Being Sensitive. Being Brave

There were few people in the gift shop...but one young man caught my eye. Not because of his beauty, not because of his flaming red hair, but because he looked happy. My daughter and I were talking to the shop keep about the Samhain celebration we had just attended. He approached us and shyly excused himself. "I didn;t mean to evesdrop, but I was wondering if the place where you attended the Beltane celebration was at the retreat Cryatal Avalon?" I told him yes, and it was a shame that this would be the last celebration we would attend there as it was shutting down." He thought for a moment then said in a rush of words... "I'm so sad to hear that. My parents don't understand my faith and I have to keep all my tools and offering in my car. And on top of that, I haven't told them I'm gay. So I asked him why he looked so happy, and he said, "This is a place where I can be happy." We took us quite to heart. They young man counldn't be more than 16 or 27 and yet he felt he had to hide things about himself that he should have been celebrating. We said our good-byes and wished him well, but we walked away with two thoughts. 1) A society that quashes individuality is a sad one indeed. A place where we cannot be ourselves with the fear of reprisals, whether from society or our own family is a place that must be taught better. 2) Closing down places like Crystal Avalon has a larger impact on the lives of everyone, those that like to go to the high-holy celebrations and those that find it their only refuge.

More thoughts!!

A couple of nights ago I brought out my Tarot cards, shuffled and layed them out in a 10 card design. I hadn't done this in a long time. Current events had rendered my circuts on overload, and I should have known better. Reading the news, paper and on-line, collecting magazine articles, watching the nightly news programs and special reports, we are inundated and overloaded with the most dreadful kind of subconscious pandamonium. Laying out the cards I can't help but feel a sensse of helplessness. Most go out and donate blood or give money or donate time at shelters...how can a sensitive help?

One rule I will furthtermore rely upon with all my heart is...what you deny now will come back to you three-fold later...

Of course that can be interpreted in many ways, but the one that concerns me is for my sensitive nature. For those who understand that I use 'sensitive' in the mose psychic sense, you will no doubt know that if you deny the 'visions', 'feelings'.'occurances', or what ever you call them..they will come back to you with a vengence. They will come in a dream, or dreams, appear in your head at the most inopportune time, or just generally gnaw at your soul until you have to get it out.

Telling someone else: Well, this normally leads to a lot of blank stares, head shaking and occasional laughter, as if 'you are joking, aren't you?'

Lighting candles and conducting a ceremony: Yes, this will make you feel better and help align all the powers that be...but it will not help the situation and you will still feel frustrated.

A solution came to me as I contempled the cards in front of me. And the cards were hard to ignore. They displayed the horrible event of the past weeks and predicted more disaster and horror to come. The idea is to spread my smile. To go amongst the people of the earth and smile until everyone would smile with me. Who can resist the laughter or happy grin of a person who really cares for their happiness. and the happiness of the world.

Of course in my small world I direct the smiles at the people I meet each day. Some the same as yesterday, some new to my neighborhood. But who ever they are I greet them with a face devoid of anger and pain, no matter the saddness I may feel inside. I greet them with a spirit of loving kindness.

At home I light the black candle to absorb the negative energy....I practice Chi Kung to wipe away the darkness I may have accumulated during the day. Then the next day begins again.

.................................................... ................