Promises Made ch 2

For Once in Our Lives

John forced the anxiety and fear down to a manageable level where he could breathe normally and think clearly. He talked to himself to help the process along. "Okay...calm down, John....think, man think." 'Call the Penthouse first and see if she picks up the phone, then you'll have a place to start.' He dialed the number he knew by heart and waited. "Oh, please God, let her be there, let her be allright. Don't let anything happen to her, she's suffered enough," he prayed as the phone continued to ring.

After ten rings, he gave it up and decided to drive on over there. It seemed an eternity until he arrived at her doorstep. Out of habit, he rang the bell. Roman answered the door, saying as he anticipated the guest's identity, "Hello, John...guess what, Doc's not here, too bad. You must be pretty scared you're gonna lose her if you couldn't even wait until tomorrow to talk with her. Are you afraid she's falling in love with me again, John?"

John sighed with weariness, recognizing that Roman spoke with that same bitter tone he had in his voice just before he left Salem four years ago. He said as he stepped over the threshold, speaking quietly, "Roman, let's not turn this into something nasty, it will only end up hurting her. It'll kill her to see us....fight over her, Is that what you want for her?"

"No, John I don't, but I still love her and the way I see it, you basically stole her from me, so why shouldn't I try to win her back from you now? If she really loves you the way you say she does then you shouldn't be threatened by that, but you are....aren't you, John?" Roman thought that the long silence answered the question quite nicely. With a derogatory tone and an outstretched hand Roman said, "I thought so, good luck, John...may the best man win. It's gonna be me, John. And that is a fact!" He was so condescending and John wondered if he could stop himself from hauling off and slugging the man. However, he knew Roman was baiting him, purposely trying to provoke a fight so he could play the victim and John wasn't going for it in the slightest.

Forcing the anger and the underlying fear of losing Marlena down, John spoke calmly and slowly to express his stance on the matter. "I don't want to do this with you, Roman, I don't want to be your enemy. There's not going to be any competition here. The honest truth is that Marlena loves me and I love her with everything I am and I have since practically the first time I laid eyes on her. Now, I am sorry for how it all happened, how it played out to begin with. If I could make up for the pain I caused her and you, and the Brady family I would do it in a heartbeat." John stepped closer to his old friend and spoke with conviction of the heart, "But there is one thing I won't do and that is give her up. If I ever walk out of her life it will be because Marlena sent me away. Nobody and I do mean NOBODY else has the right to tell me to let her go! Now, have I made myself clear?"

Roman stared him down and returned the favor, "Crystal... Now, since we're being so completely honest here. Marlena is the ONLY woman I have ever truly loved, the ONLY one I have been with since the day I met her. Now...John, if you...love her the way you say you do, then why don't you explain to me why it is that you stayed with Isabella and didn't fight for her when I came back, why you ruined another marriage by pursuing Kristen, stealing her away from Tony like you stole Marlena's heart from me, why you got Kristen pregnant, married her and planned to spend your life with her. Oh, yes and maybe you could tell me why you slept with Rebecca Morrison when you didn't ever really care about her at all, why you... basically went chasing after anything in a skirt? Tell me again, John how you have ALWAYS loved Marlena so deeply! What.... did you see her face when you were having sex with all those other women, John? Is that what you meant by loving her with everything you are?"

All the time Roman was talking it was John who was reeling now...he was speechless. Roman was right, if he really loved Marlena, he should have fought harder, he should have confessed his ongoing love years ago and never settled for less than her love. What could he say to all that and yet....he felt he had to defend himself. He was caught off guard and ended up stammering in disconnected phrases, "No...that's not how it was, Roman. She.. I...didn't do that, I thought that she..." Suddenly, he recognized that it didn't matter anymore, that was all in the past now. Exasperatedly, he said, "Oh, man why am I even bothering with this? I don't have to justify myself to you. Marlena loves me and she accepted a marriage proposal from me. We made a promise to spend the rest of our lives together and that's all that matters to me now."

"Well, she made the same promise to me...FIRST! And, I am going to remind her of that and our love and we'll see what happens. Like I said before, she asked me to live here and she seems to be responding nicely to our time together. I'm going to fight for her love and there's nothing you can do about it, John!"

John realized that the argument was futile, neither man was going to back down now, it was a matter of pride as well as love for the same woman. Roman did love her and had been given no indication by Marlena that she didn't feel the same. Until he heard it from her lips there would be no let up from Roman. Since there was nothing more to say that was going to convince the man to let it go, John decided to end the conversation. Throwing his hands up in frustration, John said, "I'm outta here, this is pointless. I'll just let Marlena set you straight when she gets home," John said on the way out of the condo.

Roman was still angry and he couldn't resist planting still more doubt, "Or maybe...she'll set you straight in the morning, John. I wouldn't be so confidant if I were you, she still has feelings for me or she would never have stood in St. Lukes with me...planning to marry me, John. You should know by now that she doesn't take that lightly."

Grimacing as he recalled that memory, he said, "I'm..sorry you felt the need to remind me of that, Roman, but it doesn't change anything. Marlena and I are the ones who will be standing together in St. Lukes getting married. She's mine now, Roman and I'm NOT letting her go unless she asks me to leave her alone. If that happens, then no matter how hard it is, I'll walk away and not look back." John took a step closer until his face was inches from Roman's and finished with utter conviction, "But if she wants me, then BY GOD she's gonna have me! Nobody is going to keep us apart, EVER again!" Roman glared at the man, but didn't respond further.

John turned away after meeting his rival's intense stare long enough to drive home the point, then he calmly left the Penthouse and simply went on down to the Jeep, still deep in thought and wondering if anything Roman said was valid. Then, as he dwelled on the pain Marlena would feel to know they were basically prepared to do battle over her affections, he felt a rush of angry adrenaline surging powerfully through his veins. Slamming his fist on the dashboard, he yelled out in his frustration, "Dammit, this was exactly what I wanted to avoid! He had forgiven us, the anger and bitterness were gone and now...here we go again." Shaking his head, he said regretfully, "Oh, Doc, I don't know how this one can ever have a happy ending, but I am NOT backing away from you because it's what everybody else wants me to do. We love each other and God knows we deserve to have some happiness in our lives, I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure we get it...and THAT is a fact!"

After calming down, John started a systematic approach to finding out where Marlena was. He called the hospital, she wasn't there, he called the Pub, she wasn't there, he called everyone they knew and couldn't find her. The panic started to take over, he felt his chest tightening and his breathing become more rapid. Fearing the worst, John cried out, "Oh, God...please don't let it be Stefano!" As he thought long and hard about everything that had happened since Roman returned, he determined that maybe Stefano was only hoping to distract him, to keep him focused on his love for Marlena and his fear of losing her so he could swoop down and take her without interference. Feeling the need to make sure his prayers were heard, John climbed down out of his Jeep and knelt down on the ground nearby to pray. Reverantly with hands folded, he bowed his head and beseeched his Lord to help the woman he loved, "Oh, God...I know I should have been more...aware, I should been watching him more closely, I should have been...paying more attention to what he was doing! If he takes her again....Oh, God, it's all my fault! I'm so sorry, Doc! Please protect her, please don't let it be him! PLEASE!!" When the tears of anguish and remorse that had been filling his eyes began to spill out, he wiped a shirtsleeve across his face and worked to compose himself again.

Laboring to regain emotional control, he gave himself a pep talk. "Come on, John, keep it together, you can't help her if you let the fear take over," he admonished himself, out loud. "Think..John...think! Where else can she be?" he asked out loud and it hit him, maybe she doubled back and went to the pier, she went there just like he did to think when she had decisions to make or when she was troubled about something. "Oh, please let her be there, God!"

John jumped back in the Jeep and drove off at a fast clip, one that would allow him to get there as quickly as possible without getting stopped for speeding. While he drove, he felt the need for the distraction of music and flipped on the CD player which soon played one of their new songs, one that represented the renewal of their bond of love and commitment. It wasn't a serenading love song, but its message applied perfectly to them and he listened to it in fondness of the day they reunited and at the same time felt the sadness brought on by the most recent separation they had to endure and the pretense of being only friends that was initially forced upon them:

His thoughts echoed the lyrics, 'Oh, Marlena, there weren't supposed to be any broken hearts this time. He had forgiven us, he wrote those letters giving us his blessing. The guilt and shame were gone and we were free to love openly and honestly. Dammit, Doc, we should have told him the truth, instead of going along with Kristen's lies! Look where that mistake has left us!' He remembered the tense interchange he just had with her ex-husband, the fiery determination he felt and the anger and fierce jealousy he saw in the other man's eyes. John expressed it again "I'm sorry, Roman, but she's mine now! Nobody, including you, is going to take her away from me again! Never again, Doc, I promise," he repeated more softly.

His thoughts turned back to the day he proposed to her and the promises they made to each other. He heard her saying, "Oh, John this is like a dream come true for me, I have loved you for so long, I can't wait to be married and start our new life together," she said with tears of joy filling her eyes.

"Marlena, it really is a dream, a dream that's finally gonna come true for us. Our love has stood the test of time and so many other..challenges. We were meant to be, Doc, and I can't wait to call you my bride!" John picked her up and spun around in a circle with her, kissing her passionately all the while.

"Oh, John I love you so..." she had said as she gazed up into his blissfully bright blue eyes. John was enraptured with her and they began to make the kind of love only they could make, the kind where two bodies merged into a shared ecstasy that was almost otherworldly in the pleasure it gave. Just thinking of being with her that way caused his temperature to rise slightly and he unconsciously raised a hand to his lips, wishing.....hoping.... hoping. Suddenly reality hit him hard and he prayed again, "Oh, God, please let her be safe at the pier when I get there, please watch over her for me!"

Finally, he pulled up near the pier and he jumped out of the Jeep and ran down to the water's edge, bounding down the steps two at a time, hoping she was there and was rewarded with the sight of her at the end of the pier. "Oh, thank you, Lord" he said breathlessly with immense sense of relief and tremendous joy in his heart. "Doc!" he called out and she turned toward him, "Oh, Marlena, I was so worried about you!" He ran to her and pulled her into an almost crushing embrace motivated by the nearly paralyzing fear for her safety he had experienced earlier.

Marlena enjoyed the comfort of his arms for a long moment and then finally she said, "Oh, honey...I'm sorry about what happened, I'm so sorry I scared you. When you...told me that Roman knew about us, I was just so.... upset and I needed some time to think about what I would say to him. John, I don't want to hurt him, I...."

Touching her face and wiping away her tears of pain for the other man, he said softly, "Love....you love him, Doc. It's okay, I know that a part of you will always love Roman."

With more tears falling, this time coming from the love she felt for John, the love that emanated from within her very soul, she reached for his face and said, "You are so...good! I can't tell you how wonderful you are to me. Here I am...I left you to wonder about what happened to me, I'm...crying about the pain I'm going to cause Roman and you are being so kind to me, so... understanding. I love you so," she whispered, overcome by emotion.

John smiled and said, "Doc..I do understand, I know that you don't want to hurt him and that your love for Roman will be in a special part of your heart for the rest of your life, that doesn't threaten me. But...I also know that you don't have the kind of love for him that you do for me." John took both of her tiny chilled hands, warming them with his. Then he gazed deeply into her hazel eyes and spoke with great passion about the love she and John felt for each other, "What we share is like nothing else in our lives, it's so strong and so deep and complete! The fact is, Doc, we are a part of each other, we're soulmates in every sense of the word! This love we share is..good, right and true and there is nothing that could keep that love from being expressed and it will never again be hidden, I promise you that."

She snapped out of the sadness about hurting Roman to gaze into those loving, tender, tear-filled eyes of the man she loved for so long without being able to show it and returned the passion with a kiss that left them breathless. Then she said, "Oh, John, you're so right! Our love is indestructible, it is so.. amazing to me. The bond of love we share has gotten us through the most horrible, frightening times imaginable and it has given me such joy I can't describe it and I know it will last forever. I love you so much, John! You are..everything to me and I want to spend every day of my life in these arms of yours. I believe that we belong together and we always have, John."

She was weeping openly, and he pulled her close and kissed her tears away. Then he gently put his arm over her shoulder and began guiding her toward the stairs, "Okay, then Doc, let's go do what we have to do. Let's go make sure that Roman understands the situation, it won't be easy but it has to be done."

She answered more confidantly, "Yes, let's go talk to Roman, and then we can all move on with our lives. I want that for all of us, John. I want to be Mrs. John Black as soon as possible."

"Your wish is my command pretty lady! We will get past this one and then....we are going to have everything we've both wished for all these years, Doc. We are going to share all our hopes and dreams for the rest of our lives, the way we were always meant to be." John said happily.

"Oh, I do like the sound of that, John. I pray that you're right, that... Roman will accept the truth, that he'll let go."

Remembering the fire in the man's eyes and the bitter tone of voice, the renewed sense of resentment he expressed toward John, and the determination to win Marlena back, John said with more than a little concern, "So do, I, Doc, so do I." Then he stopped and looked into her eyes again made a solemn vow, "Marlena, for once in our lives, we have a chance to be happy together and I promise I'm not going to let anything or anybody spoil it for us." All she could do was thank God for allowing them to find their love again and smile dazzlingly at this man she loved with all her heart and soul. It was a love meant to last through all eternity. As John started up the Jeep the song was there again, right where it left off, reflecting the situation just perfectly. They held each other's hands and rode in silence, listening and agreeing with their hearts.