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Chapter 8
It wasn't long before I found myself in my first, real battle. It was no skirmish, no practice in any open field but a full out war between good and evil. And I had all of two weeks after my trial to prepare myself. Since the day I "passed" my test, things had gotten better for me. I picked up the finer points of my trade easily now and could even help out in the strategizing and coordinating of our people. I knew enough that little by little, I was being put in charge of everything. I even began Teaching. And then it was time to fight.
Hot blood raced through my veins as I strained and pushed myself to fight and beat every opponent who dared cross my path that cold, winter day in December. As metal clashed against metal or sliced against steaming flesh, the only thing that kept me going was hearing Kris's voice in my head, pleading with the great Tanek, Guide my arms in battle… So far, it was working. It was as if someone was watching over me and making sure that I was doing all right. Outside of the most superficial cuts, I was better off than many of the people around me.
Once I'd disposed of one more adversary, I gave a quick glance around me to see how the rest of the Council was doing. Yes, you heard me correctly. All five of us were there that day, not because it was an especially important battle, but because everyone felt that I could use all the help I could today. It was just their way of saying they wanted to protect me as much as they could without making it come out like they didn't think I was capable enough. Still, I know that in a sense, that was basically what it was. A real battle was a trial in itself. No more books, no more second chances. And besides. I was fresh blood, made even more important by the fact that I was of Quinn's lineage now. I tried not to let any of it bother me that much. I just needed to stay alive…
As I turned back to my fighting, sending a small, electric shock from one hand and then swinging down with my sword with the other to injure someone else, I gave a small smirk. The Council. My Council. We were working in such close Harmony. We protected each other, fought for each other's lives here. We'd come together, as if to brace each other and feed off each other's Energy before expanding our misshapen circle a little to cut deeper into enemy lines. Daniel was to my right, Holly to his right. On my left were Veronica and Isaac. The five of us danced this dance of death with the Nica, setting an example for those who fought on our side and showing the enemy that we meant business today. But then something threw us off Balance… And Daniel fell. It had been when most of us were somewhat separated from each other and what happened next seemed to happen in slow motion. Daniel and I had ended up back to back with each other, both of us holding off a couple of more aggressive enemies. I'd just disposed of my opponent before turning just in time to see a sword miss its mark and pierce Daniel, deep in his side instead… The blade had been meant for me.
Two worlds shattered at that moment: Holly's and my own. Holly's for obvious reasons. He had been her husband, her lover, and her best friend. Me? It was the brutal realization that all life was vulnerable and all life could be taken away, not just those of strangers or enemies. Without thinking twice about it, I beheaded the man who'd dared kill one of my own and turned back to Daniel.
Sensing the dilemma, Veronica rushed close and constructed an Energy dome around us to temporarily shield the four of us from the battle. Then she bent down to where Daniel lay on the ground, his head already cradled in Holly's lap. We all knew it was too late and that nothing could be done but Veronica tried to Heal him anyway, concentrating on creating a warm glow to help Heal his wounded side quickly enough to cheat death. Daniel gave a weak smile though and gently brushed her to the side, knowing where his fate lay already.
He beckoned for me to kneel closer and I did. He grasped my free hand weakly. "It's been an honor to work with you Quinn." Then he turned to Holly, reaching up to brush away her tears gently.
"Don't leave me Daniel. Please don't go," she sobbed.
Daniel managed a small smile. "I'm sorry love but it looks like I have to." He motioned for her to bend her head down and he gave her one last kiss before whispering something else that only she was meant to hear. Even as the couple stared into each other's eyes for those last few moments though, in my mind, I heard him say to me, "Don't blame yourself. It was meant to be. Take care of her for me." The slight smile stayed on his face as he drew in his final breath and settled into an eternal sleep.
There was silence for another second around me before Holly sent out an ear-splitting wail. "Veronica, get her out of here!" I didn't even make sure the two had disappeared before I stood up again to enter battle once more. The sound of metal clanging and crashing had penetrated my senses and the overwhelming sense of Energy and Power being thrown about had roused me from my slight stupor. I had a battle to finish and finish it I had to, not for my sake or anyone else's for that matter. The rest of that battle, or what remained of it, was to avenge Daniel's death, a vain attempt to end the sick feeling I was beginning to become aware of inside. I don't even remember who was winning; it didn't matter. Without thinking, I forced my protesting body to cut through what remained of enemy lines, killing anyone who dared step in front of me. I welcomed the challenges, reveled in the feeling of blood pouring both from me and from my slain… Anything to get rid of the feeling of hopelessness and guilt… In the back of my mind however, I could hear Kris's voice pleading with me… Make my hands respect the things you have made…
I rebelled against that voice for as long as I could… But Kris was Kris. I could never fight her for long. She was the calm I needed then and so, I slowly bowed to her expectancies. I fought back my warrior self and dealt slight injuries only, injuries that would force each individual to leave this battle but not maim them for life. And when I passed one of my own who happened to be injured, I would send a quick Healing light to help them a bit. As the seconds ticked on though, I withdrew further and further into myself, blocking myself from the pain of fighting… From the clanging and clashing of metal… From the tortured screams of those wounded or dying… Even from Kris's insistent voice to do more to help out and the aching that was already beginning to grow from Daniel's absence. I let myself go on autopilot, the need for numbness so great… Yes, I felt detached from it all and I liked it that way. I just wished it could have lasted…
I looked down into my hands. These hands… which had never before been raised to harm someone. My hands… Which I used in my everyday work to help people… To comfort… To Teach the ways of Life… They had just been used to kill… To destroy the one thing I was supposed to hold most dear to me. The numb feeling that I'd wanted to surround myself in was growing dim and I was beginning to feel guilt.
I looked around at the field surrounding me. It was so still. There was no sound, not even a whisper from the wind, which seemed to be holding its breath, not daring to disturb the solemn atmosphere. Just passing through, no one could have guessed that this barren field set in the middle of nowhere was the site of a battle unless they happened to peer into the tall grasses and take notice of the bloody corpses that littered the earth. Yes, the battle was over. The Lhaam had won this round, but at such a price.
I growled low to myself, guilt being replaced by anger. Such a waste. Needless Energy had been used to destroy, and all this in hopes of bringing Balance? "Why Tanek! What good is this? So what if we've won another battle? It doesn't bring back the dead who didn't have to die! There are more enemies out there, all still waiting for my blood and the blood of those that I hold dear. Is this your plan? To torment me with this never-ending nightmare? To make me fight a hopeless battle while the rest of the world laughs at me for even trying?" I collapsed to my knees, sobbing as I finally gave in to everything I was feeling. The guilt, the anger, the pain…
Make Me Wise so that I may understand the things you have taught my people… Let Me Learn the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock…
Kris's voice once again tried to calm me down, fighting my stubborn mind so I could come to my senses again. I opened my eyes, watching as tears from my eyes slipped down and fell into my cupped hands. Again, I stared at my hands, watching as the water mixed with the bloody mess. The more I cried, the more water mixed with the blood… But the blood never went away. I doubted it ever would, no matter how many times I washed my hands after. There was just too much blood… And it hurt. I had to shut my eyes again. How many had I killed today? I had lost count after the first couple. So much blood… So much Life…
I opened my eyes again and looked all around me. I memorized the grasses that grew around me, took note of the few, lonely looking trees that spotted the land… Eventually letting myself gaze up into the sky… I looked to anywhere but my hands…
Clouds had gathered above. And it began to snow. Lightly at first so that most of the snow melted away as soon as it touched the ground that was warm from blood. But it began to fall more heavily after a bit, blanketing the bodies so that I couldn't see the faces of the dead anymore. And still, I sat, staring up and watching the snow fall to the ground around me. "The earth shelters the helpless," I found myself whispering to nobody. "The children of the Earth have returned home, giving of themselves… Offering themselves back to the Mother who gave to them for a lifetime. This is the Cycle. Birth that leads to Life and ends in Death… Always a cycle…" I frowned after a bit of silence. "But why do the good have to suffer with the bad? Where's the cycle in that?"