A Service
For Jennifer
What Others Said
I
Love
You
But first, a message from Ken....
Many people spoke about Jennifer at her service. Unfortunately, their words were not recorded in any way and cannot be displayed here. In lieu of that, are a number of excerpts from the memorial service guestbook and from cards and notes that I received that represent the essence of what others said at the service itself.
A few acknowledgements....
Though I hesitate to name just a few when so many have offered so much love and support, there are some whose presence was so keenly felt in such a deep time of need, that I cannot let the opportunity go by without thanking them here.
To Craige Citron....
....my lifelong friend, who was there with me every step of the way, through all the agonizing decisions, the hopefulness, the waiting, the regrets, the guilts, the utter sadness, knowing when to speak and when to be silent, when to embrace and when to let go. He helped me put together the service for Jennifer, and he was one of two who stood porter at the door of Jennifer's hospital room when I sang her my final goodbye. Friendship knows no higher example than his.
To Barbara Van Arsdell....
....who was the other standing at the door of Jennifer's room, and who was the first I called when disaster struck. One of Jennifer's best friends (and shopping buddies), Barbara, who already knew the terrain of grief from the loss of her own spouse, was the rock in the storm, calm and clear thinking, willing to perform any task at any hour. Tireless and generous, she is always there when I need her.
To Judy O'Hara....
....one of those friends whom you lose track of from time to time, and they you. Such that when I asked Jennifer only two weeks earlier, "Whatever became of Judy, how come we never see her anymore?" her casual, confident response was, "Don't worry. Judy will be there when we need her." And she was, with her quiet strength, with her own intimate knowledge of loss and of what it takes to live with the experience.
To Mary Zander....
....another of Jennifer's best friends, who came when she was most needed and most useful, helping me with the aftermath and the agony of handling the artifacts of my lost love. Jennifer was her lost love too, and yet she kept her own pain under wraps as much as she could in order that I might deal better with mine. She is a selfless, gentle spirit... and it is no surprise that she knows Jennifer's mind and heart in a way somewhat different from my own, yet one which I cherish no less for its being hers and not mine.
To Jack Arnold....
....my friend who never even met Jennifer, but whose love and support of me has expressed itself partly in his work on this Website. Without him, it would not exist, and its existence has give me a way to re-experience and re-express my love for my wife....and a way to be with my sorrow. And through it, Jack has come to know Jennifer a bit also, her work, her love for those in pain, and her fun spirit. For Jack has a deep empathy and fun spirit of his own, and knows that the secret of life is in the giving.
And this to all....
....my hope for everyone who visits here... that they come to know Jennifer a little, and through knowing her, become reacquainted with that truth inside us that we sometimes lose sight of. That there is no greater purpose or marvel in life than loving and enjoying the presence of an 'other'. For what I have discovered, in rare but crystalline moments, is that 'other' is only my 'self' in an-other's guise.
Here then is what some others have said....