A Love Beyond Compare by Sandra Bondelier

A Love Beyond Compare ch 17
Written by Sandra H. Bondelier

Old Habits Returning

The kids were thrilled to be going on a mini-vacation to the mountains... they always loved it when they went someplace. It didn't really matter where because the best part about it was that their Daddy didn't have to go to work. Eric and Sami were running around making sure they had some of their favorite books and toys and just about every piece of sporting equipment they owned. Marlena was working off of a list, as usual and as was fairly typical, Roman was studying a map, deciding on the perfect route to take to the remote cabin he had rented for the four day weekend he managed to finagle out of his superiors. Being Commander did have its perks and he planned to use them to their full advantage this time. After about ten more minutes, he folded up the map, stood up to his full height and announced quite confidantly, "Well, I'm ready to go if you guys are."

Marlena looked at him strangely and said, "Roman... you haven't packed a thing yet.. or did you expect me to pick out all your clothes and whatever else you need, besides the map, a compass and a flashlight?" she finished teasingly, knowing those items were already accounted for by this time.

Embarassed that he had fallen back to old habits so easily, but pleased all the same because it felt comfortable, he said with overdone sweetness, "Well, you were always *so* good at that, Doc... everything I wore was... color coordinated and you *know* how important that is to me.. " he said with a hearty chuckle, as he turned away from her and pretended to be busy with some other details.

She laughed too, it did feel good to know that he fell back into that pattern so easily. It was a very good sign for the relationship, "Oh... good one, Roman... that was a really good one. Color coordinated...he wants to be color coordinated..." she was muttering under her breath as she went up the stairs to do exactly that, pick out his clothes so that he looked decent, at least once or twice during the trip.

"Works every time," he was saying, as he admired the way her hips and bottom looked from behind as she climbed the stairs. 'Oh baby, I forgot how good you looked to me when you did that,' he was thinking.

"I'm on to you, Brady... it won't work again," she called out over her shoulder. "..and stop gawking and get busy would you.. Daylight's a wasting... Isn't that what you always say?"

"Uh.. yea... I do... say that," he stammered, feeling slightly embarassed to have been caught staring at her backside. She was so observant it was scary sometimes. "I'll uh...check with the kids and pack all the camping gear, honey."

"Good thinking, Roman," she said from the top of the stairs. It was wonderful to anticipate their trip. There would be no interruptions, no distractions...and quite possibly nothing to remind him of his other love. Marlena didn't plan on bringing her up and she didn't plan on manipulating Roman in any way... but that didn't mean she wasn't going to help him remember how good things were between them when they were together all those years ago. And who knew, if a moment of mutual desire happened to come along, she wasn't about to let it slip by. He was by all rights still her husband; therefore, she had a legitimate claim on his his heart and.. other things.

Looking at a picture of him with the kids and the other woman, she said, "Oh... I can't wait to get you alone, Roman.. and when I do.. well let's just say... I don't believe you'll be thinking of Isabella," she said while packing one little item of lingerie... just in case. Marlena was determined to make every minute of this trip count for something; she was going to win his heart back and this was the first and very important first step. In fact, in her mind, she had already made some strides in that direction, if this recent warming of his approach toward her was any indication. He was occasionally nervous.. a little jumpy sometimes, usually when passion seemed to flare slightly between them, but he definitely seemed to be enjoying her company more, and he wasn't avoiding his feelings so much any longer. He was speaking fondly of their history, even initiating discussions of some of their happiest times together. All of that was a good indication that he was opening his heart to let those buried emotions come out and to let her inside.

"Hey... Doc.. this kids are chomping at the bit... can't you find enough matching outfits for me?" he called out from the bottom of the stairs.

"You are impossible, Roman Brady... No.. as a matter of fact, I can't. Who does your shopping for you... anyway..." her voice trailed off as the thought occurred to her, just who that was.

He didn't know how to respond at first, but then hastily said, "Uh... I do, Doc, of course... that's why nothing matches. I've needed your touch around here. Listen, whatever you've got in there will be fine for me. Thanks for doing it, I really do hate packing."

She sighed, suddenly feeling tired, and said, "Yes, you always did. She took a last glance at that picture in the frame and said, "I'm sorry Isabella, I'm glad you were here for him while I was gone... but I've returned and Roman is *my* husband. I want him back. I'll play fair, but he *will* be mine again... and I think this trip is going to make all the difference in the world." Placing the picture in a drawer, she finished packing for him and left the master bedroom, feeling confidant of her assertion.

A short time later, they were putting the last items in the trunk, when Marlena started to make a dash for the house. Roman looked up at her and suddenly he was transported back in time, to another trip, much like this one. They were headed up to the mountains... it was winter time, but it was a family getaway nonetheless. He had watched once before as she made a last minute trip into the house never to return. He stood there as the house blew up and that memory flashed in his mind; he was suddenly terrified of losing her again. Immersed in the memory, Roman ran toward the door screaming, "No... Doc... no, don't go back in there!"

He caught her just as she reached the threshold and was about to step inside, pulling her into a crushing embrace. His body was trembling as he held her so close that she could hardly breathe.

"Roman... honey... you're holding me too tight... Honey... what's wrong?" she asked, genuinely alarmed.

Reality began to filter through and he was back with her in the present, realizing that she was allright. His breathing was rapid and she could practically hear his heartbeat, it was so fast. "I..uh...I'm sorry, I.... uh had a memory flash, Doc... It was.. that time we were supposed to go skiing.. and I got.. scared that I was going to..lose you. Pretty crazy, huh?" he said trying to joke it off, even as tears began to trickle down his cheeks.

Reaching up with her fingertips to wipe those tears away, she said softly, "No.... it's not crazy, it's understandable. That must have been frightening for you, but I'm allright, Roman... and I'm not going away again. You're not going to lose me, honey... I'm back for good."

Caressing her cheeks and stroking the silken tresses that he adored, he said tearfully, "I... couldn't... bear it, Marlena... if anything happened to you. I...I still love you... I love you so much, Doc!" There.. he said it... she was back for only a week and he said it, what was in his heart from the first second he saw her. For some reason, he had shut down those feelings, even though he was thrilled, no... more like.. ecstatic to see her and to know that she was alive, he couldn't allow the fullness of the love he felt to flow out from his heart. He was holding back because of the fear, but this unexpected incident compelled him to share that love, in the moment he felt it.

"Oh... Roman.. I love you too! I love you too!" she cried joyfully, thanking the Lord for his perfect timing. "Does this mean..."

A slightly bewildered expression appeared on his face and then he nodded, trying to make sense of exactly what it did mean for their future. "Marlena... I... don't know.. what's going to happen next, but... I'm not going to run away from those moments when I feel something for you.. not anymore. I'm going to let them go wherever they lead us. I won't deny my feelings for you any more. I love Isabella... but you are my wife and you deserve to be treated like the special, wonderful, incredible woman that you are to me. I'm sorry if there were times when it felt like I was pushing you away, avoiding you.... it's only because of that fear, but no more. I'm not wasting any more time. I want to find out what there is between us.. I want to spend lots of time with you and the kids and just let it happen."

"Roman.... that's all I want... is for you to give me a chance.. I know that a long buried memory of love can't compete with a new and fresh love affair. But, if you open yourself up to me.. and allow that love to escape from the hiding places in your heart... I *know* that you will realize once again, that we are meant to be together. I believe that as much as I ever have, Roman."

Roman wasn't sure he could completely embrace their love the way she wanted him to, but he knew things were changing fast. The more he allowed himself to just experience what was right there in front of him, the more he felt the love returning. He basked in the warmth of her loving presence, and the comfort her smile brought to his weary soul was indescribable. Again, he reached out for her face, running the back of his knuckles up and down her left cheek, while saying, "I can't make any promises right now, but I do remember how good we were, Doc... and I remember how we felt about each other. I want us to go on this trip and have a great time together, to rediscover all the things that made us so good all those years ago. And I believe that if it's meant to be... we're gonna know it.. very soon, maybe even by the time we get back home."

They stood in the morning sun of a summer's day holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes like lover's so often do, the rest of the world spinning on its axis totally unnoticed. All they could see in this instant was each other and what they saw was a deep and abiding love that was going to exist into eternity. No more words were necessary... they were on the threshold of a dream. All that was left was to go after it with everything they had inside. Suddenly, their moment was broken up by the sound of a horn blaring followed by two impatient voices asking questions, "Daddy didn't you say you wanted to get an early start?" asked Eric, hoping to have an impact.

"Yea... you said we were going to leave early so we could get there and start having some fun. What are we waiting for?" said Sami in the next second.

Roman smiled at his children's eagerness then looked into Marlena's shining eyes and said, "Yea... what are we waiting for? Let's go!" She nodded silently and the twinkle in her eye was somehow everything he needed. Roman took her hand and led her to the car, the last minute item she planned to retrieve long since forgotten. It wasn't important. What mattered most was the love they felt and the love they were soon going to express. Their hearts knew it even if their minds and bodies weren't quite there yet. What a trip this was going to be.