Who I Am

I grew up in Pittsburgh, PA in a suburb called "Moon Township"--no joke. In fact, when I was in high school, we played another area school called "Mars High" and on the program, it would read: "Moon -vs- Mars!"

I was a gynmast and a cheerleader and I loved horses, but the most intense times I spent as a child were in the woods behind my father's house (my dad just recently passed on). I was connected closely to nature, it seems, from the time I was a tiny child. My friend, Darla, and I spent hours playing in the woods, running along on age-old deer paths, climbing trees, making up games, chasing squirrels. I don't think I ever saw myself as "separate" from nature, but an integral part of it. I even remember in elementary school, kicking a rock on the way to school and telling the rock that I didn't want to hurt it, that I was "kissing it with my foot."

Talking with nature came naturally to me, as did deeply caring about all the earth's creatures. In junior high, I wanted to be a marine biologist so I could swim with the dolphins and work to save the whales. It wasn't until I found shamanism that I truly realized I wasn't nuts.

When I was in 8th grade, I read Thoreau for the first time, and his advice: "Be not a conformist" always stuck with me. Since that time, I have consciously striven to be an individual and that mission lead me to many years of searching the less-traveled paths, lifestyles, and spiritual philosophies.

I was raised Catholic until I made my first holy communion, at which point, my mother (brought up on all girls parochial education) said we could stop going to church if we wanted. My sister and I both stopped. In high school, I attended an Episcopal church for two years, and I loved it. I felt very filled in the church. I served as an acolyte and even was confirmed. Then when I went to college, I began to question everything (philosophy and literature courses will do that to you). I no longer felt "filled" in church, but saw glaring contradictions and lacks of sincerity. And for a long while I thought I was an agnostic. Then, realizing that I *knew* there was something more to the universe and to the human spirit, I began exploring the world's religions and belief systems. I was very attracted to the eastern religions, but they seemed remote and passive. I was also very attracted to the Native American stuff, but I felt that because I don't have a drop of Indian blood in me that I would be trying to co-opt someone else's spirituality. So, I continued to read, to wonder and to search.

At 25, I found core shamanism and knew I was home. With shamanism, I wasn't adopting someone else's beliefs; I was rediscovering my own birthright, because shamanism is our common human tradition. So now, at thirty years old, I am on a spiritual path that I will never turn away from. It is my heart's path and my life's work and it extends beyond my own individual spirituality to encompass a more collective spirituality. I am not just working on my Self in shamanism; I am working on behalf of others, to help them to heal, by working in a reciprocal way with spiritual helpers/allies. All I want to do is help others. My spirits once told me, "You get your healing, Tracey, by helping others to heal." I believe that, and I embrace that.