- - Family - Teenagers As teenagers, problems seem to become more and more complex. When a parent has MS, it often means the teenagers of the family must make more sacrifices or carry more burdens that their friends do. Most teenagers want to fit in with friends, and may find it easier not to tell friends about their MomÕs walker, or DadÕs poor condition (Cavallo). More responsibilities may cause problems for teens from minor annoyances like picking up the house to clear a path for the parent, to deeper emotions of anger, sadness, and guilt. It should be realized that these teens are not alone in their problems. The role of a family member changes when a parent has MS. For example, the responsibility of the parent who used to drive the kids to school is shifted to the other parent or the young teenager. These role reversals are difficult for everyone (Cavallo), and the feelings may be difficult to sort out. "ÔAm I mad that she wonÕt drive me to the mall because of MS makes her too tired or because she wants me to stay home and finish writing my English paper?Õ"(Cavallo). A parent is first and foremost a parent, usually the one to set the rules, expects clothes to be hung, etc.... . Some teens may find it difficult to discuss problems with their parents. Still, "...many people find it better to talk to someone outside the family" (Minden). Finding professional help does not decree that the family has failed. One of the most important points to realize with teenagers in a family with MS, is the potential problem of teens worrying about their parentÕs ability to function in the future (Cavallo). Around the teenage years, a person begins to worry about their future, college, dating, clothes, but in a household with MS, another worry enters in; how will Mom and Dad get by without me? These young adults should realize that "... many of lifeÕs problems have nothing at all to do with MS" (Minden). Many children growing up within a MS family become "unusually aware of the feelings and needs of others" (Minden). But, these children may need to be encouraged to balance being helpful with having a life of their own. Socializing may be difficult, but is an important source of emotional well being (Minden). "When people help so much that they have no time for themselves, they are not really helping as much as they think they are" (Minden). While it many be difficult, each family member needs to find time for themselves doing their own activities. Everyone is unique within a family. Brothers and sisters each experience life in a family differently, even in a family with multiple sclerosis. "The point to remember is this: you are unique, but you are not alone" (Cavallo).

December 9, 1998