The K-Files: The Truth Is In Here!

The government has been participating in an active cover-up of the true nature of cereal. It does this because it believes that if the public were to know the truth, there would be massive panic and chaos. Everything you have known or heard about cereal is a lie... a part of a clever misinformation campaign. All the innovations the public sees in cereal... the coloured marshmellows, the apple-cinnamon flavoring, the secret decoder rings... is all trickle-down technology from military research. These are the K-Files. The truth is in here...

Military Research Projects:

For years, the government has been trying to genetically breed cereal into a race of super-soldiers. Cereal has many characteristics the military are looking for. They do not panic in the face of danger, and reveal nothing even after hours of torture. They can survive for long periods of time without food or water, and tear gas has no effect on them. However, after several fatal crashes, it was shown that they were not capable of flying an F-16 on their own, and the project was shutdown.

Origin of Cereal Technology:

Figure 1: Photograph from autopsy of alien cereal-eater.

As part of "Project Blue Bowl," collection of alien cereal from UFO crash sites has taken place for several decades. It is believed that through reverse engineering, our scientists will be able to adapt alien cereal for our own uses. The nature of this cereal is still under investigation, but the composition of the grains and marshmellows are far beyond our current level of technology. Studies of the alien digestive systems are underway to determine how alien cereal is processed. In 1995, an alleged video of an alien autopsy was submitted to the general media. The photo above shows an alien corpse before the autopsy began.

Alien Sightings:

Figure 2: Photo of "BigClaw."

There have been similarities drawn between the alien cereal-eater, and the mysterious nomadic creature known only as "BigClaw." Shown here in the famous Patterson film, the blurry image of the giant creature is thought to be the missing link between human and rooster. Little is known about BigClaw except that he inhabits the forests of North America, and leaves claw tracks with talons three times the size of an ostrich!

Cereal Propaganda:

[Count Swastika]

At times of war, governments have turned to cereal as a method to reach the masses. The public trust of cereal has been misplaced, and has lead to the creation of many horrific cereals, for the sole purpose of raising morale during bitter wars. On the left, is a cereal box of Count Swastika, a cereal sold only in war-time Germany. On the right, is a cereal box of Napalm Crunch, a cereal sold to boost morale during the Vietnam War. These cereals were produced by the government, and have no affliliation with commercial cereal companies.

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