December 26, 1999

I made it through the holiday without overeating…can you believe it? For dinner yesterday we had chicken cordon bleu, potatoes, broccoli, whole cranberry sauce, and rolls. I allowed myself to eat one plateful and then I stopped. I wasn’t stuffed and I didn’t overeat for once! This was the first Christmas that I didn’t overeat. My usual Christmas dinner I would eat until I couldn’t stuff another morsel into my mouth. It felt good to be comfortable because when you overeat it is very uncomfortable. Shawn is coming to spend the New Year with my family and me. He’s scared to drive down because of the unpredictable weather so he’s going to take the greyhound. I have to pick him up on Tuesday.

I got this crazy idea in my head: I want to move to Richmond, Virginia. I’ve driven through there but I never stayed there for a long duration. This idea popped into my head yesterday for me to live there after graduation. So if anyone out there that reads this journal is familiar with Richmond please email me so I can learn a little more about it. I did some online researching about the city and it’s the capital of Virginia and it’s one of the oldest cities in the United States. They pay social workers real good out there so maybe that could be the place for me. Wherever I go, I want to be near a bigger city even if I live in a small town. I’m going to tell Shawn this when he comes down. I don’t know where I am with him but I’m going to be straight up with him, he can either join me in Richmond or I guess we are through then. We’re doing okay now but I won’t move back to Michigan, it’s not my goal to. Besides working in social work there is rough, it’s like a rat race and I just don’t feel like being in a rat race. We’ll see where I’m going in June or July. I’m going to be real picky about a job because I can afford to hold out for a good one.

My weight is slowly peeling off. For church today I wore an outfit that was once tight on me. It looked real good. Even though it was the holiday this week, I still managed to somehow lose a pound, which is amazing. When I first started on this journey I originally thought I would be smaller than I am now but you know I didn’t have real expectations back then. Yeah, I guess I could attempt to lose weight super fast but it’s not worth it to me. When losing weight, goals should be flexible because when I first set my weight goals I figured that I would be about 180 right about now but I’m not. But that’s okay because I’m taking it slow and making changes for life and I couldn’t be happier about it! Well that’s it for me today, take care all-Kellie 237/197/140 57 more pounds to go!!!

December 22, 1999

My arms are really sore today. It could be due to 1. After my workout yesterday, I shot some baskets. I’m a horrible basketball player. 2. I used the arms for a little while on the ellipse machine. Now that ellipse machine is a workout! I feared that it wasn’t but it’s great. I read somewhere that it’s better than jogging and it’s easier on the joints. I’m avoiding the pool because it’s way too small for me to do laps. I can only hope that my times won’t be too bad when I get back to Lou. Oh well, at least I’m working out!

My families’ dog pup-pup (I know that’s original yes?) got mauled today by a stray dog. Pup-pup was bleeding from her stomach so we took her into the vet. Luckily she will do okay but it was scary. She’s a cute little mutt. She adopted us last year when she kept on coming up to us and looking for attention. We couldn’t refuse to give her attention so we started to take care of her. She got pregnant last year and had 3 pups and we kept the runt, Buddy (another original name…yup?). So we have 2 mutts and 1 pure breed, Copper, she’s a Catahoula. Copper used to be a pain but she turned out to be a great dog. I’m a huge dog person, so it’s nice having them around when I visit the folks. That’s it for me today, take care all-Kellie

December 20, 1999

Exercise: treadmill 1.25 miles, ellipse machine 15 minutes

I’ve been doing some shopping on the net. Luckily, I came across a page that was loaded with coupons for CD Now (I got a coupon for $10 off a $15 order), Buy.com($20 off of any $20 order), and Barnes and Noble ($10 off any $15 order). Needless to say, I got 1 Bob Dillion CD, 1 NIN tape, 2 copies of Clerks, 1 copy of Mallrats, and Carrie the Stephen King book for a grand total of: $22 DOLARS! Is that not fantastic?!?!? I love NET Shopping. The gifts are for Shawn (and me, I claim the NIN tape and the movie Clerks and Mallrats. Then I discovered another shop, More.com. They carry household products like makeup and other personal items. They got this deal that if you buy from them before 1/10/00, you can become a charter member. Becoming a charter member means that you will get that product for the rest of your life (or the company’s life) for the price it is now plus they give you free shipping and handling. So I loaded up with products I usually buy like Tom’s of Maine soap, toothpaste, deodorant, and hair shampoo, Gillette silky shave stuff, feminine products, carmex, Advil, and stuff like that. They had better prices than the grocery store and if I can lock in those prices forever and free shipping?!?! I am going to make out like a bandit. So needless to say, I am a shopping queen! I still need to pick up stuff for my mom, dad, and sister. We try to spend around $20 for each gift. I’ll go shopping for them after I go to the dentist tomorrow. I’m a procrastinator, what can I say?

Speaking of Clerks…I went to see Dogma when Shawn was at my place and that movie is awesome. I am a big fan of Kevin Smiths movies (Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy and finally Dogma). His creative wit is awesome. Plus, the supporting actors that make appearances in all the films, Jay and Silent Bob crack you up. In Dogma I was waiting for Jay to shout out smoochie boochies but alas he did not. I own very few movies but I want to own the one’s he made. I also want a copy of Office Space. If you haven’t seen it yet, I suggest you run to the video store to rent it. I own 4 movies…The Saint with Vail Kilmer (oh Vail is yummy), Legends of the Fall, Pulp Fiction, and Better Off Dead (an old 80s movie with John Cusack) so to add a movie to my small collection is big. I couldn’t refuse paying $8.99 for three movies…I’m such a bargain hunter.

We are having Chicken Cordon Bleu for Christmas dinner. Mom is sick of ham so she wanted to get creative. I kick butt at making it so I am in charge. This won’t kill my diet too much. I lost four pounds this week so I am finally back below 200. So I am not too afraid of the big Christmas dinner but I am afraid for my sisters wedding. A troth of food and beer flowing everywhere. She’s getting married the 14th of January in a small tiny country church outside of St. Clair, Michigan. The church is going to be packed because it went from a very small wedding to a large one. Dennis (my brother in law)’s parents are paying for the all out deal because they didn’t give him a graduation party nor did they do anything for their daughters wedding so they want to go all out. Carrie and Dennis don’t need any household items at all so they didn’t register at any stores. I hear that the mom is spreading out the word for people to give out money, I hope the people do that because their apartment is full to the brim with household stuff. Anyways, Carrie is coming down on Wednesday and she’s leaving about the 5th from down here. I am possibly thinking that I’ll go back up with her to Michigan to help her get things straightened out. This would be nice because I haven’t been there to visit (the southeastern side that is) since August 1997. Plus she needs my help with decorations. I’m going to skip the first week of school and internship anyways because of the wedding.

Speaking of school, I got a 3.92 GPA this semester!!!! Is that amazing or what. In my whole academic career being 19 years, I have never made all A’s! When I found out on Saturday I started to dance around the room because I was so happy. I worked real hard this semester and it paid off. Grades like these will keep the door open for me so I can maybe get a doctorate one-day. I’m so proud of myself! Who would have ever guessed I would do this well? Not I! My junior year of college I had a 2.2 GPA. I was a business major for 2 years and my grades suffered because of that. I then switched to Family Studies…I really liked that so I added another major of Sociology…after that I added a minor of Substance Abuse Education and Prevention. I graduated with a 174 credit hours and I had a 2.9 GPA at the end of my college career so I was surprised when I got accepted to grad school. So I’m doing good…I would love to go back to my old high school and look at my records. My counselor told me that I should only apply to community college because I didn’t have the grades to get into Central. Thank God I didn’t listen to that idiot…who knows were I would be if I had taken his advice…stupid counselor, what did he know!

If any of you are leaving for holiday in the next day or so, I hope you have safe travels and a happy holiday and indulge a little but do so wisely. Take care all-Kellie 235/198/140 58 more pounds to go!!!

December 16, 1999

Exercise: 1 hour in the pool

What did I eat today? Check the daily food log

Baby, I’m on fire this week! That’s one way to describe how good I am doing. Being at my parents home makes it easier for me to eat. I jumped on the scale today and I am down to 198! That’s amazing since I was 202 on Sunday (the after effects of a fast food frenzy!!). I guess I needed that so I could have some spark back into my diet life, whatever it was it helped me because it helped put my priorities back into perspective.

I went swimming today. I mostly did pulls and kicks because I afraid to do actual laps because I don’t know where the wall is! Pools usually have a black cross to signify the wall but they don’t there. Anyways, I dragged my mom to the pool. Before going in there she wanted to try a treadmill so the guy at the Y showed her. I never laughed so hard in my life…my mom never has been on a treadmill and when she first got on it she was walking with straight legs, no bending. I can laugh at this because it was cute. I guess she wants to join the Y because it would be cheaper than buying a treadmill and she can use the other machines. Let’s just see if she goes through it. I’m going to go use the machines tomorrow; they looked neat because they had some neat machines. I figure using the machines and the treadmill is better than doing nothing. Well that’s it for me today, take care all-Kellie

December 15, 1999

What did I eat today? Check my food log

Damn, I swear I forgot everything when I came to my parent’s home. I forgot my scanner, I forgot my lapcounter, and I forgot my weight watchers books. I was running around my apartment trying to stuff things in garbage bags (I have no suitcases or travel bags) and I seemed to forget everything that was really important to me. Maybe if I would have planned ahead better but heck, it’s the story of my life because I have to wait until the last minute for everything. Since I forgot my books I am relying on dietwatch. Hopefully, it won’t be too bad. I am trying to keep my fat under 30 grams and my calories under 1600. At least I have something.

My parents came home today. They were up in Michigan for the funeral of my aunt. They were tired and grumpy when they got home so they were not exactly happy to see me. Plus the house was a bit messy. My parents home is spic and span(hey do they make that stuff anymore???), no dust is present and everything is neat and it didn’t help that the house smelled like grilled chicken because of the George Foreman grill…so I was making the apologies. My mom really misses Michigan. My dad on the other hand is very happy in Kentucky. I really don’t miss Michigan at all, honestly. I hated the town I spent my late childhood and teen years…Marine City sucked. I was teased a lot when I was younger because my parents lived in a trailer so they could build our house. It was a horrible trailer that would rock whenever it was windy or had a bad storm. The good thing about it was that they built the house debt free but the bad thing is that we had to live in the trailer for two years. This family down the road (who had 6 kids and 5 of them were stupid) started teasing me by calling me trailer trash and then it lead to other kids teasing me. Kids would throw things at me on the bus, stick gum in my hair, hit me, and spit at me. As I grew older it got better but I was always viewed as trash until the 11th grade when I was spending $100 a week on clothes. All I have to saw is that those kids were EVIL!!! They showed no respect to anyone…I guess the best revenge is that I am having a wonderful life and most of those dumb @sses are still in Marine City working at the plastic factory making minimum wage. They deserve to stay in that town forever. You couldn’t pay me enough to live in that town again. Anyways, mom said she missed Michigan and my dad got upset. I can see why she misses aspects of Michigan because my sister will always live there, there are more things to do there than in rural southeastern Kentucky, and there are jobs there. My mom is retired because my dad is…if she could find a job she would work. It’s a different world down here in rural KY…it is. Sexism is rampant…almost every man down here thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread but they are ugly as sin(both in personality and looks). Speaking of looks, I’ve only scene 1 attractive guy since moving down here. Going from Louisville to London is like stepping foot in another country because they are soooooo different. London is a WASP (white Anglo-Saxon protestant) community with a mix of Baptist (southern) and Pentecostal religions, 99% Republican, and the literacy rate is 50% (according to the local paper). Louisville is primarily catholic, liberal with a mix of some republican but democrats mostly dominate, and diversity is ever so present. I’m just happy that I live in Louisville mostly because London would drive me nuts!!! Well take care all-Kellie

December 14, 1999

What did I eat today? Check the food log

Exercise: 1 hour in the pool

I think someone lit a fire under my bum! Because I am so pumped this week to have a good week. I just feel it. Maybe this is the spark I have been looking for. I think sometimes people burn out thinking about their diet. You know, they lose their spark, their real interest in losing the weight…I’ve been on this diet for seven months now and I have lost 35 pounds so far but for a while I’ve been just going through the motions of losing weight. I haven’t been living it or embracing this time. Maybe I needed to have a restaurant frenzy to put it in perspective about what I really want. I want to be healthy! I don’t want to be considered obese anymore (just 12 more pounds, @ 190 I am just considered overweight!) I want my bones to feel better because I have too much weight on them! Be Golly, I want to go to the mall and wear fashions were Lane Bryant doesn’t rip me off because I’m fat!!!!! This is what I want…Getting back to the spark, I think we lose it at sometime. Maybe it’s because of how slow the progress is. It is a slow progression to lose the weight. I figured if I lose 5 pounds a month, I will be 140 next November. Damn, that is far away but I’m looking forward to my mini goals like being back under 200 again, 190, etc. But maybe people are expecting a fast loss, I don’t know but I’m just hypothesizing. It took us a long time to put on the weight and it’s going to take a while to get it off but I’m in for the long haul. I like the changes that I have made and 35 pounds off is amazing because try lifting 35 pounds, it’s a lot.

I went to the pool and it’s soooo small! I miss my pool in Louisville already. I went from the Ritz Carlton to a $19.95 rent by the hour motel. Oh well, at least I can swim so I can’t complain too much. Since it was an open pool and I had to swim amongst the little ones. One little girl wanted to swim and play with me. So I took the buggy board and we had swim competitions. This worried or pissed her mom off because she kept on saying “leave the woman alone so she can swim”…or maybe she thought I was a weirdo because I was talking with the kids. If I was a parent, I too would be concerned with a stranger talking to my kid but I was just talking with them because they were talking to me. They wanted to show me their swim tricks, it was cute. So I had a crappy workout but at least I got to swim. Since the Tae-bo craze has calmed down, would anyone recommend some workout tapes? If you have suggestions please email me ASAP. Thanks! Any help would be appreciated! Well that’s it for me today, take care all-Kellie

December 13, 1999

Shawn left this morning and I came home to London today. I ate like shit this week. Sorry for the vulgarity but I did. There is this pattern occurring: when I am among friends, I tend to use it as an excuse to heavily eat out. We are not talking once or twice but we are talking at least 6 times! What the heck is wrong with me? Haven’t I learned something from losing weight? When I am with the folks or by myself I can stick to my regimen quite well but if I introduce close friends from the past, I turn into “Fat Kellie” my alter ego that just wants to stuff her face with bad stuff. It’s like treating an alcoholic whose family hasn’t gone to therapy (they are enablers). Maybe it’s the family who hasn’t gone to therapy or maybe it’s the alcoholic who has changed (but not really, possibly), they soon settle back into their same roles. Whatever! But when I was around Shawn, I just wanted to eat…His trip was nice but what is wrong with me that I want to eat around him? Is it that I want to return to my old role? I have to think about this…

I joined the YMCA of London today on my way home. Even though I was eating all week, I didn’t stop swimming. My times were pretty crappy because of my new workout…hopefully they will get good again. Okay, so the pool doesn’t have open lap swim but they have an open pool every night. So I guess I can lap swim then. The YMCA guy said that they don’t have too much business in the pool so I would basically have it for myself. He said then if I bring another adult along during the day, I could swim by myself. That would be cool. I guess I’ll drag my folks with me because I don’t know to many people around London. I still can’t get over them not having a lap swim but at least I have some access to a pool.

When I was stuffing my face this week…I was looking at other journals. I always wonder what happened to people that quit their journals. I felt lost without journalizing last week. I really did. My journal entries are my source of support. Shawn was lurking over my shoulder all week so I really didn’t feel comfortable with writing. Maybe that’s an excuse but it’s the truth. Anyways, I went to Gails Site. I guess she started this idea of diet journalizing about 3 years ago. She has a list of other journals. Half are no longer available, ¼ are still around but they haven’t been updated in ages, and the rest were people still on their journeys to lose the weight. I still wonder about those people who quit…were they successful or did they become a victim of a yo-yo dieter? A great mystery. Anyways, I’m fired up for a KICK A@@ diet week, is anyone else up for a great week? Take care all-Kellie

December 10, 1999

Exercise: Swimming, 1250 yards (1000 yards lap and 250 pulls)

Things are uneventful here. I ate better yesterday thank god because I was fearing that I would gain some weight because of all the crap I was eating so lets just say I will be happy if I don’t gain this week. That annoys the crap out of me because I’ve been using Shawn’s visit as an excuse to eat stuff I usually do not eat. So I did well yesterday, no crap just good foods. Sometimes I’m weak because I just want to fall into my old habits with him (my fault)….argh!

I spent the whole day yesterday working on a research project for school. I turned it in last Friday but my professor wanted me to make a bunch of changes before I submitted it to the IRB (institutional review board). The IRB reviews my project to see if it is safe for me to conduct the research. I have to do a follow up study for my internship. Oh what fun!

Swimming is doing great. I changed my workout last week so that I swim 12 laps then rest a few seconds and continue that until I reach 1000 yards = 40 laps. I started to do pulls so I can improve my stoke and endurance…now I just have to buy some paddles. Well that’s it for me, take care all –Kellie

December 7, 1999

Wow, I went through my first birth day. My client had her baby at 7:43 am this morning…I got a call at 1:00 am this morning for me go into the hospital because her water broke. She was having steady contractions until 5:00 am, then they slowed down so they gave her some potosum. At 7:15 am, she was ready to go. Overall, she had a dream delivery…no stitches and she only had to push for a total of 8 minutes. We could all wish that we have deliveries like that! I got to cut the umbilical cord too…my client didn’t want her father to cut it so I felt honored (though I wondered if that made her dad mad but it was her decision). The baby was slow to react and it was a tad bit scary for a while because the baby swallowed it’s own feces while in the womb. They really had to stimulate it. The baby was on some oxygen for 5 hours but they took her off of it. When I went back to the hospital my client was looking great and she said she felt good. Though, I have to say that it will be a long while for me to have a baby.

I’m eating like crap this week. Because of Shawn coming down and the hospital, I’ve been eating non-healthy food. So tonight, I jerked out my weight watchers books. Ahrgh, this is frustrating though because I’m mildly freaking out. Like Shawn and I ate out twice. Once we went to Fazolli’s and Chick-fil-a. Last night we had a chuck roast and tonight we had a homemade pizza. I ate cheese only on my side but Shawn had the works. So I have to be careful this next few days. No snacking! And 3 meals a day! Can I do that? YES!!!! Take care all-Kellie

December 3, 1999

I MADE IT!!! I’m finally done for this semester…and boy did this week fly by. The first thing (besides making a post) I’m going to do is clean my apartment. It’s so dirty because I have papers thrown every where and the dishes in my sink are piled as high as Mount Everest! Oh, to have a clean apartment again will be a grand feeling.

Sorry about not posting but school work had to come first. Okay diet wise this week. I would have to say I’m in a mode of craving fast food. I have to stop that because it’s bad for me. I need to stock up my fridge with some food because there is nothing in there. Actually because of TOM, I feel like a walking bowl of mayonnaise. I feel like a bloated whale. Oh, I hate that. I started a new swimming regimen. I have finally worked up to swimming continuous laps. When I started doing this on Tuesday, it felt great. I can’t believe I can swim continuously!!! This is a major accomplishment for me.

My parents were going to come out here to but a biological cousin, Ruth, from Michigan is dying of lung cancer and they are going up there. I guess she’s in the intensive care unit. When I say biological cousin, I mean it’s from my dad’s biological family. Here’s the story on my dad. He was born in 1935 to Lulu and Sylvester. Sylvester was a professor of Mathematics at Wayne State University in the 20s and 30s.They had a horrible marriage and Sylvester walked out on Lulu before my dad was born. My dad has an older sister, Anne Marie who was 6 years older than my father. Lulu tried to raise the kids but she couldn’t so she my dad and his sister to the state a year after my father was born. A rich family adopted Anne Marie and my father was passed from one foster care home to another until he was the age of six. During this time, my father did not know his birthday or his middle name. An elderly man and his wife took my dad in and wanted to adopt him but the state said the man was too old. When the man lost his wife, the state took my dad away. The man fought for my dad and he came up with the idea of having his daughter take my dad in. From then on my dad stayed with the elderly man’s daughter. He learned of his birthday when he was ten. His biological mother saw him about every other year when he was young up until his 12th birthday. From then on, my dad didn’t see her because she remarried and had a new family. The foster family was strict but they took care of my dad. My dad’s father contacted him when he was 18 but my dad had no interest in speaking to him because he never took an interest in him when he was young. My dad later regretted this. In 1979, my dad tried to track down his family, only to have doors shut in his face. He found Anne Marie but she denied it was her, we went to Alabama and Texas to locate his father’s relatives but no luck, and he found that his mother died in 1977 of a heart attack (she was a very large woman). Through finding his mother’s grave he found Leitha and Ruth. Leitha was Lulu’s sister who was 95 and Ruth was her daughter. In finding out about Lulu’s family, there were kind of chaotic. The family system had some major problems so it was probably better that my dad was raised in another environment. My dad really never speaks about this, probably because it’s so painful. My dad is pretty quite when it comes to things about his past. He like a big mystery with a lot of untold stories. When he does share stories, I view it as grand because it gives me some insight into him as a person. It’s sad though because we never got to know my dad's side of the family. I am Kellie, yet I have no history of what stands behind my name. Culturally, I have no idea of who I am. My mom was raised in West Virginia and they didn’t talk about their roots, I know I have some Native American in me because my grandmother was a full blooded Cherokee so that makes me an 1/8 Cherokee. Which is shown in my high cheekbones and my skin pigment because I have a nice olive tone. Dad was raised by Germans but they said Lulu was Scottish and Irish. Getting back to my dad, I would love to find his relatives but I really have no idea of how to…or even would it be worth it to find them because maybe they would not be interested in meeting my family. It’s probable that my grandfather re-married and had more kids but I guess I will never know…which is sad.

Well, Shawn is coming down tomorrow and he’s going to stay for a week. He lost his job because of a cooperate buyout. We’ll see how it goes. At least he got a good severance package. My practice professor wanted to know when am I going to get my Doctorate because she said I have what it takes (which was a huge compliment from her) and it shocked me…of course my initial reaction to that comment was that “I’m not smart enough”, shame on me…Damn, I shouldn’t have said that but I feel that I’m not skilled enough to have a Ph.D. But you never know, maybe she put a spark in my head. Well, take care all!-Kellie

My Vistors Since December 3, 1999