...snip...

I know how it is, trying to get away. I escaped too. It really bothers me that women have to do it on their own. Most don't have help from the police, and they can even make it worse.

I am glad she got out. It isn't easy to feel cheated, lose everything, and not be heard, but to be alive and able to start a new life is the most important thing.

This woman, if she can get to a library, they usually have computers, if she has a hotmail account or any other such as that, she can get e-mail. I had my cousins's computer I could access my account now and then. If this woman needs access after she gets her own place, we could set up a PO box and collect money for her to get a webtv.

A webtv makes it nice because when you are unsure or lonely, there is always someone there. My box was bought by some internet friends for me. Someday, I will tell you my whole story, and you will see why I care. But if you know anyone else that needs an ear or ideas, let me know. I know how to be confidential and safe.

I just helped a friend on the net get out. She just needed an ear and some ideas. I don't have much money, but I had to be very resourceful to get out and stay safe.

Did you know that I used to hide phone numbers in the middle of a tampon? You can very carefully unwrap them and noone will be able to tell, and no man will touch a tampon, even an unused one. LOL! You gotta do what you gotta do.

I was imprisoned, but lucky because I had a job. My life was hell. I lost everything to get away, and my kids are still there.

I wish I would have had the strength to stay away when they were little, but this is reality. I am away NOW. I am bitter that society allows this, but until things change we only can depend on ourselves and each other. ..........snip........

Momma's note:
It seems to me that if we can get WebTV internet terminals into the Battered Women's Shelters, the ladies would have a means of researching their rights and help resources... as well as having a safe means of communicating with the outside world...

(2)RN - Next Helpful Letter 7/5/99

........SNIP.......
I have tons of ideas. The po box... has to be one person on the list and there has to be enough money for shipping.

Phone numbers of shelters, the national number and also resources for moms, (custodial and non custodial) ways to stay safe while you are still there.

Planning... very important. Also how to plan to leave and hide those plans. These men watch a persons every move. The psychological aspects of that...  

How to e-mail a person and not to give away what is really behind that e-mail. People can be very unaware and tip an abuser off. ( it happened to me and he took me off webtv, he was the primary subscriber, that was before I moved and my friends bought me my own webtv)

I used to e-mail a friend and we had a "code word" that she knew to look in her hotmail when it was safe for her. That way she didn't waste her precious free time and endanger herself further.

You cannot prevent an abuser from abusing, they do not need a "reason" but you can try to stay as safe as you can.

It is not safe to take in an abused woman, and it is unwise, especially when shelters have panic buttons to call the police immediately, but we CAN get the info out there exactly what a person needs to do to plan on getting out, to stay safe, and how to stay away.

I know how what organizations to go to to get a security deposit, how to enroll in school etc.

Woman CAN get out and stay out, and have a new life. It doesn't have to be as hard as it is.

Most woman have 30 days to work with in shelter. 30 days is not a long time to plan a new life, but it can be done. I did it by myself.

The shelter believes it builds up esteem, I knew I could do it, ( and I did) but my belief is it also builds up anxiety.
There are steps, and there are necessities that need taken care of. Most women need practical planning, the hows... How does a person find money for rent, deposit.

Phone is important, there is a plan the phone company has that makes the deposit very low cost for a low income person, but they will not tell you about it.

Also if you tell them you are a domestic abuse survivor they will hook up the phone the same day you move in.

Lots to know and do, and we all can help. If I can help I will, just let me know, also if anyone needs an ear, and planning help. OR the words "it is not your fault"

My webtv is safe, I am safe now, and noone needs to worry about what they tell me or that I will put them in jeopardy. ...........SNIP.........

(3)FISH Letter 7/5/99

...snip..

We used to have a "underground" for "runaway" mothers and battered women.
One thing that was obvious then was that the "runaway" needs to be educated on HOW to stay untracable.... they forget and use a phone card or credit card out of desperation... or give social security number for something........

There needs to be a strong team... network... that can work swiftly and be well synchronized to get the "runaway" to the next safe house when necessary..... and some funds to keep them from falling back on credit cards, etc.

We had a husband show up cross-country at my door..... you should have seen the synchronicity in gathering the children and mother and removing them while another person kept the man occupied and out of view.

It can be done! I takes a little courage, planning with back-up, and teamwork. Count me in momma.
........snip.......

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