Greta's Page

My New Year's Resolutions

1. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
   
   
2. I will remember that the garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
   
   
3. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
   
   
4. I will not roll my toys behind the refrigerator… or the couch… or the stereo.
   
   
5. I must shake the rainwater out of my coat BEFORE entering the house.
   
   
6. I will not eat the neighbor cat's food, before or after they eat it.
   
   
7. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
   
   
8. I will not throw up in the car.
   
   
9. I will scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself of hangers.
   
   
10. I will not roll on dead birds, fish, animals, etc.
    
    
11. I will not eat other animals' poop.
    
    
12. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
    
    
13. I will not roll my head around in other animals' poop.
    
    
14. I will remember that kitty box crunchies are not food and the diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
    
    
15. I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
    
    
16. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
    
    
17. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, so my family will think I am hemorrhaging.
    
    
18. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
    
    
19. I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.
    
    
20. I will stop drinking from the toilet.
    
    
21. We do not have a doorbell and Izzy the Toy Poodle is the only other dog that lives in this house. I will not bark each time I hear a doorbell or a big dog on TV.
    
    
22. I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
    
    
23. I will remember that the couch is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
    
    
24. My head does not belong in the refrigerator or on the kitchen table.
    
    
25. I will not bite the Officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
    
    
26. I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
    
    
27. I will remember that the little dish of pillow mints on the coffee table belongs to Mom.