A Love Beyond Compare ch 14
Written by Sandra H. Bondelier
Gotta Have Something To Do

It was early on Saturday night and there was Roman Brady standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, looking at the scab that was trying to form above his right eye. It was a nasty little cut, and he still felt so embarrassed about how it happened. His concentration was off for the entire practice that morning. "Man.. Roman, you've got to do something...you have to have a clear head when you work, you have to find a way to put this away for periods of time, so you can still do your job. So.. what's it gonna be, Roman? How do you put them out of your mind for a little while? Right.. Roman.. put Marlena and Isabella out of your mind... sure no problem," he said sarcastically as he chuckled to look at his confused countenance staring back at him.

Marlena was coming down the hallway and overheard him say a couple things out loud and she empathized with him, but wasn't going to make it any easier. She wanted some time with him, now that the kids were asleep. They had asked her to read their stories instead of their father and she was so touched she started to cry in response. Marlena smiled as she saw their happy faces when she said she would do it. They were so accepting of her already, so inviting and that pleased her more than she could say and she appreciated the way Isabella and Roman had handled the situation, backing off so she could establish a relationship very quickly.

After standing outside the door for a minute or two, Marlena spoke to the man she loved, "Roman... are you allright? How's the cut looking? she asked, guessing he was checking it out.

"Fine.. it's nothing really, don't worry about it," he said, poking his head out from behind the door. Did you need the bathroom, Doc? I'm all through in here, if you do," he said nervously, having noticed her looking at his bare chest. Roman glanced down toward the tile flooring to avoid seeing the desire in her eyes, the desire she didn't want to hide from him. Marlena was making it very clear that she wanted him, in every way. She obviously thought of herself as his wife and she would not consider any other alternative, unless told otherwise by Roman himself. He was not any where near making that kind of decision, so he would have to find a way to deal with it or avoid meeting her eyes at times. He was resigned to seeing that same expression on the faces and in the eyes of two women, at the same time.

Grabbing the robe off the counter where he had set it down, Roman quickly pulled it around himself to break up the moment. Still avoiding her gaze, he made an excuse to leave her alone, so he could focus on something other than his love life. "Well, I.. better go check in with the station and see what's up. The bathroom's all yours, Doc. Oh, and don't wait up for me, I might be late"

Wishing he wouldn't run from her and from his own feelings for her, she smiled weakly and said, "Sure, I'll see you later, Roman. By the way the cut doesn't look too bad. I'm sure nobody will even notice it."

Roman chuckled... she was a horrible liar. "Thanks, Doc... it looks awful, but thanks for...trying to help. You always did look at the bright side of things."

She simply nodded and the two of them stood there not knowing what else to say, or do. There was such nervous tension between them most of the time. Marlena was thinking of what it used to be like before she was taken from him; he was often reluctant to leave her, and they would share several long lingering kisses before he left for the Cop Shop, as he often called it. Sometimes, they would end up becoming so aroused that they made some very quick, very heated love. Remembering one such occasion made her long to be with him that way again and she sighed sadly.

Finally, Roman, who had been daydreaming about the same thing, gave her hand a squeeze and said quietly, "Doc.. it's gonna be okay.. I just gotta go check on things and I'll be back." Then he leaned in and kissed her softly on the cheek. "I'll call when I get a feel for what kind of a night it's gonna be. If it's slow, then maybe we can.. spend some time together."

Trying not to sound too desperate or eager, she said, "I'd really like that Roman." Marlena was smiling brilliantly and he was suddenly transported back in time, to the early weeks of their renewal of marriage. He remembered the sensation of floating on air; every time she smiled at him that way, he felt like he was in heaven. He felt that way for a split second before she added, "I'd like us to...talk some more, if you're up to it."

That was all it took to make him feel uncomfortable and he made his move to leave her. " Yea...sure, if that's what you want," he said, just to say it. Internally, he was dreading the idea. He had such mixed emotions and every time he talked about the situation, it seemed he felt more confused instead of less. After tossing the robe on the bed and taking a t-shirt from the dresser, he looked up and said, "But, right now, I really gotta go, Doc.. see you later," he finished hastily as he turned and headed down the hallway toward the stairs.

Marlena followed him to the stairs and watched him as he threw on the t-shirt he had in his hand, grabbed his leather jacket and rushed out the door without looking back. When he was gone, she sighed heavily and said, "Oh, Roman.. you are remembering our love, just as I am and it scares you to feel something for me again, so soon. But, you can't run away from those feelings, they 'll follow you, honey." Since the kids were sleeping, Marlena started to look around the house, really noticing the changes he had made when it was rebuilt. As she did so, she realized how much he and the children loved Isabella, there were a dozen pictures of her in the house, some with Roman and the kids, some with both kids, some with each child separately, and then a couple with Roman and Isabella. Looking at one of the couple, she spoke out loud, "Well, you have to stop lying to yourself, Marlena. He really does love her, it's there in his eyes and in his smile. Putting the picture down, she chastised herself for having that thought, 'Well, of course he does, he wouldn't have gotten engaged to her if he didn't. What did you think... that she was just some kind of substitute and he was going to drop her the second you came waltzing back into town after five years?' she was asking herself, when she heard a scream. It was Sami, obviously having a nightmare.

"No..no get away, give my Mommy back and get away from my Daddy!" she was screaming loudly as Marlena reached the top of the stairs.

Marlena burst into the room and went straight to the bed to comfort her baby girl. "Oh, sweety.. did you have a bad dream?" she asked quietly, while taking her daughter in her arms for comfort.

Sami was crying and trying to tell her about the dream, and it was hard to understand, but some of it made sense, "Yes.. it was about Daddy... and you... I dreamed that this... mean man took you away again and he hurt Daddy... I was pushing the man so he wouldn't hurt Daddy again. I was so afraid Mommy!"

"Oh... baby.. don't worry, that's not going to happen, nobody will take Mommy away from you and nobody will hurt Daddy."

"But, Mommy I heard you before when you were in the living room, I heard Daddy say he was going to find out who kept you away from us. Daddy was real mad about it, I could tell."

How could she deny it, Roman was very upset that she had lost five years of her life and that he and the children had to grieve and live without her. And, he wanted answers about what happened, where she was, and who was behind her disappearance other than the original villain, Orpheus. One other name came to mind, Stefano Dimera, but he was supposedly dead. At last, Marlena said something to Sami, "Yes.. sweety, your Daddy thinks that someone kept me away from you, but he won't let that happen again, he's going to have protection around us all the time. Don't you worry about a thing, okay?" she reassured.

"Okay, Mommy, I'll try not to worry, but can you please be careful.. all the time? Daddy was so sad sometimes when you weren't here, before Isabella came. I remember from when I was little; I saw him looking at your pictures sometimes and he would cry real hard. When I asked him about it, he said he was okay, but it was just hard to live without you and it made him sad. Daddy loved you a whole lot and he missed you so much."

It touched her heart to hear her little girl speak about Roman's love for her and at the same time it was difficult to picture him grieving so much for the loss of her. She hated that pain and the struggle he faced now, having to choose between two women who loved him, two women whom he loved.

Meanwhile, Roman was making the way down the hallway at the Cop Shop to his office, Commander Roman Brady it said on the door. 'Who would have believed that one?' he asked, somewhat absently in his mind as he turned the handle and entered. Once inside, he was surprised to see that balloons and banners of congratulations and best wishes for his upcoming nuptials were plastered all over the office.

Turning around in a circle, he was amazed at what they had done for him, but he felt a stab of pain as he thought about how all of that was put on hold for now and he dreaded having to explain it, though he knew it was inevitable.

"Well, hello Commander, it's good to see you tonight said the young uniformed officer who poked his head in. "Congratulations, sir!" he added with an enthusiastic smile. The smile faded when he noticed that he was not seeing the same excitement in the other man's face, "Sir.. did I do or say something wrong because if I did..."

Roman cut him off gently by raising a weary hand in the air, saying, "No.. Jacobs..you didn't say anything wrong." Reluctantly, he added with only a hint of the pain he was feeling, It's just... well those plans are on hold... indefinitely." Glancing once more at the decorations, he said quietly, "I do appreciate the thought though."

The officer's face fell and he felt awful about it, "I'm sorry sir, we..didn't know."

"That's allright, you couldn't have known, it happened so fast, and I can hardly understand it myself. Listen... could you and the guys get in here and take it all down while I go take a quick tour of the station house?"

Sensing the man's suffering, he agreed immediately, "Yes sir, I'll get on it right away sir!"

Thanks, Jacobs, I'll see you later," he said as the man left. He had to work to force the pain down. Just the other night he was engaged, he had given Isabella his ring, and he was so happy, happier than he had been in years. Finally, he had found a love similar to what he shared with Marlena in that it seemed to complete him. In the blink of an eye that was all changed. Marlena was back and he was so glad of that, but it was difficult to be around her. It was so confusing to feel so...drawn to her, a part of him wanting her, and at the same time be in love another woman.

While absently walking around the station house, thoughts of Isabella ran through his head, memories of her laughter, times when all they did was snuggle up on the couch with the kids to watch a movie, arranging a romantic surprise for her birthday.. 'Oh, Izzy B... I love you, I still love you. I hope you know that. I wish I knew what to do about it."

As he stood in the doorway staring blankly at the hardwood floor of the gym, wondering what to do with himself, a questioning voice inside his own mind confronted him. 'If you love her so much then why don't you go see her, why don't you go ahead and marry her like you planned? Your marriage to Marlena was years ago and you moved on. There's nothing wrong with that, so... go on, marry Isabella if you love her so much."

Continuing the internal dialogue, he began to answer, "Because... I..."

The other part of his heart kept pushing him, "Because what... why can't you just marry Isabella, you just said you love her, so do it."

"I..can't!" he cried, confused by the way his mind was handling his painful dilemna.

"WHY?" asked the voice that represented one half of his heart, "Why can't you marry her?"

Only slightly hesitant, he answered himself, "Because! I... I...love Marlena too, I love her very much! She was my heart and soul, she was everything to me and I was devastated when I thought she died. Now by some miracle she came back to me! I can't pretend that doesn't mean anything to me, that I don't feel something for her. She loves me and she wants our marriage to go on, she wants me to accept her back into my life. And, why shouldn't I, it wasn't like she left me, someone took her and kept her away from me. It wasn't her fault!"

"It wasn't yours either, Roman... so.. why can't you do that, what's stopping you from accepting her, why are you running from your feelings?"

"I'm not..it's just that... I put those feelings away in a very special place for safe keeping and now they want to come out and I'm not sure how to let them. It..." He stopped, not knowing what else to say and then finished with an exhausted sigh.

"I know something, " said that determined questioning voice again, "you're scared to admit how much you feel for her, how quickly those feelings are returning. That scares you doesn't it, to be so strongly affected by her?"

"No, why should it scare me? No, that's not it at all," he defended himself unsuccessfully.

"Liar... you're scared to death, it makes you question what you've been feeling for Isabella, doesn't it, Roman?"

Roman fired back, "No! No, that's not true, I love Isabella... I do love her! I'm just..confused, that's all."

His internal argument was interrupted by a tap on the shoulder and then a concerned voice, "Hey... Bro...what's going on with you? You look like you're a million miles away," said Bo Brady.

Roman sighed sadly, still thinking about his internal conversation, "No.. I wish I was a million miles away right now, Bo. I was right here in Salem, trying to figure what in the heck I'm gonna do with my life."

"Ah.. you mean you were thinking about Isabella and Marlena again. "

He turned to face his younger brother, nodded and chuckled lightly before saying, "Again? You mean still, I'm still thinking about them. Bo, I can't think of anything else right now, and it's making me crazy. I just had this strange conversation with myself and I'm just as confused as ever."

That little voice spoke to him again, "No... you know what you need to do, Roman, you have to find the strength and courage to do it, and you will one day." He ignored it and came up with a temporary solution to the problem, one that would allow him to avoid choosing for at least a little while. "Bo.. I'm gonna focus on finding out exactly what happened to Marlena, where she was, who was behind it, everything. I just gotta have something to do!" he finished with great intensity. Roman Brady was nothing else if not a man of action.

Smiling knowingly, Bo asked, "You want some help with it Bro?"

Roman returned the smile, saying, "Yea...that would be great, thanks a lot." They stood there quietly for a few seconds and Roman asked, "Have you seen Isabella today, Bo? Is she okay?"

"Roman... she's stronger than you think, she understands how hard this is for you, don't worry so much. Give yourself a break." Roman nodded, "Yea...you're right, she's probably handling this thing better than I am, Bo. Okay then, let's get to work on solving this mystery." The two men went back to Roman's office and began to put a strategy together. They would spend some time with Marlena, gathering as many details as she could possibly recall and then start to trace her path backwards to its origination and keep digging for answers along the way.

Roman kept telling himself that if he could understand it and learn the truth about what happened to Marlena, then maybe he could settle with it and make a choice between her and Isabella. That little voice deep inside him said that he was lying to himself, that what he was really doing was running away from the admittedly painful decision he faced, but he squelched that voice this time. The thought of actually choosing and thus directly hurting either of the women he loved was too hard to handle, so he did run, burying himself in the investigation, not having any idea where it would lead. What he also failed to recognize was that by not choosing, he was hurting both of them and prolonging their suffering, whereas making a choice would allow all three of them to move on with their lives. That was his first big mistake.