Working with others is essential for us to maintain our own abstinence and recovery, but that's not always such an easy task. Anybody who has had a sponsee, who either could not or would not find abstinence, or peace with themselves, understands this. We can share our own experience, strength, and hope. We can share information with them out of the OA literature. But I've learned that there is one thing that I have no ability to give to others, and that it the desire to stop eating compulsively. It seems they may need to find that in their own way.

One person I worked with many years ago had sought out recovery primarily because their spouse wanted it. That was their only motivation. Although this person could work through the first two steps, being pushed to recovery by family didn't provide enough motivation to go further. I spent many a long night trying to make progress, but to no avail. I appealed regularly to my HP for intervention. Within six months, this person died of a heart attack as the direct result of complication from their disease.

So do we give up on those who can't seem to make it? The OA motto says "Always to extend the hand and heart of OA to all who share my compulsion; for this I am responsible." This is a responsibility I choose to take seriously, for not only are other people's lives at stake, but so is mine. This motto doesn't appear to be telling me I should only work with those who already have a certain amount of willingness to work the steps or that I think have the best chance of success.

I've heard sponsors boasting of their success rate in working with other compulsive overeaters only to find on closer inspection that these sponsors simply "fire" those who don't or can't follow the suggestions they are given so this appearance of success is only an illusion. The sad fact is that many of our kind will not find lasting recovery and will die of this disease. We can't save people from themselves, but we can save ourselves by trying.