Nature Songs ~~ NOVEMBER, 2002, continued ~~



November 22, 2002 ~ Time IN A Bottle ~~ If I could have some time in a bottle some of it would be poured out never to be remembered again. I'd rinse away the remains never to surface again. But life doesn't allow such actions once a decision or move has been made. We the pions of the moment must learn to adjust, accept, forgive and continue with daily life. Such are the facts that face one and all. Of course throughout creation some are unable to continue with life and make critical mistakes on top of mistakes to only complicate the lives of one and all.

The lives of our entire family acceptance and togetherness has been threatened. It is difficult to fathom what may occur with time, but for sure it has forever changed. We have options to make. We can all pull together and become closer accepting the mistakes made, or we could split and no longer be a complete family unit. The choice is not mind. The possible directions that could be taken were taken, just as I predicted and offered. However, the words of the elder mean little since she is not of the new age of rekconing. Old Age at this point is a sign of senility and suggestions are unacceptable. That's a pity because some of the pain and hurts could have been avoided. Years of working with the system and being involved with area agencies is no longer importance. I am passe.

I am not complaining. I am not mad. I accept my fate as it has been these past few years and stand by in case something could perhaps need my presence. I've watched with interest as people would talk over the head of my aunt as she grew older. It was as if since she was getting older, she was also unable to understand those talking around her and take part in the conversation. She was very alert and could match wits with the best of them up until she died at the age of 94. Her hearing was bad and she missed much since folks would not bother to talk directly to her and the hearing aid.

Mother has excellent hearing. She hears all and yet people don't bother to take time to speak with her as well. Few will sit and talk with her. She is beginning to loose her present identy and is turning back to the past where she is more at home and feels accepted. Without her eyesight, she has problems knowing the time of day or where she may be. Her confusion is directly related to her sight and lack of it. Today she is out in a field and waiting for someone to come get her and take her home. Soon everyone will be gone and she will be left alone. Brother and I have decided it is not worth trying to orient her since we don't have the help of the CNAs and other workers there at the nursing center. It isn't worth keeping her upset about how she gets so mixed up. We didn't party for her nineith birthday and asked everyone to come at different times to visit. The pastor of our church came to see her instead of sending the proverbial card and she was elated over his visit.

Now, my time has come to be included in "Age of Nevermore Land." I shall not take lightly the being ignored as dicisions are made. I can only watch as both good and bad dicisions are made. No one wants to know my views or suggestions on events. I was told one here in town called Cotton up in New Jersey to make arrangements for me to ride a train up to visit. One, the train is slower than the bus - which I wouldn't ride anyway. I was able to say that I would not ride on a train with the threat of bodily harm to those riding the tracks at this time. That one point I can control. The dark days laying ahead, I can only pray, watch and wait.



November 23, 2002 ~ The Plot Thickens ~~ It's been a very long dismal week. The one bright spot I took advantage of was the outing with my friend, Allie, to the Civic Center Tuesday evening. We sat for two hours listening to music from the forties and earlier as Swing came alive on stage. It surely was one of the best Showcase of Stars show we have attended. All was dancing and singing with very few props needed to present the story. The band performed behind the dancing and was part of the show. Many of the songs I don't remember ever hearing, while others such as Don't Sit Under The Apple Tree I remember hearing back in my younger years

The phone rang early Friday morning and another episode of another sort began to unfold. "Stormy Jeanne, do you know where your brother is?"

"ER ... No, but what's the problem?"

"I'm sitting out here in the middle of this field waiting for him to pick me up and bring me home."

Mother has slipped past the point of being brought back to the present. Everything was downhill from this point. I called BJ and asked him to call Mother and see if he might calm her down. Before I could look up the number to call the center, he called me back to announce that he was no help. All he could tell her was that he was unable to come after her and she would have to ask one of the girls at the center to help her. I made a call to the nurses to alert them to the situation and ask if they could try to orient her about where she was and to be sure to get some fluids in her. Progress was in reverse from that point. She called me again to say that she was till waiting and what's keeping me! She is in a hurry to get on her way. I called her and one of the nurses answered her phone. She was out in the hall waiting for someone to take her home. The day became bleaker.

Those at the nursing center apparently had their hands full as they cared for her throughout the day. (They couldn't have given her something to drink. She only had one can of Coke and it was on the shelf when I went over later to check on her. The nurse called around four to tell me they were getting Mother ready to take her to the doctor's office. The weekend coming up, they were not wanting to wait until Monday to have her checked by the doctor. I arrived at the center shortly after they had returned from the doctor's office. She was at the door waiting for a ride home. As I walked down the hall, I could see her blue slippers showing at the doorway. Instead of turning her around, I pushed the wheelchair down the hall toward the main entrance for a short cruise.

Mother seemed oblivious to being out of the room. Normally, she would tell me to take her back to her room. Stopping by the Nurse's Station, I found out that the medicine she has been on for a week has not helped the urinary track infection. Her electrolytes are low as well. She needs plenty of fluids. Her antibiotic was changed in hopes of helping her disorientation. The Powers That Be are not paying attention to the symptoms she has. They are working strictly on the idea that the medicine has caused her to be as she is. The CNAs and myself as well have told them that all of this began before the medicine was given.

Time to leave and the real struggle began. Mother was determined that she was riding home with me. Nothing is wrong with her and she can do anything she wants to. We just don't want her to come home! How wonderful it would be if that were true. Mother is emphatic that her drop foot is healed and she can walk on it all she wants to. BJ and I had already decided to play her game along with her since we could not reason with her in any way. After three attempts to tell her goodnight and leave, I had to motion for one of the CNAs to come be with her. She was really getting angry with me and threatening for me not to leave without her. I had no choice, but turn my back and walk down the hallway, out the door and get in the car to drive home. I meant to put a video in for Mother to listen to some of her gospel music in hopes it would calm her. Since I dared not return to her room, I used my cellular phone and talked to the CNA that was with her asking if she would put the video on for Mother.

As Brother and I talked later, we discussed the prospect of perhaps checking into the nursing home in Hickory where Mother's sister is. My two nieces are in the facility off and on throughout the week, and if Mother could be in a room with her sister, she would be much happier. She has worried so much about not being able to take care of her sister since the broken hip. Her reason for coming home is to get Sis out of the nursing home and take care of her in the apartment downstairs. Decisions can be difficult. Many have been made this past week. Now there is yet another ...





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