Love Is Not Enough

Part 6

 

Cassy leaned her head against the glass of the ICU room which held her partner. She stared at his closed eyes, looking for any sign of movement. There was none. To truly expect a response was unrealistic, Cassy knew that. The doctor had said that Tom would be heavily sedated for the next 24 hours. But the desire to see him open his eyes, smile and reach out for her hand was overwhelming.

She could hear the soft crying from Tom's mother as she held her child's hand to her lips, his father standing on the other side of his son, stroking his forehead. They shouldn't have to go through this again, she screamed in her mind. They already had to suffer this pain once.

The ICU nurse entered the room quietly and placed a hand on Margaret's shoulder. The red-eyed woman looked up, and smiled slightly at the words being spoken by the younger woman. The nurse turned and left. Liam walked to the other side of the bed and took his wife by the arm, leading her from the room.

Cassy held out her arms to the couple and they grabbed her in a warm embrace. The tears flowed freely, although no one said a word. A presence approached from behind and Cassy looked over Margaret's shoulder to see Erin watching, head dropped slightly to give the group some semblance of privacy.

After a brief moment, Erin approached the window of the ICU cubicle, peering at Tom. Her hand reached out and touched the glass, her fingers outlining his pale face. She watched the steady rise of his chest as the respirator pumped air into his lungs. A lump formed in her throat and she pushed back the tears that were building. She wanted to be strong. She needed to be strong. Despite her best efforts, she lost the battle and tears dropped slowly from her eyes. She had never felt more alone as she did at this moment.

A hand touched her shoulder and Erin turned, expecting to see Cassy. Instead, she was surprised to find Margaret. "Honey, are you going to be okay?" Erin didn’t know how to respond. Erin had met Tom’s parents when he was first admitted to the hospital. The introductions were uncomfortable, for Tom’s parents did not know that their son had found a new love. The days and nights spent in the waiting room while Tom recovered from the initial surgery, and then his fight to conquer the infection, had forced the three to get to know one another.

She was immediately taken with his parents. It was easy to see both Liam and Margaret in Tom. He had his mother’s eyes and her compassion; his father’s mannerisms and humor. All of the best things found in the parents had been given to the child. She liked the couple. With time, she could love them.

When Liam and Margaret had decided to return to Boston, Erin was not sure she would ever see the kind couple again. Part of her prayed that if she did see them it would be as Tom’s fiance. But here they were, just a few days later, standing in the same place, crying the same tears. Only this time, the mood was different, dark and foreboding. Even though Tom was critically injured when he was shot by Harper, there had been hope evident in the eyes of his parents. Now, the hope was gone. The look in their eyes was one of defeat. She realized, with guilt, that she felt the same way. Down deep inside she believed that Tom was going to lose his fight for life.

"Erin?" Tom’s mother repeated, a concerned look crossing her face. Erin realized that she had never responded to Margaret’s question. She nodded silently. Unfortunately looking into Margaret’s eyes didn’t help matters, for she saw Tom’s hazel eyes. No longer able to control the pain or the fear, her tears flowed freely, and before she could think she found herself in Margaret’s comforting arms.

Cassy and Liam watched the two women taking solace in each other’s arms. Cassy felt a twinge of jealousy at how quickly the two had connected, but then pushed the thought out of her mind. Neither Liam nor Margaret had ever changed how they treated Cassy, despite the divorce. They had each made it clear that when Tom married Cassy, she had become a daughter to them and the divorce hadn’t changed that relationship.

Dr. Miller approached the group, a gentle smile on his face. It had been one hour since he had left them in the waiting room. "I figured I’d find you here. I also am taking it for granted that none of you intend to leave until Tom is conscious." The group nodded collectively. "So I have taken the liberty of having a room prepared for you to use if you would like. There are two beds and a cot set up in Room 512 if you would like to try to get some sleep tonight."

"That’s very kind of you," Margaret responded graciously.

Dr. Miller smiled, "It’s the least we can do. I just wish there was a way to do more." He walked past them and into Tom’s room, grabbing the chart at the foot of the bed.

Liam grabbed his wife by the arm, "Let’s go to the cafeteria and get a cup of coffee." Margaret nodded. "You two want to join us?"

Erin nodded meekly. Cassy on the other hand, shook her head. "I’d like to stay here for a little while." She watched the others exit the floor.

The ICU nurse entered the room and assisted the doctor with his examination of Tom. Cassy edged her way to the door so that she could hear what was being said. Dr. Miller was whispering to the nurse, and Cassy could only overhear bits and pieces. ". . .I just don't like the way it's sounding. I want to keep him on the respirator until the heart rate is stabilized. Keep the defibrillator in here just in case. I don't want to waste any time if he codes." The nurse nodded. Dr. Miller looked up to see Cassy at the door and motioned for her to come in. Cassy felt guilty for having intruded, but her concern over her partner was overwhelming.

"It’s okay if you’d like to come in," He smiled at the woman.

"I’m sorry, I just wanted. . ." she paused "I mean I just needed. . ." she couldn’t find the right words.

"You just needed to be with him?" The doctor completed.

Cassy dropped her head and nodded slightly. Dr. Miller looked at his patient. "He’s a lucky man, you know. . .to have family and friends who care so much for him."

Cassy nodded. She looked down at her partner and reached out for his limp hand. "Well, he’s a special person."

"You two are pretty close, huh."

Cassy nodded again. Dr. Miller reached over Tom’s body and laid his hand on top of Cassy’s. "Talk to him. He needs to hear your voice. . .the voices of people who care for him." The man jotted down some information on the chart and walked to the foot of the bed. "I’ll be back in a couple of hours to check in on him. If you have any questions make sure you ask me or the duty nurse." He left the room without further comment.

Cassy pulled the chair up to the side of the bed. With everyone gone, all she could hear was the rhythm of the heart monitor as it echoed Tom’s pulse. The beat was not the steady sound she was used to. Instead the rate was too fast and periodically seemed to skip. She reached to his throat to feel the pulse in his neck, not wanting to believe that the machine was indicative of his condition, but her fingers could tell that the machine was not lying.

She placed her hand on his forehead, as her thumb traced over his eyebrows. "Oh, Thomas. You had to do it, didn’t you? You couldn’t stand back and let someone else get hurt. You had to play hero, huh." She tried to smile, but failed miserably. "You know, you keep doing stunts like this and I’m gonna start taking it personally." She moved her hand from his face to his hand, massaging it gently. "You know we are partners. That’s supposed to mean that you don’t go running off without me." She prayed for some movement from his eyes, some indication that he heard her. But the only movement was from his chest as the respirator pumped oxygen into his body. She didn’t want to think about how vulnerable he was at the moment. His entire existence depended upon the tubes and wires connected to his body. She took a deep breath and couldn’t stop the shutter of fear that ran through her system. Shifting in the chair, she decided that talking was better. "I have you figured out, Thomas Patrick Ryan. I know you did this just to avoid the lecture I was going to give you. Well it won’t work buddy. When you wake up we are still going to have a long talk."

She was quiet again, suddenly remembering her denials earlier in the day. "If you think that this is going to make me open up to you, you’re. . ." she stopped, suddenly feeling very guilty about lying to him earlier in the day, "you’re absolutely right." She bent her head forward, then draped his arm around her shoulders. She needed the contact with him, even though she was certain he couldn’t feel it. "I have a confession to make. I lied to you today when I said that I had never promised to talk to you about our marriage. . .about our divorce." She closed her eyes, "Oh God, this is hard for me. I know you know that." She paused, taking another deep breath, trying to center herself. "Erin said that I have trouble being honest with you." She snorted a small laugh, "After this morning, I guess she’s right."

"You being in the hospital has given me a lot of time to think. When we divorced I was positive that it was the best thing for both of us; so certain that we were only meant to be friends, not lovers. But now. . ."

It took a moment for the sound from the heart monitor to register in her head. The beeping sound which had blended into the background, suddenly changed. It was becoming faster. And then the beep turned to a high pitched alarm, and before Cassy knew what was happening, two nurses had rushed into the room and roughly pushed her aside.

One was at the heart monitor, the other at Tom’s side. The nurse at the monitor yelled to her companion, "He's in tachycardia, Call Dr. Miller, stat." The other nurse picked up the phone at placed a page over the intercom system. Cassy stood back, mortified by the activity around her partner.

"What’s wrong? What’s happening to him?" She yelled, trying to move forward. The nurse by Tom’s bed pushed her back towards the door.

"You need to wait outside, please."

Cassy stood frozen in place. "Ma’am you have to leave now." The nurse pushed Cassy out the door. She started to fight back and then realized that for every second she fought, that was a second that Tom was left unattended. She gave up and stood in the hallway, watching the activity in the room from the window.

End Part 6

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