At last, the truth about speech is revealed! Spread the word to your family and friends! Inform your co-workers! Pass on this link:
http://geocities.datacellar.net/HotSprings/1527/speech1.html

Speech is not controlled by the brain itself, althought this fallacy has been expounded by the so-called "experts" for years. Speech is actually controlled by 2 separate centres: the first is the "thought liquid centre" (tlc) located within the brain, towards the back of the head; the second is the "word processing centre" (wpc) located at the base of the neck.

As children, the "thought liquid" flows quite freely into the wpc at the base of the neck, thereby creating words that have meaning and significance. Anyone who's spent time with children learning to speak will immediately see the truth of this statement.

Sadly, due to certain environmental conditions, this "thought liquid" dries up. The tlc ceases to send the liquid to the wpc. Even more sadly, this doesn't stop the wpc from functioning. Oh no. In fact, without the liquid to regulate the wpc functions, the wpc takes on a life of its own, and generates phrases that no self-respecting brain would ever consider forming. Without the tlc liquid to provide regulation, gababble tumbles willy-nilly from the wpc to the mouth. And, naturally, without tlc, the person saying these phrases is incapable of understanding the impact of these same phrases. Thus, we hear things like "It's all in your head", and "What's the matter with you?" and "You'll never amount to anything", over and over again. Opinions are offered as gospel truth, in spite of a complete absence of facts to back them up. Stories are invented and told as truths. Half-truths are embellished to the point where the kernel of truth is unrecognizable. Feelings are hurt, ties are broken, and ppl just don't care. It's all symptomatic of lack of tlc.

It's important to note that this "drying up" process is completely reversible, if the person who dried up is willing to work at re-activating their own tlc.

It's also important to note that ppl can switch words/phrases and even forget words/phrases without any impairment in their tlc. Pwfms (that's People With FibroMyalgia Syndrome) who fibrofumble thru sentences are not, as a rule, dried up. However, pwfms are not immune to drying up. How to tell the difference? Fumbles are related to words and phrases. Drying up relates to complete life choices, and imposing one's will on others. With a little practice, it's very easy to differentiate between a non-threatening fibrofumble and a blatant "dryup".

This important service announcement was brought to you by Mrs Bill.

We now return to our regularly-scheduled humour break.