These were not just some specific phases in her life -
She was vulnerable
She could transcend these because,
It was a lone and long struggle
ceaseless grappling with doubts about herself...
painful self-reflections and realisations...
an unending struggle with "what-ifs" and "if-onlys"
a painful co-existence with a self which somehow always seemed inadequate...
it was her life.
This is what made her
vulnerable and transcendent at the same time...
because they sapped her energy,
and plagued her with self-doubts...
as she wrote once in her diary:
Today on reading this diary,
I remembered someone writing
that there are two words which are the saddest in life,
and they are “If only”.
And the only remedy for the disease is,”Next Time”.
with herself,
this coming to terms with herself,
with her internal contradictions.
Living an intense life
is hardly a precondition for a continuing mental ease,
but it did help her achieve
a greater openness to new vistas
...it also led her to a release from and insight into
her self-imposed shackles on herself
...it helped her explore the meaning of being herself in relation to others
...to understand the need to leave her footprints
...and to the ultimate acceptance of the futility
of self in the face of death...
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