Leospace5!

Reruns of Mixed-Up Space! The time has come! Syndication fever baby! Nothing like a good roll in some reruns and repeats of the stories we know and love...only, these are the revisits. Enjoy!

Return to Backwards Planet

    "...and in conclusion." C-3PO stated. "I feel that we must acknowledge that I was right and we have been traveling towards a wormhole." He stopped his speech proudly.
    All crew members in the auditorium were sleeping, except for Dino-Bot, who was listening to ‘Battles of the Zeta Sector: Chapter 52: Earth'. This was an extensive chapter (as they all were) and Dino-Bot had been studying from it for three months. All you wanted to know about wars and conflicts on Earth (which, needless to say, had the longest chapter by thirty hours worth of material).
    C-3PO jerked, quite upset. "Didn't anyone listen to my obviously important speech?"
    Dino-Bot stopped the tape. "No. You realize you are quite a pathetic specimen of robotic life."
    C-3PO ignored the comment and swung his arms around (as best as he could). "The path we have been circumnavigating is chaotic and this wormhole will lead us to a point we've already been to before; which I have already said, had you been listening."
    Dino-Bot rolled his eyes.
    "I've calculated that the other side of the wormhole is none other than the mysterious planet where time runs in the reverse direction. Further more, we shall be traveling three years into the past." C-3PO waited for applause. None came.
    Dino-Bot snorted. "Maybe we can get some answers." He looked around him at the sleeping crew. "If we were under attack...." He unclenched his fists and continued. "You put them to sleep; you wake them up!" Dino-Bot stormed out of the room, transforming into his robot form as he went.
    C-3PO walked to the nearest crewmen and shoved at him. "Wake up!" He tried further, but finally threw his arms up in defeat.

    Tarantulas stepped out of the CR Chamber. "Slagging teenage girls! You eat one of their hamsters, and they somehow find a plasma weapon..."
    Dino-Bot stood before him. "Finished whining fool?"
    Tarantulas laughed maniacally. "I hear one has a chinchilla!"
    "Too bad. We have approached the Backwards Planet. I need your assistance."
    "The where?"
    "A planet we encountered before you got here. We destroyed it!!"
    Tarantulas played with his gun. "Why is it still here?"
    "I don't know." (As per usual, Dino-Bot had not been listening to C-3PO)
    Tarantulas furrowed his brow. "Why is it backwards?"
    "I don't know."
    Tarantulas scratched his chin. "Why did you blow it up?"
    "I don't know."
    Tarantulas frowned. "Let me get this straight: you found a planet where time runs backwards, looked around a bit, blew it up, took off, came back, and it's still here."
    Dino-Bot nodded. "That is correct."
    Tarantulas shook his head. "Oh, I get hungry when you talk. I'll catch a rat. Enjoy the planet." Tarantulas transformed into his beast mode and scuttled away.
    "Wait!" Dino-Bot called. "I need you for..." He stopped, sighed and walked off.

    Starbuck was smoking another cigar and walking down the corridor with Londo. "Let me get this straight:" Starbuck puffed. "You were compelled to blow up a planet."
    "Actually, we created it." Londo corrected.
    "Sure. You guys just went down to the surface, insulted the natives, came back to the ship, and destroyed the planet." Starbuck said, deadpan.
    "Actually, we created it." Londo corrected again.
    Starbuck was about to object further when his eyes widened. "Oh boy. Look, Londo buddy, tell you what: you can entertain our dear friend coming down the hall as I vamoose. Okay? You're a pal." Starbuck ran down the corridor.
    Londo looked down and saw the approaching figure of Retro 70's Actor Man. "LONDO!!" he screamed.
    "Oh no..." Londo muttered.
    "Londo Mollari! I have a complaint." Retro 70's Actor Man started. "Someone keeps breathing inside my room."
    "What?" Londo asked.
    "Inside my wall. Someone is breathing in there! And when I press up against the window I can feel the person's warm breath against my cheek!" a crazed look was in his eyes.
    Londo thought about it for half a second. "I think it's your heater."
    "YOU FOOLISH MAN! I WILL DESTROY ALL OF YOU!!! YOU THINK I'M AN IDIOT DON'T YOU?!?! YOU SHALL--" a fist hit the back of Retro 70's Actor Man's head, and he collapsed onto the deck.

10 minutes later...
    Dino-Bot, Tarantulas and Worf walked into the Mega-Tron Torture Bar. "I do not know how you convinced me to come here." Worf grumbled.
    Dino-Bot waved at the holographic bartender. "Because we are celebrating!"
    Tarantulas snickered deviously. "Celebration is correct." he laughed. "And wait until you try this new drink of mine! It's spectacular! I call it Drat."
    Worf sat on a barstool. "Why?"
    "You had to ask." Dino-Bot muttered.
    "Because it's two parts Drain-o, one part rat." Tarantulas rolled on his barstool laughing hysterically. "It goes down easy!" He was still laughing when a large thump filled the air, and the lights flickered.
    Worf stood up. "What was that??" He moved towards the door, and discovered it wouldn't open. "The door is jammed."
    Dino-Bot snorted. "So?" He watched a holographic image of Mega-Tron explode. "Did you see that?!"

The End

Stuck Again in the Mega-Tron Torture Bar

10 minutes earlier...
    Retro 70's Actor Man collapsed onto the deck and he struck as dramatic a pose as possible before falling into unconsciousness.
    He awoke inside a large leather sack that smelled vaguely of rat. He had no idea who could possibly be kidnaping him, when he heard a tell-tale snicker.
    "Shut up!" growled Dino-Bot's voice.
    "This is funny!" he heard Tarantulas whine.
    "You are without honour." Worf's voice stated. "You have been laughing about this for the past half hour."
    "WELL I HATE YOU TOO, REJECT FROM THE INFERNO!!!" he heard Tarantulas yell, painfully beside his ear.
He heard extreme shushing and assumed it was from Dino-Bot and Worf. He was starting to wonder where this was going, when he felt the bag being thrown onto a platform. Tarantulas was really cracking up now, and more shushing was heard. Then the whine of a transporter beam filled the air.
    Retro 70's Actor Man felt the zipper of the bag and opened it. When he looked around, he discovered he was on the gantry of a shuttle that was flying backwards up into space. "Those blubbering ninnies! They thought they could abandon me on the Backwards Planet, but they underestimated my evil!" he shouted to no one, taking undeserved credit for the rising shuttle. "I, er, planned for the shuttle to pick me up; yes, that's right!"
    The shuttle continued flying through space until it reached the Babylon Dwarf. The massive ship opened it's doors in time to admit the reversing shuttle. The shuttle landed on the deck and the doors closed behind it. The Babylon Dwarf re-entered the wormhole.

10 minutes later (again)...
    "Pikachu: I choose you!" the hologram of some brat yelled. Dino-Bot roared in laughter as a yellow freak of nature flew out of a ball and straight into the boiling stew. Dino-Bot turned to Worf. "This may not be Mega-Tron, but it's still pretty good." Dino-Bot was watching the holographic program ‘Pokémon verses the Cannibals'.
    Worf was not so impressed. "The ship could be in danger; we must get free!"
    Tarantulas was watching the show with Dino-Bot. "Relax, monstrous beast! Sit down and watch the program. The next one is ‘Mega-Tron and the Evil Acid' and it promises to be a good one!" Tarantulas snickered. "Can you pass the popcorn Dino-Bot? And stop hogging the Skittles!"
    "Get your own!" Dino-Bot snapped.
    Worf turned back to the door and banged his head against it.

    "And most of all, the dinosaur guy is my best pal. We go back years." Starbuck gloated as he puffed his cigar. He was in a hot tub with several women, all of which were awed by his presence.
    "Wow Starbuck. I just wish we were here longer. We're only staying two days." the blonde said.
    Starbuck sipped his martini. "Well, we'll just have to make the best of it, won't we?"
    "Who's that?" asked the brunette.
    The Cat strolled in. "Hi ladies!! The macho machine is here!!"
    The girls instantly went to his side in their scant bikinis. Starbuck stood up. "Cat! You can't do that!"
    The Cat grinned as he hugged the girls. "I just did. Can't help it if I'm the best looking guy here." The girls giggled with him. "I've got six nipples you know. Much better than the monkey!"
      Starbuck watched the Cat leave with the girls and he got up to find Dino-Bot.

    Worf turned from the circuitry in the door in frustration. He walked to the bar, just in time to see Tarantulas fiddling with some wires in Dino-Bot's head. "What are you doing?!?" Worf yelled.
    Tarantulas looked up at him. "This is really funny." He reactivated Dino-Bot. "Hey, Dino-Dork, how do you feel?"
    "I feel fine. What in the inferno did you do?" Dino-Bot demanded.
    "Nothing." Tarantulas winked at Worf. "Oh Dino-Bot...You're a weasel!"
    "Why you--!!" Dino-Bot lapsed into unconsciousness.
    "Oh it works!" Tarantulas laughed gaily. "You see, whenever Dino-Bot gets angry, he'll automatically shut down now!"
    "You're insane." Worf commented.
    Dino-Bot reactivated. "What happened?"
    Tarantulas stood over him. "Dino-Bot, you're stupid...." Blackness. "....and you're ugly..." More blackness. "....and weak!"
As Dino-Bot fell again to the deck, Tarantulas picked him up and held his hand up, ready to slap Dino-Bot back into consciousness. "Dino-Bot, you are so useless.." SLAP "..and retched.." SLAP SLAP "Dino-Brat--!" BOFF "Stop and eat my rats for once--" BANG "I'm Dino-Bot, aren't I gay--" TZOWEE "Oh this is too fun!"
    Worf yanked Tarantulas off and threw him against a wall. "Dino-Bot are you alright?"
    "My head hurts." Dino-Bot watched Mega-Tron explode on-stage. "Hey...did you see that?"
    Tarantulas walked back up. "Yes, and it is your mother and wife up there!"
    Dino-Bot roared and...well, you know.

The End

Rhyme and Reason

    Dino-Bot and Worf were walking alongside Retro 70's Actor Man down the corridor outside the Mega-Tron Torture Bar. Worf grunted an approval to Retro 70's Actor Man. "Thank you for rescuing us from the bar. How did you do it?"
    Dino-Bot stopped both of them. "Further more, how did you escape the Backwards Planet??"
    As Retro 70's Actor Man paused to answer both questions, the ground opened up from beneath him and he fell, screaming down at least three decks.
    Worf snorted. "More of Tarantulas' booby traps. Oh well." The two continued walking down the corridor. "Dino-Bot, I must check in with one of the extras in Engineering to see if we have missed anything."
    Dino-Bot scratched his beast mode chin. "What if the extra is dead?"
    "That is a risk I am willing to take."
    "Very well." Dino-Bot responded. "I shall go to the bridge and talk to K. Then I will have my head fixed from Tarantulas' meddling. Once I am finished I shall meet up with you in Engineering." The two separated.

    Sometime later, Tarantulas hovered over a green glow in his Lair. He was surrounded by various strange tools, bent over his creation with purpose. The glow ended and the lights in The Lair turned back on. Tarantulas picked up the object of his work: the Joymaster 2000. Previously, the Joymaster 2000 had done everything except work as a joystick, including zapping people inside television shows, and switching the crew's bodies.
    Tarantulas snickered. "At last! Now you will finally work!!" He leaned close to it and whispered "People will tremble at my genius now..." He flicked the switch.
    Nothing happened.
    Tarantulas smacked it, but it still received no power. "No!!" he yelled to the universe.
    The com-link opened and beeped until Tarantulas answered it. "This is Dino-Bot. Tarantulas, if you do not report to Section J-5, level 13, and answer for your crimes, you shall be put in the recycling heap! Dino-Bot out."
    Tarantulas set down the joystick and left The Lair grumbling. As he left, the joystick began to hum and glow, then suddenly stopped.

Worf growled continually in one of the corridors. Dino-Bot stood beside him with his arms crossed. Tarantulas, in his beast form, sauntered up to them. "What do you want?!"
Dino-Bot pointed to Worf, who was covered in a blue web against the bulkhead upside-down. Tarantulas snickered, and tried to disguise it as coughing. He suddenly began to shiver violently. Dino-Bot narrowed his eyes. "What is wrong, spider?"

   "I felt weird, kind of strange.
Not like that is any change." Tarantulas stated in a perfect beat.
    "We could do without the rhyme, eater of raw flesh." Dino-Bot declared. "What's going on? What's happening?
Isn't there anything to stop this thing?" Tarantulas shouted.
    "Looks like Tarantulas was attacked by Mother Goose." Dino-Bot told Worf jokingly.
    Tarantulas snorted. "Ha ha, aren't you funny.
Hey look, there's a bunny!"     Dino-Bot turned and spotted a rabbit dash down the corridor. Worf voiced his thoughts. "How did that get here?"
    "I will find out immediately. Come Tarantulas." Dino-Bot commanded. "Yes yes! On my way.
Maybe we could stop to play!" Tarantulas suggested.
    Dino-Bot and Tarantulas left for the bridge, completely forgetting about Worf. Worf struggled against the web. "Wait! Stop!!" he sighed.

    On the way to the bridge from Sickbay, Retro 70's Actor Man stopped Dino-Bot and Tarantulas. He was quite agitated and was playing with his knife dangerously. "I have a complaint!"
    "What?" Dino-Bot growled.
    "There is someone naked in the Men's Change room!" he yelled.

    "Heaven forbid, you ugly nut.
Now a big dog will bite your butt!" Tarantulas grinned.
    "What dog?" Dino-Bot asked.
    Suddenly, a giant pitbull jumped up and sank it's teeth into Retro 70's Actor Man's posterior. He screamed and sank to his knees. "How dare you...mock my evil...." he said in pain between gasps. Mysteriously enough, the dog had vanished as well. "Evil? Hah! You're just a maniac!
Everyone can see it's brains you lack." Tarantulas drop kicked the pained man down the hall.
    "First smart thing you said today. Why are you rhyming your phrases?" Dino-Bot asked. "I don't know, Dino-Dip!
I've been stumped during this whole trip!" Tarantulas took a bow. "It has to be Starbuck, he's the one!
This is his revenge, how delightfully fun!
I will eat him, slowly at first.
But now I want to quench my thirst!" As if on cue, a mug of oil coffee appeared in his hand.
    "I do not think this is Starbuck's doing." Dino-Bot said thoughtfully.
    Just as the two reached the bridge, a shock ran through the ship and knocked them all off their feet. "Borg vessel coming astern!" Londo yelled.
    "Shields at 45%." Data reported.
    Dino-Bot ran to the weapon's console. "Maximize!" he shouted and transformed into his robot form. He punched the buttons and weapons lashed out from the Babylon Dwarf.
    During the fierce battle, no one saw Tarantulas transform into his beast form and crawl out of the bridge via the service ducts to exact his revenge. To Be Continued

Backtrack To Eden
(A Story With a Disappointing Ending)

    All over Engineering, screws were falling out of their place and onto the deck. Starbuck ran, picked them up, and screwed them back into place. However, more were falling out than could be screwed in. "Robbie! Gimme a hand!" he yelled.
    "Yes sir." Robbie the Robot stated and began slowly walking towards Starbuck.
    "TODAY!!!" Starbuck screamed.
    "I can not move faster than what you see." Robbie stated.
    "Then it's time to get a better costume designer, isn't it?!?" Starbuck said sarcastically.
    Tarantulas crawled on the roof above Starbuck's head. He began to laugh. "Look whom I am over top.
Now, this shaking should stop!"

Back on the bridge, Dino-Bot looked over his controls in amazement. "The Borg cube is gone! Where could it be?"
Data ran his fingers across the scanners. "The logs indicate the ship just vanished."

Starbuck noticed the shaking had stopped and looked up at the roof. Before he could run, Tarantulas webbed him to the floor.

"Well well well, if it isn't the vengeful one.
You will regret reprogramming me when I am done!"     "But I didn't do anything!" Starbuck cried out, then stopped. "Why are you rhyming?"
Tarantulas ignored him: "You will die, tee hee hee!
For the culprit is right before me!!"     With that, he sank his fangs into Starbuck's neck. Starbuck lapsed into a coma. Only then did Tarantulas notice the Joymaster 2000 in front of him. "Whoops. What a blunder!
The Joymaster, no wonder!"     Dino-Bot walked in. "The Borg are gone and --- WHAT IN THE INFERNO HAVE YOU DONE?!?!?!?!?!?"
    Tarantulas transformed, stepped off of Starbuck's limp form and changed the subject. "There's Rat-Eating Rick, I'm his biggest fan!
And look there's his date, Raggedy Anne!"     Dino-Bot noticed the couple down the hall and confusion sounded in his voice. "What the.....DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!!" "Starbuck fell, yeah that's the ticket!
And he, uh, found my web and fell right in it."     Dino-Bot look at Starbuck, then Tarantulas. "You are obviously lying. Why should I..." He snarled. "WHAT IS THE JOYSTICK DOING HERE?!?!?!?!?!?!?" he screamed. "Well, I was working on it in my lab,
It wasn't working, what a drab.
I left it alone,
It went on it's own,
Fix it? I'll take a stab!" Tarantulas took a bow again.
    "You are really bad. Switch the blasted joystick....and don't say a word!" Dino-Bot commanded.
    Tarantulas flipped the switch the other direction. At first, nothing happened. Then the Joymaster 2000 glowed and hummed.
Tarantulas stood up. "Am I cured? Yes!" he laughed.
    Dino-Bot tore the webbing and picked up Starbuck. "That joystick is nothing but trouble.
Let's go to Sickbay, on the double!"     Tarantulas gathered up the Joymaster 2000 and, laughing, followed Dino-Bot. He was laughing so hard, he did not notice that the engines had completely shut down.

    After a few weeks, someone had finally noticed that the engines had stopped and the ship was being mysteriously drawn to a planet. The planet was lush green with vibrant blue oceans and white, snow-topped peaks. As the Babylon Dwarf entered orbit, it stopped it's forward movement and remained still.
    C-3P0 looked calmly at his controls. "It appears that the navigational computer has not kept a log of our voyage. We have no way to determine where we are."
    Worf turned to Dino-Bot. "We should investigate what power source has brought us here. I suggest a landing party near here," he pointed to a sensor read-out. "The only power source on the planet."
    Londo nodded in agreement. "Is Tarantulas around to foil our plans?"
    Dino-Bot grunted. "I made sure he won't be disturbing us for at least another month." He handled his sword by the edges, deep in thought. "Have we been here before?"
    K frowned deeply. "I don't know. I have this sense of deja vú."
    Starbuck puffed his cigar and straightened his jacket. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Something spooky about this place."
    Dino-Bot snorted loudly. "Data! You're supposed to be smart. Have we been here before or are we just letting our imaginations take control of the scenario?"
    Data furrowed his eyebrows in thought. "I do not believe so, but something is familiar about this place."
    "Then I deduce we have no choice but to go down to the surface. Maybe there our questions will be answered." Worf stated.
    Dino-Bot nodded his assent. "Very well. The team shall consist of Starbuck, the Cat, K, and myself. Worf stay here in case it is a trap to lower our defenses."
    "Agreed." Worf stated.

    The team materialized on the planet after two days. Dino-Bot hit his communicator immediately. "Disassemble that ‘Star Trek: The Motion Picture' transporter now! It takes forever!! I do not want to have to remind you again!" Dino-Bot growled angrily to the transporter operator.
    Without waiting for a reply he cut the communications link. What he didn't know, was that while in the transporter beam, there was a terrible communications malfunction and the crew had been instructed not to communicate with anyone at all. As a result of Dino-Bot's communicating to the extra manning the teleporter controls, a surge of electricity shot out from the extra's communicator, killing him instantly. Less than a minute later, the malfunction was repaired.
    K picked up a rock and turned it over in his hands. "Interesting..."
    "What?" Starbuck asked.
    "It's a rock." K said, deadpan.
    "Are you sure?" asked the Cat.
    Dino-Bot transformed into his beast form and inhaled deeply. "I feel as if we have been here before. Been to this planet. Been to this very spot."
    "Like Eden." K noted. "It's beauty evokes a sense of calm."
    "Affirmative." agreed Dino-Bot. "I do not even have the urge to pummel Starbuck."
    "Look!" interrupted the Cat. "A house up ahead!"
    "Let's go!" stated Starbuck. The group made their way through the beautiful, sunlit path in the forest to a large, old-fashioned mansion. A sweet-flower scent filled the air, and the quartet laughed merrily.
    Upon reaching the house, Starbuck knocked on the door loudly and it opened immediately. However, upon closer inspection, there was no one around in any of the large regal rooms.
    Dino-Bot gazed up the long, narrow staircase in the center of the main hall. "Perhaps we should explore up there."
    K nodded in agreement. "There must be someone in this house. This was the only power source."
    As the crewmates made their way upstairs, their sense of deja vú deepened to the point where they were absolutely convinced they had been here before. At the top of the stairs was a long hallway with only one door at the end. Slowly, with Starbuck in the lead, they made their way forward until they reached the door.
    The Cat looked at the knob. "Who's going to open it?"
    Starbuck gulped and opened the door. Inside was a large state bedroom with sunlight streaming through the windows, and a large bed in the center of the room. The shipmates walked slowly around the bed, Starbuck beside Dino-Bot on one side, K and the Cat on the other side.
    In the bed was an old man, obviously sick and dying. He looked up at their speechless faces. "I knew you would come back." he managed and took a sip of water from a crystal glass. "Now, you want to know why you are here."
    Dino-Bot nodded.
    "You want to know when you were here before."
    The Cat nodded.
    "You want to know where this is."
    K nodded.
    "You want to know how I controlled your ship."
    Starbuck nodded.
    The old man sank back. "I will tell you. You see....I...." And the old man sank into a painless death.

The End

A true pity. Join us next time for more exciting, interesting, and not-so-disappointing stories in:
"The Mixed-Up Space Disaster"