Donalee's Roost

Funnies Page

Along life's journey we often come across things that make us smile. We sometimes call them 'funnies'. When you see someone smiling for no apparent reason it might be because they are thinking of a 'funnie'. Now, there are things in this life that are hilarious to some and not so hilarious to others. If anything on this page offends you please accept my sincere apology. I do not want to cause anyone anything more than a quick smile and chuckle. Hope you enjoy the following and please feel free to share any and all with others.

During the time of the old west, a man had placed an order for a mail order bride. She finally arrived and they were traveling by buggy to her new home.
The trip was enjoyable as they were talking and learning about each other. All of a sudden the horse stopped. There wasn't any reason for him to do so as far as the man could see. So he walked up to the horse, shook his finger in the horse's face and said, "That's one!"
The man and the woman then resumed their trip. A short while later the horse stopped again. The man went up to horse and shook two fingers in front of the horses face and said, "That's two!".
The journey continued. Again the horse stopped. The man got out of the buggy, pulled his gun and shot the horse dead. The poor woman was hysterical. "Why did you do that?" she screamed. "You shot a perfectly good horse and we still have far to go. How could you be so stupid?"
The man turned to the woman and shook his finger and said,
"That's one!"

One day, a Cajun died and went to hell. The devil was making his rounds and saw the Cajun over in the corner having a party.
"Hey, you!" said the devil. "You're not supposed to be having a good time in hell. After all, it's burning hot in here."
"Oh," said the Cajun, "its not all dat hot in here. It gets dis hot in Louisiana in July."
The devil left but was determined to make it uncomfortable for the Cajun, so he turned up the temperature even more. Later the devil passed back by the Cajun and saw him boiling crawfish and having an even better time.
"Hey!" said the devil. "You stop that! You're not supposed to be enjoying yourself!"
"It's no big deal," said the Cajun. "It gets dis hot in Louisiana in August."
The devil left very angry with the Cajun and determined to make him uncomfortable. "Okay," said the devil. "If you're used to the heat, I'm going to make it cold", and then turned down the thermostat until it was freezing cold.
When he went back to check on the Cajun, he saw from afar that the Cajun was jumping up and down in a frenzy, throwing up his hands, laughing and smiling.
"This is really too much!! Why is he so happy?" As he got close to the Cajun, he heard him shout......
"THE SAINTS WON THE SUPER BOWL!!!!! THE SAINTS WON THE SUPER BOWL!!!!

My brother, Bruce sent these, who knows where he got them;
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR!!.
Atheism is a non prophet organization.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there isn't any woman around to hear him - is he still wrong?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
My favorite question: Why do we call it a 'hot water heater'? If the water is already hot why do we need to heat it?

FACTOID / QUOTE OF THE DAY(from PlanetAll)
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
FACTOID / QUOTE OF THE DAY(from PlanetAll)
Kids say the funniest things: I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? --Age 15

Humor Two Bear-Chimpionship Humor

I am still looking for more 'clean' humor pages and they aren't easy to find. I will add them as I find them.

Got a great joke you'd like to share, please e-mail it and I will add it to the page. (No profanity or obscenity, please! This is a 'child friendly' page.)
donalee56@yahoo.com

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