This is a test of the emergency "Big Red Button" system. Had this been an actual emergency, you would have been dead by the time that huge index page finished loading. As a public service, this page is a simulation of many other shiny big red buttons which exist in the world. Those big red buttons do not lead to homepages like this. Often, they can shut down power to mainframe computers, raise control rods inside fission reactors, abort space shuttle launches, and even launch nuclear warheads. In the future, please refrain from the pushing of big red buttons.

Given:

1. As the world becomes more complex, the number of big red buttons increases proportionately.
2. As the world become more populated, the number of fools who like to push big red buttons increases proportionately.

Therefore:

1. As the world's complexity and population increases, the amount of big red button pushing will increase exponentially.
2. Eventually there will exist a red button so big, that it could destroy the planet, if it is pushed. And eventually some fool will come along and push it.

THE APOCALYPSE IS COMING!!!

It's sad but true and it's all your fault. What? You think that the end of the world is too big an event to be attributed to you? Are you sure? Can you be completely absolutely 100% sure that you're really not the cause of it? Sure, today you pressed a red button for no reason. Not even a REAL red button, but a virtual red button. Not even MUCH of a button... more like a circular thing with shading. Not even red... but more of a maroon colour. So you pushed a virtual circular maroon thing. What could that do, right? Well, this is indicative of a certain radical left-wing anarchistic behaviour pattern. You're a danger to yourself and those around you! What about when you push real red buttons? Or green buttons to try to reverse what you did by pushing the red ones? What about other things, like flipping switches, or pulling levers? Have you ever flipped a switch that didn't do anything? ARE YOU SURE IT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING? What if in some house across the street, you just turned the bathroom light on? What if you're flicking some switch on and off to figure out what it does, and you're actually turning the warp core engines of an entire space armada on and off? What if you're pushing red buttons (or even green ones for that matter)and it shuts off the navigational system of the ships? What if they're in the middle of a galactic war, and all the ships on one side lose navigation? Or life support? Or those funky light sensors that cause the urinals to flush automatically? It could mean that the other side (an evil empire, a race of shapeshifters, shadow creatures, or a band of rogue Ewoks) could rule the universe!!! You fool! If Luke Skywalker was doing the trench run on the Death Star, and you woke up in the middle of the night to go take a wizz at the bathroon, and flipped some switch that you thought turns on the lights, but actually shuts off the weapons system to Luke's X-wing fighter, you could have botched up the balance of power for the next Star Wars Trilogy (the one after the coming new Trilogy)!!! Enough about red buttons and switches... What about spitting on the sidewalk? Do you know what enzymes are in spit? What if they slowly eat a fine crack into the sidewalk? What if it gradually erodes away into a hole? What if a foreign diplomat is walking down the street and trips on this crack, rolls onto the street and gets run over? Hmm? Didn't think about that, did you? And the diplomat's nation will be so ticked off at the poor living conditions and roadways of your home nation, they could declare war! And what if some rookie soldier accidentally pushes a red button... Oh yeah, I said no red buttons, eh? Well, what if he pushed a green button? Actually, enough about the buttons in general. Well, you get the idea. The end of the world is coming... and it could ALL BE YOUR FAULT!

Have a nice day. :)

---

Please Poke Peon for Previous Page

© 1997 ray.chow@utoronto.ca