I am too young to make sense of what life itself means. But to me the difference Dr. Geeta Saxena has made in my life and the lives of others like me, makes her continue to live through us - in our actions, thoughts and decisions.
I am at a loss of words and coherent thoughts as I sit down to write to you. In saying that Geeta’s loss has been a blow would be saying so little... For me its like losing a very good friend, who in her own subtle manner opened a lot os “windows”, and I owe a lot to her to help for helping me clear my mental cobwebs post-WIM... For many in XLRI - batch of 95 - it would come a surprise that Geeta confided a couple of her fears and feelings close to her heart during my “woman-to-woman/ heart-to-heart” talk with her on the WIM concept paper. I used to wonder then, if she spoke to each of us to make us feel special, or if it was a select few I would consider myself honoured... I always admired her spirit, her sense of humour, and her honesty. I do not know why I am writing all this to you but I want you to know how I felt about Geeta and probably never told her... In trying to see learning in whatever life has to offer I realize, in Geeta’s passing away, how we don’t talk, how we don’t let the other person know how we feel and how we take things for granted... I also feel cheated because I prayed for her and lost her. I can never forget Geeta and what she represented. And the fact that the same sentiment is shared by all her students goes on to show that she touched a lot of hearts in a very special way. I haven’t lost faith. I’ll continue to pray for her...
I still can’t believe it that the vibrating, intelligent person we all loved so much is not there any more... Ma’am was one person whose criticisms were also worth cherishing. Almost the first day in XLRI when in response to one of her questions, I gave a flippant answer like, “unless one knows oneself, how can one know others”, she just asked me if I really meant what I said. I was never careless with her after that... Also the best feeling that I’ve ever had was when once at the end of my 2 years in XLRI, she quietly said that when she read any of my written work, she felt she is reading something of substance...
I have always maintained that the greatest and perhaps the only contribution of XLRI to my life has been the profound understanding of human behaviour. And... it would have been impossible without Geeta. She was the one who taught me how to accept others and how to accept myself. I remain greatly indebted forever to her for this momentous gift...
Death is really so final. Even while Geeta was suffering, you must have thought of something in the future - getting a little better or trying out some new treatment, or maybe, even one painless day or evening, or a good night’s sleep. But that is over, and I can’t believe that she is gone. I remember so clearly her throaty chuckle, her pleasant sarcasm, her intensity and the wonderful adda sessions we had all together...
How can I express in words this sense of loss - she was an amazing lady who loved life and shared her love with us all...
Day before yesterday we had organised a prayer meeting for her here in Mumbai. It is a measure of the love we all held her that so many people came… we were in tears at the end. When my fiancee had passed away, I had lost my closest friend, and the first inklings of the eye problem were appearing, and I saw no reason to live, Ma'am had given me courage and a will to live. She had made me see reason by telling me that the biggest injustice we can do to a person who moves onto a better world is by remembering that person feeling sad. I owe it to her to remember that, and to remember the joy she brought to all around her. I owe my life to my friends and batchmates, who saved my life at that horrible time, but I owe my will to live, the joining together of the fragments of my life, to her, and my father, both of whom showed me immense love and made me realise the selfishness of my actions… I remember the first time… at your place, how from that moment I got enveloped into a warm and loving atmosphere. She picked me up from the dregs, gave me courage, talked to me of hope, fed me, was the person who I ran to when I wanted to discontinue those horribly enervating medicines and the psychiatrist's treatment, was supportive of everything, and made me feel that life was worth living. While I told her so many things, confided my dreams to her and was the person I unburdened myself most to, she too shared some
special moments of her life with me… In those few weeks, just by the amount of time I spent with her, I grew to love her dearly… I was never fortunate to know my mother, and the girl I most cared for I lost. But if wishes are fulfilled, I wish I am fortunate enough to get someone like her as a mother or a wife in my next life…
While the institute has lost an institution, I know many of us have lost a friend, teacher and guide. A friend with more to offer, who was available to all at times of happiness and grief, and who could always be relied upon. A teacher who had the conviction of what she taught, and believed in what she spoke. A guide, who showed direction without imposing oneself. XLRI would never be the place it was without her. Future generations of students will not know what they have missed...
Two year is such a short time to know a person, and yet Geeta was loved by us all... was able to reach out to a largely mixed up bunch of students with love, warmth and laughter... The image which stands out closest in my mind is when I came to Jamshedpur in November 96, and Geeta talked about the naturopathy treatment she was taking. Her courage - and serenity - is something I was awed - and comforted by...
My interaction with Geeta Saxena was limited to a single course in my first term. I found her to be a very nice human being & a friendly person. I was quite moved by one incident which happened in my first term. A week after I joined XLRI in June 1992 I contacted chicken pox & was quarantined in the hostel. Despite not having met me (I could not attend classes for the first 3 weeks) ,she sent me a set of homeopathic medicines & kind words of encouragement I was quite touched by this act given that I was trying to settle down in a altogether new place… I feel the students joining XLRI in the coming batches would be less privileged at not having the opportunity to interact with such a person.
I was aware about the inevitable and much as I wanted to call up and speak to her all this while, I just didn't have the heart to pick up the phone and call up. I didn't know what to say or talk about. I really wanted to come down and spend sometime with you all, but that unfortunately couldn't work out… I have very fond memories of the interactions I had with Mam both in the class and otherwise - I could be my natural self with her throwing tantrums at times and she accepted me the way I was. She has been a tremendous source of inspiration to me for the inner strength and poise she exhibited. Her sense of humor and the ability to laugh at life have left an indelible mark on my psyche… Mam might not be here today but she will always live in our hearts and continue to inspire us wherever we go, whatever we do.
Though we knew about her ailment, I somehow believed that she would get over it. Many X-lers had come for the prayer-meeting. As someone rightly said, people like Gsax would continue to live on in our minds. It seems she always believed that people should be remembered for the good times spent with them and some things in life should be accepted with grace. She was one positive person. I'm sorry if I sound senti, I just felt like sharing it with someone who knew her.
We were aware that she had been unwell for some time, but we were hoping that her health was improving… Both of us were fortunate enough to have her as our teacher at XLRI. She took OB1 for me and introduced me to what has become my career interest. I did my dissertation under her, and spent many hours with her, discussing what I had to do - she made me work very very hard. I remember doing Women in Management under her, and so many things that she talked about then, I am experiencing now… She touched as in a very unique way and we will always remember her generosity with her time, her depth of knowledge and her willingness to share that with her students.
Personally we have lost someone who was in the truest sense of the words, a friend, philosopher and guide. Maam was always a source of great inspiration and hope for us and we cherish the memories that we have of her. We learnt the art of smiling and helping others from the Maam… totally immersed in love and work and a success at both.
...it has taken me long to come to terms with the reality. It has been a tough process. But I do realise that asking God for ma'am would have been selfish on our part and extremely painful for her. Considering all the trouble that I caused, often, I just could not... I have felt such a special chord and an extraordinary contact with her - for reasons more than one (which I guess everyone felt was special for him/ her alone...) but to me she was a symbol of a teacher, a friend, an extraordinary woman, a sounding board, a mother, someone so approachable, my confidante, my guide... my shrink!! Even now, as I try finding appropriate symbols, I feel the description is incomplete - my eyes are swelling and I am choking…
I am still in a state of shock from the news. At times like this there is so much you feel yet so little one can say. I only know that Prof Saxena was one of the few teachers I shall remember all my life. I know she has gone to a better place but a part of her will always be with us.
Her death was a very sad news. But I guess it was in such an unrealistic slow motion that most of us who knew her were already cauterized. And it is better than the continuous pain.
I am still in shock after receiving the new of Dr Saxena's sad demise. I shall always remember her one of the most positive, open, understanding, and balanced persons I have ever known. A wonderful teacher and an even more wonderful person, I shall be happy if I can implement even a fraction of her positive qualities to my life.
...if there was one person, I was asked to list who did make a difference to my life, not just in XL, but even after I passed out, it was Geeta. Notwithstanding the fact that she was a teacher par excellence, what moved everybody who came in contact with her, was her simplicity - her wonderful ability to laugh with you when you needed to laugh, and her guidance and advice in those not very pleasant moments... One is not in a position to really articulate one’s feelings at this moment, but I just have to thank god for having given me the opportunity to come into contact with such a lovely person. Her memory will always be tucked away in that special corner of my heart...
After we decided to go ahead with our relation despite opposition from our parents, we drew a lot of inspiration from Geeta… We would often get hassled by triffle opposition from our parents. But after she went for a walk with Geeta one early morning in March, 1997, She was tougher individual…
Geeta has been and would continue to be a beacon of hope, laughter and eternal optimism. I can never forget the help she gave me during the days in XL, nor the learning from her in the area of OB.. In a very strange and hostile place, she provided warmth and the possibility of a home. For past few weeks, after meeting her in XL, I have felt helpless, and very angry at what has happened...
This is something we were all ready for but secretly hoping for some miracle to turn things around. Maam was one of the few people in XL who made everyone around her happy and I do not need to say how much she meant to each one of us.
Our small world now seems really empty and desolate without GSAX. There are so many things that I learnt from her, though in XLRI, I never really understood this. To pass on whatever I learnt from her - the ability to give, her sincerity and concern and sense of fun, would be how I shall remember her… for most of us, seeing her amazing resilience and inner strength, we always thought she would pull through, but....the world is seemingly poorer and harder without her…. Life will go on, and as we strive to become ultimately good human beings, we will owe a lot of it to what Geeta stood for...
Geeta has been a great friend to more people than I think is possible for normal humans to be. She really helped clear up my head after I went through a bad relationship. One of the voices of reason in my head belongs to Geeta...honest.
Your simple stark announcement of Geeta’s passing away saddened me immediately. From the way her health was deteriorating, one should have been prepared for the final eventuality. One never is. One always hopes that things may take a turn for the better. One prayed that she might be given a little more reprieve. But that was not to be. And from the distance where I stand, one can say it was time to go. She had suffered deeply. Were it not for her courage and sanguine temperament, she could have called quits earlier... It is a pity that I did not see her after April ‘91, when I was in the process of moving into my apartment. She visited me briefly at this time of chaos and steadied me. I was out of my deapths. She organised my kitchen and me in the process. How comforting she was. Full of life, vivacious and always with unusual observations. Seeing humour where none existed, or was obvious. I am going to miss Geeta...
I heard about Gsax’s passing away... Her lectures used to have the question ‘why?’ so very often, and so many answers to those would be ‘because’, and left unsaid. And we were supposed to find our own answers. There doesn’t seem to be any answer to be any answer to the question of a person’s untimely demise... We had long talks after my father had been diagnosed with leukemia, and somewhere her facing up to her cancer gave me some hope. This was in the second year at XL... It all seems so recent, and now even GSax is is no more.
There is already a growing void in our hearts, sometimes, it becomes almost an imperative to continue with everyday happenings, for the human spirit still is amazingly resilient, and I still remember Dylan Thomas ( Do not go gentle into that good night; rage, rage, rage against the dying of the light). But the pain... All i can and shall remember is the way I was in XLRI, and Geeta's love for us all. For us, she will always be there.
After I graduated from XLRI in1996, my visits back to the alma mater would be essentially to meet the faculty who mattered the most for me. Geeta Saxena, or Gsax, or Ma’am was one of the main reasons why an obscure steel city in a forgotten corner in India has such significance to generations of Xlers who fell under her persuasive and peculiar charms for those long years. It would be resurrecting old cliches (and lyrics!) to call those two years the best of out lives, but shaded as we were under the banyan tree of her wisdom, experience and common sense, nibbling the fruits of knowledge thrown down so generously, & asking what is what, & why is why, Eden seemed to be alive and living behind the Jubilee Park... Gsax spent the last years in what I suspect in considerable pain, but careful enough not to let us onto anything. It was her own little secret, her private suffering. Her surrogate family was not included. We watched her carrying on gamely - extolling the virtues of naturopathy, the miracles of Reiki. How much better she felt, and we were happy because she was. She looked radiant last time I saw her. It was autumn, and life was passing like falling leaves. But we still thought she will pull along, so used we were to her invincibility. She spoilt us that way. She was the Liberty leading the people, from darkness to light. She was already the pantheon when we left.
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