Chapter Six
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 72, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"Having made our personal inventory, what shall we do about it? We have been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our Creator, and to discover the obstacles in our path. We have admitted certain defects; we have ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is; we have put our finger on the weak items in our personal inventory. Now these are about to be cast
out. This requires action on our part, which, when completed, will mean that we have admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our defects. This brings us to the Fifth Step in the program of recovery mentioned in the preceding chapter."
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Brenda here, COE and your co-chair for Saturdays for the month of July.
Step five was a very important step in my recovery. When I finished step four I had this whole book of garbage that I had put down on paper. Some of it was garbage that I had never told anybody else. I felt a great deal of guilt when I looked at it and I needed to get rid of it as soon as possible. The day I finished step four I called my sponsor and the next day we got
together to do step five.
My fourth step did not clearly show my defects of character it took the help of my sponsor in step five to pull them out of the chaos. Admitting my defects to God was easy because I knew that he already knew them and I knew that He still loved me. Admitting them to myself was a little more difficult because I had them all blown out of proportion in my mind. They made me bad and evil and I had to accept that I was sick not evil. I had to accept the fact that I could easily see in others but was blind to in myself. Admitting my defects to another human being was very hard. I felt a lot of shame about my actions. I thought that once I told anybody all the bad stuff they would leave me for sure. I believed that parts of my fourth were so boring nobody would want to hear them. I thought that I was unique so I thought some of my fourth would shock my sponsor. I prayed to God to help me through this step and went ahead and did it and found out I was not so unique.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 72-73, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"This is perhaps difficult - especially discussing our defects with another person. We think we have done well enough in admitting these things to ourselves. There is doubt about that. In actual practice, we usually find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient. Many of us thought it necessary to go much further. We will be more reconciled to discussing ourselves with
another person when we see good reasons why we should do so. The best reason first: If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier
methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but
hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else all their life story.
More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn't deserve it."
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Hi all, I'm Anne, compulsive overeater and co-chairperson for Sunday.
I certainly can relate to this passage. I understand only too well what it is like to show one face to the world, while holding onto my true face and not letting anyone see it. Getting honest. Being vulnerable. Opening up. All those things terrified me. Fear of being rejected, judged, and criticized kept me in this acting mode which kept me from being real with others as
well as myself. I played the performer, the circus clown, the actress. No one ever saw the real me.
Step 5 was a huge leap of faith for me. Revealing myself to someone on that deep a level terrified me, however "if we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking" terrified me even more. So I did my 5th step with someone because I knew if I didn't, it would be a death sentence for me in chancing
a return to the eating. I got real. I exposed ALL of me and I didn't hold anything back...and you know the amazing part? They didn't run screaming because of it. They saw the true person I am and didn't reject me for it. I got fully honest and as a reward for doing so, a release from fear and a new freedom took place. The real healing began.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 73, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"The inconsistency is made worse by the things he does on his sprees. Coming to his senses, he is revolted at certain episodes he vaguely remembers. These memories are a nightmare. He trembles to think someone might have observed him. As fast as he can, he pushes these memories far inside himself. He hopes they will never see the light of day. He is under constant fear and tension - that makes for more drinking.
Psychologists are inclined to agree with us. We have spent thousands of dollars for examinations. We know but few instances where we have given these doctors a fair break. We have seldom told them the whole truth nor have we followed their advice. Unwilling to be honest with these sympathetic men, we were honest with no one else. Small wonder many in the medical
profession have a low opinion of alcoholics and their chance for recovery!"
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Hello, LindaE here, Compulsive Overeater and the leader on Mondays during July.
Before coming to OA I had tried almost everything short of surgery to deal with my weight problem. I'd bought magazines and diet books, trying the "diet of the month" as touted in those volumes. I'd been to several commercial weight loss programs, following their programs, losing weight, then re-gaining it. I'd prayed fervently for God to help me lose weight and tried various religions without result. I'd been to doctors who told me to lose weight but could offer no solution. I'd been to psychologists for help, but they offered no solution either. One asked if I thought I was fat. At the time, I was returning from my venture into exercise bulimia and anorexia and was at a pretty normal weight. However, I had picked up the food; had
gained 15 pounds; and was unable to stop overeating. *I* knew where I was heading, wanted to stop, and was powerless.
However, there was one thing true with the diet clubs, the doctors, and the counselors. I was not honest. I did not, indeed I COULD not tell them about my eating. The shame I felt about that was too great, and how could they be of much help if I was not honest with them? Perhaps they could offer a solution if I had been able to open up and to be honest with them about the
food and how I ate. But the lines from above describe my feelings precisely. I was revolted at memories of shoving food into my mouth, and was terrified that someone might have seen me. One of my most shameful memories is of a secretary coming into my office and my stuffing candy I'd been eating into a
draw. She had seen and said, "You don't have to hide it." I was mortified.
Part of why OA works for me is that the people in program do or have done the same things that are part of my abuse of food. They understand, accept, and do not judge me. They also understand the sense of shame. Along with the understanding, is acceptance of me as I am. That acceptance is one of the most treasured aspects of program for me.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 73-74, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world. Rightly and naturally, we think well before we choose the person or persons with whom to take this intimate and confidential step. Those of us belonging to a religious denomination which requires confession must, and of course, will want to go to the properly appointed authority
whose duty it is to receive it. Though we have no religious connection, we may still do well to talk with someone ordained by an established religion. We often find such a person quick to see and understand our problem. Of course, we sometimes encounter people who do not understand alcoholics.
If we cannot or would rather not do this, we search our acquaintance for a close-mouthed, understanding friend. Perhaps our doctor or psychologist will be the person. It may be one of our own family, but we cannot disclose anything to our wives or our parents which will hurt them and make them unhappy. We have no right to save our own skin at another person's expense.
Such parts of our story we tell to someone who will understand, yet be unaffected. The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others."
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Hi, my name is Thumper and I'm a compulsive overeater and your substitute co-chairperson for this Tuesday.
I chose to do my 5th step with my sponsor, but her being my sponsor wasn't the primary reason I had chosen her. Through the years I had, bit by bit, pretty much told her all of my deep dark secrets and all that really remained was for me to do was sit down in a more formal fashion and go through my entire list of defects and wrongs. I would have found it very difficult to expose myself like this to someone I hadn't already developed a
strong sense of trust with and who I knew without reservation could listen to my 5th step without judgement or condemnation. It has become common practice while doing the 4th and 5th to add a list of our positive traits and assets although there is no mention in the Big Book of doing so and which I suspect is kind of a watered down version of the way it was done in
the old days. This step was originally written for alcoholics who were desperate and had surrendered entirely to their disease. Tough love was the general approach - they knew that the destruction of false pride and self-centeredness was essential to the recovery process. It appears to have
become accepted though that maybe compulsive overeaters are somehow more sensitive than these alcoholics and need a certain amount of ego strokes to keep them in the program? The text says "the rule is we must be hard on ourself".
THE QUESTIONS
Who did you or will you do your 5th step with and why did you choose them?
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 74-75, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"Notwithstanding the great necessity for discussing ourselves with someone, it may be one is so situated that there is no suitable person available. If that is so, this step may be postponed, only, however, if we hold ourselves in complete readiness to go through with it at the first opportunity. We say
this because we are very anxious that we talk to the right person. It is important that he be able to keep a confidence; that he fully understand and approve what we are driving at; that he will not try to change our plan. But we must not use this as a mere excuse to postpone.
When we decide who is to hear our story, we waste no time. We have a written inventory and we are prepared for a long talk. We explain to our partner what we are about to do and why we have to do it. He should realize that we are engaged upon a life-and-death errand. Most people approached this way will be glad to help; they will be honored by our confidence."
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Hello from Linda S, a compulsive overeater and your co-chairperson for Wednesdays again in July.
After I did my first fourth step inventory, I decided to share it with as a fifth step with my spiritual director, a nun from church. She was also my councilor. She knew me well and was accustomed to maintaining confidentiality. After I had my inventory about ready to share with her, I learned that she was going away for the summer. My inventory had awakened many uncomfortable feelings and I disliked the idea of sitting on them for several months. I thus answered the questions from another format and had one huge ream of papers to read to her upon her return. I guess sitting on the feelings
all summer made me sound extra pathetic in my writings. She thought I was the sickest person she had ever encountered. From sharing with her, I learned several lessons: Make sure the person is going to be available long enough to hear the entire inventory and make sure the person will listen and acknowledge rather than try to fix you. I shared most of my other
inventories with my first OA sponsor. We would normally sit cozily in her bedroom, late at night, with the door closed. She would smile serenely and, when I appeared embarrassed after reading something I'd written, she'd tell me how she had done the same or similar things. I came out feeling equal to
other people, not better or worse than them. I felt lighter, cleansed and renewed. She and I also shared a couple of inventories at retreats. That wasn't nearly as private at night because the walls were thin and people were trying to sleep at night and, by day, people kept coming up to visit with us when we were trying to share deeply. I shared my latest inventory by
mailing it to my present sponsor. For those of you who have nobody face to face that you would trust, this is an option. I suppose you could also email it. However, I personally have written enough addresses incorrectly that I wouldn't feel safe doing this. I wouldn't want just anybody to read about my wrongs and to know me this thoroughly.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 75, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now
we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem as disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe. Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing what we have done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know
Him better. Taking this book down from our shelf we turn to the page which contains the twelve steps. Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones
properly in place? Have we skimped on the cement put into the foundation? Have we tried to make mortar without sand?"
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Hello cyber friends, I'm Brooklyn, recovering from COE and sugar addiction, 1 day at a time and your Thursday co-chairperson for July.
How interesting...we pocket our pride...just as I pocketed my secrets and fears. This next time I will put my pride aside, and throw myself into the cleansing fire.
I wrote several 4th step inventories, but only did one formal 5th step with a sponsor who came to my home many years ago. I read all of my inventory, then he took it to the bathroom, burned it and flushed it down the toilet. The toilet threw it back up and flooded the room. It obviously didn't like
the crap I fed it. Could this have been a God thing? LOL In retrospect, my intentions were good, but my honesty was in question.
I've come a long way from those years, and can understand the newcomers' plight with letting it "all hang out". Over the years, I've corrected my motives and methods, and the one coming up will be by the book, the Big Book. I long for a closer relationship with my Creator, for release of the secrets, fears and anger I've lived with for too long.
There will be no holding back, no excuses to myself that this isn't the time yet. It's well past the time and it'll never get any better or easier than the present time. It's much like getting abstinent. When is it a good time?
If life is getting better as the result of even "half measures", how much better will it be when I give 100% in trust and faith that my sponsor is exactly the right person to give this to...based on a relationship in which my sponsor has proven to be trustworthy, solid in recovery, and has a lengthy abstinence. There's also a Higher Power bursting at the seams, waiting for me to unleash the cobwebs of my mind so I can discover I can FLY
!!!!
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 76, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"If we can answer to our satisfaction, we then look at Step Six. We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can He now take them all every one? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.
When ready, we say something like this: "My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your
bidding. Amen." We have then completed Step Seven"
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Hi, Chris here, COE and Friday Co-Chairperson for the month of July.
Thanks for letting me do this service again this month and thank you so much Thumper for making it so easy!
I have not done a 4th Step Inventory yet so cannot speak from personal experience. I do wonder what will I be like afterwards. Will I really be the person I have pretended to be all these years? Will I be better than that? Or will I give up so much of myself that no one will know me or like me any more or wonder what happened? I am a very private person so I do not pretend
that I am looking forward to my 5th Step. I am doing it not just because it seems to be required for recovery (although that is a major enticement); I am doing it because I want to be honest, once and for all, about everything. I don't want to hide one part of me from one person and another part from someone else, all the time making sure I do not blow my "cover". I have been
able to be honest on this loop and I have felt accepted and not judged by all of you.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 76-77, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"Now we need more action, without which we find that "Faith without works is dead." Let's look at Steps Eight and Nine. We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We
attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.
Probably there are still some misgivings. As we look over the list of business acquaintances and friends we have hurt, we may feel diffident about going to some of them on a spiritual basis. Let us be reassured. To some people we need not, and probably should not emphasize the spiritual feature on our first approach. We might prejudice them. At the moment we are trying
to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in itself. Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. It is seldom wise to approach an individual, who still smarts from our injustice to him, and announce that we have gone religious. In the prize
ring, this would be called leading with the chin. Why lay ourselves open to being branded fanatics or religious bores? We may kill a future opportunity to carry a beneficial message. But our man is sure to be impressed with a sincere desire to set right the wrong. He is going to be more interested in
a demonstration of good will than in our talk of spiritual discoveries.
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Brenda here COE and your co-chair for Saturdays in July.
"We need more action." This statement is so true. I had to start to take the action of making amends. Once I saw the nature of my wrongs and the people I had hurt, I needed to do something about them. In each case where I had an opportunity to make an amends I never found it necessary to bring my program into it. My reasons for making amends are mine. I am there to acknowledge my
wrongs and then I am to try to make them right and not do them again. The people I was making amends to were curious enough about what I was doing without me bringing my newfound spirituality into the mix. In many cases I had nothing to say to another person I just had to make a living amends. Once I saw my actions, I needed to try to act differently. Not all of my
direct amends have been completed as yet but I have tried to correct my actions even if I have not had a chance to make it right with the person I hurt originally. Even if I did not acknowledge to the person that it was a spiritual program I need to acknowledge to my Higher Power what I wrong I am correcting. Before making any amends I pray to my Higher Power to be able to
accept whatever the outcome of my amends is without developing a new resentment. This section was difficult for me to identify with so any insights you can share on it will be appreciated.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 77, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"We don't use this as an excuse for shying away from the subject of God. When it will serve any good purpose, we are willing to announce our convictions with tact and common sense. The question of how to approach the man we hated will arise. It may be he has done us more harm than we have done him and, though we may have acquired a better attitude toward him, we are still not too keen about admitting our faults. Nevertheless, with a
person we dislike, we take the bit in our teeth. It is harder to go to an enemy than to a friend, but we find it much more beneficial to us. We go to him in a helpful and forgiving spirit, confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret."
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Hi all, Anne compulsive overeater and your Sunday co-chair for July.
For me, it was truly difficult to approach my adversaries with an attitude of forgiveness and a wish to be helpful. I knew that I needed to approach them openly, humbly, honestly and with true sincerity. When I did my 9th step, there was one woman who I dreaded the thought of making amends to. I wrote her a heart felt and honest amends after much prayer (and a bit of
anxiety). She wrote me back a brief note saying that she had accepted my amends…and with that, the dispute was finally settled. No one ever said that recovery was easy, and willingness to make amends to those people that had
animosity towards me (and vice versa), not only set me free from the bad feelings, but allowed me to move on and sweep my side of the street clean. There seemed to be something about admitting my faults and being vulnerable to someone that truly despised me that seemed to grant a new freedom in that Higher Power would resolve this situation where I never could. Forgiveness
ended up being a true gift that was given not only to the people that I gave my amends to, but it ended up being a gift that was given to me in return. The resentment was replaced with a new freedom and sense of serenity.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 77-78, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue. Simply we tell him that we will never get over drinking until we have done our utmost to straighten out the past. We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that nothing worth while can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell him what he should do. His faults are not discussed. We stick
to our own. If our manner is calm, frank, and open, we will be gratified with the result.
In nine cases out of ten the unexpected happens. Sometimes the man we are calling upon admits his own fault, so feuds of years' standing melt away in an hour. Rarely do we fail to make satisfactory progress. Our former enemies sometimes praise what we are doing and wish us well. Occasionally,they will offer assistance. It should not matter, however, if someone does
throw us out of his office. We have made our demonstration, done our part. It's water over the dam."
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Good afternoon, LindaE here, Compulsive Overeater and the Monday leader during July.
In making my amends, I tried hard to look at myself and to let go of the other person. This is not always an easy thing for me to do. However, I understood that I must look only at myself and my wrongs, not at the other person had done to me. It is not easy to make amends or to heal a relationship when the other person is as much, or more, at fault than I am.
I am the kind of person who lived so much in fear I had very few wrongs for which I needed to make amends that actually involved going to another person, confessing my wrong, and offering an apology or restitution. I was too frightened to actually say or do anything that might cause harm. Think it!!??!! YES!! Definitely. But actually **do** something?? NO WAY!!
So I lived in fear, hurt, and silent anger. I followed my favorite acronym for fear: F#%k Everything And Run. Yep. Worked for me. My form of retaliation was to end the relationship or to make it as distant and minimal as possible. If someone noticed, which they usually didn't, I would plead busy-ness. Therefore, in making amends I couldn't go to the people and apologize. Many or most of my amends involved re- establishing relationships
with others. In doing this I had to learn forgiveness, to look at the other person as a sick or damaged human being, and then reach out to that person. To be able to forgive, and to truly let go of anger and hurt at the other person's wrongs, required prayer and asking God as I understand Him to heal my hurts.
Perhaps the greatest healing involved re-building the relationship with my much older brother. He had molested me as a child. Part of healing involved forgiving myself, and letting go of the sense that I was "damaged". It took much prayer and meditation to heal me from the inside and to let go of my
fears. Then I needed to forgive him, to recognize that he is a damaged and sick person himself. This, again, required much footwork, prayer, and asking for the willingness and ability to forgive. For years, before and during this process I had little or no contact with him. This was easy, since we live in different states across the country. But a few years ago he asked my sister, who had a good relationship with him and had regular contact with both of us, if I had email. By this point, I had forgiven my brother and was ready for a relationship. I wanted to give my address, to re-establish contact, but my husband was still angry about the past and said no. So sis
did not reveal that I was on the Internet. Two years ago when I was ill and hospitalized, my brother called. He had heard I was ill and was concerned. I recognized that God had given me the opportunity to make amends, to open up that relationship again. I decided it was time to follow my instincts and what I saw as God's guidance. We talked on the phone a few times, and
exchanged email addresses. We began corresponding regularly. We now have a better relationship than we ever had in the past. We are "involved" in each others lives, and enjoy keeping in touch. Forgiveness and healing through God and the steps allowed that relationship.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 78-79, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"Most alcoholics owe money. We do not dodge our creditors. Telling them what we are trying to do, we make no bones about our drinking; they usually know it anyway, whether we think so or not. Nor are we afraid of disclosing our alcoholism on the theory it may cause financial harm. Approached in this
way, the most ruthless creditor will sometimes surprise us. Arranging the best deal we can we let these people know we are sorry. Our drinking has made us slow to pay. We must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go, for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them.
Perhaps we have committed a criminal offense which might land us in jail if it were known to the authorities. We may be short in our accounts and unable to make good. We have already admitted this in confidence to another person, but we are sure we would be imprisoned or lose our job if it were known. Maybe it's only a petty offense such as padding the expense account. Most of
us have done that sort of thing. Maybe we are divorced, and have remarried but haven't kept up the alimony to number one. She is indignant about it, and has a warrant out for our arrest. That's a common form of trouble too.
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Hi, my name is Thumper and I'm a compulsive overeater.
These real amends involving money or legal issues were the toughest for me to make and sometimes I wonder if I've really got enough faith to do it as described in the Big Book or if I don't instinctively look for loopholes or the easier, softer way. I've kept in mind that the purpose of these amends
is to make myself right with my Higher Power and to ensure that all obstacles standing between me, recovery, and my ability to be useful to others be removed.
Having been adept at "creative bookkeeping" in previous places of employment, some of my wrongs involved pilfering that seemed small in each doing but that once added up became a substantial amount that disclosure of would have put me at risk of a lengthy stay in the penal system. Since the actual harm to individuals such as shareholders in the companies I embezzled from was quite small and probably not even noticeable to them, I chose to
make my financial amends to charitable organizations rather than expose myself to incarceration or other legal penalty.
I can only be willing to the point that my Higher Power has granted me the willingness. I turned these decisions over to my Higher Power to the best of my ability and feel confident that my courses of action in these matters were the correct ones. I feel a peace in regard to these things now because I feel a balance has been achieved. What I feel the best about though is
that making these amends was part of the process that makes it possible for me to live now without fear of returning to these old behaviors. That alone has given me such a wonderful sense of freedom.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 79, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"Although these reparations take innumerable forms, there are some general principles which we find guiding. Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal
consequences may be. We may lose our position or reputation or face jail, but we are willing. We have to be. We must not shrink at anything.
Usually, however, other people are involved. Therefore, we are not to be the hasty and foolish martyr who would needlessly sacrifice others to save himself from the alcoholic pit. A man we know had remarried. Because of resentment and drinking, he had not paid alimony to his first wife. She was furious. She went to court and got an order for his arrest. He had commenced
our way of life, had secured a position, and was getting his head above water. It would have been impressive heroics if he had walked up to the judge and said, "Here I am."
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Greetings from Linda, your co-chairperson for Wednesdays in July and a compulsive overeater.
This reading is talking about Step 9--Made Direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. I think this means that we, who have chronically been selfish and vengeful in the past, are to guard against being selfish and vengeful now. Our goal is to rid ourselves of the past, not to bowl over everyone who was in it with us as well as all their loved ones. We are to make restitution for our past
wrongs, not commit even bigger new wrongs. Balance seems to be the key: What can I do which will put the past into the past and make up for my wrongs in the way which is kindest to everyone concerned?
Sometimes, it is hard for us, who are close to our problem, to see the best course of action. I would advise discussing both the need for amends and the advisable course of action with your sponsor. He or she can view things more objectively and can be of real help in decision making.
Years ago, I was horribly cold to a little girl on the day we moved away from a remote area. This was a child that I had liked very much. I so wanted to apologize to her afterward for being cold but I knew that, if I were to write her a letter, someone else would likely read it and they would know how cold I'd been. So, in an effort to save face, I never wrote that letter. I did, however, begin being warm to everyone I said good-bye to
in the future. The next year, we were again moving. The school children lined the driveway carrying the gifts we'd given them and waving. I smiled and waved until they were out of sight. I made a living amends. As to the child I had hurt and confused, by the time I joined OA and searched her out, she was a grownup who had already been murdered by someone. I had to write
her a letter which I read to my counselor. How I would have preferred making my amends to a living person who could offer me forgiveness! Sometimes, a person can wait too long to make the most satisfying amends. I always felt that, maybe if I had treated this child better, she wouldn't have become someone that anyone would want to murder. I'll never know until I too die.
Writing my letter did help to assuage my guilt feelings but I'll always regret my earlier behavior.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 80, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"We thought he ought to be willing to do that, if necessary, but if he were in jail, he could provide nothing for either family. We suggested he write his first wife admitting his faults and asking forgiveness. He did, and also sent a small amount of money. He told her what he would try to do in the future. He said he was perfectly willing to go to jail if she insisted. Of
course she did not, and the whole situation has long since been adjusted.
Before taking drastic action which might implicate other people we secure their consent. If we have obtained permission, have consulted with others, asked God to help and the drastic step is indicated we must not shrink."
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Hello all, I'm Brooklyn, recovering from COE and sugar addiction 1 day at a time, and your Thursday leader for July.
Time and again I've gone personally to stores and admitted to stealing food and making financial restitution. They were more annoyed at messing up their bookkeeping and couldn't wait for me to leave. I think they were more embarrassed than I was about the situation. One time, the manager asked me how much could I have possibly eaten to make that much difference. When I
told him, he couldn't believe I actually ate my way through the store in quantities that boggled his mind.
However, there were also times when I made restitution for articles stolen by making a donation to a charity. Recently, I made an anonymous donation in memory of my daughter, and I can honestly say that the greatest amends I can make after restitution is never to repeat these or other similar acts again.
I am convinced that there is nothing belonging to anyone else that I need badly enough to steal. I am also convinced, as the result of these amends, that my heart has been softened, and my will is more in line with that of my HP by practicing honesty, forthrightness, decency, ethics and good values.
It's been a long, hard road getting from there to here, and in the face of the horror of relapse again if I didn't do what was needed to get well, I would even be willing to expose myself publicly and admit my faults, rather than live the life I left behind, filled with torment and despair.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 80, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"This brings to mind a story about one of our friends. While drinking, he accepted a sum of money from a bitterly-hated business rival, giving him no receipt for it. He subsequently denied having received the money and used the incident as a basis for discrediting the man. He thus used his own
wrong-doing as a means of destroying the reputation of another. In fact, his rival was ruined.
He felt that he had done a wrong he could not possibly make right. If he opened that old affair, he was afraid it would destroy the reputation of his partner, disgrace his family and take away his means of livelihood. What right had he to involve those dependent upon him? How could he possibly make a public statement exonerating his rival?"
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Hello Chris here, COE and Friday Chairperson for the month of July.
It has always been very difficult for me to apologize; my husband is able to do it: publicly, privately, to a
client or business associate or to one of our children. I sometimes feel that to admit a mistake and apologize for it somehow makes me look weak and gives the "apologizee" the upper hand. I have learned since I have been in OA that this need to retain the upper hand is a defect which is part of my
disease. I use this to mask my feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness.
Being ready, willing and able to apologize I see now as an act of great strength and courage; I am working towards that ideal.
In a situation such as that described above from the Big Book there is a real dilemma. The man does not want to ruin his own life but how can he sit back and see the ruined life of
the "victim" and do nothing? I do not believe that I will have to face such a dilemma when I make my amends, but if so I would find some way to make private amends to the man in an effort to help rebuild his life while protecting my own loved ones.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 80, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"After consulting with his wife and partner he came to the conclusion that is was better to take those risks than to stand before his Creator guilty of such ruinous slander. He saw that he had to place the outcome in God's hands or he would soon start drinking again, and all would be lost anyhow. He
attended church for the first time in many years. After the sermon, he quietly got up and made an explanation. His action met wide-spread approval, and today he is one of the most trusted citizens of his town. This all happened years ago."
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I am Brenda COE and your chair for Saturday for the month of July.
My life has few events that I would consider harmful to others.
My addiction became known to my employer before I decided to seek recovery. She had little understanding of the disease but I was quick to try to convince her that it could not in any way effect my job. For a time this was true. However before I left that job it had consequences. I have since considered returning to my previous field. However upon discussion with my
past employer she informed me that she could not give me a reference without mentioning my addiction. At the time I was devastated. Her partner was one of my using friends and I wanted very badly to tell her to get even for the pain she was causing me. After much thought and prayer I decided to let it go. Today I have a new job in a new field and i did not ruin anybody else's life.
I work in a community health center today. When I interviewed for the job I told them nothing about my addiction. However, after six months it became clear to me that there were people at the center who could benefit from hearing my story. I cautiously chose to share my story with one of the doctors at the center first as he had clients who I might be able to carry the message to. With his help I decided to tell my boss and then we set up a
workshop to educate the staff on addiction. My greatest fear was what people would think and when I set up the workshop I was not sure that I would tell all the staff. After all my boss knew and the health care staff knew and they were the ones that mattered.
At the conclusion of the workshop I told the whole staff of the center that I was an addict in recovery. There were alot of questions. Today I have been approached by a number of staff regarding addiction and family members, friends and clients. I speak at a college to the third year students each year. I have keys to the whole center today. I take care of donations and
tax receipts. And would you believe nobody ever questioned the decision or whether or not I could be trusted.
Thanks to my Higher Power I don't have to walk around in guilt and shame. I can be a power of example instead. If you work the program it works. Thanks for letting me share.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 80-81, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"The chances are that we have domestic troubles. Perhaps we are mixed up with women in a fashion we wouldn't care to have advertised. We doubt if, in this respect, alcoholics are fundamentally much worse than other people. But drinking does complicate sex relations in the home. After a few years with
an alcoholic, a wife gets worn out, resentful and uncommunicative. How could she be anything else? The husband begins to feel lonely, sorry for himself. He commences to look around in the night clubs, or their equivalent, for something besides liquor. Perhaps he is having a secret and exciting affair with "the girl who understands." In fairness we must say that she may understand, but what are we going to do about a thing like that? A man so involved often feels very remorseful at times, especially if he is married to a loyal and courageous girl who has literally gone through hell for him.
Whatever the situation, we usually have to do something about it. If we are sure our wife does not know, should we tell her? Not always, we think. If she knows in a general way that we have been wild, should we tell her in detail? Undoubtedly we should admit our fault. She may insist on knowing all the particulars. She will want to know who the woman is and where she is. We
feel we ought to say to her that we have no right to involve another person. We are sorry for what we have done and, God willing, it shall not be repeated. More than that we cannot do; we have no right to go further. Though there may be justifiable exceptions, and though we wish to lay down no rule of any sort, we have often found this the best course to take."
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Hi all, Anne, compulsive overeater and your Sunday co-chair for July.
I suppose it is hard for me to read this passage because in doing so, it reminds me that I have put incredible strains on my marital relationship. If my disease had only affected me, it would have been one thing, but seeing how it permeates into every area of my life forces me to be further accountable. It has not been easy on my husband to have lived with me and
this disease all these years. The disease takes its toll with strain on the marriage, and certainly there can be temptation to look outside the marriage for an easier, less complicated way to be comforted and consoled. The “easier” course of action may be infidelity.
Yet again, no matter what the behavior may have been, whether during the course of being actively into the disease or in the course of recovery, the Big Book seems to clearly remind that “undoubtedly we should admit our fault.” We seek to make living amends. We seek the honest and open way, despite our difficulty to admit our actions. Only through honesty are we
able to not sink back into the self-deceptive lies of our illness. Only by openness and communication and a willingness to correct our behaviors with God’s help, can healing take place. It is not the “easier” way, but it is the better way.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 81-82, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"Our design for living is not a one-way street. It is as good for the wife as for the husband. If we can forget, so can she. It is better, however, that one does not needlessly name a person upon whom she can vent jealousy.
Perhaps there are some cases where the utmost frankness is demanded. No outsider can appraise such an intimate situation. It may be that both will decide that the way of good sense and loving kindness is to let by-gones be by-gones. Each might pray about it, having the other one's happiness uppermost in mind. Keep it always in sight that we are dealing with that most terrible human emotion - jealousy. Good generalship may decide that the problem be attacked on the flank rather than risk a face-to-face combat."
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LindaE here, Compulsive Overeater, and leader for Mondays during July.
In dealing with amends and setting right the past, we often need to use discretion in determining whether or how to make amends. The above passage in the book indicates that while it may be helpful to discuss a situation with an impartial person, there are times when no one outside the situation can fully understand and make the decision for us. In those situations we
must turn to the only One who can guide us -- our Higher Power.
The particular situation referred to there, was one between husband and wife, where the individual is setting right the past where there has been an affair. I had no such situation so cannot address it. At least not from the stand-point of an individual who needed to make amends for acting out.
On the other hand, in my first marriage, I was the wronged wife. When my husband's affair came to light -- after he had moved out of our home and was then living with the "other woman" -- I probably would have demanded to know more about her if that information would have been offered. I was hurt and angry, and certainly felt very wronged. In retrospect, 25 years later, I am
glad I was never given that information or I may have elected to retaliate in a way that I would have needed to make amends. As it was, I was not tempted, for I had little or no information. Even then, long before program, I think my Higher Power was looking after me.
However, there were other situations where I needed to rely on my Higher Power, God as I understand Him, to guide me in making amends. They were ones where I was not sure another person could have sufficient understanding to guide me. The decision needed to be mine, and I knew I needed God's wisdom to guide me.
One such was something I talked about in answering the questions recently, but would like to bring up again here. When I was working, I stayed home many times to engage in aspects of my disease. When I was in the bulimic/anorectic phase, I would stay home to exercise, riding my exercise bike or jogging on my treadmill for additional hours to burn calories and hopefully lose weight. More commonly I was compulsively overeating, and
stayed home to binge. Both those times I would call work to say I was "sick," then stay home to practice my disease. I wasted my leave, and robbed my employer of work I should have been doing. In looking at who I wronged, I strongly felt I had wronged my employer and needed to make amends; however, I was not certain another person would understand my point of view. I had used and lost the benefit of leave I was entitled to and leave that I did not have the benefit of when I legitimately needed it. On
the other hand, I was very conscious of the fact that my employer lost the results and benefit of my work. Inside, I had the strong conviction I needed to make restitution to my employer in the form of returned work, and decided to follow that "still small voice" that was guiding me.
I did not want to jeopardize my job or the trust of my employer by discussing this with them because I believed it could impact immediately or in the future on my husband through lost employment or opportunities, and I did not see how that would return the work I had "stolen." Therefore, I elected to quietly take work home, work late, forgo part of my lunch hour
until the work was repaid with an appropriate amount of interest. It seemed the best way to handle the situation and I felt good about having repaid my "debt" without anyone knowing it. I just quietly did the work.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 82, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"If we have no such complication, there is plenty we should do at home. Sometimes we hear an alcoholic say that the only thing he needs to do is to keep sober. Certainly he must keep sober, for there will be no home if he doesn't. But he is yet a long way from making good to the wife or parents whom for years he has so shockingly treated. Passing all understanding is
the patience mothers and wives have had with alcoholics. Had this not been so, many of us would have no homes today, would perhaps be dead.
The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. He is like
the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To his wife, he remarked, "Don't see anything the matter here, Ma. Ain't it grand the wind stopped blowin'?"
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Hi, my name is Thumper and I'm the temporary co-chairperson for Tuesdays this month.
It is often heard at meetings that this is a selfish program and that abstinence comes first before all things, but sometimes this slogan is used as a way to avoid repairing the wreckage of our pasts, especially in regard to our families. For some of us, our families endured years of hardships due to our disease. When we find recovery, we feel hope, joy, and sanity for the
first time in years and in our enthusiasm, we don't understand why our families aren't experiencing the same amount of joy in our recovery as we are.
It is not enough for us to just claim abstinence as a basis for which we are to be forgiven our wrongs of the past, it requires that we make a concerted effort to fix the damage we wreaked on our families.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 83, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead. A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won't fill the bill at all. We ought to sit down with the family and frankly analyze the past as we now see it, being very careful not to criticize them. Their defects may be glaring, but
the chances are that our own actions are partly responsible. So we clean house with the family, asking each morning in meditation that our Creator show us the way of patience,tolerance, kindliness and love.
"The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. Unless one's family expresses a desire to live upon spiritual principles we think we ought not to urge them. We should not talk incessantly to them about spiritual matters. They will change in time. Our behavior will convince them more than
our words. We must remember that ten or twenty years of drunkenness would make a skeptic out of anyone."
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Greetings from Linda S, your Wednesday co-chairperson for July and a compulsive overeater.
The Big Book was written for the over drinker. I think that, for some of us overeaters, we may not be as aware of our faults as the alcoholic in recovery would be. According to the book, the bottom line with the family seems to be that we have apologized many times before and yet have continued in our old behaviors. We have said we would change but we haven't. Why should they believe us now? The way to make amends to our families is to
change our behavior. We sit down with them and tell them where we have gone wrong and what we intend to do about it. Then, we follow through. We may feel humiliated to apologize to our children and we may be tempted to express "you made me do it" feelings to our spouse but we talk about only our own personal
wrongs. (This is not easy.) In my own experience, when I have said I did such and so wrong, the other person usually counters with, "And I could have done such and so differently too." However, if the family doesn't believe us or chooses to dredge up wrongs we hadn't thought of, we have still begun to
do what we need to do to recover. Now, we begin acting on spiritual principles with them. Sooner or later, they will realize that we have changed. They may even want to adopt our spiritual principles. But, I wonder how many of us overeaters realize, right off the bat, that we have hurt our
families. **Have** we apologized over and over? **Have** we promised to do better?
In my own life, I know that I have talked about my wrongs to my husband and my sons somewhat but I don't think I ever really sat down with them expressly for this purpose. Often, when my husband and I have talked about my faults, we have gone around and around in circles until we manage to change the subject and start looking at "them" instead of me. I would think that is a great danger in discussing our wrongs with family members.
We need to change. Actions speak louder than words. Never having drunk alcohol, it was hard for me to believe that I was often in a stupor akin to drunkenness. Yes, I was very crabby and harsh at times but I have never been unfaithful to my husband, never stayed out all night, never stolen and never done a great number of "bad" things. It was hard for me to realize that I
could owe my family an amends. After reading on this step, I think I could stand to go back and talk to my family. What I have done is to begin acting better. The threats to divorce and to commit suicide are gone. I am much more patient with my husband's bizarre hours. I hardly ever yell. Now, if
I'd just stay home and clean! With our sons, I was far too involved in their lives. I let them live their own lives now that they are grown and I don't try to control them. Sometimes, I think they feel neglected.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 83, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"There may be some wrongs we can never fully right. We don't worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would right them if we could. Some people cannot be seen - we send them an honest letter. And there may be valid reason for postponement in some cases. But we don't delay if it can be avoided. We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble
without being servile or scraping. As God's people we stand on our feet; we don't crawl before anyone."
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Hi Fellow Loopies. I'm Vicki, compulsive overeater and sugar addict in recovery, and your Thursday leader for July.
I am approaching another 5th step, and anticipate sweeping my side of the street even further. The wrongs I have committed in the recent past, and remembrances of wrongs in the not so recent past are now in my uppermost mind and heart. It's funny, but some of these things were not considered wrongs several years ago, and additional recovery has made me aware and given me a new perspective.
Even after making amends for some of these transgressions, I still feel the burden of my guilt on occasion. The Big Book specifically tells me I must release the anguish once I've done all I can, or when circumstances do not allow me to go further with amends.
If I am to trust my HP in all things, I must also rely on the healing and grace that can only come from this greater power. I cannot heal myself, only do the footwork and leave the results to my Creator.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 83-84, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience
can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."
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Hello, Chris here COE and the Friday Chairperson for the month of July.
I am new in recovery and often turn to these pages in the BB and read the promises, usually when I am down; I think I can't do this, or I don't want to do it, or its not worth it, or I'm not worth it, etc. etc. I have looked forward many times to the materialization of these extravagant promises,
always waiting until this is perfect, or that has changed or some person in my life has straightened up. This "assignment" from Thumper made me stop and see how many of these promises have already come true for me.
I have found a new freedom from many of the ways of thinking and doing things. Freedom from dieting, from beating myself up when I fail, from feeling guilty when ever anyone in my family was not happy, from the belief that I should always be happy, the list is long. I say the serenity prayer to myself a lot these days and I do know a new calmness. I am more able to
cope with stressful situations, do the best I can and trust that things will work out.
After years and years of depression and denial I have just started to look at and understand my past. I do not deny it; it is helping me to understand what I must do to find more happiness in my life.
I would say that my whole attitude and outlook on life has changed and I suppose it is also true, although I do not understand how, that God is doing for me what I could not do for myself.
THE QUESTIONS
When do you realize that the promises had started to come true for you?
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 84-85, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. for by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or
effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been -placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition."
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This step in OA is still far beyond me. I know about step ten with regard to my recovery from drugs though. I have no room in my life for resentments. I do step ten daily to keep from having to repeat step 4. As long as I promptly recognize my wrongs and try to correct them I will have no need for a second step 4. I believe that helping another person in recovery is one of
the best ways to get out of myself. How can I dwell in self pity or resentment when I am reaching out to another? I no longer crave drugs. I stay away from the old people places and things because they are still dangerous to me. I have nothing in common with these people and so there is no reason to stay in their world. If I choose to try to stay in that world I
find myself missing the old ways pretty quick. Today I choose to surround myself with people who are in recovery. They can help me to understand what steps I need to work and to remember where I came from. People who are still in active addiction cannot help me see the dangers of it because they see nothing wrong with it themselves. People who have no problem with overeating
or drugs cannot support me because they can stop at one anything and when they ask why I can't have just one it starts me thinking.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 85, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How
can I best serve Thee - Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.
Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from Him who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us. To some extent we have become God-conscious. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense. But we must go further and that means more action."
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Hi All, Anne compulsive overeater and your Sunday co-chair for July.
Getting cocky. Oh, do I know only too well what happens when I do that! When I stop working the program, when I start thinking I can just coast along and stop taking real action, I get bit in the caboose!
I have had this happen many times. That one bite and belief that I could do this on my own in 1996 led me to a 75 pound relapse. The second I thought I could do it on my own and didn't need God to help I signed my fate. The minute I let down my spiritual guard and stopped asking and listening to my Higher Power, the disease reared full in my face.
I know that I will never be as spiritually fit as I could be. It really is something I hope to keep building on and getting stronger. It is something I need to actively work on every day for the rest of my life. How? Simple and not simple at the same time. Daily action. Listening, asking, seeking my Higher Power’s will. DOING this keeps my mind and my hands out of the food.
The amazing thing about the mind is that we are incapable of focusing on more than one thing at any given moment. As long as I seek my Higher Power’s will, my will is not what comes into focus. Only in seeking and doing Higher Power’s will, am I given a reprieve from mine.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 86, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"Step Eleven suggests prayer and meditation. We shouldn't be shy on this matter of prayer. Better men than we are using it constantly. It works, if we have the proper attitude and work at it. It would be easy to be vague about this matter. Yet, we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions."
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Hi Fellow Travelers,LindaE here, Compulsive Overeater and leader on Mondays for the month of July.
Step 11 of the program says that we seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand God and that in doing this we seek only to know God's will for us and to be granted the power to carry out that will. This was certainly not what I had prayed for prior to program. Before OA I usually had my "Santa list" of items I asked
for -- better job, more money, perfect relationships, promotion, new house,and of course -- weight loss. The later was always on the list. I wanted to be thin, beautiful, confident, and I expected God to give this to me. Oh, and of course there were always the prayers of, "Get me through this situation and I promise I'll never do it again."
I didn't have the slightest idea of how to go about praying, what the proper attitude was or even, for that matter, that there was a proper attitude. And I certainly never TALKED about prayer. I was actually a little embarrassed that I did pray, and didn't really want people to know that I did. At other
times, I was ashamed that I wasn't more involved in church or religion and that I had walked away from the religion in which I had been raised.
Through program I have changed completely how I pray and my attitude toward prayer. I have learned that prayer is talking to God, while meditation is listening to God. I have learned that the more time I spend in this discipline, the better my results. I have learned to actually pray with other people, mostly sponsorees and to not be overly embarrassed about my
lack of confidence in this area. I have learned that if nothing else, I can pray by saying, "Thy will, not mine, be done" and know that God can take it from there.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 86, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what
we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken."
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Hi, my name is Thumper and I'm a compulsive overeater.
Recovery has usually meant that there is less resentment, selfishness, fear, and dishonesty to review, but being human, I find that there are still those days when things didn't go my way and my level of acceptance was zero and then all those character defects returned with a bang. The key for me is to
remember is how to start my day, for if I can remember to do so, then my will automatically becomes aligned with the will of my HP and the day goes by without serious trauma.
What is most important for me to remember though is that even though there are times when these character defects return, this is no cause to return to compulsive overeating. Having a bad day doesn't have to mean that recovery hasn't worked for me. It mostly just means that I need to spend that extra time at the end of the day to honestly review the past 24 hours and to
correct any wrongs I have created.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 87, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives."
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Greetings from Linda S, your Wednesday co-chairperson for the month of July and someone who is not a morning person.
I am a night owl. It is well after midnight and I'm still up and going strong. In the morning, I'll be groggy, confused and out of sorts. I'm likely to stretch too far when I first wake up and wrack myself up for a day or two. I do pray in the early morning but it isn't until a little later in the morning that the prayer contains sincerity and coherence. Then, I offer God my day and ask Him to direct it. Notice that this Big Book passage starts with "Let us." I can think of lots of sentences that could start with "Let us," mostly ones that entail making healthy choices. This speaks of having good intentions. Surely none of us are 100% consistent in this.
Once in awhile, especially in the summer when I do lots of pet sitting, I have already done many things before I do my sincere prayer. Once things start going really haywire, I know that I need to pray. I knew of one person who used to make a conscious effort to realize that her HP was with her at all times. If she forgot to ask Him to ride with her in the car, she would
actually return home and ask Him to get into the car with her! Maybe if I did that, it would cut down on my road rage. Who knows?
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 87, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while. What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not
probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it."
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Hi everyone, this is Brooklyn, recovering from COE and sugar addiction, 1 day at a time. I'm your Thursday co-chair for July.
The above passage brings many strange memories to mind. At certain phases of my "recovery", I became fanatic about program and whenever a thought or idea came into my mind, I interpreted it as a message from God. I followed through on it without checking in with my sponsor or trusted OA friends. As
you can imagine, I got into all sorts of hot water.
Today, when I have a situation I'm trying to solve or resolve, I follow a formula to be certain it's not my old stinkin' thinkin', or my wish to be right or have my way, therefore determining my behavior, as opposed to the will and wishes of my HP. Before even twitching, I call or write about it and what my thinking is, then share it with a trusted person to gauge my
sanity level. My track record seems to be getting somewhat better. I'm not very objective when it comes to personal matters that involve me or those I love. I am slowly getting better instincts about discerning the voice of God, or the self-willed voice of Vicki. LOL.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 87, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to
pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn't work. You can easily see why."
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Hello, Chris here, COE and the Friday chairperson for the month of July.
I find this passage particularly interesting because it says we are not supposed to pray for our own selfish ends, unless in so doing we help others. Two thoughts come to mind:
The first, since I do not live alone on a dessert island, any help I receive from my HP will benefit others either because I have a made a better decision which directly or indirectly affects others or because I have changed an attitude toward a particular thing or person. I have 3 school age children, so daily the decisions I make affect others.
On the other hand, the idea that I should not ask my HP for help for me with my disease, whether or not this benefits others, is difficult for me to accept. I was raised to believe in a punitive God and I rejected this idea years ago. I am now working on having faith in a different kind of HP, whom
I have named the Sunlight of the Spirit. I have spent the past 8 months struggling with the idea that I am worthy, that there is a HP who loves me and that it is okay to ask for help with my food. When I was a child, I believed that God had many important things to do and that I and my trifling problems were not worthy of prayer. As I recall, the starving children in China and unilateral disarmament were hot topics. :)
THE QUESTIONS
When you pray, do you ask for help with your disease? If so, do you feel selfish or guilty?
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 87, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"If circumstances warrant, we ask our wives or friends to join us in morning meditation. If we belong to a religious denomination which requires a definite morning devotion, we attend to that also. If not members of religious bodies, we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which emphasize the principles we have been discussing. There are many helpful
books also. Suggestions about these may be obtained from one's priest, minister, or rabbi. Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer."
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Brenda here, COE.
I ask nobody in my family to join me in morning meditation. I share my morning meditation with another woman in the program. She cannot afford the meditation book so I read it to her each morning. It has been a good motivator to keep me reading my meditations. For me it is not a religious morning devotion that I participate in as such. It is a gratitude list in written form. Each morning to start my day I write 5 things I am grateful for in my gratitude book. Once I finish that I write the rest of the page in the form of a letter to God on a topic.
At lunchtime I write in another journal. It is exercises from a journal book which help me to get in touch with my feelings. At night I reply to email. Since coming into COE recovery I have started all of these rituals and I feel like they are helping me to stay connected and find some degree of peace.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 88, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not
tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.
It works - it really does."
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Hi all, Anne compulsive overeater and your Sunday co-chair for July.
Today, I am a grateful woman. I didn't used to be this way at all. I remember when I tried controlling and running everything. My life was a constant mass of confusion, aggravation and fear of losing control. My energies were tied up in trying to keep all the balls up in the air that I was always trying to juggle. Today, letting Higher Power call the shots keeps me in a calmer, more serene state of mind. Whenever anything comes my way, no matter how small or trivial it may seem to me, I know I can turn to my Higher Power to help me with it. I can be assured at any given moment of the day, that as long as I am willing and seeking my Higher Power’s direction in the matter, that I will be pointed in the right direction. Nothing is too small that my Higher Power does not care about it. Saying “Thy will, not mine” truly is the perfect prayer to remind me that, YES! My
Higher Power’s will is the key to my life working today.
Its amazing for me what happens when I remember to keep asking for my Higher Power’s will to be done. Sometimes I have done this minute by minute, and not just on the tough situations. I felt Higher Power’s presence gently along side of me, comforting me, and reassuring me as the day progressed. Feeling my Higher Power’s presence and gentle assurance has helped calmed
the most difficult of storms as well as life’s many smaller turbulent trials.
THE QUESTIONS
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read from AA Big Book, Chapter 6, "Into Action", page 88, adapted to compulsive overeating.
Respond to questions about this reading.
Text of "Into Action"
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"We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined.
But this is not all. There is action and more action. "Faith without works is dead." The next chapter is entirely devoted to Step Twelve."
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Hi, LindaE here, Compulsive Overeater and leader on Mondays.
Part of the disease of compulsive overeating for many of us is a lack of discipline. In a way, I was tempted to believe this did not apply to me. I was very disciplined about many things. I was responsible at work and could be counted on to complete job assignments and even assume extra responsibilities. At home, the house was clean, laundry done, homemaking tasks taken care of to keep the home running smoothly. Even as a child, I was super-responsible and could be counted on to behave more as a tiny adult than as a child.
But how responsible was I really? Not very, if I looked at my life closely. In school, I was a good student, but assignments and especially term papers were completed at the last minute, with me cramming the night before to finish the job. I seldom read the textbook and relied on my memory to glean the material from class lecture. At work, I would waste time on preferred
aspects of the job, and scramble to finish projects as they were due. At home, I much preferred reading, crafts, and television, then would clean the house quickly all at once to make it livable, then ignore it for a few days. As long as the dishes were done and it was fairly straightened up I was happy doing what I liked. At work and in clubs and organizations, I was a
person who could be counted on to assume responsibilities and to follow through. What was little known was the way in which I procrastinated on the job, and then rushed at the last minute to get everything done and turn out a finished product, often resenting the people who relied on me or failed to take on these tasks themselves. But true discipline coupled with a certain
amount of denial was not a part of my life. I would do tasks in the short run, but the habit of discipline was not mine. I would become bored and quit over the long haul. In program, I have learned to allow God to guide me, and as a result I am more responsible. I don't wait until the last minute, but instead complete tasks a little at a time. I've learned to draw up a
time-line for a project so that I can get it done without undue stress. Part of my day is asking God for guidance, and frequently includes a short list of tasks I would like to work on and small goals for that particular day. I also ask to be shown how to "get out of myself" and to think of and reach
out to other people rather than living for myself. This is part of the program for me, because working with others means setting aside a certain amount of selfishness and sharing program and recovery with others. For me, this includes sponsoring both face to face and on the Internet, starting the 12th Step Within Committee in the local Intergroup, serving on the local OA
Hotline, and reaching out to Newcomers and/or those who have dropped out of the meetings I attend.
THE QUESTIONS
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