Step One
| Introduction |
| Part 1 and Questions for Journaling |
| Part 2 and Questions for Journaling |
| Part 3 and Questions for Journaling |
| Part 4 and Questions for Journaling |
| Part 5 and Questions for Journaling |
Index |
Step Two |
Hello, My Dear Friends,
My name is Shlomo and I am a compulsive overeater living in the solution ODAAT by the grace of my H.P. and the Twelve Step program. I am grateful for this opportunity to open the new millennium by leading the Step One Study on this loop.
What I say in OA and on the loops are my private opinions, my interpretation, and my ESH. I am not an expert on anything and that
includes the Steps and the Traditions. I share on what works for me because sharing is part of my way to progress in my recovery. And you, fellow travelers, take what you need and leave the rest.
The way leading a step is done on this loop is by sharing and then writing some questions for journaling. All of us are invited
to join by sharing and answering. I will answer the questions myself during the week. Next week God willing, we will have another set of questions on Step One, and this will continue until the end of January.
My name is Shlomo and last time I checked, which was
a second ago, I was still a compulsive overeater and I am sure I will be
a compulsive overeater the rest of my life.
When I first came to OA about 14 years ago, the leader
of the meeting shared about being a victim of abuse, and how OA helped
him to get over it and lose weight. I went home after the meeting thinking
that OA was a support group for victims of abuse who overate because of
it. Since I was not an abuse victim I thought that this was not the
place for me. It took me quite some time to try going to meetings again,
and to understand that we share a problem that has nothing to do with outer
circumstances, but with how we react to them. I reacted by compulsive eating
no matter what the circumstances were. They could be happy or sad, painful
or pleasurable, my way of dealing with life manifested itself in the symptom
of food sedation.
So what was THE problem to which OA offered a solution?
Was it my being very much overweight. It was a very serious health
problem for me. I could not walk two steps without stopping for air. I
was suffocating in my sleep at night. My cholesterol level and blood
pressure where sky high. The doctors said I could have a heart attack
or a stroke any minute. But this was not THE problem. Was my
problem that I didn't have a right plan of eating? I thought so.
But it was not THE problem. Was the problem that I did not find the
right doctor or nutritionist? This was not THE problem either. People
in OA said that our problem was an illness called compulsive overeating,
and that we were insane. They said that the solution to our illness
was a Higher Power. This Power will make us sane again, whatever
that means. It sounded really nuts to me. Me insane? Just because
I want to lose a few pounds? Well, a lot of pounds, I thought to
myself. Who are you to tell me that I am insane just because I like eating?
And this God you are talking about, if he exists I better stay away from
him since he is responsible for all my troubles. Maybe if he forgets about
me for a little while I will feel better. And who are you people
to tell me that I have a new illness. Don't I have enough of them?
And if you are so clever and know everything, why are not all of you thin
and cured of this alleged illness.
So I set out on a quest to find the answers. I was
helped in this by a sponsor and by the literature. I found out that
there is an instruction manual that explains THE problem and how to solve
it. It is called Alcoholics Anonymous and nicknamed the Big Book.
I read other books too, which were very nice like the OA 12&12, the
AA 12&12, and others. I listened to tapes of workshops, and went to
a lot of meetings and workshops. finally with the help of my sponsor, my
fellow travelers and the literature, I found out the answers to the question
that bothered me: what is the real problem dealt with in OA.
It took me some time to understand that there was a
problem, and it was not what I thought it was, when I came to OA.. Then
it took me some more time to admit to myself and to others that I have
this problem. then I really understood and internalized step 1. It
is interesting to note that the steps are written explicitly only in the
fifth chapter "how it works " in the BB. The first four chapters
and the "doctors opinion" deal with explaining what the problem is and
what is the solution. In going over my quest I will follow the method
of the BB, since I find it the best way to understand what the steps are
all about, and exactly how to work them and recover. So I begin now
with part one-questions for the first week.
The principle that we shall
find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the
main taproot from which our whole Society has sprung and flowered. AA
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 21-22.
Hi Fellow Travelers,
My name is Shlomo and I am a COE living in the solution one day at a
time by the grace of my H.P. and the twelve step program. I have the
privilege of leading step one this month.
First some words written by Bill W. the AA cofounder, taken from "As
Bill Sees It" page 242.
"After failure on my part to dry up any drunks, Dr. Silkworth
reminded me of Professor William James's observation that truly
transforming spiritual experiences are nearly always founded on calamity
and collapse. "Stop preaching at them ," Dr. Silkworth said, " and give
them the hard medical facts first. This may soften them up at depth so
that they will be willing to do anything to get well. Then they may
accept those spiritual ideas of yours, and even a Higher Power."
I am going to follow the good doctor's advice and quote the
description of the problem from the BB. In quoting I change alcoholism
to compulsive eating and alcohol to allergic food substances. From the
BB the chapter: "The Doctor's Opinion," a description of the physical
aspect of the disease: "They cannot start eating allergic food
substances without developing the phenomenon of cravings. This
phenomenon as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy
which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct
entity." page xxviii
Description of the vicious cycle resulting from the mental and
physical aspects of the disease. The words in parenthesis are my
comments: "Men and women eat allergic food substances essentially
because they like the effect produced by those substances. The sensation
is so elusive that while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a
time differentiate the true from the false (insanity may be defined as
inability to see the truth). To them their compulsive eating life seems
the only normal one.
They are restless, irritable, and discontented, unless they can again
experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a
few bites of allergic foods -- foods that they see others taking with
impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again as so many do
(yielded to their obsession), and the phenomenon of cravings develops
(cravings develop after eating allergic foods.), they pass through the
well known stages of a spree (binge), emerging remorseful, with a firm
resolution not to eat allergic foods again. This is repeated over and
over (they cannot hold to their resolution because the obsession
overcomes them), and unless this person can experience an entire psychic
change there is very little hope of his recovery." page xxvi
From the chapter "There is a Solution:"
Again a description of the physical aspect of the problem: "We are
equally positive that once he takes any allergic foods into his system,
something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes it
virtually impossible for him to stop. The experience of any compulsive
eater will abundantly confirm this." page 22.
Descriptions of the mental aspect of the problem:
"These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend
never took the first bite, thereby setting the terrible cycle in
motion. Therefore the main problem of the compulsive eater centers in
the mind rather than in the body." page 23.
"There is the obsession that somehow someday they will beat the
game." page 23.
"At a certain point in the eating of every compulsive eater, he
passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop eating
allergic foods is of absolutely no avail." page 24.
"THE FACT IS THAT MOST COMPULSIVE EATERS, FOR REASONS YET OBSCURE,
HAVE LOST THE POWER OF CHOICE IN EATING. OUR SO CALLED WILLPOWER BECOMES
PRACTICALLY NONEXISTENT. WE ARE UNABLE AT CERTAIN TIMES, TO BRING INTO
OUR CONSCIOUSNESS WITH SUFFICIENT FORCE THE MEMORY OF THE SUFFERING AND
HUMILIATION OF EVEN A WEEK OR A MONTH AGO. WE ARE WITHOUT DEFENSE
AGAINST THE FIRST BITE." page 24.
The famous psychiatrist Dr. Jung tells an alcoholic whom he tried
treating for a period of one year. "You have the mind of a chronic
alcoholic. I have never seen one single case recover, where that state
of mind existed to the extent that it does in you." page
27.
In this part let us examine
the physical and mental aspects of our problem. Suggested reading: the
Big Book, OA 12&12 step 1 , AA 12&12 step 1.
1. What does the BB mean by the words allergy and cravings. Do you
think you have this allergy? Have you experienced cravings? What
preceded the appearance of your cravings?
2. How do I determine my allergic food substances? Write a list of
your allergic food substances. Will this list change with time? Get
smaller or bigger, and why?
3. What is meant by the word obsession? What is the obsession of the
compulsive overeater?
Do/did you have this obsession? How does/did it manifest itself?
4. We call ourselves compulsive overeater/eaters. What is a
compulsion? What characterizes you as an obsessive compulsive person
who is a compulsive overeater/eater?
5. "It is no great trick to stop eating compulsively; the trick is
to stay stopped." BB page 554. Why cannot understanding of the nature of
my problem help me to stay stopped.
6. What is a slip? What is a relapse? What is the difference
between them? Describe some of your experiences with them. What do you
think caused them?
7. Did you try getting help from a psychologist or a psychiatrist or
an eating disorder expert? Why do you think they could not help you
recover from your compulsive eating?
SET ASIDE PRAYER ~
God, please set aside everything I think I know about myself, the
Twelve Steps, the Big Book, the meetings, my disease, and you, God, so I
may have an open mind and a new experience with all these things.
Please let me see the truth.
Hi Fellow Travelers,
My name is Shlomo and I am a COE living in the solution one day at a
time by the grace of my H.P. and the twelve step program. I have the
privilege of leading Step One this month. In this part we continue with
the description of our problem as written in the BB. In quoting, I
change alcoholism to compulsive eating and alcohol to allergic food
substances. The words in parenthesis are my comments.
From the BB the chapter "More About Alcoholism" we see instructions
on how to work step one appearing for the first time: "We learned that
we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were compulsive
overeaters. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion (inability
to see the truth-insanity) that we are like other people, or presently
may be, has to be smashed." page 30.
Our illness is progressive. "We are convinced to a man that
compulsive overeaters of our type are in the grips of a progressive
illness. Over any considerable period we get worse never better. We
are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones.
Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make
compulsive overeaters of our kind like other men. We have tried every
imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery,
followed always by a still worse relapse." page 30.
Compulsive overeating is a disease that has to be self -diagnosed,
mainly because of my denial. "We do not like to pronounce any
individual as a compulsive overeater, but you can quickly diagnose
yourself. Step over to the nearest restaurant and try some controlled
eating of your allergic food substances. Try to eat and stop abruptly.
Try it more than once. It will not take you long to decide, if you are
honest with yourself about it."
page 31.
Description of the insanity inherent in this disease. "In some
circumstances we have gone out deliberately to eat our allergic foods,
feeling ourselves justified by nervousness, anger, worry, depression,
jealousy or the like. But even in this type of beginning we are obliged
to admit that our justification for a spree was insanely insufficient in
the light of what always happened. We now see that when we began eating
allergic foods deliberately, instead of casually, there was little
serious or effective thought during the period of premeditation of what
the terrific consequences might be." page 37.
"However intelligent we may have been in other respects, where
allergic foods have been involved we have been strangely insane." page
38. (insane means mentally impaired, an inability to see the truth, and
obsession is a mental impairment, and an inability to see the truth.)
Self-knowledge is of no help because of my obsession." But the actual
or potential compulsive overeater, with hardly any exception, will be
ABSOLUTELY UNABLE TO STOP EATING COMPULSIVELY ON THE BASIS OF SELF
KNOWLEDGE. This is a point we wish to emphasize and reemphasize, to
smash upon our COE readers as it has been revealed to us out of bitter
experience." page 39.
There is no mental or physical cure. The only solution is a
spiritual one. "Once again the COE at certain times has no effective
mental defense against the first bite. Except in a few rare cases,
neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His
defense must come from a Higher Power." page 43.
This is the conclusion of this chapter. Since I cannot conquer my
obsession and no other human being can help me overcome my obsession, I
have to get help from a Higher Power.
From the chapter "We Agnostics":
Another self diagnosis of the disease. "If, when you honestly want
to, you find you cannot quit entirely or if when eating allergic foods
you have little control of the amount, you are probably a compulsive
overeater. If that be the case you may suffer from an illness which
only a spiritual experience will conquer." page 44.
The solution is a spiritual experience.
Our problem is lack of human power to deal with our disease. "Lack
of power – that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we
could live, and it had to be a POWER GREATER THAN OURSELVES." page 45.
Seems quite logical that if we are powerless and no human power can
help us, we have to find another power to help us. "Well, that's
exactly what this book (BB) is about. Its main object is to enable you
to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem."
page 45
That's quite exciting. A book that promises to set up a meeting with
my H.P., who will solve my problem. I know it happened to me, so what
the book promises really works if I work it. But we have to study some
more aspects of the problem in order to completely internalize step
one. This will happen next week. Now to the
questions.
In this part let us continue
to examine the physical and mental aspects of our problem. Suggested
reading: The Big Book, OA 12&12 step 1 , AA 12&12 step 1.
1. The BB tells us about the insanity of this disease. What is the
insanity the BB talks about? Do/did I have this insanity? How does/did
it manifest itself?
2. The BB calls compulsive overeating a progressive illness. What is
progressive about it? How did this progressiveness manifest in your
life?
3. The BB suggests a number of ways to convince myself that I am a
compulsive overeater.
a. "Step over to the nearest restaurant and try some controlled
eating of your allergic food substances. Try to eat and stop abruptly.
Try it more than once."
b. "If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely
or if when eating allergic foods you have little control of the amount,
you are probably a compulsive overeater."
Have you tried what the BB suggests? What are your conclusions?
4. I define abstinence as not eating compulsively and not wanting to
eat compulsively. Not eating compulsively by use of my self will I call
white knuckling.
a. It is inherent in the disease that white knuckling is bound to
fail. Has your experience validated this statement?
b. Have you experienced the kind of abstinence defined here? The BB
tells us that only a spiritual experience can conquer our illness. Did
you have a spiritual experience?
5. The instructions for working step one are: "We learned that we had
to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were compulsive
overeaters. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we
are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed."
a. Have you conceded to your innermost self that you are a compulsive
overeater, and are different from other people?
b. It is said that step one is the only step that must be worked
100%. Is this condition really so important? Why?
Hi Fellow Travelers,
My name is Shlomo and I am a COE living in the solution ODAAT by the grace
of my H.P. and the Twelve Step program.
I have the privilege of leading step one this month.
In this part we continue with the description of our problem as written in
the BB.
So far we have gone over the physical and mental aspects of the problem. Now it
is time to consider the spiritual aspect of the problem. In my opinion, the
spiritual aspect of the disease is of the utmost importance and holds the
key to all the rest. Another thing to consider are the promises which give
us hope of recovery. In quoting I change alcoholism to compulsive eating
and alcohol to allergic food substances (or trigger foods or alcoholic
foods). The words in parenthesis inserted in the quotes, are my comments.
I share my interpretation, my understanding and my opinions.
Other interpretations and opinions are, of course, welcome.
The only criterion that is important to me is the question: does it work
for me? If it does, then fine. If it does not , I ask my H.P. for guidance
and work to change accordingly.
So take what you need and leave the rest.
From the chapter "We Agnostics."
A description of some of the spiritual aspects of the problem. "We were
having trouble with personal relationships, we could not control our
emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we could not
make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we
were unhappy, we could not seem to be of real help to other people." page
52.
From the chapter, "How it works."
The Twelve Steps appear for the first time on page 59, only after
explaining in detail the nature of the problem and the proposed solution.
Step One "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol (food) - that our
lives had become unmanageable." Page 59.
This Step consists of two parts.
a. We admitted that we were powerless over food.
b. We admitted that our lives had become unmanageable, not just with food.
"Our description of the alcoholic (compulsive overeater), the chapter to
the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three
pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were alcoholics (compulsive overeaters) and could not manage
our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism
(compulsive eating).
(c) That God could and would if He were sought ." Page 60.
These three ideas sum up all the explanations of Steps One and Two. When I
am convinced of these ideas I have worked these steps.
Here is a detailed description of the spiritual aspect of the problem.
"Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think is the root of our troubles.
Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self delusion, self seeking, and self
pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate."
"So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out
of ourselves and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self will run
riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics
(compulsive overeaters) must get rid of this selfishness. We must or it
kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely
getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical
convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would
have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self centeredness much by
wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help." Page 62.
Notice that the BB does not say that drinking (compulsive overeating) will
kill us. But that selfishness will kill us.
Drinking or compulsive eating is just a symptom of the problem . Trying to
get rid of the symptom is of no use. We have to deal with the root of the
problem and only then the symptoms disappear.
After presenting the Twelve Steps for the first time on Page 59, the BB
explains what we will achieve by working them. What we achieve is written
in Step 12; namely, a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps.
But here on page 63 is a detailed and very encouraging description.
"We had a new Employer (God as we understand Him). being all powerful, He
provided what we needed if we kept close to him and performed his work
well (worked all the 12 steps. this is a package deal I have to work all 12
steps in order to recover.) We established on such a footing we became less
and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. more and
more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life (the
root of our troubles is our spiritual illness, namely, selfishness-self
centeredness. This is a program of progress, expansion and growth. With time our
selfishness becomes less and less and our contribution to life more and
more.) As we felt new power flow in (we admitted we were powerless over
food in Step One and here we are promised that we will feel a new power
flow in. That is quite a promise. We did not have the power to stop eating
compulsively and stay stopped but if we work all the steps we are promised
that we will have power. The power of our H.P. will flow into us, and we
will be able to stop eating compulsively and stay stopped as we enjoyed
peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully (in the
second part of Step One we admit that our lives had become unmanageable.
Here we are promised that we will be able to face life which means that we
will have a manageable life, as we became conscious of His presence, we
began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter (fear is the
source of all my character defects . The opposite of fear is courage, and
courage stems from faith and trust in my H.P. I am promised here that I
will begin to lose my fear as a result of beginning to establish conscious
contact with my H.P. This is a process of progress, growth and expansion
which is nourished by my daily step work. We were reborn." BB Page 63.
Working all the steps gives me a new beginning. Free from my obsession
with food, being able to face life successfully, outgrowing my fears,
establishing a conscious contact with my H.P . I am now ready to begin
living as God intended. "We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous and
free." BB Page 133.
The BB writes all this in the past tense. It happened to the hundred
cofounders of AA and it can happen to anyone who works the 12 Step recovery
program.
The BB continues with more descriptions of the spiritual aspect of our
illness:
"Our liquor ( trigger foods) was but a symptom. so we had to get down to
causes and conditions." Page 64.
"Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics
(compulsive overeaters) than anything else. From it stem all forms of
spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill,
we have been spiritually sick." page 64.
So resentment is part of my spiritual illness , and even a major part.
More about the damage caused by resentment which is a big part of our
spiritual illness.
"...this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is
fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the
sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol (food) returns and we drink
(overeat, binge) again. And with us to drink (overeat, binge) is to die"
Page 66.
Another part of our spiritual illness is fear, since a person who has faith
and trust in God , is not afraid.
about fear "this short word touches about every aspect of our lives. It was
an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through
with it." Page 68.
Another major part of our spiritual illness is harm done to others which
causes us to be filled with remorse and guilt even if we don't admit it to
ourselves. "If we are not sorry and our conduct continues to harm others,
we are quite sure to drink (overeat, binge). We are not theorizing. These
are facts of our experience." Page 70.
"We feel that a man is unthinking when we says that sobriety (abstinence)
is enough." BB Page 82.
Without abstinence we can be in recovery but it sure is not enough to
keep us in recovery. Bill W. the AA cofounder expressed it beautifully in
the book "As Bill Sees It," page 94.
"The chief purpose of AA (OA) is sobriety (abstinence). we all realize that
without sobriety (abstinence) we have nothing.
However, it is possible to expand this simple aim into a great deal of
nonsense, so far as the individual member is concerned. Sometimes we hear
him say in effect, "Sobriety (abstinence) is my sole responsibility.
After all, I am a pretty fine chap except for my drinking (compulsive
eating). Give me sobriety (abstinence) and I have got it made! As long as
our friend clings to his comfortable alibi, he will make so little progress
with his real life problems and responsibilities that he stands in a fair
way to get drunk (binge) again. This is why AA's (OA's) Twelfth Step urges
that we "practice these principles in all our affairs." We are not living
just to be sober (abstinent); we are living to learn, to serve, and to
love.
Now we come to the tenth step promises that say that if we keep in a fit
spiritual condition on a daily basis our obsession with our trigger foods
will be removed on a daily basis.
This is called the miracle of the program. So don't leave, Folks, before the
miracle happens and stay for it to continue.
"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even allergic food
substances. For by this time (after arriving at Step Ten), sanity will have
returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor (trigger foods). If
tempted we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and
normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will
see that our new attitude toward liquor (trigger foods) has been given us
without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the
miracle of it (from this comes the saying "don't leave before the miracle
happens.") We are not fighting it .. neither are we avoiding temptation. We
feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and
protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been
removed. It does not exist for us. we are neither cocky nor are we afraid.
that is our experience. that is how we react so long as we keep in a fit
spiritual condition." pages 84-85.
" we are not cured of alcoholism (compulsive overeating.) What we really
have is a daily reprieve, contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual
condition." page 85.
Hi Fellow Travelers.
My name is Shlomo and I am a COE living in the solution ODAAT by the grace
of my H.P. and the Twelve Step program .
I didn't add a summary to my last post on leading Step One, so here it is.
In this summary I share my interpretation, my understanding and my opinions.
As usual, take what you need and leave the rest.
Step One deals with my problems with food and with my problems with life.
First to my problem with food: "We admitted we were powerless over food..."
There is a saying that we have to take our tiger out of the cage and hold
him by the tail three times a day (if we eat three meals a day). And this
is what makes our problem with food much more complicated than problems with alcohol or drugs. I have to deal with my "drug" every day.
I think the problem is a lot more complicated than even that description.
I divide food into two groups:
Trigger foods and permitted foods.
Trigger foods cause cravings and bingeing.
In principle, working the whole 12 step program frees me from the obsession
with my trigger foods and I don't have to take them out of the cage.
But the progressiveness of my disease with time, adds more trigger foods to
my list; therefore, I have to be on my guard all the time and identify
which food substance turned into trigger foods. I have to be willing to
admit that there is a new problem , admit it is mine and go through the
whole process of asking my H.P. to remove my obsession with this new food .
This is really tough. It is like finding out that I have a new addiction
every once in a while and having to deal with it all over again.
The permitted foods can cause problems too, even if they don't cause
cravings. Because I tend to overeat them, and overeating is a way to deal
with life which is also part of my illness. Overeating my permitted foods
can also be a compulsive act if I indulge in it and cannot keep my
resolution to eat modest meals . This is a part of my problem that is not
covered by the ten step promises, since they deal only with trigger foods
(alcohol to an alcoholic is a trigger substance.) .
I remember my honeymoon period in OA . How it all seemed simple then.
I was abstinent without any effort on my part. It was a big miracle, just
as the ten step promises promise the alcoholic with alcohol.
Of course I didn't dream of touching my trigger foods, but I even didn't
have any desire to overeat my permitted foods.
I think that the honeymoon period is given to us by the grace of our H.P.
so that we know that such a miracle exists, and we can aspire to achieve it
again by working all the steps.
Now my honeymoon period is long gone, and I have "to earn my keep." I have
to work the steps every day very diligently in order to be abstinent . It
is quite easy for me now not to touch my recognized trigger foods on a
daily basis but it is not as easy not to overeat, or to admit that one of
my permitted foods turned into a trigger food.
So what do I do in order to keep abstinent (not binge or overeat and not
want to binge or overeat).
I work the 12 step program every day.
This means a lot of prayers and meditation. even during the day, even at
work. Sometimes the only place I can find peace and quite at work is in
the toilet. So I go there a few times just to pray and meditate to my H.P.
He doesn't mind, and it helps me a lot.
Working the 12 step program also means dealing with my feelings, thoughts
and actions by working Steps 10-12 every day. It means giving service and
helping those who want to be helped.
It means using the tools, going to meetings, sharing, sticking to three
moderate meals a day and nothing in-between.
It means working daily to keep in a fit spiritual condition.
Is it always on the same level?
The answer is no.
Sometimes I am not so diligent in working the steps. Sometimes I blunder
and fall. But the most important part is to get up and keep going.
I know I cannot do it alone, but with my H.P.'s help and with your help,
anything can happen, and miracles happen every day.
I heard once that a miracle is anything that I can do today that I could
not do yesterday.
I have a lot of miracles to be thankful for.
Now to the second part of step 1 "...and our lives had become
unmanageable."
The manageability of my life does not depend on outer circumstances, but on
my response to them.
Before program I was full of fears and resentments. I felt depressed and
had suicidal thoughts. I had a black hole in my soul that needed filling
and all I could do was fill it with food in order to sedate myself.
Working this program saved my life spiritually, mentally and physically.
My black hole is filled with the love of my H.P. I don't obsess over food
on a daily basis. I know what it means to be happy, joyous and free most of
the time, and if I am not, I have my H.P. to turn to, I have the 12 step
recovery program, and I have you, my friends.
I would like to thank those who gave me the opportunity to share and lead
Step One this month. I want to thank every one of you for being with me in
our work on Step One. I learned a lot from the different shares and
enjoyed myself while sharing and learning.
I think it is appropriate to end this summery with the OA promise written
by Rozanne the OA cofounder.
"I Put My Hand In yours ... and together we can do what we could never do
alone! No longer is there a sense of hopelessness; no longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower. We are all together now, reaching out our hands for power and strength greater than ours, and as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams."
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