Promises Made ch 6

Promises Made Chapter Six

Promises and Regrets

John went to get more of his things at the Mansion. Everything had changed so fast that he hadn't moved everything out yet. There were lots of clothes and luggage and other belongings he wanted. He hated to set foot in the place, knowing what Kristen would try to do; he just wasn't in the mood to deal with her anymore. He wished she would disappear....."Disappear," he repeated out loud. That was what Eric had said about him, he understood the feeling, he was an impediment in the boy's eyes, much as Kristen was in his own, someone was always in the way of another's plans in this town. He found himself wondering why that was. "Oh, Doc...why can't we just love each other openly and honestly...without everybody interferring with it? Why should we have to feel guilty for loving each other and hide our feelings? It's been so long... How I've missed you!" he cried as he looked at a picture he always carried with him. It was one of the two of them with Belle and Brady.

He thought briefly about going to her and apologizing for what he'd said, for forcing the issue about Roman. He realized more fully while driving over to Kristen's that the trip to Italy was just a cover for letting Marlena know how angry and rejected he was feeling. It wasn't really about taking Brady to see Isabella's grave and homeland and facing that truth made him feel guilty. As he got out of the Jeep and gazed up into the million sparkling lights in the heavens, he took a few moments and found her star. After sighing with weariness, he said tearfully, "I'm sorry Izzy B. I should be taking Brady to see your homeland because he's ready and because it's the right time, not to send Marlena a message. I'll make it right, I promise." It was just so frustrating to keep waiting, they should have been married by now, dammit!

As he stood near the entrance of the dark and depressing Dimera Mansion trying to decide what he was going to do, the front door opened and a pleasantly surprised Kristen said, "Oh, John....it's you I heard, what are you doing standing out there in the cold? Come on in, honey."

John glared at her as he stepped across the threshold. "I'm not... *honey* to you anymore, would you please stop saying things like that, Kristen?" he said irritatedly through slightly clenched teeth.

She smiled with that false sweetness and said, "Well, you know what they say, old habits die hard. We were together for a long time, John. We did share some good times...remember?"

He rolled his eyes, thinking, 'Oh, man...here she goes again.' He was very upset about his situation and taking another trip down memory lane with this...demented woman was the last thing he wanted to do. "Kristen, just stop it! Whatever we...HAD is in the past for good, it's dead and buried. You killed it with your lies, Kristen! Now, get out of my way, there are a few more of my things I need to take from here." John brushed angrily past her and raced up the stairs toward the bedroom.

"My my my, he's awfully testy tonight.....there must be trouble in paradise," Kristen said to herself as she watched him go. That wicked smile slowly spread across her face as she sat down in the living room to wait for him to come back down.

John was rummaging through things in the bedroom, looking for the things that were his alone, hating to even be in the house to do it and his eyes landed on a picture of him with Kristen and the baby. He felt a twinge of something he couldn't identify as he remembered when it was taken. They were so happy that day, he had promised that he would always love her and that they would always be together as a family.

Shaking his head, wishing he could take take back that promise and banish every memory he made with her, he said to himself as he placed the picture back where he found it, "No, it was all an illusion." Everything about his life with the woman had been an illusion of love.... "Dammit! If I would have been completely honest about my feelings and didn't get all caught up in her web of lies, Marlena and I would already be married and then Roman's return to Salem wouldn't have mattered." Recognizing that truth made the frustration even worse to handle. Now, he had someone else to blame for his predicament....himself. He sat down hard on the bed...then jumped up, almost as if he were burned when he noticed that Kristen was standing there watching him.

"Afraid of something, John....afraid you'll remember how good we were together, honey?" she said emphasizing that last word, her eyes motioning toward the bed where they shared their bodies with great frequency and intensity during their relationship. She moved toward him with seductiveness as she spoke.

Angrily he said, "No, I'm not afraid of anything, Kristen!" Referring to her unspoken message, he added coldly, "All of that...means nothing to me now." Turning his attention back to the task at hand, he said, "I really need to get going." He found the clothes and suitcases he needed and began to throw them all together, anything to get him out of this place as a quickly as possible, a place that was filled with so many memories of a false love and reminders of so much wasted time. There were so many promises he wished he'd never made.

Kristen could see that he had been looking at the picture she treasured by the way it was placed on the dresser. She went over and picked it up herself, saying, "I remember when this was taken, John. You were so happy you had tears of joy in your eyes. You loved me and the baby so much. Remember what you said, John? Do you remember your promises?" .

He did remember and it was painful to think about how completely fooled he had been. All that time she was plotting against the woman he truly loved. He glared angrily at her and said, "Dammit, Kristen! If you must know, yes I remember and it hurts! I... loved you and you... betrayed me over and over by lying and scheming. And, more importantly, you hurt Marlena and so many people I care about in the process of trying to hold on to me, including that sweet baby boy and his real mother!" He walked over close to her and gripped her shoulders in his hands, then stared directly into her eyes to make sure she received his message loud and clear, "Now, for the last time, Kristen.... I will NEVER LOVE YOU AGAIN!!" With that he stormed out of the room, rushed down the stairs and out of the house, leaving her there to ponder what could have happened to cause him to be so out of control with his frustration. .

Marlena made her way back to the Penthouse where Susan, the baby, Roman and Belle were all sleeping. She entered quietly and disarmed the alarm system. When she turned around, Roman was standing at the base of the stairs. "Hi, Doc....where've you been?" .

Nervously, she said, "I..uh...was out for a walk. I do that sometimes." .

"Oh...well, I woke up and you weren't here and I was starting to worry about you. I'm so glad you're allright," he said sweetly. .

She passed it off and shifted the focus quickly to him, "I'm fine, Roman. How are you? You really had me concerned earlier with all that coughing." .

"Well, I'm a little better, especially now that you're home safe and sound." He paused for a beat and then said, "Doc, I've been thinking about the past and...the future and I was wondering...what would you say to spending some time with Sami, Eric, and Carrie, as a...family?" He was putting his plan into action, before John had a chance to recover and make another move. "Nothing would make me happier than that. When I was...dying all I could think about was how our family was ripped apart by circumstances and I kept wishing we could have another chance. Now, we have that chance and I want to spend as much time as possible with you and the kids, Doc." .

The guilt was right there near the surface, the pain for hurting him returned with a vengeance, how could she possibly turn him down. "Sure Roman...I'd...like that. What did you have in mind?" .

"Well, I'd like us all to spend Christmas together...you know decorating the tree, singing Christmas carols...opening presents...the whole thing." .

As she stepped further into the room toward the couch, Marlena found herself agreeing pleasantly, abliet reluctantly, "Sure...that would be...nice," she said, but her mind was on John and how upset he was earlier. The resolve she had when she was standing alone on the pier, the decision to talk to Roman and tell him of her relationship with and plans to marry John, seemed to vanish the moment she heard Roman talk about his deathbed wish. In her mind, she was saying, 'Oh, John...I'm sorry, but I can't deny him this...we hurt him so much before and all he wants is to spend Christmas with the family that was stolen from him.' She had no idea that she was being manipulated into making that choice. .

Each little move she made toward Roman was taking her another step away from John and Roman planned to take full advantage of every second she was in his presence to accentuate the positives in their relationship and cause her to doubt the strength of her ties to John. Where John was concerned, all he had to do was keep agitating, baiting him...and the man would self-destruct by becoming overly frustrated with the situation. Inside, Roman was laughing..... everything was going perfectly so far. "Oh, Doc...I'm so glad. Thank you so much...you won't regret this, it's going to be the best Christmas ever!" he said excitedly as he moved to hold her. .

Marlena allowed the embrace and felt warmth toward her ex-husband. It did make her feel good to see him so happy and she just couldn't find it within herself to take that away when he had almost died a short time ago. Even as she enjoyed being held, she remembered the pain in John's face when they parted at the pier. He was so hurt that she couldn't choose his happiness over Roman's and he spoke of leaving for the holidays, taking Brady with him, because of it. 'Oh, John....how did it come to this?' She didn't want him to leave and she couldn't bear to hurt Roman at this time of year, it was truly a no-win scenario. Whatever she did, she was hurting a man she loved and cared for, but the truth she didn't want to face was that she could lose John for good if she kept putting him off. He was being fairly patient until tonight and he loved her tremendously, she knew that much, but he was only human. She recognized that he was tiring of hiding their love and having everyone trying to make him feel as though his love for her was wrong or sinful in some way. John wouldn't wait indefinitely, he did have his pride. .

John went to the Pub....it was late and he knew Brady would be sleeping, but he simply had to see his boy. In reviewing his life in recent years, he realized that his son was the one constant loving presence in his life that never wavered, no matter what else was happening. Brady was there most every morning, to give hugs and kisses and sweet smiles and most every night they read stories and said bedtime prayers together. When the pain of losses threatened to choke the life out of him, John would go in and watch his little guy sleeping and somehow he could make it through. Sometimes, he laid down next to him and fell asleep...for the warmth of love and companionship it gave him and Brady definitely loved it when he woke up and Daddy was right there with him. .

Feeling guilty that he had even contemplated using his son and the promise he made to Isabella to force Marlena's hand, John needed to give love and feel loved. Mostly, however, he wanted his son to know that he wouldn't take a back seat to anyone anymore, no more farming him out to others to be cared for while John went on some adventure for another's welfare. Brady was his son and he should take first priority, especially since John was the only parent. John vowed that his boy was going to get his full attention and whatever happened with Marlena would have to work itself out. He knocked lightly on the door of the pub, thinking that Shawn or Caroline might be awake and he was right. .

Caroline was up...doing the books. She saw John at the door and hopped up to let him in. "Hello, John...what are you doing here, I thought you and Marlena were going to spend the evening together."

His face bore an expression of deep disappointment as he stepped inside and he said, "Yea...we were, but it didn't quite work out the way we planned it. Listen, I....really don't want to talk about it, I just want to see Brady....I feel like I've really neglected him lately. I think I'll go on up and lie down with him...if that's okay...that is." .

"Oh, John, of course it's okay." It was obvious that the man was upset and she cared so much for him, "John....won't you please tell me what's upsetting you....we used to talk about everything, do you remember that?" .

He smiled weakly....it was so long ago in that other lifetime. "Yea...I do, but that was when....that was a long time ago, Caroline. Everything is...different now. Look, I'm really beat, if you don't mind I think I'll just go on up with Brady now." .

She touched him on the sleeve, stopping him for a moment. She said tenderly, "Oh, John...just because you aren't my..biological son doesn't mean I love you any less than I did then, you know that. Please, don't think that because Roman is back that I don't care for you anymore." .

He was touched by the love this woman was able to give out, knowing that he loved Marlena, the woman her son loved and wanted to marry as well. "Thank you...I appreciate that, I really do. I just feel...strange about it because I know you want him to be happy...and he loves her. But, so do I...with my whole heart and soul and I'm so...tired of feeling....guilty about that." His voice was a whisper when he finished and tears were in his eyes; he fought them back, but couldn't keep a few from slipping out around the edges. .

The kind older woman took his hand and said softly, "I know you do, John. And I know that you make her happy." Somewhat hesitantly, she added, "I won't lie to you though, of course I want Roman to be happy too, he's my son. But, I also recognize that he left her; he was understandably very hurt and angry...but he could have stayed and worked it out like she begged him to do. He also could have come back a lot sooner, but he didn't do that. You have my love and support, John. If Marlena chooses you, then I will be genuinely happy for both of you." .

"Oh, Caroline...thank you so much. I was beginning to feel like I was fighting against the tide on this one. It means...more than I can say to have your support." .

Her voice broke as she said, "I love you very much, John... nothing can change that. Don't you know that by now?" She leaned in to give him a hug of comfort and was pleased when he finally relaxed into it, accepting the love she offered. .

His voice was shaky with emotion as well, "I guess I forgot that.... thank you for reminding me." After a few long moments, he pulled out of the embrace and said, "Well, I guess I better get on upstairs. Thanks again for watching him tonight, he loves you both so much. You really are like grandparents to him." .

"John....Brady and Belle *are* our grandchildren, every bit as much as Eric, Sami, and Carrie are. We couldn't love them any more than we do. Marlena, you and your children are a part of our family and you always will be." .

"Oh...Caroline... did I ever tell you that you amaze me?" he asked, slightly in awe of her ability to love unselfishly and to say exactly what he needed to hear at just the right moment.

"Well, not recently...no, but I thank you. Now, say goodnight....son." .

A short time later, Caroline Brady finished up the bookkeeping and climbed slowly up the stairs to join Shawn, who it seemed was also awake. As she reached the top of the staircase, she saw him standing outside the door to the room where Brady was spending the night. Her husband motioned for her to join him and she peered inside, there was just enough light from the hallway to see. At the foot of the bed were two pairs of cowboy boots, one large and one quite small and then her eyes moved naturally to focus on the bed itself. It was a sweet sight she saw there. John was lying on his right side and Brady was curled up in the curve of John's body, John's left arm safely tucked around his boy. They were both smiling as they slept and it melted the hearts of the older couple to see them that way. "Sweet dreams boys..." they said in unison as they closed the door to ensure a quiet night's sleep.