Hello to all, Karrie again, your step leader for July.

I want to start by looking at page 61 in the OA 12&12, where it discusses the fact that a shortcoming is not often removed immediatly or that it may return after being gone for a while. This has been true in my life, the cause of much frustration and discouragement. Reading here in this paragraph, it tells me that the existance of the struggle with a defect is not the sign of a lack of humilty, but rather the attitude we have toward the struggle, if it is one of surprise or shock, of a feeling of deflatedness or discouragement. This sheds new light on things for me. It then says "Real humility about our character defects carries with it acceptance."

Next it talks about the other side of the coin, our true humility meaning that we are not smug about defects that have been removed. Instead we should be genuinely relieved, always willing to admit that this was a miracle, one that could only be brought about by our Higher Power.

Humility is a gift from God, not something we can muster up on our own. Our work so far on the steps will bring a measure of this about, and the continued willingness to look at our old thoughts and attitudes that may have been preventing us from receiving the gift of true humility.

Gosh, I have to accept my defects?? I just want them out of here, removed as if they were never there. I think, though, if that happened with no work or struggle on my part, I would probably go out and find myself a whole new set of defects to play with. (grin) I find so much about myself unacceptable, and yet that has not helped me to change things, first and foremost my compulsive eating. To accept them, and me right where I am today, means total defeat, total surrender. That is what I need today, and true humililty brings me to that point. When I look at my shortcomings, I realize I have always tried to improve myself, and any time I have experienced any success at all has been when I am on my face, calling out to God for rescue from ME. I don't want to be human, I want to be perfect, and perhaps the hardest thing for me is to admit that I can do nothing. If God leaves me to my own devices right this moment, I will have food in my mouth faster than you can imagine. So I am finding a new insight about humility, and perhaps realizing that a lack of it is my biggest defect of all.

1. Have you experienced difficulty at the removal of a certain defect?? Or the return of one that had been gone for some time?? Which defect, and what was your attitude about it? One of humility and acceptance, or anger and discouragement??

2. Have you experienced true humility when a defect has been miraculously removed, or have you been tempted to take the credit or look down on others who stuggle with the same defect??

3.Do you feel you have been granted the gift of humility, or do you still struggle with attitudes that block it, such as low self-esteem, status-seeking or self-righteousness.

Much love, Karrie
 
 

Dear Loopies ~

Well, here we are, nearing the end of the month and the completion of Step 7. I have been honored to be your step leader this month, and feel it has helped me to do this step much more thoroughly than I would have otherwise.

I found myself in all the books tonight, the Big Book and both 12&12’s. In the OA 12&12 I read something that I have surely read before, but it took on a special meaning tonight and harmonized so beautifully with something in the AA 12&12. On page 75 (AA) it is talking about the change in our attitude toward God, and says “We began to get over the idea that the Higher Power was a sort of bush-league pinch hitter, to be called upon only in an emergency. The notion that we would live our own lives, God helping a little now and then began to evaporate. And then on page 65 (OA) it says “Repeated practice of step seven enables us to form a working partnership with our Higher Power through which we are relieved of the defects which have blocked our effectiveness in the world.

I have been in a strange place with food for several months now. I would surrender (so I thought) but there were things that I withheld from my sponsor, things I withheld from myself, and certainly, parts of my food plan and life that I chose not to consult God on. The result has been the most miserable kind of “on-again-off-again abstinence, which always led to slips and binges at some point and time. Some of the things or foods or circumstances were not earth shattering at all, but little dishonesties here and there, which led to the justification of leaving this or that out, and pretty soon God wanted no part of the deal. Ah, but yesterday, on my knees in surrender, I found myself at that place where I wanted to know the truth more than I wanted to continue controlling my own life, a place where I was beaten and ready to do anything to lift this merciless obsession. (why is it so hard to get there??) And so the partnership began, He is the boss and I am the servant, I come clean with my sponsor and work the program the way He inspired men to pen it down, He removes my compulsion to eat, makes healthy things that sounded boring a few days ago taste delicious, removes some of my defects and leads me to work on others.

So as the books suggest, I took my list of defects, talked to God about each one, expressed willingness to have Him deal with it whenever and however He saw fit. I recited the 7th step prayer from the big book, “My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.

1. Can you grasp the idea of a partnership with God? Is He a pinch-hitter in your life? Can you see the futility of running your own life and then asking for help when you botch it up??

2. On page 63-64 of the OA 12 & 12 it talks about being shown actions we are to take as each defect is being removed. Have you found that rehearsing what action you'll take when tempted or visualizing the person you are becoming helpful?

3. Have you done the final work on step 7? Please share with us your experience on this.

It has been my pleasure to work this step with all of you. Each post has been an encouragement to me. I thank you all for sharing this journey and look forward to working the remaining steps with you.

Much love,
Karrie