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Chapter 13
"Oh Ryan, you didn't have to do this!"
I smiled as I watched Holly play with her new friend. "I know I didn't have to but I wanted to."
"Even then…" She cradled the kitten in her lap and let out a squeal of delight as the kitten gave a big yawn. "He's so adorable! He looks just like Mee yao did when he was this age."
"The cat you told me about before?" She nodded, smiling. "Cool. So what are you going to name this little guy?"
"I don't know yet actually but I'm sure I'll come up with something suitable."
"I'm sure you will," I said as I reached over to scratch the furball's head a moment before getting up to give the two some time to bond together.
When I came back in with some cherry coke for both of us, she was sitting contentedly on the couch, petting the cat as it took a catnap. A few moments of silence passed between us before she decided to break the quiet. "Why are you doing this?"
"Why am I doing what?"
"This?" She gestured, waving her arms in general. "You're being so nice and I know I haven't exactly been the best person to be around lately. I mean, after Daniel died, I was so out of it with grief and yet you stuck by me, helping me mourn and move on. Then I put you in danger that week after my house was broken into by staying here with you. True, we knew it was better for me to not be alone but I could have just hidden out somewhere. Then there was all the hanging out we did. I had fun but I'm sure you could have done something better with your time. And now this cat? I'm so spoiled by you, you know. Why do you do it? You don't have to."
"But I want to."
"Why though?" she pressed on. "I mean, I'm perfectly fine on my own now. You've seen to it, but why did you do it?"
"Partially, it's because of a promise I made."
She seemed to take it as if I meant Kris so I'm not sure if she knew I was talking of Daniel as well. "What else?"
"Mostly because I want to."
She looked at me for a while. "Why?"
I rolled my eyes at her. "Must you ask why? I care about you, you know."
"Because I was Kristin's best friend and your co-worker."
"No, not anymore. I mean, it started out that way but I've been working with you for so long now. It's been how many months now? Just about a year actually, and during that time, I've come to know who you are, or at least, the woman you let me see."
"So what?"
"What do you mean so what?"
"I mean exactly that. So where are we now?"
"Right now, we're in my apartment…" I said slowly, wondering if she was trying to say what I thought she wanted to say.
She gave out a frustrated sigh. "Never mind. I didn't think you'd understand what I was leading to."
"Hey now. Give me some credit here. I am of the male gender and as you keep pointing out, we're slow to comprehend the meanings of our female companions. Just tell me what's on your mind. You've never been one to beat around the bush before."
"I know, but this…" She shrugged slightly, not meeting my gaze and staring intently on the cat in her lap.
I let her think for a while before I decided to break the quiet. "You're asking if I have any feelings for you." I took note of how she both relaxed when she knew I understood what she'd been getting at but also tensed in anticipation of where I was going with it.
"Yes, I suppose that's what I was getting at."
"You suppose…" She gave a small shrug. "Holly, even if I did have feelings for you, I have a feeling now's not a good time to pursue it, either for you or for me. We're both tied to the past and to ignore it would just be asking for trouble. I already tried before anyway and look where it got me. All my friends are married with kids and I'm still a lonely bachelor who doesn't even have time to go on a decent date anymore these days. As much as I love the challenge, this life I lead doesn't allow for much of a free life and I know that yours doesn't either. That's why I insist on taking breaks, having nights where we can just be normal people for a few hours a week so we don't go insane and drown in the expectations made of us.
"And as for you being the one I take out, it's because I enjoy your company a great deal. You're a wonderful woman Holly, and I consider myself blessed to have you as one of my friends. I'll admit though that yes, I am attracted to you but at the same time, I don't want to push you into something you don't want to or are not ready for. I don't want to hurt you so I've been letting you take control of what we are so you can decide for yourself what you want. I'm content with just being your friend if that's what you need in me. I can wait, if need be, and we both know I am very good at waiting." She chuckled a little bit at that and it pleased me to know that she'd been listening to that tirade of mine.
"Seriously though, I do consider myself responsible for you just like I feel responsible for everyone who follows this cause of ours. Because I know you personally and trust you makes you even more important to me. I was forced to make promises when I came into this role and even though I was forced, I will keep them. I am a man of my word and all those promises that were made then up through now have been kept and will be kept for as long as I can help it. One of those promises was to make sure that you were well taken care of. So you see, no matter what happens, I'm always going to be around, one way or another. I've got to keep my eye on you to make sure you don't get into any trouble."
"As if I really ever get into any trouble."
I smiled back at her. "I'm sorry. What was I thinking? You're just a perfect angel, aren't you?"
"I try," she grinned back.
"Right… We all know that your halo's just held up with a couple of devil horns."
"You sure about that? Where are my horns?"
"Where is your halo?" I quipped back at her.
"I put it away. I didn't want it to get dirty when I came over."
I felt my jaw drop. "I'm insulted by that comment."
She managed to catch a breath in between her laughing. "Don't be. I'm just kidding."
"You better be."
"Or what?" she asked, a twinkle in her eye.
"Don't ask Holly, I'm warning you. You really don't want to know what this mind of mine can come up with for revenge."
"Do anything to me and I bet I can get you back ten times better."
"Is that a bet?"
"Didn't I just say it was?"
I pretended to think for a moment. "Nah, I don't think so. I don't want you to be depressed when you find out that I'm just too smart for you."
"Yeah right! You're just chicken."
"In your dreams."
"And what would you know of my dreams?"
I shrugged and settled back. "I think I know more than you admit to yourself."
"Now who's the one dreaming?"
I grinned back at her, not bothering to answer. It was enough to be seeing her smile again after knowing that she'd had something on her mind these past couple of days. I'm just glad that she finally let me know what was on her mind… Or at least, got me to answer for her what she needed to hear. I just hope I said the right thing and didn't hurt or offend her. Oh well. Time will just have to go by to see how this one works out.