A Love Beyond Compare by Sandra Bondelier

Five was such an odd number... the booths at the restaurant were meant for four, cars were really meant for four... Five was difficult for so many reasons, but mostly because this time it meant he was with both of the women who were now so obviously vying for his affections. 'Why did I go along with this?' Roman was asking himself, as they squeezed into the booth at the Hot Dog Shack, the little place near the baseball diamonds that the kids loved so much. Marlena was on one side with the kids and he was on the other with Isabella, and it was awkward, painfully awkward. Thankfully, the kids were blissfully unaware of the tension that existed between the adults in their company, but Roman was quickly becoming so uncomfortable that he wished he could just disappear into the woodwork.

'Never again!' he thought. 'I'm not going anywhere with both of them again; they keep staring at me and then at each other..and then back at me.. I feel like a piece of meat.' For some reason he didn't quite understand, that thought made him laugh, as he recalled that it was similar to what women usually complained about feeling, and the two women in his presence couldn't figure out why he was laughing. Roman couldn't tell them what he was thinking and that made him laugh even harder. He decided that he was just slap happy because he hadn't gotten enough sleep, so he abruptly stood up and said, "I'm going to go outside for a minute or two and get some fresh air. I hope you guys don't mind," he said, still smiling by the time he spoke to them. As he walked away from the area where they were sitting, he could almost feel four pairs of eyes following him, their owners silently asking what in the world he thought was so funny. "Man.. am I glad to get out of there," he said to himself, quietly, as he stepped out into the early afternoon sun of a hot summer's day.

"Isabella, why was Daddy laughing?" asked Sami, feeling puzzled by her father's behavior. He was acting so differently ever since early that morning, and she was confused by it, but completely innocent and unaware of the entire situation developing between the three adults.

Eric's face bore the same bewildered expression as Sami's and he voiced it, "Yea.. Daddy's been acting weird all day, getting hit by that ball...and everything. I don't understand why."

Isabella and Marlena were looking at each other, still trying to figure out this specific incident, chalking it up in general to the situation between himself and the two of them. Although she understood why her children turned to Isabella for the answer to their questions, it hurt Marlena, nonetheless.

"I don't know...sweethearts, but I think maybe he's pretty tired today and sometimes people have a hard time concentrating and they get a little silly when they're tired," Isabella finally responded, hoping that would satisfy both Sami and Eric.

Marlena nodded, thinking that was as good an explanation as any for his behavior. Clearly, Roman was distressed and was probably thinking that it was a very bad idea for the five of them to go somewhere together. As she watched for Sami's reaction and Eric's too Marlena said, "I think Isabella is probably right, I'm just going to go check on him, I'll be back in a minute." Before Isabella could effectively protest, Marlena was out of the booth and halfway to the door.

Roman stood with one foot up on the picnic table to the right of the restaurant, staring blankly toward the baseball fields across the road from him. He wasn't laughing anymore, in fact he had a pained expression on his face. Marlena approached him from the side, putting a hand on his back. "Are you allright, Roman?" she asked quietly, knowing he wasn't and most likely wouldn't be for quite some time, None of them would, not until there was some resolution.

He shrugged and said, "Yea, I'm fine, Doc. I'm sorry about that, it just struck me funny...being here with both of you...all of us....making nice...you two looking at me, wondering what I'm thinking and staring back and forth at each other." Roman paused briefly and shared his conclusion, "I guess it was a pretty bad idea...all of us coming here together."

Hearing the discouragement in his voice, she tried to make him feel better about it and remind him of why he had agreed for all of them to go. "No...it wasn't, it's okay.. the kids are enjoying themselves. Let's just try to focus on them and it will be allright, Roman."

Roman loved that quality in her, the ability to see things positively, to put a different spin on any situation. Shaking his head in amazement, he said sadly, "Oh, Doc... I wish I could... forget for just five minutes, but I can't. I hate this... I hate that both of you are prepared to...fight for me.. I don't want anybody fighting over me and I don't want to hurt either of you... but there's no way out of it, Marlena.." With moisture in his eyes, he told her the most upsetting aspect of his contemplation, "And the truth is.. you're both hurting already because you each want me to be able to just choose you without question.. and I... can't... I just can't!"

Roman was so upset and she wanted to make it easier for him, but there wasn't any way to do that except to back down and that wasn't really the answer either. She believed that whether she "fought" for him or not, his powerful feelings of love for her, the ones that he had been holding in a place deep inside were being reawakened and he had to deal with what that meant for him in the present and for the future. Rubbing his back slightly to comfort him, she said softly, "Oh, honey.. I'm so sorry... I know that this is very hard for you...and that you don't want to hurt either of us, but like you said, there's no way to avoid it. But you also need to try to remember that it isn't your fault...Roman. This is truly an impossible situation and you've done nothing wrong, honey... no matter who you choose, you haven't done anything wrong.. okay?"

He nodded tearfully... "Okay.. thanks.. Doc, thank you for reminding me of that.. I just feel like I have... somehow, that it's... wrong for me to have.. feelings for both of you at the same time."

She didn't want him being so rough on himself, "Oh...Roman... don't do that to yourself, it's hard enough without you blaming yourself this way. There is no way you could have known I was still alive and therefore you allowed yourself to grieve for me and move on, to find new love and there is nothing wrong with that. And now that I'm back it's only natural that your feelings for me would begin to...resurface and so you're torn between Isabella and me. No matter what I said before, I understand that fact. I can't say it isn't painful for me, but I don't blame you, Roman, I really don't. Please..don't blame yourself for feeling ties to both of us."

"Okay... I'll try... I'm sorry about getting so...emotional on you. I just never dreamed I would.. face something like this." He turned to her and laughed and then said sarcastically, "You want to hear something funny... Doc? A couple of weeks ago I had this discussion with some of the guys around the Cop Shop and I came on real strong. I said that it wasn't really possible to love two people at the same time. Ha.. I guess I was wrong, huh?" he asked with a strange sad smile on his face.

She nodded and teased him a little to help him move out of his sadness and frustration about the situation he faced, "Well... it's been known to happen upon occasion...your being wrong, I mean.."

He chuckled at that comment, it was like something she would have said way back when and it felt surprisingly good. "Well, maybe... a couple of times I guess." He paused for a moment and smiled wistfully, remembering how they had such a fun teasing banter sometimes; he forgot how much he'd missed that. As his mind returned to the present, he said, "Allright, I think I've felt bad about this scenario for long enough right now." Changing the subject completely, Roman asked, "What do you say we get back in there and see how many hot dogs those two little ballplayers of ours have polished off so far."

Marlena was pleased to hear him snapping out of the dark mood, and replied cheerfully, "I say yes and I can't wait to eat a few myself."

"Ah..a woman after my own heart.." he said with a much more pleasant smile, as he took her hand and guided them back toward the restaurant, this time oblivious to the potential double interpretation of his own statement.

She smiled in response and nodded, but inside her mind she said, 'You've got that one right, my love. I *am* after your heart and with a little help from God and Lady Luck, I think I might just have it back one of these days.'

Isabella tried to focus completely on the children, but her attention wandered, as did her gaze, to the action happening right outside the window. She watched the interaction between Roman and his.. *wife* very closely. It was obvious that Roman was upset about his predicament and that Marlena was trying to comfort him, to make him feel better about it. Isabella was itching to know exactly what was being said, wondering if the other couple was growing closer by the minute. Marlena was rubbing his back... just the way he liked it and she could see from his reaction that Marlena had perfect timing with her touch. The tension seemed to fade as they talked and by the end of the conversation he was smiling, and then his attention wandered too. Was he remembering his past with Marlena? Is he going to fall in love with her all over again? Am I going to be the one left behind? She couldn't help but ask all those questions as she watched them together.

Still lost in anxious thought, she didn't hear them return to the booth and it wasn't until Roman spoke that she realized it. "Isabella, did you hear me?" he was asking.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Roman what did you say?" she asked, embarassed.

"Just that Marlena and I are going to go stand in line and get our food, do you need anything else? Are the kids okay here?"

"Oh...yes.. we're all set for food; they've eaten enough and we're just enjoying the jukebox. Oh, Eric did say they wanted to play a few more songs if that's okay with you."

Roman smiled warmly; that was one of his favorite parts about coming to this little place too, "Sure...give them another dollar and let them go at it," he said, handing the bill to her. Their fingers touched as the money was exchanged and the electricity was there for both of them; he saw desire in her eyes and felt it himself, but couldn't acknowledge it in this setting. For his own protection, he looked away before she even responded to his statement.

Isabella didn't miss that fact at all and her voice had a hint of her true reaction, though she was fairly good at hiding her feelings about the situation, so far. "Great, thank you Roman, we'll see you in a minute then."

He nodded, "Yea.. in a minute," he said, stepping away, realizing from her expression that she had been watching him out the window. She was definitely jealous of the time he had just spent with Marlena, the time Marlena had with him ever since last night when he and Isabella were supposed to be celebrating their engagement. 'Oh, Izzy...I do still love you!' He wanted to tell her that to reassure her, but he simply couldn't..not here, not now.

She watched him walk away...again, wishing she could get a minute alone with him to tell him how she was feeling, to find out exactly he was thinking and feeling too. 'Oh, Roman... I'm not going to just let her take you away from me. I'm here too... and I know you love me. I can see it in your eyes. I felt it in your touch just now and I won't just let you go, not without a good fight, not unless you send me away.'

As they stood in line waiting for their hot dogs, Marlena glanced back toward Isabella, whose gaze met hers for only a second before they both looked away again. The woman was seething with jealousy, that was obvious to Marlena's trained eyes, but she was covering fairly well thus far. 'I wish this didn't have to be an all out battle for Roman's heart...but that it is. I want him just as much as you do, Isabella, and I won't walk away either!' she vowed silently, wondering when they would have a face to face confrontation in which all the words they were saying within their minds and all the messages that were being exchanged with their eyes, were spoken out loud. 'Soon, I would guess it will be very soon; we will meet alone and let each other know exactly where we stand.'

Roman was ignoring it on purpose; if he kept watching them, it would make him crazy. He vowed never to take them all to the same place again, at least not purposely. If they were going to fight over him, he was not going to stand there and watch it happening, that was one thing he knew for sure. Roman knew that he had to do everything in his power to keep from putting them in that position, so he decided that he needed to take charge and give them something to go on soon. He had to tell them both something about what he was thinking and feeling; if only he could figure out exactly what that was.

He sighed heavily and asked himself, 'What do I think, What do I feel? Who do I love more? Who do I want in my future? Those were the questions on the minds of the adults in this odd numbered group. The more he dwelled on it, the more confused Roman felt and he wondered if he would ever be able to make sense of the mixed emotions he was experiencing and all the swirling conflicting thoughts that were floating around in his head.