The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota

Words to the epic song by "Weird Al" Yankovic.

From the album "UHF"

Well I had two weeks of vacation time coming after working all year down at Big Roy's Heating and Plumbing.
So one night as the family and I were gathered round the dinner table,
I said,"Kids,
If you could go anywhere in this great big world, now, where'd you like to go to?"
They said, "Dad,
We want to see the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota!"
They picked the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota!

So the very next day we loaded up the car with potato skins and pickled weiners,
Crossword puzzles, Spiderman comics, and Mama's homemade rhubarb pie,
Pulled out of the driveway and the neigbors, they all waved, "Goodbye!"
And so we began our three day journey.
We picked up a guy holding a sign that said, "Twine Ball or Bust!"
He smelled real bad and he said his name was Bernie

I put in a Slim Whitman tape, my wife put on a brand new hairnet,
Kids were in the back seat jumping up and down, yelling "Are we there yet?"
And all of us were joined together in one common thought
As we rolled down the long and winding interstate in our '53 De Soto
We're heading for the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota!
We're gonna see the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota!

Oh we couldn't wait to get there so we drove straight through for three whole days and nights,
Of course we stopped for more pickled weiners now and then.
The scenery was just so pretty
Boy, I wish the kids could've seen it
But you can't see out of the side of the car because the windows are completely covered with the decals of all the places where we've already been.

Like Elvis-O-Rama, the Tupperware Museum, The Bowl Weevil Monument, Cranberry World,
The Shuffleboard Hall of Fame, Poodle Dog Rock, and the Mecca of Albino Squirrels
We've been to Ghost Towns, Theme Parks, Wax Musuems, and the place where you can drive through the middle of a tree
Seen Alligator Farms and Tarantula Ranches, but there's still one thing we gotta see...

Well we crossed the state line about 6:39
And we saw the sign that said "Twine Ball Exit-50 miles."

Oh the kids were so happy, they started singing "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" for the twenty-seventh time that day.
So we pulled of the road at the last chance gas station,
got a few more pickled weiners and a diet chocolate soda

On our way to see the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota!
We're gonna see the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota!

Finally, at 7:37 early Wednesday evening as the sun was setting in the Minnesota sky,

Out in the distance on the horizon, it appeared to me like a vision
before my unbelieving eyes.
We parked the car and walked with awe-filled reverence toward that glorious huge majestic sphere.
I was just so overwhelmed by its sheer immensity,
I had to pop myself a beer.

Yes, on these hallowed grounds open ten to eight on weekdays,
in a little shrine under a make-shift pagoda

There sits the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota!
Yes, it's the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota!

Oh! What on earth would make a man decide to do that kind of thing?
Oh! Winding up 21,140 pounds of string!
What was he trying to prove?
Who was trying to impress?
Why did he build it? How did he do it?
It's anybody's guess!
Where did he get the twine? What was going through his mind?
Did it just seem like a good idea at the time?

Well, we walked up beside it and I warned the kids, "Now, you better not touch it,
those ropes are there for a reason."
I said, "Maybe if you're good, I'll tie it to the back of our car, and we can take it home!"
But I was only teasin'.

Then we went to the gift shop and stood in line,

bought a souvenir miniature Ball of Twine, some window decals,
,
And anything else they'd sell us.
And I bought a couple post cards, "Greetings from the Twine Ball--Wish you were here!"
Won't the folks back home be jealous?

I gave our camera to Bernie and we stood by the Ball
and we all gathered 'round and said, "Cheese!"

Then Bernie ran away with my brand new instamatic
but at least we've got our memories.
So we all just stared at the Ball for awhile
And my eyes got moist, but I said with a smile, "Kids,
This here's what America's all about."
Then I started feeling kind of gooey inside
and I fell on my knees and I cried and cried
And that's when those security guards threw us out.
You know, I bet if we unravelled that sucker, it'd roll all the way down to Fargo, North Dakota!
'Cuz it's the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota!
I'm talking 'bout the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota!

Well we stayed that night in the Twine Ball Inn
in the morning we were on our way home again
but we didn't really want to leave
That was perfectly clear.
I said, "Folks, I can tell you're all sad to go,"
Then I winked my eye and I said, "Y'know, I got a funny kind of feeling we'll be coming back again next year."
"'Cuz I've been all around this great big world
And I kind think of anywhere else I'd rather go ta'
Than the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota!
Yes, the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota!
Minnesota!
Minnesota!

Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota MP3(6.2 MB)