"My parsnip Jeffrey is very reliable. He sits on my lap, loves to be pet, follows quietly on a lead, and even protects me from danger. Best of all, he doesn't make much noise, doesn't shed, and is completely housebroken." Cathie, a young student

Young parsnips are, of course, easily trainable. The larger, older sort get a bit woody, and, as such, prefer not to be uprooted from their favorite resting place. A bit truculent, the older ones are. But still, parsnips have a following of a number of devoted owners who praise their many fine attributes.

"I've found parsnips to be far quieter and more easily handled than burrrrrrrrrrrrrros, for instance," claimed Terri, a veteran parsnip handler. "And they dribble far less than gnus do."

Unfortunately, like any pet, parsnips must be introduced gently into a home that already maintains one or two pets. "Our German shepherd went straight up to the new parsnip and bit its top off, then mangled the rest of it. It was very upsetting!", sobbed Michele, currently a one-pet-only owner.

Brought in measuredly and considerately to an average household, the young parsnip is an easy-to-care-for pet. Leash time is at a minimum, training is easily accomplished, grooming is quick, and general maintenance is low-key. Parsnips receive affection easily, and never overwhelm their owners with exuberant responses, making them ideal pets for small children and the elderly.

"A moose once bit my sister. A parsnip would never do that. I recommend parsnips as pets to all my friends," claimed Lyle, a modest young man. "My wife loves parsnips. She's known as a champion parsnip breeder all over the South, and has spent a lifetime in their company," added John, a Bear of the Hunny persuasion.