July/August 2000
July 24 - (Mon)
Hey guys. I know it's been a long time. I've been slacking a lot with my healthy eating and exercise. A lot has been going on in my life. For starters, I've been trying to find a new job. I've been interviewing like crazy because I would like to start my career (not just another job) by the end of the summer. I recently got an offer from a company I really liked, but the salary was too low - I've asked them to increase the salary, we'll see. I have been focusing on getting my life together - my spiritual, emotional, and physical self. I am single - truly single and focusing on myself for once. I am happier than I've been in a while. Once, I get a new job, I will focus my attention on getting my body in shape. I've been taking ThaiBoxing class at a martial arts school. These workouts are killers. It's very good and I feel good after working out for 1.5 hours. I'm so tired of being overweight - it really does hinder you in some ways. I HATE shopping now because all the nice fashions are backless, sleeveless, belly-revealing, etc. and I'm FAT. I am not going to worry about it. Everything will fall together for me and for all of us, we just cannot give up - EVER!!!!!!! I want to thank all of you who have continously e-mailed me during this difficult time. I never wanted to be one of those people who start a journal and just abandon all their hard work - but I see how easy it is to do just that. I really will try to update more regularly - it helps me out a lot and I'm sure it helps others like me who are struggling.
I hope everyone is doing well and hanging in there. I'm BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Weekly Goal: Drink Water (32oz/day)
Exercise 3x (Thai Boxing Class)
Thursday, July 27
This week has been very stressful. I had to turn down that job offer I mentioned because they counter-offered me only $1,000 more. I mean come on - they could even meet me half way. I'm trying not to allow this to stress me out because I know God has something better waiting for me. I have to just be patient. I will be 25 years old on Sunday and one of my resolutions is to get my life in order - get career, loose this excess weight, get more in touch with my spiritual self. I mean there are so many things I am proud of (I have a good paying job, a nice apartment, good friends, a good head on my shoulders, and good health) but there are so many things that I need to work on. I guess that's good though - if I didn't have anything to work on, I'd be "perfect". I don't know anyone who is perfect except for God - do you?? We all should be constantly improving ourselves. That's what living should be about - constant improvement. Anyways, in the midst of all this turmoil, I have remained optimistic about things. I feel good things are going to happen - I have to just be patient, which isn't one of my strong points as you all know. How are you all doing? I really miss you guys. Please e-mail me and I promise to get back to each and every one of you.
I'm in the process of updating my page so it looks prettier than before - please be patient with me. I'm trying to get it together. Take care and good luck to all of you trying to live a better and more productive life.
Lots of Love!!!!!!
Tuesday, August 1
Well, I'm officially an adult now!!! The Big "25" I had a really nice birthday. My sister took me to see the Alvin Ailey Dance Company at Lincoln Center then went to a restaurant where to my surprise my friends were waiting for me and we had a nice dinner. I am glad to be 25. I have resolved to start living my life. I realize that I have allowed to many things and people (including myself) to hold me back. I am my own worst enemy sometimes. I have made some goals for myself. These are things that I've either put off or have been too lazy to take care of. First of all, I want to find a job in conference planning. I have been interviewing like crazy but haven't found a match yet. I will continue on my search. Next, I will loose this weight once and for all. I'm tired of being FAT....That's it. I am tired of talking about it and I'm tired of coming up with a million and one excuses. I want to get my body tight!!!! I know I will do it. Also, I want to change my attitude. I allow to many outside factors to get me down. I shouldn't allow anyone or anything to have so much control over me - I am in control!!!!!
I am being very optimistic about my 25th year. I will do what I set out to do. No more excuses!!!!
Friday, August 4
Hey gang. I am so sore tonight. I went to my kickboxing class tonight and I also went on Wednesday. The instructor killed us. I'm excited about this class because I know that if I continue to go, I will see results soon. I walked across the Brooklyn Bridge after class - I had so much energy and I needed to think some. I forgot how beautiful the view of the city is from the Bridge. I am so happy I did that. I am going to continue forcing myself to do what I'm doing (going to the classes and eating right) until it becomes second nature. I really want to change my life and I realized something while walking across the Brooklyn Bridge - I realized that I am becoming the person I want to be. Wow. It's all a process people and I think we need to invest time into ourselves to make the process go smoothly. It's when you fight against it that it becomes difficult.
Anyways, still nothing on the job front. I got a message from a recruiter regarding a position and I really hope they call. I had set up a couple of interviews for Monday, but I cancelled them. IT really would have been a waste of my time to go. I don't know why I even agreed to go. I hope something happens soon because I am ready to move on - but God isn't ready for me to move on yet I guess. His timing always seems better than mine anyways, so I will practice patience.
I better call it a night - I'm exhausted from this day and this week. I hope the sun comes out this weekend. IT's been really humid and grey this entire week. It felt like London (fog). Well gang, I am heading to bed. I hope you are all doing well. Please e-mail me to let me know how you're doing or to send some encouragement - I can never get enough of that. Take care and God bless!
Sunday, August 6
Hey guys. I hope you all had a good weekend. Mine was great. I can't believe it's over so soon. I went out yesterday - first to the Botanical Garden. I've lived across from the Brooklyn Botanical Garden for over 1.5 years and I've never stepped foot inside until yesterday!!! It was sooo beautiful. Then I came back home for some lunch, then went to go meet up with some friends and we ended up going to dinner. Then I met some other friends and we went the the Brooklyn Museum of Art. Every 1st Saturday of the month the museum has something special going it. Yesterday was a full day. Today I went to church, came home, cooked, a friend came over and I'm about to sit down and watch Sex and the City (one of my favorite shows). I am going to make this week the beginning of the rest of my life. I am going to work hard to change the things I do not like about myself. No more talking. Well, besides all that, I have gotten some really inspiring e-mails from some of you - Thanks a million. I cannot tell you how much I truly appreciate your encouraging words. I am not going to give up on myself. I know I do deserve to be happy - each of us do. Keep that in mind.
I hope you all have a good Monday!!! Talk to you soon!!!!
Wednesday, August 9
Well, I did it - I went on an interview for this incredible job I hope to get. It went very well, I think and I am just praying that things work out. The pay is great, the traveling is a lot but for the most part I'm looking forward to the challenge. I am tired of interviewing especially, it really does take a lot out of you. I am so exhausted right now. I feel like a truck hit me. Oh well, the things you must do. Now, I must sit and wait for them to call me back - hopefully this week because this waiting is killing me. On the weightloss front - I'm really not focusing on it like I'd want to. My life feel like it's in limbo right now. I went to my ThaiBoxing on Monday night - what a killer workout it was. I was suppose to go tonight but I'm too exhausted. I will go on Friday night and work extra hard. I want to loose this weight but right now my priority is to get a new job. I keep reminding myself to conquer one thing at a time so that I don't get burnt out just thinking about it.
Well, I'm tired people. I'm going to just call it a night - my bed is yelling for me! Take Care and God Bless!
Monday, August 14
Well, it didn't work out. I found out this morning that the company offered the position to someone else. I am soooo upset that I'm about to cry. I thought I had a good shot at this position - I could even have seen myself working there. I don't get it. I'm so upset right now I can't even express it. I feel like just giving up - going home, sleep in my bed and just give up. I really hate interviewing and I feel like I will never get anything as good. I know this may be untrue but right now this is how I'm feeling. I don't know if I could get up the nerve to go on another one of these stupid interviews - it's soooo humbling. I really have nothing positive to say so I am going to log off now!!! I hope everyone is doing alright. Take Care!!!
Sunday, August 20
Hello All! Well, I'm back. I'm over my dissapointing job situation. I'm moving on and am confident once again, that I will find something good. I'm in much better spirits due to my change in attidue. I'm ready to make the necessary changes in my life and therefore will accept the hard work needed to do what's necessary. I am going to make up a list of the things I want to change - then I will write down the things I need to do to accomplish these goals and one by one, I will begin to check off that list.
I've started doing the Slim-Fast Diet. I am going to have a shake for breakfast, one for dinner and a nice lunch. I am going to be going to my ThaiBoxing class 3 days a week. I am looking forward to this challenge - I need to see results fast in the beginning then I expect things to slow down (which is fine by me).
Today, I went to a picnic hosted by my martial arts school. I had such a nice time. Everyone there was really cool and the instructor I have a seriouse crush on was there. I think he is so cute but he's out of my league. Hey, a girl can deam right? But this picnic was great because I feel like I'm part of an extended family. I have my class tomorrow and I"m looking forward to seeing these people again.
I'm going to make up my list of things to change and will post it back within the next couple of days. I hope you come back to check it out. I'm exhausted people - I'm going to sleep now. I hope you all have a great Monday!
Take Care and God Bless!
Monday, August 21
Program: Slim-Fast (Day1) Exercise: ThaiBoxing (1.5hrs)
Tuesday, August 22
Program: Slim-Fast (Day2)
Wednesday, August 23
Program: Slim-Fast (Day 3) Exercise: ThaiBoxing
Well, this week is going alright. The Slim-fast program isn't as tough as I'd thought it'd be. I figure I will do the program for 2 months then switch to something else. I've been doing great with the ThaiBoxing class. I went on Monday night and I'm going tonight. My favorite instructor taught on Monday and he was sooo good. I feel like a school girl when I'm around this man - it's sickening. I hope I can control myself around him because I don't want to feel uncomfortable or make him uncomfortable. He's soooo appealing to me - I have to stay focused. Hey, if that's what it takes to get me to these classes, then so be it. Other than that, I'm glad I've started exercising regularly because I'm feeling good and I don't want this feeling to go away. I hope it lasts.
I am just going to focus on getting myself together and not worry about anybody or anything right now. I am still looking for a job but I am not allowing my life to be "on-hold" until I get a good job. I should be happy now!!! I have an interview on Monday and I will just take things as they come. I have been reading a journal by this guy named Fred. It is called OneFatMan. This page is GREAT. I've been reading his page all afternoon and it's filled with great information and motivation. I hope you get a chance to check it out. Fred has brought up some really good questions about weightloss. One question that really caught my attention was What are your standards for yourself? This really got me to thinking about what my priorities are in life. How much do I love myself? What value do I place on myself? I think that has been the problem with me my whole life - I don't value myself. This mindset has come from years of abuse and has carried over into my adult life. Now I know that the only way for me to win this fight is to raise my standards - expect more from people and from myself. I am going to be working on this.
Besides this, I will be doing the slim-fast plan and working out 3x/week at the Martial Arts school. I am taking things slowly because I am trying to change my life!!!! How are you guys doing? Send me an e-mail so I know you're out there reading and to let me know how you're doing! Until next time, Take Care and God Bless.
Monday, August 28
Program: Slim-Fast (Day 8) Exercise: ThaiBoxing 1.5hr, Self-Defense 45min.
Hey all. Happy Monday. How was everyone's weekend - I had a good one. I'm trying to get out more and enjoy this wonderful city I live in (NYC). I went to my ThaiRobix class on Friday night - then me and two friends went to Harlem for a taping of Showtime at the Apollo. It's so different on TV than it is live. I saw two musical guests - Lil' Kim and Mary Mary. It was a fun time and I enjoyed doing something different. Then on Saturday, I did my hair (which takes 5-6 hours) and went to my friends house for dinner. Yesterday, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom then, went to get a manicure/pedicure, then went to the park and ready, then came home and ate a healthy dinner. Of coure I watched Sex And the City last night. It was a GREAT episode. Check out their page if you're really a page. To sum things up, I had a good weekend.
Weightwise, I haven't weighed myself, but I do feel lighter. I will weigh myself tonight though - so check back tomorrow for my new weight. I've been doing good with the Slim-Fast Plan so far. I'm not 100% but I would say I'm following the program 85%. I still have the same temptations but I try hard to talk myself out of them. For example, this morning, a co-worker bought in some baked bread and I took a small piece, ate it, then I wanted another piece (isn't that how it always works?). I talked myself out of that next piece. I avoided the area where they were and I just went about my business. I always heard about the 20 minute rule - if you want something badly, wait 20 minutes and if you still want it, then have it. It works people. I don't even want that piece of cake anymore.
Whis is getting out more is so important for me? Because when I'm home too much, all I do is sit on my butt, eat, and watch T.V. I want an active life and at age 25, single, no kids - now is the time to do the things I've always wanted to do. Remember I told you guys in my August 20 entry that I was putting together a list of things I want to change about my life??? Well, here it is!!!!
Personal Goals
1. Get a new job
2. Get into Shape (Shed 50lbs)
3. Get financial situation
under control
4. Become more active in
community/church
Step(s) Taken
1. Interview like crazy
2. -Martial Arts 3x/week
-Eat healthy/Slim-Fast
-Loose 20lbs (November 2000)
-Loose 20lbs (February 2001)
-Loose 10lbs (May 2001)
3. -Make a budget and stick to it
-Get rid of credit cards - except
AMEX
4. -Find a church in the vicinity
-Get out more and enjoy activities
around city
-Find ways of volunteering my
time to those in need
Anticipated Completion Date
1. September 2000
2. May 2001
3. January 2002
4. Ongoing
Monday, August 28 (con't.)
Well, this is my list of "Things to Do." I am looking forward to crossing each of these things off of my list, one by one. I am on my way to an interview now. I hope you all have a good Monday and I'll let you know how it went tomorrow!
Take Care and God Bless!
Later in evening:
I just came from my Marital Arts class and I am spent (beat). I had such a workout today. I mean, I WORKED it y'all. I weighed myself and it said 181lbs. I don't think I lost 9lbs in two weeks. It's possible though. That's what the scale said and it's the same scale that it was last week. YEAH!!!!!
After the class, the professor always says some inspirational words. Tonight he was telling us not to give up on ourselves. If you give up on yourself, then you better believe everyone else will to. This struck me because I know I give up on myself often - when something gets to hard, I'll stop fighting (even though it's good for me). I am NOT going to give up on myself this time or ever. I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing to accomplish my goals. I hope you all do not give up on yourselves. WE can do IT!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, August 30
Program: Slim-Fast (Day 10) Exercise: ThaiBoxing (1hr)
I am soooo sore today. Tonight's class was MURDER. I mean it was very intense. I'm glad I made it through though. I am really beginning to see results. I had on my white button down shirt and usually my boobs are like suffocating and trying to pop out for some air - well, not today. I had room in my blouse so that my babies could breathe. WOW. I am still doing the Slim-fast and it's working for now. I will probably stick with this plan until after the holidays then try Bill Phillip's Body for Life Program. I've heard and seen great things about this program. I think my body needs a challenge but I think I will wait until after the New Year to attempt this. I am doing alright otherwise. I went on that interview on Monday and it went well. I have a 2nd interview tomorrow and I am going to be prepared. I want this job but I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high - I've been there, done that. I am ready to move onto a new job but I also want the right opportunity.
I am very tired so, I will be calling it a night. Wish me luck on my interview tomorrow. I hope you all are hanging in there. Laziness will cause you pain (this is my Martial Arts instructor's favorite phrase). Have a good night and a Happy Thursday!