Mooch's Diary

D'Yer Maker

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12-24-98
Dear Diary,
I can't believe our Mom went off and left us all alone on Christmas Eve. She's going to be gone for ten whole days. You know how long that is in cat days! Whatever will we do? She left Fuzz and me in the care of those goofy old women, Aunt Dodie and Aunt Lilka. What do they know about taking care of cats? Aunt Lilka has one big lonely goldfish and those two loudmouth birds, Shutup and Dammit, but no cats. And Aunt Dodie--she doesn't even have any pets, except a stuffed dog. Hmmph! Well, Fuzz and I will just have some fun with those old ladies. Yep! As soon as I get finished wrapping these presents, we'll brainstorm and see what we can do to torment them! Ha ha!
Mooch

12-25-98
Dear Diary,
Fuzz and I are so lonely. Mom is off in Georgia with her friend and here we are all alone with nothing to do but tear up the house. It's only Day One and already we have shredded the catfood bag and carried the bedroom curtains into the litter box. I am SOOOOO bored! Aunt Lilka and Aunt Dodie are having Christmas Dinner at Aunt Dodie's house. You would think they would have invited us, but no, here we are with nothing but old CAT food! Well, I certainly hope they bring us a "Kitty" bag of the leftovers later!
Mooch

12-26-98
Dear Diary,
Christmas is over and there was no Christmas turkey for these kitty-cats. Aunt Lilka came to visit. She's okay, for a fish and bird lady.
Mooch

12-27-98
Dear Diary,
Aunt Dodie came by today. She's no fun. About all she does is sit there and play with that dumb old computer. Fuzz cozies up to her, but not me! I want my Mama back!!!
Mooch

12-29-98
Dear Diary,
Time passes so slowly for these two lonely kitties. Aunt Lilka and Aunt Dodie come by every day, and play with us, but we want to know, where's our Mama?! Why doesn't she at least call? I'll bet she's having all kinds of fun down there without us. Oh, no.....what if she never comes home? Oh, boo-hoo-hoo. We'll never see our Mama again.
Mooch

12-30-98
Dear Diary,
I had a little fun with Aunt Dodie today. I hid up on the top shelf of the closet when she came over and had that poor little old lady worried to death. I mean she looked EVERYWHERE for me. It was quite entertaining, looking down from my perch. She thought I had run outside and escaped. What a goof! Doesn't she know that cats are too smart to go outside in this cold weather? A delightful episode in an otherwise uneventful day.
Mooch

12-31-98
Dear Diary,
New Year's Eve and we're all alone. Where's the party hats and the noisemakers? Where's our Mom? The weather's looking awfully nasty out there. Ice and snow, ice and snow--that's what they're calling for.
Mooch

1-1-99
Dear Diary,
Happy New Year to us--the two little kitties with no Mama. Nobody came by to see us today. It's too snowy. Oh, no.....we'll starve. When will our Mama ever come and rescue us???? We've plenty of food for now, but what if it's a week long blizzard? Fuzz says I'm getting overly agitated. He's just a kid--what does he know?!
Mooch

1-2-99
Dear Diary,
Finally, Aunt Lilka came to see us. She walked through the snow and ice and fell down and busted her buns---just to come visit her dear little nephews. What a good aunt! But guess what? MAMA is supposed to be home tomorrow! Yea!!! We must never let her go away again without us. Never, Never, NEVER!!!
Mooch

1-3-99
Dear Diary,
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Mom is home and the world is back to normal again. Now we have someone to drive crazy 24 hours a day. It's a cat's job. I have a purpose again! (And we won't have to see that silly old Aunt Dodie any more).
Mooch

1-5-99
Dear Diary,
Mom is back home, but she sits around all the time and plays with that dumb old computer. She chats with all those guys and she even chats with Aunt Dodie. Then Aunt Dodie comes over here and they sit up half the night and they play with that computer together. I'm sick of that computer. I'll have to do something about it!
Mooch

1-7-99
Dear Diary,
Happy Birthday to our Mama! She is.....well, very OLD in cat years. But that's all right, 'cause she's pretty spry for an old lady!
Mooch

1-10-99
Dear Diary,
The Mighty Hunter

Well, I fixed that dumb old computer! I jumped on that Mouse and clicked Mom's AOL icon and wiped it right off the desktop! Yes I did! And she doesn't know how to get it back! (And I'm not going to tell her how, either.) Maybe now she will quit spending all that time chatting online and come watch STAR TREK with me and Fuzz like she used to.
Mooch

1-13-99
Dear Diary,
Rats! Mom figured out how to get her AOL icon back so now she can play with the computer again. Wouldn't you know---mean old Aunt Dodie told her how to fix it!
Mooch

2-10-99
Dear Diary,
You won't believe what my Mom did today! All her online friends wanted to see her tattoo she's been telling them about so she scanned it! It's on the front of her thigh, just above the knee. You should have seen the contortions she went through to get that scan! What a comedy!
Mooch

2-18-99
Dear Diary,
This was a fun day for this enterprising kitty! I tried a new approach to get Mom off that old computer. I was sitting on top of the monitor watching her type and I decided to relieve myself of a hairball---URRRRP--right on the keyboard. You should have seen Mom scramble. Too bad, though, it may have diverted her for a few minutes, but now, she's back at it. Typity, typity, type at that silly old computer! Mom sure is stubborn!
Mooch

2-27-99
Dear Diary,
Mom's Pal Al came over today and they went crazy with the scanner. Pal-Al scanned her sore finger and sent it to all her friends. That woman doesn't get out enough! Could have been worse. They could have done what Mom did to me when she caught me sitting on the scanner. How humiliating!
Mooch

3-14-99
Dear Diary,
Mom had company this weekend, her friend from Georgia. Did they ever have fun! He got to learn how to drive in snow, and what an experience it was! We had 14 inches of snow! Fuzz and I were very excited to look out at all the people slip-sliding around. Even Mom and her friend slid in the ditch. It was great fun.
Mooch

3-17-99
Dear Diary,
Happy St. Patrick's day to us! But our fun is over. All that wonderful snow has already melted off and now it's no fun to watch out the window.
Mooch

3-19-99
Dear Diary,
Fuzz and I are very happy. That doddering old Aunt Dodie is FINALLY almost finished with our Web Page and ready to post it. She has been tweaking that thing for weeks now, never quite satisfied. But she promises that soon we will be out there in cyberspace with all the other kitties that we've seen. We can hardly wait.
Mooch

3-20-99
Dear Diary,
Today Mom and her friends took Aunt Dodie out for her birthday. I guess they had lots of fun. They didn't invite us kitties. They invited Mom's Pal Al, but she couldn't go 'cause she couldn't get a babysitter. What a disappointment. Fuzz and I really wanted to see Aunt Al, 'cause she's soooooo funny!! Poor Aunt Al, was so sad 'cause she didn't get to go out with the gang. And that mean old Aunt Dodie promised she would go visit Aunt Al, but she didn't. What a meanie! But Aunt Dodie is going to make it up to her. She is going to make Aunt Al her very own Web Page, just like Fuzz and I have. And she'll do it, 'cause we'll make her!!
Mooch

3-21-99
Dear Diary,

Happy Birthday to our dear Aunt Dodie! Fuzz told me I'd better start talking nicer about Aunt Dodie or she might take our Web Page down. Oh, Aunt Dodie, we love you SOOOOOO much! How was that?? Aunt Dodie is about the oldest person we know, even older than our MOM! And she likes to do strange things like read weird books and play with virtual pets. That's right--Aunt Dodie got her some virtual Petz to play with on her computer. Can you believe that old lady?! She sits and watches that cat chase those dogs around and she laughs and laughs! One of these days she says she is going to put them on the web too. We can hardly wait for that!
Mooch

3-27-99
Dear Diary,
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Fuzz and I just heard---Mom's Pal Al is coming over to see us. She's a fun lady. She likes to play with Mom's scanner too. They'll probably go over to Aunt Dodie's house and play with her Virtual Petz, though, and leave us REAL kitties all alone at home.
Mooch

3-29-99
Dear Diary,
Today was a really busy day for Fuzz and me. We helped Mom tidy up the balcony so that she could put out all the potted plants now that spring is here. What fun we all had! I practiced my balance beam routine on the railing, but poor little Fuzz was too afraid to try it. He doesn't like to live life "on the edge" like me. Poor little timid fellow! We watched the birds flying around and I thought about trying it, but didn't want to give poor Mom heart failure. She's not young any more, you know. Well, we finally got all Mom's plants moved outside so that they can get some sunshine and fresh air. What a job! Mom still doesn't know which one of us walked through the potting soil and left little muddy kitty tracks all through the apartment. He-he-he! After all this hard work, we all had to lie down and take naps! ZZZZZZZZZZZZ............
Mooch

3-30-99
Dear Diary,
In addition to all the fun we had yesterday cleaning the balcony, we had another exciting treat! Aunt Al called and wanted to talk to me and Fuzz! So Mom put her on speaker phone and we had quite a conversation. I would meow and Aunt Al would meow and I would meow and Aunt Al would meow....it was very intense for a while. Of course, Mom didn't have a clue what we were saying--she doesn't speak Cat. But Aunt Al understood every word I said!! Of course, Fuzz didn't have much to say. He's the quiet one, you know.
Mooch

4-2-99
Dear Diary,

Poor Aunt Dodie, nervous old lady that she is--tweaked out the other night. Yep, she got mad at her computer and we could hear her yelling clear over here at our apartment. She said she was going to throw it out in the back yard and never touch it again! And these poor little kitties wouldn't have anyone to tend their web site any more. Oh, no!! But it's amazing what a good night's sleep can do for these old folks. She is like new again and eager to update our site some more. Soon, she says, we will have a poetry area, for and about kitties. And maybe some cartoons and artwork or even a joke page, although Fuzz and I are a bit troubled at the thought of humans getting a laugh at the expense of us poor kitties. Hope the jokes are in good taste (maybe we should have dog jokes instead!).
Mooch

4-11-99 Dear Diary,
This has been a busy weekend for Fuzz and me. Mom decided to rearrange the house in a really big way. She was not content to move a few chairs or pictures. Oh no! She decided to swap every stick of furniture between the bedroom and the living room and Fuzz and I had to help. So, now the living room is where the bedroom was and the bedroom is where the living room was! Is that crazy or what? Talk about two confused kitties! We don't know where anything is. Good thing we didn't have a fire because Mom had every bit of her furniture stacked in the entry way and there's no way we could have even found the door, never mind opened it. Poor old Mom---she was all tuckered out by the time she finished. Come to think of it, she never did finish. All the pictures and ever so many Star Trek action figures are still sitting all over the sofa. Poor Fuzz and I scarcely have any place to stretch out and nap, and as everyone knows, we cats need our naps! Well, maybe Aunt Dodie will put everything back where it belongs. She is supposed to come and visit us next weekend because Mom is going off on another trip to see that guy from Georgia! She's going to drive down there all by herself. We're really worried about her. What if she gets lost and never comes home? Who would take care of us? Now, we're all worried again, just like last time. Oh, Mom, why don't you just stay home with your little guys like you used to do in the good old days????
Mooch

4-16-99 Dear Diary,
Well, here we are again--let's make the most of it! Mom left this morning to drive to Alabama to meet her friend from Georgia. So, Fuzz and I are going to terrorize the house while we have the chance. No reason not to. And when Mom gets home, we can both give her that wide-eyed innocent "who me?" look that only cats can master. She'll probably be so glad to see us that she won't even mind the shredded paper towels and overturned plants. Aunt Lilka and Aunt Dodie are supposed to come over and visit us while Mom is gone so we won't be lonely. Let's see, what tricks can we play on Aunt Dodie? Hmmmmm.......maybe I can use Aunt Dodie's banana tree for a litter box again. It sure lost its leaves the last time I did that! Serves her right--she

should have taken that big old tree home with her instead of leaving it here to tempt two innocent kitties to play with it!
Mooch

4-17-99 Dear Diary,
Well, Aunt Dodie is worthless! She hasn't even come by to see us! What if we were hungry or thirsty? Good thing Mom left lots of food and water and tons of toys to play with! And, speaking of Mom....she came home--a day early! Yea! We're so glad. We missed you Mom!!
Mooch

4-18-99 Dear Diary,
Well, Aunt Dodie finally showed up today! After Mom had already been home for whole day! She's not a very responsible guardian! Mom and Aunt Dodie decided to go out to eat with the country relatives, Uncle Kenny and Aunt Iris. (We call her that 'cause she

LOVES irises! Here is a picture of one of Aunt Iris's favorite kitties from long ago, in the iris garden. ) They went to Best Buy and bought a new digital camera, just so they could take cute pictures of Fuzz and me. Soon we will be able to have an endless source of new pictures for our photo page, and maybe some new pictures of our country cousins--Rocky, Tarbaby and dear little Gizmo. We can't wait!
Mooch

4-22-99 Dear Diary,
Aunt Dodie came over to see us today while Mom was at work. She thinks she can fix Mom's computer, but she is mistaken. All she did was teach Fuzz and me bad words, and she never did get the computer fixed. That silly old lady!
Mooch

5-12-99 Dear Diary,
Finally, Mom and I did something worth writing about. (Sometimes Mom is so B-O-O-O-O-R-I-N-G!). Mom took me to PETsMART today and boy did we have fun!! I tried and tried to talk Fuzz into going with us but he wouldn't hear of it! He is such a scaredy cat sometimes! Mom let me pick out which kind of food I wanted, and I picked out some for Fuzz too. We were having such a great time when all of a sudden there were DOGS!!! They were everywhere! Mom and I did not realize that there was a dog obedience class going on until we saw them. I have never seen so many dogs at one time, I did not know there were so many. (Only a dog would need to go to obedience class--cats would never stoop so low!) So Mom made a U-turn and we went to check out the Kitty Condos!! Mom keeps saying that one of these days she will buy us one, but they cost a lot so we will just have to wait I guess. Then on the way home from the store, we saw Aunt Lilka walking home so we stopped and gave her a ride. I wanted to stay and visit the cousins Shutup and Dammit, but Aunt Lilka said she could not have kitties in her apartment so Mom and I went on home. I told Fuzz all about our adventure, and he was so sorry he didn't go!!
Mooch

5-14-99

Dear Diary,
Mom and Aunt Lilka and Aunt Dodie got all gussied up today and went to Cousin Torrie's high school graduation. Mom wore that sexy little white number with the micro-mini skirt, just so everyone could see her

tattoo! And a fine one it is too! We all breathed a sigh of relief when we finally got Cousin Torrie graduated, and soon she is going off to Chicago for more school. She's going to go to art school there and we all hope she will have fun!
Mooch

5-15-99 Dear Diary,
This is S-O-O-O-O-O weird---today is Saturday and Mom got up and, still in her pajama bottoms and slippers, went off to work for half the day.....???????????
Mooch

5-16-99 Dear Diary,
Today Aunt Dodie came over and installed a whole bunch of new programs in Mom's computer, including a dictation program so they could "talk" to the silly thing instead of having to type. They tried to teach it words, but the only word they taught it is a bad word that Mom won't let us say!!
Mooch

5-17-99 Dear Diary,
This is a sad, sad day for Mom. Her beloved computer died a slow, lingering death. I guess it just couldn't take all that stuff that Aunt Dodie stuffed into it yesterday! Now, when Mom pushes the power button, nothing happens, not a darn thing. (sniffle, sniffle, boo-hoo!) What will Mom do every night now??? (Bet she wishes she had the silly old thing paid for!!)
Mooch

5-23-99 Dear Diary,
Wooo-hooo!! Mom took me to visit Aunt Lilka today (since Aunt Lilka found out that she can have kitties in her apartment after all). Once again, I tried to talk Fuzz into going, and once again, Fuzz refused. He is such a scaredy cat!! Aunt Lilka has all kinds of neat stuff at her apartment for me to get into. I snooped in every room and even snooped under the bed. Cousins Shutup and Dammit kept a close eye on me the whole time, but I don't know why they worry so--caged birds are no fun!! I even went out on Aunt Lilka's balcony and chewed on all her plants. She has some different ones from Mom's so I got new flavors!!! And then Aunt Lilka and I went for a walk outside while Mom stayed inside and worried. It was a lot of fun and I think that Aunt Lilka is gonna get a kitty of her own now---YEA!! A new cousin!!!
Mooch

5-30-99 Dear Diary,

Mom and Aunt Dodie went a-visiting again and didn't take me and Fuzz! They went to visit their eccentric father ("Grandaddy Longlegs" as we call him--I guess you can see why!) He has three cats too--Graybie, Bootsie and another one whose name I don't recall---I've never met these relatives, after all! Mom says they didn't do much but sit around and talk and it wouldn't have been much fun for Fuzz and me anyway. Still, you would think she would let US decide!
Mooch

6-3-99 Dear Diary,
The 60s rise again!!

Cousin Torrie came to visit today. She will be staying for a few days. She and Mom went shopping for her college stuff. Cousin Torrie also bought a really cool green and blue Lava Lamp. We all four just watched it for hours! Then Mom and Cousin Torrie and Aunt Dodie went to eat Mexican food at Rio Bravo. Mom brought us a "doggie bag"--ugh!!
Mooch

6-4-99 Dear Diary,
Mom and Cousin Torrie and Aunt Lilka all went over to Aunt Dodie's house to play on her computer (since Mom's is broken). They stayed out much later than such old ladies should! We heard that Aunt Dodie was way tired and grouchy the next day from staying up so late! She should have run them off sooner!
Mooch

6-12-99 Dear Diary,
Mom got up bright and early this morning, hopped in her car and drove to Tupelo, Mississippi! She went to meet her friend Tom from Georgia. Later, Aunt Lilka came by and left Mom a really good book, Scarlet Saves Her Family. It is about the Mama kitty in New York City who ran into a burning building over and over again to save all five of her babies. (We watched all about it on television a while back.)As soon as Mom and Fuzz finish reading it, Fuzz is going to write a book review. Watch for this real soon!
Mooch

6-13-99 Dear Diary,
Aunt Dodie and Uncle Kenny and Aunt Iris came over today and tried to figure out what's wrong with Mom's computer. They all decided that it's broke! They are so-o-o-o-o-o mean---they wouldn't even let me out on the balcony, although I was very nice and begged and begged. Mom always lets me! They finally left, and then Mom came home from Mississippi. Mom says Tom remembered us and said to say "Hi". He Who in the world named this guy 'Flower'?

Who in the world named this guy 'Flower'?

is quite the cat person himself--he has two cats! He also has two dogs, two snakes and a skunk. Now we could tolerate the dogs, and maybe even the snakes, but a SKUNK????
Mooch

6-14-99 Dear Diary,
Mom discovered the book that Aunt Lilka brought her. She accused Aunt Dodie of leaving it here, but Aunt Dodie denied it and said, "Sniff it and see if it smells like the incense at that weird store that Aunt Lilka works at!" (It does--tee-hee-hee!)
Mooch

6-22-99 Dear Diary,
Mom went over to Aunt Dodie's to check her email and raid Aunt Dodie's refrigerator. She took her new book and they both sniffed it and decided that, yes, it must have come from Aunt Lilka. They are such goofy old ladies! Sniffing books!!!!
Mooch

6-25-99 Dear Diary,
While Mom was at work, Aunt Dodie and Uncle Kenny and Aunt Iris came by and stole Mom's computer. Why, I don't know--it doesn't even work! While they were here I had a nice chat with Aunt Dodie and Aunt Iris. They whistled and I meowed, and they whistled and I meowed, just like Mom and I do. Finally, I convinced Aunt Dodie to let me out on the balcony. (Mom always says I am quite the charmer!) She didn't let me stay out long enough though. She was afraid I would jump off the edge. What does she think I am--stupid??!!
Mooch

6-26-99 Dear Diary,
You won't believe what Mom did tonight! She went babysitting--for a human baby! She doesn't know anything about bottles or diapers! She babysat for her friend Pat that we stayed with for a while--the one with all those dogs and cats! Now she has a baby too!! Hmmmm....must be getting pretty crowded over there by now---I guess that's why they had to get a bigger house. I think Mom only went over there 'cause they said she could use their computer!
Mooch

6-27-99 Dear Diary,
Mom and Aunt Dodie went to visit Uncle Kenny and Aunt Iris and the Country Cousins. Mom says Aunt Iris went in the swimming pool and Cousin Tarbaby went with her, riding right on her shoulder. Uncle Kenny took pictures and we can hardly wait to see them. What a strange kitty Cousin Tarbaby is!
Mooch

6-28-99 Dear Diary,
Fuzz and I heard that Grandaddy Longlegs was in town today. He went over to Aunt Dodie's and visited our website. He thought it was great fun and that we were awfully adorable. He didn't come by and visit his grandkitties, though. We don't know why. Maybe we will have to talk to Mom about that.
Mooch

6-30-99 Dear Diary,
Mom went over to Aunt Dodie's house today and they finally got my diary entries up to date. We found out that Uncle Kenny and Aunt Iris didn't really steal Mom's computer--they are taking it to get it fixed. We sure will be glad when Mom gets it back. We kinda enjoyed having Mom's full attention for the last few weeks, but we can't get any email and we can't go online and order all that neat stuff! And we can't play with her Virtual CatZ (also named Mooch and Fuzz). We miss our little namesakes!
Mooch

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