Read What Others Have Shared
(July 1998)

There Is Hope In Knowing That You Are Not Alone

July 24, 1998
From: smith
E-mail: rsmith@ainop.com

I'm sorry. this isn't going to make anyone feel better. Does anyone feel like their depression is a logical conclusion to what they've seen? I can't make myself feel better without thinking I'm fooling myself. My faith is almost gone. I refuse to take medication, because the whole concept that my emotions are nothing more that chemical reactions is part of why I'm so down. Why does it feel like I'm talking to myself when I pray? Where does God fit into this modern society? How come God seems to be so much more 'real' to other Christians? I apologize again

July 16, 1998
From: Tony Pirog
E-mail: zaep0b@ix.netcom.com

I have suffered from depression and anxiety from a very early age. It stems from childhood abuse and neglect. I had many coping mechanisms, but I ended up on Prozac anyway. When I turned to Christ 2 years ago, I thought I was healed and thanked God every day. However, the damage and deep wounds were still there, I just didn't realize it. I eventually developed such an extreme case of anxiety and depression that I was unable to work for several weeks - and the Prozac didn't work any more. I eventually found a blessed Christian counselor with whom I have been working for 9 months now. She sent me to a Psychiatrist who was able to eventualy get me onto an anti-depressnat that seems to be working. I believe that God hand is behind all the healing I am receiving. He will not do gross miracles if a gentler solution can be found. At least, that's how it worked in my case. I was very angry that He didn't heal me miraculously for a long time, but now I know that He has His owns plans a! nd they are for the best. I am a 43 year old male with three boys, a wife and a mortgage. The Lord has helped me to learn about nurturing and loving in a way that a simple miracle would never have done. I am now a better husband and father because of the couseling. Medication makes you feel better, but counseling leads to growth. I strongly recommend that any Christian with anxiety or depression or any mental illness seek out a counselor or therapist they can trust. Even the "healthy" can gain from such treatment and attain spiritual and personal growth much more quickly than otherwise.

If you wish to learn more about me and Jesus please visit the Holy Life of Jesus web site at http://www.webcom.com/zaep0b.

May the Lord bless you all abundantly.

Tony Pirog

July 15, 1998
From: Susan
E-mail: artsprog@ols.net

I am 35 years old, live alone, and have had depression off and on for nearly five years. Currently, I am extrememly depressed and have been for 7 months. I have been on too many antidepressants to count, have been hospitalized, and nothing seems to help. I am beginning to have difficulty working, and this is scaring me as I am my sole provider. I also have Panic disorder, but currently, this is better.

I have to trust GOd that he will teach me what I need to learn during this darkness, and that I will trust him and lean not to my own understanding. It is easy to lose faith during times like this, and I am fighting against it. At times, I feel I can't go on.

I now depend on my family to help me do almost everything. This makes me feel very ashamed. I constantly hope people don't ask me to do things---go out, etc. because I feel I can't and can't explain. Most people don't "get it." They think you can just get over it. But not so.

Jesus is faithful. I say this over and over. And no matter how bad I feel, no matter what I lose. . ..sometimes you have to lose your life to find it.

July 6, 1998
From: Cathy Wilson
E-mail: swilso02@mail.win.org

Hi All!! I have had clinical depression for as long as I can remember. I had been diagnosed that by so many doctors in my 20's but I thought they were all just giving me the old brush off, thinking all women have it all in their heads. And probably some were thinking that way. Because I would come in all bouncy and happy and they'd say I was depressed.?? I had to wait until I was old enough to reflect on my actions, several suicide attempts. Feeling hated by everyone. Feeling useless to this world. thinking I was a waste here and someone usefull shoudl be breathing the air I was wasting by being alive. What scared me the most was when I tried to shoot myself in my bedroom with my son and his friend in the other room. I lowered the gun right before it would have taken out my brains and it went thru my wall into the new neighborhood behind us. Thru a house that , thank God, hadn't been bought yet and noone was there. God didn't seem to be helping me. I went to church every single day. I did everything they asked me to do. I worked at every function and was a part of every society. but it didn't help. I had a smile for everyone but not one for me. I worked very hard, I was a nurse and worked like it was the greatest thing on earth. And I did love it. But depression came anyway. finally I hurt my back so badly that I had to give up work. I didn't know who I was if I wasn't a nurse. I was more depressed than ever. but the doctors gave me anti-depressants with my pain medication. After a few years of using Paxil, I haven't had any bouts of suicide. I can't understand why God let me suffer mentally for so long and now physically forever.. Yet I still love Him and want to go to Heaven. I just don't know if I'll make it. It's hard to be a Christian when so much is against you. But I always will be anyway. Hoping my pain on earth will lessen the pain I may have to purify me to get into heaven. Or something??
thanks,
cat