[Actual planet is much larger]

• our goal
• motives
• FiRSt strike
• beER aNd Hockey
• thE MLOTD fortress
• tHe NeW MLOTD emPiRe

[   our goal   ]

[T]he Mailing List of The Damned realize that planetary conquest represents a solid commitment from us to you, to provide humanity with nothing short of the finest oppressive dictatorship we can offer, with the high standards of quality you've come to expect from MLOTD.

[   motives   ]

[W]e understand that there are many political groups, corporate organizations, terrorist factions, and religious cults with world domination in mind. We share your concerns, and have come to the conclusion that the world is safer under our control. Our diverse backgrounds ensures that all cultures and fields of interest are represented... at least until we begin turning on each other in a blood-thirsty power struggle for absolute domination... But we will deal with that when the time comes.

[E]verybody knows you can't conquer the world in a day. Thus after stretching exercises and a carbo-loading session, the MLOTD attack force will first target nations which they find the most annoying. They are as follows:

Australia: We have nothing against Australia, but we play the board game RISK frequently and always conquer Australia first. It's a matter of habit. Australia ensures we have ample supply of beer for the troops and koala bears to be used as ammo.

Vatican City: This country is virtually undefended, and the MLOTD think it would be foolish not to attack it. We are aware that they may use an armored car with bullet-proof glass to escape with the local authority figure. 

Antarctica: Again, here is another prime target. Antarctica controls the world's penguin supply. Don't you see?! Whoever controls the penguins, controls the world! It's so crazy that it's ingenious!

Switzerland: This country always maintains neutrality in all conflicts. From this, we have concluded that Switzerland will have no allies to help them if we launch a surprise koala bear bombardment. Research indicates that Swiss Army Knives are ineffective against long-range attacks.

Quebec: Although not an actual country, Quebec annoys us to no end. We will deport all inhabitants to the rest of Canada, where they will work in the maple-syrup and poutine mines of the Great White North. We have also decided to keep Celine Dion in a big metal cage, lined with newspapers, and a large gerbil wheel. We will then force her to sing to us for food pellets.

[W]ith world domination nearly at hand, the MLOTD require a stronghold from which to co-ordinate our troop movements. After much thought, it was decided that a commando-style invasion of EuroDisney would allow us to take control of the complex and transform it into our main base of operations.

[E]ach member of the MLOTD will be appointed head of a department in the new MLOTD empire.

DAMNED-Networks: Scarr will be responsible for maintaining the global computer systems and creating a massive army of killer cyborgs.  

DAMNED-Biotech: Yassan will be responsible for regulating food supply and conducting cruel genetic cloning experiments on the general population.

DAMNED-Forces: Granix will be responsible for training troops into the swift efficient soldiers that are ordered to simultaneously shoot and ask questions. (This is more time-efficient that shooting first, then asking questions later.)

DAMNED-Studios: Pummeler will be responsible for the creation and distribution of MLOTD propaganda, as well as the re-writing of history in our favour.

DAMNED-Trans: Slick-L will be responsible for the massive planetary transport systems, including the "Flying Drunks" fighter wings.

[F]inally, with the world under MLOTD control, we can construct our totalitarian state. We have plenty of ideas to keep everyone busy. Here is a brief list of our post-conquest agenda: 

1. The MLOTD will reverse the rotation of the Earth. 

2. Terraform the moon into a perfect cube.

3. Pit endangered species against each other in a death tournament.

4. Designate individual songs on NiN's Pretty Hate Machine as national anthems for our Imperial subdivisions.

5. Terraform the moon back into a sphere.

6. Clone Cindy Crawford.

7. Change the names of the entire worker caste to unpronounceable symbols.

8. Construct a new planetary Constitution using music lyrics from Retro 80's music. ("Ball of Confusion," "Everyday is Halloween," "Whip it," and "Whisper to a Scream.")

9. Create a team of martial artists trained in combat Fung Shui.

10. Implement a justice system revolving around an 8-Ball Tribunal and ThunderDome combat.

http://www.standonguard.com 
Canadian World Domination Site

http://geocities.datacellar.net/Athens/Ithaca/9670/ 
Secret Society for Canadian World Conquest

http://geocities.datacellar.net/Thebes/6341 
Another World Conquest site

http://www.starbucks.com 
With almost viral-like replication, they could consume the entire planet in 5 more years...

http://www.marthastewart.com 
You do not want to be around during the global redecoration and floral arrangement project!