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January 28, 2001
Keeping a Healthy Level of Insanity
For when the stress is unbearable...
- At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses
on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they
slow down.
- Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise
your voice.
- Insist that your e mail address is: XenaWarrior
Princess@companyname.com or ElvistheKing@companyname.com
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if
they want fries with that.
- Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little
synchronized chair dancing.
- Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
- Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
- Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once
everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions,
switch to espresso.
- Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what
you think."
- Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the
brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist
to others that you like it that way.
- As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
- Sing along at the opera.
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't
rhyme.
- Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the
same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does.
(This is especially effective if your boss is of the
opposite gender.)
- Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them
what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me,
I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."
- Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a
tape of jungle sounds all day.
- Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't
attend their party because you're not in the mood.
- Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies. Don't
really do this.
- When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I
won! I won! Third time this week!!!"
- When leaving the zoo, start running towards the
parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're
loose!"
- Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head
that bother me, its the voices in your head that do."
- Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the
economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
- Every time you see a broom, yell, "Honey, your
mother is here!"