might've been a healthier outlet than EDWARD SCISSORHANDS. Waah, waah, waah - get over it already, Tim. Jeez, I was a goober in high school, too! I had jocks call me names, too! Does the term 'Queebie' mean anything to you? But you know what? IT WAS ONLY HIGH SCHOOL! Let it go, man. (Is it obvious that I despise EDWARD SCISSORHANDS? Have I made that clear enough? Wouldn't want to leave any uncertainty about it.)

His work is often crippled by an emotional and artistic immaturity that he seems unable to shake. One writer, when assigned to a Burton film says he went into it thinking, "I can write the first great Tim Burton script!" When he was done he had quite a different opinion, claiming that there'll never be a great Tim Burton script, because Burton doesn't care about the script. The closest Burton has come to shooting a great screenplay is ED WOOD. And why is this? Because he shot Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski's first draft! He didn't allow himself to screw it up. And now, after the fiasco of unsuccessfully trying to get SUPERMAN LIVES to fly (which also had a lousy screenplay - sorry Kevin Smith), Burton has tackled the oldest American ghost story with SLEEPY HOLLOW.

And, if he follows the draft that I read, he could be shooting his second great screenplay.

Let me begin by saying that this is not your Disney version of Washington Irving's legendary spook story. The script is not charming and funny and lighthearted. It's scary and blunt and very brutal. It's a horror story - the gothic elements of Colonial American life are not quaint and endearing in this Sleepy Hollow. On the contrary, they're nasty and dirty and the people in this tiny farming community can be small-minded and secretive and hypocritical... and deadly.

The script begins with - what else? - an attack on a man by the Headless Horseman. A pretty graphic, violent attack which serves notice that what follows isn't going to pull its punches. It also serves notice that the Headless Horseman is real. So you know right off the bat you're not in for some ridiculous, 'Scooby Doo'-like "It's really one of the townspeople dressed up like the Headless Horseman" ending. Thank God. We then find ourselves in New York, where we meet Police Constable Ichabod Crane. That's right - 'Police Constable'. Not 'geeky schoolteacher'. Crane establishes himself as a royal pain in the ass to his ignorant superiors, who are annoyed enough by his constant insistence on using newfangled forensic science to solve murders that they ship him off to Sleepy Hollow to solve a series of beheadings that have taken place there.

Are the residents of Sleepy Hollow happy to have a constable from the big city in their midst? Some are, but most are put off by his refusal to believe that the killings were committed by a Headless Horseman. They tell Ichabod the story of the Horseman - a Hessian mercenary so vicious that he and his horse (named Daredevil) loved to ride into battle chopping off the heads of his enemies left and right. He even had his teeth filed down into sharp points to appear more ferocious. Because, I guess, body piercing and tattoos hadn't made it to America yet. The Horseman dished out his particular brand of carnage until he was cornered by five revolutionary soldiers (three of whom die particularly nasty yet cinematic deaths) who managed to kill him by cutting off his head with his own sword. They kill the horse, too. (Goes without saying, but figured I better say it anyway.) Ichabod doesn't for a second believe this story, and when he can't find anyone who has actually seen the Horseman with their own eyes, he discounts all warnings. He's looking for a flesh and blood killer, not "some goblin-demon from hell".

While in Sleepy Hollow, Ichabod rooms at the home of Baltus and Lady Van Tassel. There he meets Baltus' daughter Katrina, who is more worldly and wise than Ichabod is prepared to deal with. He also meets Brom Van Brunt (known as Brom Bones - for no reason that's ever explained), a high-spirited young man with eyes for Katrina and an eye out for anyone who might compete for her heart. Such as, say, a handsome but eccentric constable from the big city. On Ichabod's first night in the hollow the Horseman strikes again, beheading a farmer named Masbath who is selected by lottery to guard the town from the spectre. The next morning, after finding the man's headless body, Ichabod examines it to discover that there was very little blood loss. Why? Because the wound was almost instantly cauterized. At Masbath's funeral the dead man's son (cleverly named Young Masbath) pleads with Ichabod to let him help in finding his father's killer. Ichabod resists at first, but finally - reluctantly - agrees. Their first task? To dig up and autopsy the bodies of those killed before Ichabod's arrival. This doesn't sit well with the townspeople, particularly the local clergyman, Father Steenwyk. But Ichabod unflinchingly presses on, certain that he is doing the right thing.

The Tree of Death. Or a dead tree. Either way it's lookin'
pretty dead.

Then, while interviewing a local farmer one evening, Ichabod and Young Masbath are stunned to witness the farmer's decapitation by none other than a headless guy riding a huge horse. Even Ichabod is forced to concede that the killer bears a strong resemblance to, oh I dunno - the Headless Horseman? Determined to get to the bottom of these bizarre events, the next day Ichabod and Young Masbath trek into the woods outside the hollow, where they find an Old Crone living in a cave. The Old Crone (yup, that's her name and job description) chains herself to a wall before mutating into a ferocious hellspawn which, between attempts to break free from her bonds and kill Ichabod, reveals that to find the Horseman he must first locate the Tree of Death. She provides these clues:

OLD CRONE
Climb down to the Horseman's soulless place and
let loose his silent shrieking. He who holds fast
the Horseman's desire will guide his reaping hand.

Got that? Cool. Anyway, Ichabod and Young Masbath venture farther into the woods, but decide to turn back as night falls because... well... wouldn't you? Passing the Old Crone's cave they find that she has been killed - beheaded, of course. Once a fad starts it's hard to stop it. But upon examination of the wound Ichabod discovers that it is jagged and bloody - not like the smooth cauterized wound he saw earlier. The Old Crone was not killed by the Horseman. Ichabod's standing in the hollow becomes even more tenuous as Father Steenwyk leads a crusade to have him booted out of town - or worse. But Brom Bones, of all people, comes to his aid, saving Ichabod and Young Masbath from a nasty mob. Brom is convinced that the Horseman can be killed, and believes he and his friends are just the ones to do so.

Meanwhile, Ichabod's flirtation with Katrina continues... actually I should say that Katrina's flirtation with Ichabod continues, as Ichabod's pretty focused on this whole Headless Horseman thing. Romance kinda takes a back seat when everyone in town is being beheaded. Katrina even goes so far as to follow Ichabod and Young Masbath into the woods, where they manage to locate the Tree of Death the Old Crone mentioned. When she turned into a beast. Before someone chopped her head off. Remembering the Old Crone's instruction to 'climb down to the Horseman's soulless place', Ichabod digs up a grave at the base of the tree. Inside the grave they find the body of the Horseman - sans head. Further remembering the Old Crone's statement that "He who holds fast the Horseman's desire will guide his reaping hand," Ichabod realizes that someone has the Horseman's head, and is using it to control his actions. So someone in the hollow is calling on the Horseman to commit these horrible crimes. But who? And why? Could it be Baltus Van Tassel? Father Steenwyk? Lady Van Tassel? Or even Katrina? Evidence at one point or another points to each of them, and it's Ichabod's job to discover who is using black magic to control the nightly rides of the Horseman.

And that's all I'm going to tell you. Because this is one of the few scripts I've read that actually kept me guessing as to who the villain was. Suffice to say that the plot builds skillfully, the suspense grows, and the terror mounts. And it's a blast.

Johnny Depp wearing headgear which reminds you that, oh yeah,
Tim Burton's directing this film. 'Edward Buggy-Eyes'.

I've always loved the Sleepy Hollow legend. The Disney version is one of my favorite cartoons of all time - even though it gets awfully cutesy with Ichabod's horse during the final chase through the hollow. But even that works, because the horror inherent in the tale of the Horseman is so powerful. That's why I was glad to see that this script handles the legend without any irony or condescending humor. This is a scary story, and it's presented as such. The suspense and tension build wonderfully, and the attacks of the Horseman are vicious and unflinching. There's one scene which thrilled me because it didn't pull its punches, and it's symbolic of the tone of the entire script: A man, woman and their small son are in their cabin when the Horseman comes for a visit. Bursting into the home, the Horseman beheads the man while the woman rushes into a back room, where she hides the child beneath the floorboards of the cabin. Bursting into the back room, the Horseman proceeds to decapitate the woman... and then hack up the floorboards with an axe and kill the child as well! That was a surprise. Most films would've had the Horseman kill the man while the woman and child clutch at one another in terror, only to have the Horseman leave without harming them. But not this time. Nu-uh. They all die. And it's not gratuitous. The reason for their deaths is well thought out and important to the story, as Ichabod learns when he finally cracks the case.

'Well thought out'. That describes the entire screenplay. This is a mystery that truly keeps you guessing, which provides clear, understandable and interesting motives for each of it's characters, and offers up a solution that is surprising yet satisfying in that it has been built toward meticulously. What can I say, I thought it was terrific. Now hopefully Tim Burton can apply his sophisticated visual sense to the film, and not burden it with his unsophisticated storytelling sense. I have a hunch this SLEEPY HOLLOW will keep viewers wide awake in terror, wonder, and excitement.

MY PROGNOSIS? Hard to say. The trailer looks amazing, the visuals atmospheric and eccentric yet perfectly suited to the time, place and subject matter. It'll be interesting to see whether or not Burton (or the MPAA) will allow the script's more brutal elements to survive. My gut feeling is that SLEEPY HOLLOW will be a solid hit before the glut of 'prestige' movies begin their Oscar qualifying runs in December.

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