The Borg's ultra mother ship docked with the Babylon Dwarf silently and the air-locks opened.  Dozens of Borg swarmed inside searching for anyone to assimilate into the collective.  However, the corridor was empty.  The beam weapon that the Borg had installed aboard the probe had shut down all robotic life forms, so the assimilation process would be relatively simple.
    Yet still, the corridors were deserted.  The Borg searched on.

    One Borg reached the Sickbay and began to search through the supplies.  As expected, all systems were shut down.  The drone searched through out Sickbay, and nothing useful was found.  In the corner, however, one piece of equipment was functioning.  It was a large chamber that apparently had it's own power failsafes.
    The drone tapped the chamber with it's fingers and the collective determined that it must be opened.  The drone set to work with it's power tools, but nothing worked.  The saw didn't work.  The drill didn't work.  The laser scalpel didn't work.  Finally the drone pushed the big red button that read ‘OPEN'.
    The chamber door opened and Tarantulas stepped out.  "I'm not done!" he whined.  Upon seeing the drone, he froze.  A smile spread slowly across his mouth.  "Hmm.  Time for a little meal, eh?" he laughed.  The drone raised it's drill.  Tarantulas dove to the floor and pulled out his gun.  Before the drone could blink, it's head was blown off.

    A stirring in the collective sent the two drones into Sickbay.  Tarantulas was busy inside eating the dead drone in his beast form.  He looked up at the new arrivals.  He cackled maniacally and transformed into his robotic mode.  "DIE ROBOTIC ROB ZOMBIES!" he screamed and fired his leg bolts.  The now dead drones hit the floor.  Tarantulas transformed back into his beast form, hopped onto the roof and climbed into the air duct.

    The Borg continued the search until finally coming upon the door to the mess hall which they would have otherwise ignored.  A sign on it read: ‘We are not in here'.  The drones entered.  The entire crew was huddled together there.  All heads turned to Retro 70's Actor Man.  "Thanks a lot!!!" they all cried in unison.
    Retro 70's Actor Man stood angrily and drew his knife.  "How dare you mock my evil genius!  My will crushes all who--" Someone behind him had foresight enough to knock him unconscious.
    The drones continued to advance to the crew.  Suddenly, Tarantulas dropped from the roof.  "I...wasn't....FINISHED!!!" he screamed.  He pulled five mega-missiles from behind him and took aim.  The crew screamed and tried to flee out the doors.  The Borg turned and tried to run out the doors.  The house flies took off and tried to buzz out the doors.
    The Borg drones and the house flies didn't make it.  The entire room exploded and all things inside were incinerated.  Still not happy, a baked Tarantulas shot off five more mega-missiles out through the hull into space at the mother ship.  Everything inside the mess hall was sucked into space.  The mother ship exploded into hundreds of pieces.  The nebula, in response, exploded into atoms, sending the Babylon Dwarf spiraling off.

    Dino-Bot watched as Tarantulas was pulled into the CR Chamber.  "How long did it take for you to find him?" he asked the holographic doctor.
    "Too long." the doctor complained.  "I had some difficulty tracing his almost extinct energy signature.  That blast through the hull caused terrible damage.  It will take weeks for him to be fully repaired."
    Dino-Bot snickered softly.  "I hope he learns his lesson."
    The doctor shook his head.  "Don't bet money on it."

Ten minutes earlier...
    Retro 70's Actor Man walked down the corridor full of purpose.  He toyed with his retractable knife playfully.  It slipped in his hands and cut his fingers...again.  His cursed loudly.  "How dare you strike me!!!" he screamed to his knife.
    A crew member walked behind him, tapping a pad.  He raised an eyebrow at Retro 70's Actor Man and shook his head.  "Are you alright sir?"
    Retro 70's Actor Man struck a dramatic pose in his tights.  "My evil lets me see all and know all!  Therefore, I am all right!  And therefore, you are inferior!!!"
    "Sure." the crew member said.
    Retro 70's Actor Man turned around and began to walk away.  Suddenly, a wet explosion filled the air and a slushy hit his neck.  He tightened his fist.  "How dare you insult my evil by throwing food at me!!!"  He withdrew his knife.  "Now, my evil shall teach you a lesson..."  He turned around and saw the crew member, minus his head.  An alien appeared out of nowhere in front of him and roared.
    "My...evil..."  Retro 70's Actor Man's eyes rolled to the back of his head and he slumped down unconscious.

    Worf turned the corner and snarled.  The alien became invisible and ran.  He then saw something that horrified and delighted him.  The corpses of an extra and Retro 70's Actor Man horrified him.  The prospect of doing battle with a homicidal evil alien creature delighted him.  However, he had his honor.  He tapped his com-badge.  "Worf to Dino-Bot."
    "Dino-Bot here.  Speak Klingon."
    "There have been two murders on board by an alien intruder that has the capacity to become invisible."
    Dino-Bot pondered this a moment.  "Does it have three laser points that form the shape of a triangle?"
    "The extra's body suggests so."
    "Predator...." Dino-Bot snarled.  "Proceed with extreme caution.  I am occupied at the moment and will be down in ten minutes.  Dino-Bot out."
    Worf growled and ran to his quarters.

    The Predator ran down the hall unnoticed by anyone until it was too late.  Finally, it faced an enraged Klingon weighed down with many hand blades.  "I know you are there!  Now, battle me!" Worf yelled, then quickly added.  "I only have seven minutes."
    The Predator became visible and lunged, roaring.

    Londo walked down the hall whistling ‘It's a Beautiful Life'.  It had been a week since any monster or alien had attacked him and he wanted to keep it that way.  He turned the corner.  Two corpses were lying there.  One obviously had his head blown off, while the other....Londo recognized the limp form of Retro 70's Actor Man.  He peered closer.
    Retro 70's Actor Man bolted upright sobbing pathetically.  "I...want...my mommy!!" he whined.
    Londo left him there and continued down the corridor, wondering what else he might find.

    Worf quickly dove out of the way of the three lasers.  They exploded against the hull, sending molten metal flying.  Worf drew a knife and tossed it into the creature's chest.  It howled in pain and ripped the knife out.  It tossed the knife into a door and hit Worf across his face.  Worf flew across the corridor, landing 12 feet away.
    The Predator picked him up once again and threw him into a door which collapsed upon the impact.  Worf slid into the room.  The Predator stood over him, drooling.  Worf grabbed the Predator's leg and swung his bat'leth into it.  The Predator jumped out of harm's way and landed on Worf's head.  He groaned in pain.
    Just before Worf blacked out, he saw Londo walk by....

    The Predator looked up at Londo.  It roared and leaped towards him.  Londo screamed in fright.....
 .....something stirred......
 .....something at his side......
 .....something he had forgotten about......
 .....it changed......
    The Predator stopped charging towards Londo and looked at the new threat.  The Magic Bag monster.  It roared and jumped the Predator, landing solid punches.
    As the Predator was been beaten, Worf's chronometer beeped.  Ten minutes was up.

    The lift doors opened to the deck and Dino-Bot leaped out in his battle mode.  Weapons drawn, he leaped through the air, ran on the walls, and performed exquisite fighting moves.  Block!  Thrust!  Parry!  He kept the moves going for five minutes before noticing that no one was fighting back.
    He looked down the corridor.  Worf was unconscious.  Londo was slumped against the bulkhead stunned.  Retro 70's Actor Man was mumbling for his mommy.  An extra was missing his head.  And the Predator itself was lying on the floor with an ordinary Magic Bag on top.  "Ah slag." he groaned.  He picked up the bodies and pushed into Sickbay.

    The doctor came back from the airlock.  "The Predator will not be bothering anyone until we can figure out what to do with it.  As for the extra," he paused.  "He's dead.  Retro 70's Actor Man is in shock.  And Worf is complaining about not defeating it.  Did you stop it?"
    "No!" Dino-Bot snarled.  "That slagging Magic Bag did."
    "Good." The doctor checked on Tarantulas' state.
    "What are you talking about?!?" Dino-Bot yelled.
    "Pardon?" the doctor looked up.
    "I NEVER GOT TO FIGHT IT!!!!" he screamed.

    Dino-Bot sat on the bridge listening to a historical document on the War of 1812.  Every once and a while, he would grunt in approval.  Finally, Londo could stand it no longer.  "What is so interesting about the document you have selected???"
    Dino-Bot paused the narration.  "Is it not obvious?" he snorted.  "This war is a turning point in Earth warfare!  There is nothing wrong with studying the battles of the past.  And the next selection after this is the Red River Rebellion.  I hear Louis Riel was a military genius; I wish to put that to the test."
    Londo sighed and continued scanning his sensor post.  Something in the corner of his eye caught his attention though.  "Dino-Bot?  What should we do with the Joymaster 2000?"  Londo was referring to Tarantulas' invention that had a nasty habit of doing everything but act like a normal joystick.
    Dino-Bot growled.  "Throw it out the airlock.  Good riddance."
    Suddenly, the lift doors opened and Starbuck walked out with a little boy.  Starbuck scratched his head.  "Everyone, this is my nephew Jamie.  He will be staying with us a while."
    Worf glared at the two.  "Starbuck, I was not aware you had a nephew."
    "Neither was I." Starbuck truthfully admitted.  "Dino-Bot, do you mind?"
    Dino-Bot put some head phones on, and plugged them into a console.  He ignored Starbuck and continued listening to his war documentaries.
    Worf grunted, then turned to Jamie.  "Hello....Jamie."
    Jamie ignored him and pointed to the Joymaster 2000.  "What's that?"
    Everyone's eyes widened (except Dino-Bot.  He had reached an interesting section on the British Naval strategies.).  "Definitely not a toy!" Starbuck stammered.
    "Yay!" Jamie shouted and grabbed the joystick.  He pushed the trigger and made a firing noise.  "Pshh!" he exclaimed.
    Dino-Bot's chest suddenly exploded outward and he fell to the deck.  Londo ran to him.  Data's eyes blew out and he also fell to the deck.  Starbuck ran to him.  Jamie squealed in delight and entered the lift.  The doors closed and Jamie was loose on the ship.

    Kryten walked cheerfully down the hall before bumping into a little boy.  "Hello there, young sir!  Would you like a mint?" Kryten asked nicely.
    "No bad robot man!" Jamie stuck his lip out and pulled the trigger.  Electricity ran all over Kryten's body and he hit the deck.  Jamie ran on.
    Before long, he bumped into C-3PO.  C-3PO immediately recognized the joystick and turned to run.  "Oh no!"  He jerkily ran down the hall, but didn't make it before Jamie pulled the trigger.  C-3PO's head burst off with a resounding ‘POP'.  Jamie laughed and ran on.
    Twiki walked by Jamie some time later.  "Hello." Twiki recited.
    "Good-bye!" Jamie responded.  Twiki exploded into tiny pieces off shrapnel.  Jamie laughed and entered the room marked ‘Sickbay'.
    As Jamie entered the room, someone blinked on by a desk.  "Please state the nature of the medical emergency." the hologram stated.
    "Are you a robot?" Jamie asked.
    "Certainly not." the holographic doctor assured.
    "Are you made of robot things?" Jamie asked again.
    The doctor sighed.  "Well, in broad, general terms...yes."
    "Alright!" Jamie exclaimed.  He pulled the trigger and a part of the wall exploded in sparks.  The doctor blinked off.  Jamie turned to see a red eye looking at him.  "What?" Jamie asked.  "Are you a robot?"
    "No, I am not.  Although I am capable of completing more tasks than a robot, Dave." HAL said simply.
    "I'M NOT DAVE!!" Jamie yelled.
    "Yes, Dave." HAL stated.
    "I'M....NOT....DAVE!!!!!" Jamie screamed.  He pulled the trigger and HAL shorted out.
    Robot and Robby walked in to repair him.  Robot came towards Jamie.  "DANGER WILL ROBINSON!  DANGER!!" Robot cried.
    "Grrrr!" Jamie yelled.  He pulled the trigger and held it down.  Robot slumped down, while Robby's wires spilled out.  Jamie kept holding it until the CR Chamber door malfunction and opened.
    Tarantulas walked out.  "Not again!" he yelled.  He caught sight of Jamie.  "Well, well, well!  I am hungry!!!" he laughed half-crazed.  "Beast mode!"  Tarantulas transformed into a tarantula.  "Yummy." he murmured.
    Jamie stood there with his hands on his hips.  "Bad spider!" he yelled.  He raised the Joymaster 2000.
    Tarantulas recognized it immediately.  "Oh no!" he screamed.  When Jamie pulled the trigger, Tarantulas' abdomen exploded.
    Jamie laughed and prepared to run down the hall.  As he exited the room, he bumped into Janice and her friends.  Janice recognized the joystick immediately and grabbed it.  "Let me take this, little cute thing."

    Worf watched as Tarantulas was the last to be put into the CR Chamber.  Dino-Bot was resting and Worf wanted the honors.  "How long?" he asked the doctor.
    "Just don't even bother asking.  It's longer than a month." the doctor said spitefully.
    Worf smiled.

    Worf strode down the corridor with pride.  It was a fascinating game, this checkers.  Worf vowed to challenge Dino-Bot.  He walked onto the bridge where only Londo was at his post and no one else there.  Worf growled.  "Where is the Governor and the Cat?"
    Londo rolled his eyes.  "Where else?"
    Worf waved his fist in the air.  "They shall be reprimanded for this breach of regulation!"
    "Again?" Londo asked.  "Face it Worf, they could not care less.  Whenever they are on duty, they either have to take a nap at their post or watch a television show."  Worf was about to reply, but Londo silenced him tapping the sensor post.  "Oh dear.  We have a flying saucer on intercept course."
    "ETA?" Worf asked instantly.
    "Five minutes, 39 seconds." Londo ran his hands along the sensors.  "How long until Dino-Bot is fully repaired?"
    Worf sighed.  "Most probably two days.  That bomb Tarantulas had laid was severe."  Tarantulas had planted a bomb in Dino-Bot's closet a year ago.  However, Dino-Bot never went into his closet, so the bomb was never discovered until Dino-Bot opened it to look for a gun he had lost.  Worf shook his head.  "All hands to battle stations!" he roared over the ship-wide intercom.
    After two minutes, the Cat and the Governor had still not come in.  Worf decided to proceed without them.  "Raising shields.  Arming weapons and locking on target."
    Londo worked his console.  "Hailing them....No response."
    The small saucer opened fire and small laser points flew at the massive Babylon Dwarf.  Worf prepared himself for impact and discovered none came.  He opened his eyes and saw a savage and remarkably fake looking weapon pointed at his forehead.
    The Martian holding the gun spoke quickly into a translator.  "Ack ack...ack-ack ack!" he yelled.  The translator worked quickly.  "We challenge you...to a duel!"
    Worf's teeth locked together and he risked a look at Londo.  "How?"
    "The lasers must have been a heavily condensed and powerful transporter beam." Londo surmised.
    Worf grunted.  "We must prepare for another such attack in the future."
    "If we survive." Londo added.
    "ACK-ACK!" The Martian screamed.  "SILENCE!" the translator screamed afterwards.
    "What is your challenge?" Worf inquired.
    The Martian grinned and spread his hands in a peace-like fashion.  He nodded to his subordinates before continuing.  Worf stopped paying attention to the Martian's ‘acking' and listened to the translation.  "We are not unfriendly conquerors.  The challenge is of your choice.  If you win, we leave and never bother you again.  If you lose, we destroy your ship and kill the entire crew."
    "How do you plan to attempt such a feat?" challenged Worf.  The Martian moved so Worf could see the view screen.  A large Martian Battle Cruiser loomed ahead.  It was the largest there was and Worf did not need to check the sensors to confirm it could easily destroy them.  He sighed.  "Agreed.  But I have three dangerous and mind-boggling games to play for the challenge."
    "Bring it on!" the Martian's translator cried.

    The first challenge: chess.  Worf studied his pieces and his opponent's carefully.  It had been two hours since the game began and it appeared to be at a standstill.  Worf saw an opportunity and moved his pawn to block the Martian's King.  "Check!" he growled.
    The Martian looked shocked and put it's head on it's folded hands.  It sighed.  The Martian's eyes brightened and it moved it's knight to take the pawn.
    "Aha!" Worf cried, for his queen could now take the knight.
    "Uh uh!!!" the Martian cried.  Worf's queen could not move without putting his King in check.  "Checkmate!" the Martian grinned.
    Worf roared, then calmed himself.  "The next challenge is even more difficult!"

    Worf grinned as he realized that his enemy was pinned.  Worf was Red and the Martian was Black.  This allowed Worf to imagine himself as a warrior in blood.  The Martian grimaced as he realized he could do nothing.
    Worf jumped over all the Martian's remaining pieces.  He laughed.  "That is one victory for you; one for me.  You see I am a worthy adversary!"
    "So you may be...." the Martian admitted.  "However, I am a very dangerous enemy in games.  Which you will soon find out."  He grinned wickedly.  "What now, ugly man?"
    "You shall see."  In truth, Worf was unsure of what the next challenge should be.  Canasta, Parcheesi, Steeple Chase, Snakes and Ladders.....
    Then it came to him.

    Worf crouched low and extended his limb carefully, in fear of falling.  Bellow him, the Martian was struggling to stay up and succeeding.  Worf knew he could not take this kind of pressure for very long.  His strong Klingon limbs were straining and he did all he could to keep his calm composure.  Perspiration ran down his face and dropped onto the Martian's helmet.
    The Martian looked up angrily.  "Hey!"
    Starbuck span the dial.  "Left foot....Red!" he cried.
    The Martian's mouth gaped open.  He had never played Twister before and the sheer brutality of the game shocked him.  What kind of species would invent such a torturous weapon?  While moving his left foot, he took note of the makers of the torture device.  MB?  The Martian vowed to find and conquer the MB.
    Worf gasped for breath and noted that the Martian had also placed his left foot on Red.  He almost admired the little fellow for playing such a game.  "You...spin." he grunted.
    The spinner landed.  Starbuck sighed.  "Left hand Red."
    This took some of the pressure off of Worf.  Starbuck stood nearby wearing a Coach's sweat suit.  Worf waved him over and Starbuck sent a squirt of prune juice into Worf's mouth via a sports bottle.  "You're doing great Worf." Starbuck said enthusiastically.  "Just keep it up."
    "I intend to!" Worf grunted and cued Starbuck to spin the spinner.  The Martian and Worf watched and time seemed to slow as the spinner reached it's destination.  Worf called it out.  "Left hand Blue!"
    The Martian collapsed onto the floor and Worf stood.  "You....won." the Martian stated.
    "So I have." Worf replied.
    The Martians left quickly through the airlock and the sleek flying saucer flew off.  Worf grumbled as he and Starbuck entered the lift to the bridge.  "They left rather quickly." Worf noted.
    "I noticed that." Starbuck imputed.
    The lift shuttered violently as the two stumbled about inside.  The lights flickered momentarily.  "Bridge, this is Worf." Worf called out.  "Report!"
    Static filled the air.  Starbuck hit the control panel.  "Engineering." he ordered.
    Worf and Starbuck walked into Engineering to find all the engineers working frantically.  Worf stopped Robot.  "What happened?"
    Robot turned to him.  "The bridge was destroyed by a hidden Martian bomb.  They were using you as a distraction.  We suspect the Martians were under the impression it would take the rest of the ship with it.  However, the ship is so badly constructed---"
    The color drained out of Starbuck's face.  "Anyone in there?" he interrupted.
    Robot almost looked grave.  "The Cat and the Governor."

    We come to yet another sad ending.  Join us next time when: