A Love Beyond Compare by Sandra Bondelier

Chapter 11
Those Awkward Moments

As Roman watched Marlena head out to the car, he stood there realizing that he had no idea where Isabella was and that was so strange to him. Just yesterday they were talking on the phone quite frequently and he knew where she was most of the time and now he wanted to call her about something simple like the kids' softball practice and he couldn't. 'Oh, Izzy B... what are we gonna do? I love you.' He took a deep breath and pushed down the pain, it wouldn't do any good to dwell on it now. "So, where would you go...Jack and Jennifer's place, that has to be it!" he said suddenly, feeling pleased with himself. He dialed the number and thought about how awkward it was going to feel when only a few hours ago talking to her was the most natural, most comfortable feeling in the world to him.

"Hello?" answered a youthful voice.

"Uh.. hi, Jen....it's me, Roman. Is..uh, is Isabella there by any chance, I need to talk to her."

There was a pause and then, "Yes, she's here, Roman, and I'm sure she wants to talk to you, but you should know that she's still really upset about what happened last night." Another pause, "Oh, by the way, say hello to Marlena for me, I'm so happy to hear that she's alive and well. I can't wait to see her."

"I know she's upset, so am I, it's pretty..confusing for all of us. Thanks for saying that about Marlena, I'm sure she'll be glad to see you later." Not wanting to discuss his predicament any further, he asked again, "So, could I speak to Isabella now?"

"Sure, hold on one minute while I get her for you." Jennifer went out in the living room area where she found her guest staring blankly out the window of the highrise apartment she and Jack lived in. "Isabella, Roman's on the phone for you."

The woman turned instantly toward her friend, and said with excitement in her voice, "He is? I was hoping he'd call this morning. Where can I take it?" she asked, her heart filled with anticipation.

"There's a phone in your room, why don't you go back there, you can talk in private there." She watched as her friend left the room; clearly she was thrilled he had called, but Jennifer was worried. 'Oh, boy... that situation is going to be very difficult and painful for all of them. Please God, help them all through this," she prayed.

Roman wondered what he should say to her, if he should ask how she was really doing.... and so many other things. Before he knew it, he heard her sweet voice, "Good morning Roman, I'm so glad you called. I missed you last night."

Just hearing her voice filled with love and longing made his dilemna all the worse, as the love he felt for her flared swiftly. "I missed you too, Izzy B, I was so...lonely. I know we can't all be in the same house, but I need you so much right now. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry the party was ruined, I'm so..sorry!" he cried passionately.

She hated the pain he was in as much as the fear she felt, "Roman, don't do that, it's not your fault. I know you didn't have any choice and that's why I tried to make it as easy as possible for you by leaving last night. Don't blame yourself. Marlena and your children deserve to be together and we both have to live with what that means.. for us."

He felt torn in two and it hurt so much. "What about us, Isabella? Aren't we important too, don't our feelings for each other count for anything? I love you... I wanted to marry you... you were wearing my ring, Izzy B... Oh, Izzy what are we gonna do?" he asked her, feeling suddenly desperate for her touch and a solution to the problem.

"Yes, they count for something, Roman. Hearing you say that with such passion in your voice means more than I can even begin to tell you, but we have to face this head on. Roman, your..wife has returned and you...have to decide what that means, for you, for us. You have to make a choice between resuming your life with her or ending it and starting a new life with me, you can't have us both."

Being smacked in the face with it was excruciatingly painful. How could he make a choice like that, how could he ever hurt one of them by telling them he had chosen the other woman? Tears filled his eyes and he told her what he was feeling, "Oh, Isabella.... I don't want to face it yet! I just want to come over there and hold you in my arms, I want to shut out the whole world, so it's just you and me.. and nothing else. I love you so.. much!"

"Oh, Roman.. I love you so much too, and I want nothing more than for you to hold me and make love to me the way you do, but we can't wish this situation away. I know it's so hard for you to accept and believe me, it is for me too. But, it can't be the same for us until you've made a decision about your future."

Forcing himself to calm down and control his emotions, he agreed with her, "Okay... I know you're right. But, we can't solve the problem now, so I'll tell you why I called. The kids are ready for ball practice and they said you promised to go with them today, so I thought I would come by and pick you up. Are you.. up to coming with us?" He hesitated momentarily before adding, "Marlena will be there too."

She sighed wearily, 'So this is how it begins,' she thought. Both of us at the kids' practices, then the games too... Oh, brother, I don't think I'm ready for this. To Roman, she said only, "Sure, Roman come on by, I did promise them and I don't like to break my promises."

His face lit up, at least he could be near her, "Great, we're on our way, see you soon, Izzy. I love you." As he finished that last sentence, Roman heard a noise behind him and knew instantly who it was. Marlena had come in to check on his progress, no doubt; the kids were probably getting restless while waiting in the car. She obviously overheard him profess his love to the other woman. He hadn't wanted her to be hurt so quickly and was therefore hesitant to face her, not wishing to see the pain those words caused her.

"And, I love you. Bye, Roman," replied Isabella, feeling hopeful about her chances to win the ultimate battle for the man's heart.

"Bye Isabella." When he hung up, he just stood there with his back turned, wondering what he should say to Marlena, the first woman he had professed his undying love to on countless occasions.

She cleared her throat and he had to respond, turning slowly, preparing himself for a difficult interchange. "Uh, hi.. Doc, I didn't hear you come in. I.. uh guess you heard me just now."

"Yes, I did," she said, quietly replying to his unspoken meaning. The pain of hearing him say those words to another woman was easily readable in her eyes, but she didn't voice it. What would be the point? Ignoring the issue entirely, she asked, "So, I guess you reached Isabella and we need to go by and get her, wherever she's staying."

"Uh.... yea, I did. She's at Jack and Jennifer's place getting ready right now. Let's go," he finished as he headed out the door, feeling secretly glad they didn't directly discuss his expression of love for Isabella. He hated to see the wounded look in Marlena's eyes, but he just wasn't ready to confront it all, not yet.

She sighed tiredly, herself, saying, "Yes, let's go."

In fifteen minutes, they were waiting for Isabella to come down. Roman had punched the intercom button in the entrance area to the penthouses and then returned to the car to wait. In two more minutes, Isabella appeared wearing her blue jeans, t-shirt and ballcap and Roman smiled warmly and greeted her politely, as if she were a casual friend. Sensing the tension, the kids didn't make a move.

As she prepared to climb into the vehicle, Roman stepped aside so Marlena could see out the window and said, "Oh I..uh almost forgot. Marlena, this is Isabella Toscano... Isabella, meet Marlena Evans." As Marlena stepped out of the vehicle, the two ladies sized each other up subtly. Roman didn't miss it and he suddenly felt like a piece of property to be fought over and that was a very odd sensation for a man like Roman Brady to experience. Breaking the tension, he said, "So, shall we get in? The kids are going to be really late if we don't get a move on."

"Yes, we should, my children are the most important thing in the world to me and I don't want to disappoint them by being late to practice," said Marlena, boldly staking her claim.

Isabella responded in kind, "Yes, they're beautiful children, Roman has done such a wonderful job of raising them, and I love them very much. We've all spent a lot of time together, right Roman?"

Roman looked nervously back and forth between them, feeling trapped, afraid to say the wrong thing. He stammered his response, "Uh...yea.. we have, and they love you too, Isabella. But.. they.. uh, they need their mother also. Isn't it great they can get twice as much love?" he asked, hoping he hadn't alienated either one of them. He quickly went around to the driver's seat and sat down, breathing a sigh of relief to be doing the driving, if only to have the excuse of needing to keep his eye on the road.

Isabella decided not to delay any longer and got in the back seat and the kids embraced her vigorously. "Oh Isabella, we're so glad you could come with us," said Sami excitedly.

"Yeah, practice just isn't the same without you there," Eric said enthusiastically while still holding her close. He had come to love Isabella as a mother over the past year. So had Sami, who snuggled up close on the other side of her.

Marlena looked on with increasing envy and jealousy, though she labored to keep those emotions under control, reminding herself there was nothing wrong with the closeness that had developed between her children and Isabella, and it was nothing she should be angry about. 'Roman thought you were dead Marlena, it was five years...don't forget that or lose sight of what's most important here. The children's needs must take priority over everything else, including your need to be the most important woman in their lives and your need to be first in Roman's heart. All of that has to take a back seat to their feelings right now.'

In another ten minutes, they arrived at the park for practice. Once they were safely parked, the kids scrambled out of the car and rushed off toward the ballfield, trusting their father to bring all the necessary gear, except, of course, for their gloves. Roman taught them to carry their ballgloves with them wherever they went and they did so, all season long. The twins brought them to the store and the library, almost even to church, but their father convinced them it was okay to leave them in the car while they attended services. He chuckled as he thought about their dedication and watched them run off toward the field. Isabella volunteered to follow them while Roman and Marlena gathered the equipment. "I'll just.. go on ahead, if that's allright with you," she said hesitantly, acknowledging that her role with the children was different now that their mother was back.

Marlena replied more pleasantly this time, "Yes, that's fine, we'll meet you over there. Thank you."

"Sure, see in a few minutes, then." Without any further discussion, Isabella jogged off in the direction of the ball diamond.

There was another awkward silence between the remaining two as they watched her catch up with their twins. Marlena broke the tension this time by saying, "She's... lovely, Roman.. and the twins obviously love her very much. I'm... sorry about all of this. I know it must be.. so hard for you today, to be here with both of us."

He swallowed the lump in his throat; she was right, it was very painful to be with them both. And because it was so awkward, he was not really with either one of them, not the way they wanted him to be. That realization caused great anguish inside his heart. No matter what he did or didn't do from here on out, they would both be hurting, until he made his choice. And then when he did, one of them would be devastated. It was truly an impossible situation and he wished there was some way he could be delivered from his plight, that someone would make the decision for him and find a way to make both women happy.

Knowing that wouldn't happen, tears began to form in his eyes for all that lay ahead. All he said to Marlena, however was, "Yea... it is." Then he grabbed the bag of bats and balls and stepped away from the car, signaling that he didn't want to talk any further; he was ready to move on and focus all of his attention on the activity at hand.

Marlena waited a moment longer before following behind him. Seeing the tears in his eyes and the tension in the muscles of his face made her realize all the more just how difficult it was going to get for all of them and she sighed with that recognition. With tears of empathy in her own eyes, she said while watching him walk away, "Oh, Roman.. I'm sorry for how painful this is for you. I wish I could think of a way to make it easier, but the only way to do that would be to let you go. And, I can't do that, I won't do that! I love you with all my heart, Roman Brady, and I am going to fight for you. We always said our love was meant to last forever and I am going to remind you of exactly how wonderful we were together, how amazing and incredible the bond of love was between us. If I can do that, I know you will choose me."