Scene 6


In one, from the left, MARIANNE appears pushing the same wheelbarrow we saw in Act One only this time VASILY is in it.


VASILY

You know what I think? Now mind you, this is not a put-down. I think you need counseling. Most royalty needs counseling, but you, in particular. The way I see it…and I could be wrong…but I don't think so…you had so much responsibility at such an early age, you never could get in touch with your inner child.

MARIANNE

(aside) He's such a bore. But what a great fuck!
  (THEY exit right. Backdrop rises and we are again in the Kielbasa Ratskeller with the same placement of people. GENERAL SHUCKENDORF is seated at the same table as before only he isn't drinking. OTTO and LOTTO SCHLUMPERDINK are again anxiously gazing through the window.)


LOTTO

Any sign of her, Otto?

OTTO

I just asked you that three minutes ago.

LOTTO

So? Can't I ask you that, too?

OTTO

Not three minutes after I ask you.

LOTTO

Will you stop competing with me, you little dipshit!

OTTO

Dipshit am I? Why you dumb turd…
  (SHUCKENDORF rises and separates the two.)


SHUCKENDORF

Boys, please! What does a man do
When he has to wait?
What does a man do
When a princess is late?
What does a man do?
He does what he can do.
He simply leans back
And goes for the crack.

Heroin, hash and cocaine,
Take a hit or a sniff or a gram.
If you're late and you lie there,
You can easily fly there
With no cycle or carriage or tram.

With heroin, hash and cocaine,
You have riches and glamour and fame.
When your taxes are taxing,
It's oh, so relaxing
If the taxman has some of the same.

If you forget to attend your own wedding,
And the cockroaches are cakewalking
Inside your bedding---
You won't even notice the pain
With heroin, hash and cocaine.

Heroin, hash and cocaine
Do magical things for your brain!
If your lover's departed,
If you just went and farted
In the midst of a wild daisy chain.

With heroin, hash and cocaine,
Not an action nor practice seems wrong.
When you cannot resist to
Start using your fist to
Go places a fist don't belong.

Let the cat deupholster your sofa,
Let the doggie do doo-doo
In your favorite loafer---
You need never ever complain
'With heroin, hash and cocaine.

(EVERYONE, including LOTTO, but excluding OTTO, is shooting up, smoking a joint or snorting coke. THEY are all feeling marvelous and join SHUCKENDORF in a dance of celebration. When it is over, LOTTO totters toward the window where OTTO is still standing.)


OTTO

Still no sign.

LOTTO

Of what?

OTTO

Of the Princess, you fool!

LOTTO

The Princess of what?

OTTO

Of Montavia, you stoned idiot!

LOTTO

Where the fuck is Montavia?

OTTO

How do you expect to be an influential diplomat and represent your nation if you're stoned out of your gourd?

LOTTO

Never stopped all the other diplomats.

OTTO

Wait! I see something! No, it's just some miserable homeless female pushing a wheelbarrow with some filthy gypsy in it.
  (MARIANNE enters pushing the wheelbarrow through the door.)


OTTO

Hey, you homeless whore! Out!

MARIANNE

How dare you!

 OTTO

I said OUT! This place is closed to the public. We're expecting the Princess Maritza of Montavia.

MARIANNE

I am the Princess Maritza of Montavia!
  (When the GROUP hears this, THEY burst into hysterical laughter, pointing fingers at the unlikely couple.)


MARIANNE

Stop that laughing! I am her highness. Can I help it if my horses and my coachman ran away? (to Vasily) Will you tell them who I am!

VASILY

She is the Princess Maritza of Montavia.

OTTO

What would a filthy gypsy know?
  (VASILY rises from the wheelbarrow. We see now that he can walk perfectly well.)


VASILY

What did you call me?

OTTO

You dare threaten me, you gypsy fart?!
  (OTTO strikes Vasily across the face.)
 
OTTO
That is for insubordination. And this is for delusions of grandeur.
  (HE strikes Vasily again. VASILY picks up a knife from the nearest table and plunges it into Otto's stomach.)
VASILY
That's for discrimination. (now he plunges the knife into Otto's chest) And that's for stereotyping.
    (MARIANNE is aghast. A WAITRESS screams. EVERYONE is frozen with shock.)
 
 
 
BLACKOUT
 
 
 



 
 
 
 
 

 1